by Holly Evans
“Where’s Raif?” I asked.
Lysander looked at me, his eyes hard.
“He found a nice girl. He was deep in conversation with her when we left him. He is an adult, Evelyn,” he growled.
“A nice girl?” I asked
He stood and put his shoulders back; his movements were stiffer than usual.
“I will go and find him then bring him home when the time is right. Good night, Evelyn,” he said coldly.
I watched him leave and wondered just what I’d done. I threw the closest thing to hand at the wall. The book slid down the wall and promptly set on fire. My emotions were in turmoil. I had no idea which were mine and which were Lysander’s. That only made them worse. Tears streamed down my face. I didn’t know if they were from anger or sadness.
I hadn’t meant Lysander when I said I didn’t want anything to do with magic. He was my dear hound. I didn’t ask for him in my life, but I’d have been lost without him. I paced around the living room. There was no denying that Kadrix was correct. I hated him for it. Neither Quin nor I were normal human hunters, and I despised that. How could we possibly be the very things that we hunted? The things that we had devoted our lives to killing?
Quin’s voice echoed around my head telling me things weren’t that black and white. I allowed my legs to collapse under me as I looked at the people in my life, how few of them were good normal humans. How I’d be lost without them. I’d fucked up.
Raif and Lysander found me curled up on the floor with my back against the sofa, playing with a bit of the charred fabric. Raif slipped away to Quin’s room, which was quickly becoming his room given all the time Quin spent at Kadrix’s flat and workshop. Lysander crouched in front of me, his eyes still harder than usual when he looked at me and waited. I met his gaze.
“Forgive me?” I asked, my voice wavering.
He stroked my hair and ran his thumb over my bottom lip.
“We need to talk,” he said softly.
I simply nodded.
“This isn’t just about magic versus hunters,” he said.
I dropped my eyes down to the floor. He hooked his finger under my chin and made me meet his gaze.
“Evelyn,” he said.
“No. It’s my inadequacies. It’s about the fact that you have to keep saving me from my own hellfire. That I’m in a magical world, and I can’t protect the people I love,” I said rapidly.
“You are perfectly adequate, Evelyn. You have fought demons and won,” he said calmly.
I glared at him; I knew he was right, but it didn’t feel like enough.
“Do not take out your fear of inferiority on me,” he growled.
I ground my teeth.
“And what am I supposed to do?” I snapped back.
“Stop being so stubborn and learn. You have been given opportunities, make the most of them,” he said coolly.
I tried to look away but he held my face firm.
“Stop running away, Evelyn,” he said softly.
“What am I?” I whispered.
He leaned in and brushed his lips over mine.
“My other half,” he said.
Lysander’s fingers ran down my spine as I woke. I pressed myself closer to him, fearing losing him. My night had been fraught with intense nightmares full of blood and terror.
“I’m here, Evelyn,” he whispered.
I kissed along his collarbone, revelling in the physical sensation of him, grounding myself in his warmth and solidity.
“You won’t lose me,” he whispered.
I looked up into his face; guilt riddled me for the pain I’d caused him. He kissed across my cheekbones.
“Enough, Evelyn,” he said softly.
His calm filled me. I was glad of the emotional exchange through the bond. His calm pushed the nightmares aside and soothed my heartbeat. The morning looked much brighter. That was, until I heard a crash out in the living room. I groaned; Raif had been trying to teach himself how to cook.
We pulled on some clothing as quickly as we could so as to try and save the kitchen from whatever he was attempting that morning. He had flour in his hair and was desperately trying to wipe up the remnants of an egg off the floor when we got there. It was better than it had been. He gave us a sheepish grin.
I leaned against the counter and said, “I hear you were with a girl last night.”
He turned bright red and scrubbed furiously at the floor, which was already clean.
“She was nice,” he finally said.
“That’s good to hear, I’d hate for you to waste your time on an unpleasant girl,” I said
“Evelyn is trying to say she’s happy for you,” Lysander said with a laugh.
Raif stood and muttered a thanks. Lysander put his hand on the cub’s shoulder when he reached for the fridge.
“We’ll go out for breakfast,” he said.
Raif grinned at us, and it dawned on me that that had been his plan all along. My phone rang before we could go any further. Quin. I handed the phone to Lysander; I wasn’t ready to face him just yet. I didn’t care how childish that was; we’d never spoken to each other like that before. We’d always been so close, and yet we were drifting, and that hurt more than I was willing to admit.
Lysander growled and handed me my phone after a few terse words.
“Witches tried to get into Kadrix’s workshop last night. They failed,” he said.
I curled my lip.
“It’s hardly surprising, the amount of protection he has on that workshop may as well be a neon sign reading ‘come and find your artifact here’,” I said
Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself.
“We’re going for breakfast. No good comes from trying to interrogate him again,” I said.
Lysander watched me closely.
I looked away before I squared my shoulders and said, “Afterwards, I’d like to continue with my fire training. I have been a difficult student. However… I want to do this.”
He smiled at me and ran his fingers up my inner wrist.
“I think that’s a very good idea,” he said.
Raif bounced on the balls of hit feet. I eyed him with suspicion.
“And when is your date with this girl?”
