The woman flinched and licked her cracked lips. Her expression turned impassive. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“You suppose?” Riley’s tone turned tight. “That’s all you have to say?”
Hayden could see Riley was losing her composure. He moved to stand next to her. To his surprise, she gripped his hand.
The woman flipped her nearly waist-length brown hair, which was on the thin side, over her slim shoulder. Now that he was closer to her, Hayden could see that she’d lived a rough life. Her leathery skin was full of wrinkles, especially around her mouth. There were uneven streaks of gray in her hair, and she reeked of cigarette smoke. But there was something he recognized about her too. Her eyes. They were just like Riley’s.
“I’ll come back when you can be civil to me,” the woman said, leveling her gaze at Riley.
“Go ahead and leave. That’s what you do best, isn’t it?” Riley snarled.
The woman shot out of the store, the door clicking shut behind her.
Riley’s entire body began to shake as she let go of Hayden’s hand. When she started to hyperventilate, Hayden hurried to lock the door and turn off the lights. The back storeroom gave off enough illumination, and he guided her there. He didn’t want any passersby—or even worse, a busybody—to see her in distress.
“I’m sorry,” she said in between gulps of air. “I—”
“Don’t apologize.” He took in a deep breath, knowing he had to be careful with what he said while she was in such a fragile state. “Was that your mother?”
Her eyes filled with confused vulnerability. “That was Tracey. Calling her mother is a big stretch.” She shook her head and slumped onto one of the three chairs in the storeroom. “I can’t believe she came back. After all this time . . .”
He sat next to her, staying silent. What could he say? She hadn’t mentioned her past since the last time they were right here in the back room of Knots and Tangles, when she had talked a little bit about her mother. Since then, their conversations had stayed firmly planted in the present, although he was itching to talk to her about the future—their future—at some point. Definitely not now.
“She looks awful, doesn’t she?” Riley shook her head. “Hard to believe she’s only forty-three.”
That shocked him. “Really?”
Riley nodded. “She had me when she was fifteen. She had already dropped out of high school by then, and Mimi sent her to live with Mimi’s older sister when she was pregnant. I always assumed it was because she was impossible to deal with.” She hugged her arms and leaned forward. “I never knew who my dad was. I’m not sure Tracey even knows.”
Hayden nodded, rubbing his palms back and forth over the hem of his cargo shorts. But for Riley not to know who her father was . . . He couldn’t imagine how she felt about that.
“Why did she come back?” Riley shook her head. “Never mind. I don’t want to know. I cut her out of my life when she cut me out of hers.”
She seemed to be speaking to an invisible person in front of her instead of Hayden. When she shot out a string of curse words, he reached for her hand. He’d never heard her curse before.
“I’ll take you home,” he said.
“I’ve got Mimi’s car.” She yanked her hand out of his grip.
Dread filled him. Her walls were flying back up. “I’m still taking you home.”
Riley shook her head and sat up straight. “I’m fine. I can drive.”
Hayden knelt in front of her. “I know you can. I also know that you aren’t fine right now, and that’s why I’m taking you home.”
“I guess arguing with you would be pointless?”
“Totally. I’ve learned from the best.” He hoped to get at least a partial smile, but all he got was a hard glare.
She stood, her legs unsteady as she got her purse and turned out the back-room lights. They walked to the small parking lot behind the building, and he held out his hand for her keys. Soon they were on the road back to Erma’s.
After pulling in the driveway, he cut off the engine. “I can stay if you want.”
Riley shook her head, hands clenched in her lap. “Mimi and I have to talk. I’m sure Tracey will show up on her doorstep soon. Probably with both hands out.” She turned to Hayden. “How will you get home?”
“I’ll take your car and pick you up in the morning before the store opens.”
“Right. That makes sense. Sorry, I’m not thinking clearly.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He started to get out and open the door for her, like she’d always let him since their supper at the steakhouse. But she had the door open before he could move.
Then she leaned over and kissed him. Soft, yearning. He could taste her pain. After she pulled away, she scrambled out of the car and ran into the house.
Hayden touched his mouth, stunned and devastated by her kiss. They had kissed a few times since their run on the trail three weeks ago. With that time being the exception, he was always the initiator. Her kiss tonight held a sense of finality, and that scared him.
He stayed until she went inside. Then he leaned back against the driver’s seat. This evening hadn’t turned out like he’d hoped. He’d envisioned them breaking open the champagne and enjoying some time together. But it wasn’t toasting his success that he’d anticipated. It was the place where they would’ve had the toast that would have made the moment special.
He blew out a long breath. That would have to wait, and for once he was fine with waiting. He was more concerned about Riley right now. He was glad she intended to talk to Erma about Tracey showing up out of nowhere. That was a step in the right direction, instead of her usual tendency to clam up.
He’d seen changes in Riley over the last couple weeks, changes that made her even more desirable to him than before—and she’d been very desirable then. It was as if he’d been witnessing the blossoming of Riley McAllister. He prayed her mother’s appearance wouldn’t shut her down permanently.