He flushed bright red again and shoved his hands down into the pockets of his jeans.
“We said we’d go for a walk in the park at three,” he said quietly.
I raised my eyebrow; that wasn’t the sort of date I expected from a nineteen-year-old.
“Take protection,” I said.
His eyes went wide before he practically fled to find his shoes. Lysander laughed and kissed my cheek.
“No need to be quite so cruel to the cub,” he said.
I shrugged and went to find some proper clothing.
“I wasn’t being cruel, I just don’t want to have to deal with him getting someone pregnant,” I said. “He could have been honest with me. Unless he really is going to try and pull that off in broad daylight, in the park…” I added while looking for a fresh shirt.
“Or maybe they really are just going for a walk,” Lysander said as he offered me a shirt.
I paused and looked at him, trying to figure out if he was serious. Raif was a virgin and did seem to have a sensible head on his shoulders. It wasn’t completely implausible that they were just going for a walk. I shrugged to myself; as long as he didn’t get her pregnant, then it didn’t really matter.
He’d managed to compose himself somewhat when we emerged fully dressed and ready to go and find an edible breakfast somewhere.
“I’ll see if Kadrix will give you cooking lessons,” I said to Raif as we stepped out into the hallway.
His face dropped a little, confirming my suspicions.
“Well, if you don’t want to cook, then you’re welcome to do more cleaning around the flat,” I offered.
He slumped a little and looked down at his feet as we headed out.
“Being an adult sucks, doesn’t it?” I
said with a laugh.
I glanced back to see him nodding.
Breakfast was relaxing. Raif kept checking his phone every two seconds on the off chance that maybe the girl had got in touch. I, on the other hand, was ignoring my phone and hoping that it remained silent. Once breakfast was finished, Raif headed over to Elise’s; he was doing spiritual practise with Bryn. That left me alone with Lysander. A small weight formed in the pit of my stomach as we headed home, and I mentally prepared myself to return to fire training. I’d never shied away from hard work, but I was still anxious about the whole thing. All of my other skills had come relatively easily. Blade work and fighting were almost as natural as walking.
Lysander pulled me close to him. “Do not fear, Evelyn, I’ll make sure you don’t burn the flat down.”
I glared at him. He flashed me that irresistibly sexy smile of his that made my negativity melt away.
Once we were safely in the privacy of our own home, he turned to me and said, “Why does being magical bother you so much, Evelyn? You seem quite happy for Quin; you’ve never blinked at Elise’s magic.”
I went to sit on the floor and prepare for the fire work. He put one hand on my hip and hooked his other under my chin.
“Evelyn. You cannot run away from everything.” His tone was firm.
I sighed. “I was raised a hunter. I have spent my life trying to protect those I love from magical beasts. Yet… here I am becoming one of them. Quin has useful magic, he seems to have more celestial skills. Am I still human?”
He leant in and brushed his lips over mine.
“Does it really matter?” he asked softly.
I desperately wanted to say yes. I wanted to scream and throw something at him for asking such a foolish question, yet I knew the subtext there. The answer was no, it didn’t really matter, but I wasn’t ready to accept that.
He brushed his thumb along my jawline. “We’ll start with a single fireball in the palm of your hand and work from there.”
He released me and I knelt on the wooden floor, ignoring the char marks on the furniture from my last attempt. He knelt in front of me, his calm radiating through the bond smoothing away my anxiety.
“Calm and focus, Evelyn. You can do this.”
I closed my eyes and formed the ball of fire in the middle of my chest. The anger and frustration at everything built around it.
“Calm, Evelyn,” he said firmly.
I visualised the negative emotions evaporating and focused intently on the ball of fire as I guided it down my right arm to the palm of my hand.
“Restrain it, Evelyn. Give it boundaries.”
The frustration began to build.
“Evelyn,” he growled.
I was not going to be beaten. Once more, I allowed the negative emotions to evaporate and visualised a bubble around the fire holding it in. After a few long breaths, I opened my eyes and saw a small fireball in the palm of my hand. It wasn’t as dense as the ones Lysander formed in the blink of an eye, but it was controlled.
“Do not let it fade. Guide it upwards; you need to be able to throw them.”
I didn’t take my eyes off the ball as I tried to guide it up into the air. It sputtered and died.
“Again,” Lysander said.
So we did it again. And again. Until the sun was beginning to set and I finally managed to move a fireball an inch above my palm. It was a pathetic little thing. Yellow flames danced and sparked, but I’d done it. Lysander caught me completely off guard when he kissed me deeply. I’d been so focused on the fireball. I surrendered to his arms and his embrace.
“You did very well today,” he said.
Raif chose that moment to walk in. He looked around the living room.
“No more burn marks. Awesome. What’s for dinner?” he said with a grin.
“How was your date?” I asked
He gave a shrug, but the blush still formed on his cheeks.
“We’re meeting for coffee tomorrow,” he said.
“Good. You can tell me all about her while you prepare dinner. I’ll watch over you to make sure you don’t burn anything,” I said as I stood.
“I’ll watch over him,” Lysander said.