* * *
Riley halted in the small alcove after walking through Mimi’s front door and tried to catch her breath. She’d never been knocked sideways so hard before. Seeing her mother after fifteen years . . . She still couldn’t comprehend it fully. One question kept hammering her brain: Why now?
“Riley?” Mimi called from the living room. “Is that you? Because if it isn’t, I’ve got two baseball bats in my hands, and I’ll beat the living daylights out of whoever you are.”
“It’s me.” Riley stepped into the living room.
“Oh, thank the Lord. Not that anyone’s ever broke into this house in sixty years, but there’s always that one chance.” She glanced at the baseball bat leaning against the wall by her recliner. Riley had never seen it moved out of that position. “I’d hate to have to back up my threat.”
Riley nodded, knowing her grandmother was half joking. She should probably have a talk with her about installing a home security system at some point. Wow, she just saw Tracey and she was thinking about security systems? How messed up was that?
“Riley, sugar.” Mimi pulled the lever on the side of her recliner and the footrest snapped shut. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
She sat on the couch and hugged her arms again. How was she supposed to tell Mimi that her wayward daughter had returned? Then again, Mimi had always appreciated straightforwardness. “Tracey’s in town.”
Mimi’s eyes grew wide, and she sucked in a breath. “When? How?”
“She stopped by Knots after you left.” Riley explained what had happened, including Hayden’s presence. “I couldn’t believe it, Mimi.”
Her grandmother’s lips pressed into a thin line. “I can’t either. Did she say where she was staying? How long she would be here?”
“No, and I didn’t ask her.” She squeezed her arms tightly. “I don’t care either.”
They sat in silence for the next few moments. “There’s nothing we can do about it tonight,” Mimi said, her expression still hard.
“Do you think she’ll stop by here?”
“I don’t know. When it comes to her, I never know.” She stood and grabbed her cane. “Thanks for giving me the heads-up. I’m going to bed.”
Riley nodded as she looked at Mimi again. She hadn’t seen her grandmother this upset since the last time Tracey was around.
She wished she had the strength to comfort her, but right now she couldn’t do anything but sit here and try to balance her own emotions, and she was failing at that too. Every bit of anxiety and anger and depression she’d experienced when she lived with her mother bubbled to the surface. After only a few seconds around Tracey, she was that scared, helpless little girl again, the one she had tried so hard to keep tucked inside.
Now she threatened to break through the surface—and Riley had no idea how to stop her.
* * *
Erma sat at the edge of the bed, frozen. She didn’t want to believe what Riley had told her, but she knew her granddaughter was speaking the truth. The only thing that would upset Riley this much was seeing her mother again.
She pressed her lips together. She couldn’t believe Tracey had gone back on her word. Then again, why should she be surprised? Her daughter had been a source of heartache almost since the day she came into Erma’s life. She and Gus thought they knew what they were in for when they’d adopted her at nine months old after discovering they couldn’t have children of their own. They were warned that she had attachment issues due to her neglectful birth mother, but they’d thought they could overcome all that with enough love, care, attention, and prayer. As it turned out, they couldn’t.
Tracey had done one good thing in her life—having Riley. Somehow, despite her erratic childhood, Riley had turned out amazing. Erma loved her with all her heart.
She still loved Tracey too.
Erma got up and limped to the window, pulling the curtains to the side. It was dark in her backyard, but she could see the shadows of the stack of mulch Hayden brought over two days ago in preparation for him and Riley to redo the flower beds on Saturday since they had a bye week in the softball league. The season was almost over, and the team was at .500, thanks to another team forfeiting a game a week ago, but from all accounts the players had enjoyed playing, and the church members had been faithful in attending the games, include Erma.
She leaned her forehead against the warm window. Tracey, honey. What are you doing? Was it too much to hope that her daughter might have finally straightened out her life? That her return meant she was ready to settle down and become a functioning member of society? Had she at least gotten clean from the drugs and alcohol that had plagued her since she was thirteen?
“How many times have I hoped for that?” Erma whispered. “How many times have I prayed she would be whole?”
Those prayers had multiplied during the past month when Tracey had contacted her twice by phone, wanting to reestablish their relationship. Erma had been firm about her boundaries—Tracey had to prove she was not only clean but also willing to change. Until then she wasn’t welcome back in her home. Maybe my prayers have finally been answered.
Erma wasn’t sure how long she stood at the window, but her leg started to ache, and that was the sign that she needed to get off it and prop it up. She dressed in her pajamas and eased into bed, foregoing her nightly devotional reading, and instead turning off the light and closing her eyes. She knew sleep would be elusive tonight, and it wasn’t just because Tracey was here.
What if she tells Riley the truth? Will my granddaughter ever forgive me?
Chapter 15
Hayden arrived at Erma’s the next morning and knocked on the back door, knowing Riley and Erma ate breakfast together in the kitchen every morning. When he didn’t hear anyone answer, he knocked again, then turned the doorknob. The door opened, and he walked inside. The kitchen was empty, the coffee pot too. He frowned. He would have to remind the women that they needed to lock their doors at night. But now wouldn’t be the time.
He paused, wondering what he should do. Then he decided he could at least make coffee. By the time it finished brewing, Erma had limped into the kitchen with her cane, looking bleary-eyed and more than a little surprised to see him sitting at the table.
“Hello,” she said, frowning. “Did Riley let you in?”
“Um, no.” Now he questioned whether he’d done the right thing or not. “The door was unlocked.”
“Ah. I guess I forgot to lock it last night.”
At least he knew she did usually lock the doors. “Hope you don’t mind that I made coffee.”
“Mind? I’m grateful.” She hobbled over to the counter and hooked her cane over the edge, then pulled two mugs from the cabinet. “I’m assuming you want some?”
“Please.”
A few minutes later, she had joined Hayden at the table, and steaming mugs of fresh brew sat in front of them. “Thank you for bringing Riley home last night. I wouldn’t have wanted her to drive after seeing Tracey. Her relationship with her mother is complicated.”
“I got that impression.” He took a sip of coffee but didn’t inquire further. Usually Erma was a chatterbox, but her drawn, worried expression concerned him.
“Has she told you anything about Tracey?” Erma asked.
Hayden shook his head. “Not much, other than they moved around a lot when she was little.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” Erma sighed. “My daughter has issues. I’m thankful she hasn’t passed them down to Riley. But Tracey’s inconsistent parenting has influenced her. It was unavoidable.” She pushed away her mug. “I also made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that have turned into regrets.”
While he couldn’t relate to what Erma was saying, since he’d never been a parent, he did remember what Doug, his counselor, had said when Hayden was down on himself.
“‘We can only do our best with what we have to work with at the time,’” Hayden said.
Erma’s head jerked up and she smirked. “That’s quite profound. Did you read that on the internets?”
“Nope. A wise person told me. Over and over and over.” He lifted his mug and tilted it a bit toward her. “It’s pretty set in my noggin.”
“I need to set it in mine.”
Riley came shuffling into the kitchen, her hair wild around her face, as if she’d spent the night tossing and turning. The tank top and shorts she was wearing left little to the imagination—which got his imagination shifting gears and humming. He averted his gaze.
“Ahem,” Erma said. “Hayden’s here.”
Riley’s eyes widened. She glanced down at herself, then at Hayden, her cheeks heating. “Be right back.” She dashed out of the kitchen, and he could hear her running up the stairs.
“Anyway, you were saying?” Erma lifted the mug to her lips.
“I, uh.” What had he been saying?
Erma chuckled, sounding a little more like her usual self. “At least you had the good grace to look away. What a polite young man you are, Hayden Price.”
“I try to be.” Now if he could just get the image of Riley in a thin tank top out of his mind, his thoughts would be polite too.
A few minutes later, Riley entered the kitchen again, this time fully dressed in a red T-shirt and shorts. She was pulling her hair into a ponytail as she joined them at the table.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, dark circles under her eyes.
“I’ll start breakfast,” Erma said.
“I’ll do it.” Riley started to stand.
“You stay right there, sugar. It’s my turn to cook this morning, remember?”
Riley nodded, then asked Hayden, “How long have you been here?”
“Long enough for coffee.” He paused. “How did you sleep last night?”
“Horribly, no surprise.” She leaned her forearms against the table.
“I filled the car with gas on my way over here,” Hayden said.
“Thank you.” Erma pulled out a cast-iron frying pan from the lower cabinet next to t
he stove. “Do you like bacon and eggs, Hayden?”
“Of course.”
“I’d whip up some homemade biscuits, but I don’t want you to be late for work.” The pan clanged as she placed it on the stovetop.
“I’ll take a biscuit rain check, then.”
While Erma started cooking, Riley got up and fixed herself a cup of coffee and set it on the table. Without asking, she picked up Hayden’s and refilled it, too, then set it down in front of him.
“Thanks,” he said, reaching for the sugar bowl on the table.
She nodded, but he could see she was deep in her own thoughts. She refilled Erma’s cup, too, then sat back down, the faraway expression still in her eyes.
The bacon and eggs didn’t take long for Erma to prepare, and soon Hayden was presented with a delicious breakfast. They ate in silence, both women in their own worlds. For some reason Hayden wasn’t uncomfortable with the silence. He wished he knew how to help them, as he had grown to care deeply about Erma too. But this was something he couldn’t fix, or even attempt to. All he could do was be there for them when they needed him.
“Go on to work, Riley,” Erma said when they finished eating. “I’ll clean up.”
She nodded. “Let me brush my teeth and I’ll be right back down.”
After Riley left, Erma turned to Hayden. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that she has you,” she said, tears shining in her eyes. “Especially now.”
He nodded. “I’m not going anywhere, Erma. Whatever she needs, I’m here.”
Erma smiled and patted his hand. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Riley returned, and a short while later they pulled into the parking lot behind the yarn store. Much like last night, Hayden cut the engine and turned to her.
“If you need me, just holler,” he said. “I’m right across the street.”
She turned to him and nodded. “Thank you, Hayden.”
He gave her the keys, and then they both got out of the car and he waited until she unlocked the shop and walked inside. He didn’t want to leave her, but he had to admit she seemed much better today than she’d been last night, which gave him a bit of freedom to focus on his job. His father was ready to transition the store to him, and Hayden wanted to start today.
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