I muttered under my breath. My food was edible. It wasn’t on par with Kadrix’s cooking, but it was edible. Raif dragged his feet to the kitchen, where I sat up on the counter and watched over them.
“Tell me about this girl then,” I said.
Raif huffed and tensed, but kept his back to me, no doubt hoping I’d drop the subject.
The more he tried to hide it from me, the more fun it became to push him. Lysander pulled some food out of the fridge and put it on the counter behind Raif.
“Come on, cub, we’d like to eat tonight,” he said.
Raif huffed again and started preparing the vegetables.
“I’m waiting for those details,” I said.
I could almost see him roll his eyes even with his back to me.
“Her name’s Iona, she’s a year older than me, and she’s half pixie,” he said.
“Carry on,” I replied with a grin.
I wasn’t going to interfere in his life, but I needed at least the basics so I knew who to hunt down if she hurt him. Raif sighed melodramatically.
“She’s going to college, where she’s studying business. Anything else?” he said gruffly.
“Everything,” I said with a wicked grin.
“Evelyn, don’t be cruel to the cub. We have all the details we need,” Lysander chided me.
I glared at him and hopped down from the counter.
“If she hurts you, she’ll beg for death,” I whispered in Raif’s ear before I sauntered off to the sofa.
I had to give it to them, Lysander and Raif made a better meal than I would have. We were relaxing for the evening when my phone rang. Quin. I let it ring a few times before Lysander picked it up. Lysander listened for all of five seconds before he handed me the phone. I hated ignoring my twin. It wasn’t right. Quin was tense, he simply told me to come to the workshop with Lysander. Neither of us particularly liked using the phone, but it wasn’t usually that terse. I wriggled down the sofa a little and relaxed against Lysander’s chest; he glared down at me.
“He’s your brother, Evelyn,” he growled.
He was right, of course. We couldn’t leave things as they were. So we headed over to the workshop without a single word said on the entire journey. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel or what I was supposed to do in that situation. We’d never spoken to each other like that before.
Lysander held me close, his arm around my shoulder in the uncomfortable tram seats as I watched the city go by. Even in the darkness, it looked beautiful. I braced myself and mentally prepared for another fight as we walked up to the workshop. The entire building practically glowed with the magical protections the fae had thrown over it. A faint pulsing lavender formed what I thought were runes and sigils over the walls, while a lemon-yellow haze sat some two feet out from the building proper, then an emerald-green web hung over the door and large window.
“They may as well have put a neon sign up on the workshop,” I muttered.
“What do you mean?” Lysander asked.
I waved at the building with a sweeping arm gesture.
“The bright lights of the magic, they’re practically calling out ‘come and attack me’,” I said as we approached the door.
“Your ability to see magic seems to be improving,” Lysander said.
I glanced up at him and frowned, but the door opened before I could comment. Kadrix looked bedraggled; his hair stuck up at interesting angles, and there was a green smudge on his cheek.
“Come along, Evelyn, I’m not standing here all night,” he said gruffly.
I rolled my eyes and strode into the workshop. Quin paced around a small area in the middle of the room. His movements were stiff and stilted, his head hung low. I paused at the entrance to the room and wondered what had happened to my dear twin.
/>
“I’m tired. I feel as though the entire city is closing in around me,” he said as he sighed and blew some hair out of his eyes. “I’m tired of the secrets, of the closed-minded hierarchical segmented bullshit,” he said.
Jars and beakers began to vibrate on the shelves and tables.
“I feel as though I’m fighting a war alone. I’m trying to help everyone, but you’re all at each other’s throats. Evie, your double standards are really wearing on me. You screw a hellhound, you dote on Elise, but you despise alchemy and your own magic. You could make a real difference. I’m tired of feeling inferior to you, Kadrix, of you brushing me off, because I’m a human and I’m not allowed to know fae secrets,” he said with tears trickling down his cheeks.
He clenched his fists tight and squeezed his eyes closed. Everything exploded. Books flew through the air. Glassware shattered into tiny shards. Pots crumpled, bowls disintegrated. Lysander pulled me down to the ground and covered my head. It was over in a matter of seconds, but my heart thudded in my ears. Had Quin done that? I sat up and ran my hands over Lysander’s face while I glanced over his body. I saw a little blood, but didn’t feel any deep pain through the bond. I pushed up to my feet, ignoring the cuts and shards in my back and legs as I ran to Quin. He was kneeling in the middle of a clear circle, tears streaming down his face.
I knelt in front of him and pulled him into my arms. He rested his chin on my shoulder as I stroked his hair and gave him time to calm down. I’d had no idea that he was under such stress. Guilt riddled me. He was my twin; he was supposed to have been able to tell me anything. Lysander and Kadrix were moving somewhere behind me. I knew Lysander hadn’t sustained any serious damage. Quin took a long deep breath, then pulled back a little to look at me. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair hung at funny angles. He looked a complete mess.
“I’m sorry, Evie. I shouldn’t have said those things. There’s just been so much going on,” he said quietly.
I kissed his forehead.
“You can always talk to me. Always,” I said.
He slowly looked around the room, which was a disaster zone. The shimmering colours of the magic were fragmented and flickering. I shrugged it off; the elf would fix it when Quin was ready.