by Holly Jaymes
As I got older and closer to graduating from high school, I felt a little stifled and bored by the area, but now, after having been gone for a while, I was beginning to see the charm and the way this place could soothe a weary soul.
We had my grandfather's super-duper pancakes. After breakfast, Nadine and I helped my grandmother in the garden harvesting some of her vegetables that she planned to take to the farmers’ market the next morning. Then we played rummy with my grandfather who always beat us.
After lunch, we took a nap, which felt especially luxurious and was something I realized I really missed. I wondered if I could talk Corrine into letting us have a siesta after lunch when we were filming.
After our nap, Nadine and I decided that even though it was still hot and humid, we would take a walk to the pond and go for a swim. I put on an old bathing suit that I still had there. I was a little bit rounder now than I had been when I was last wearing it, but it fit well enough for what we were going to do. It was a pond in the middle of nowhere. Who’d see me?
I pulled on a pair of old jeans shorts and a t-shirt over my suit. I took my ponytail and knotted it up on the top of my head. I definitely looked like some sort of female version of Huck Finn. We grabbed a couple of towels and then headed out of the house toward the pond.
“I remember living here and thinking how dumb and boring all this was, but now I’m thinking how lovely it is,” Nadine said as we started to weave through the trees.
“I was thinking the same thing earlier. Perhaps it has something to do with needing balance. We went from one end of the spectrum to the other. From calm and quiet and seemingly boring to frenetic and loud and sometimes overwhelming.”
“It’s a good way to put it. I wonder where the balance is in between? Where you could have something not as quiet as here, but not as loud as New York?” she pondered out loud.
I looked over at her. “Are you unhappy in your life in New York?”
“No. But sometimes it’s nice to take a breath for a minute, don’t you think? Maybe I should buy a house out here. Maybe that’s the answer.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” I wondered if maybe Nadine was starting to think about leaving the single life and moving into something with more commitment and more stability, like a house in the country. Was she thinking about a future with her boss?
“Do you think your boss boyfriend would like it out here?” I asked.
She glanced at me with a smirk. “That’s not what this is about. Besides, I’m still not sure that marriage is a good idea.”
“Why not?” I asked, even though I had an idea about her reluctance. Our parents could scare anybody away from marriage.
“Well, we’ve seen both sides of the spectrum, right? We’ve seen Gran and Pop-Pop with their tremendous marriage and partnership in life. But the other side of that is our parents who must’ve loved each other at some point and now can’t stand each other. The statistics are like fifty percent of marriages don’t make it. The question is, how do you know if you’re making the right choice when you get married?”
“What do you mean?” I wasn’t quite sure where she was going with all this.
“Well, there must be some kind of way to figure out if a couple will make it or not. I mean we’ve all met people who probably shouldn’t get married, but there's a good number of people who on their wedding day are in love and plan to be married forever, and then somehow, a few years down the line, everything falls apart. Why does that happen and how do you not know in the beginning that it could happen?”
“I think a lot of people know that it could happen, they just don’t think it will be them.”
“Right, they go into marriage thinking they’re going to be like Gran and Pop-Pop and then they don’t. So how do you know? I mean there must be some test or something people could take to know.”
She’d been thinking about this quite a bit, which made me think that her feelings for her boss boyfriend must be pretty significant.
“I suppose that’s where faith comes in,” I said. “And if you talk to Gran and Pop-Pop, they would probably have some secrets on how their marriage has worked for so long. It’s probably something related to respect, communication… I don’t know. I mean I don’t have the answers but certainly, their success probably has less to do with how they felt on their wedding day and more to do with how they feel every day of the marriage, how they treat each other, and how committed they are. Mom and Dad didn’t have that, or they lost it. Or maybe they just didn’t want to try anymore.”
Nadine didn’t say anything for a minute. As we came through a clearing, the pond opened up in front of us. She stopped for a minute as she gazed out over the landscape of central New York State. Most people who thought of New York thought of the city, but New York had lots of other wonderful areas to it, including wooded, secluded areas like this.
“Well, that then brings us to the question about situations in which one person is willing to do all that work but the other person isn’t,” she finally said.
“Are you saying that you’re willing to work, but you don’t think your boss boyfriend is?” I asked her, hoping that she wasn’t getting offended or annoyed at me for my questions about him.
She looked at me. “Actually, it’s more the other way around. I think he’d be willing to take the chance, but I don’t know that I can.”
There was something that made me feel really sad, and at the same time, I knew exactly what she was saying. I was sure that I would probably feel the same way if I ever wondered about being in love with a man who I thought loved me.
I reached over and gave her a hug. “Well, the thing is, you probably have some time. You don’t have to decide right now. If he cares for you and you care for him, you can take this thing as slow as you want until you feel comfortable.”
She hugged me back and then released me with a wan smile. “I guess you’re right. Come on, let’s go for a swim.”
We each tugged off our shorts and our t-shirts, and then waded to the pond’s edge. As a kid, I could go running in. But now, as an adult, the cold water stopped me at around mid-calf and I found myself having to slowly inch in.
Nadine, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have that problem. Like a child, she ran in, and then dove under the water, coming up with a big smile on her face.
“Come on, just get in,” she called.
“I’m doing just fine, thank you very much,” I yelled back.
She ducked under the water, then popped up again a little bit closer to me with a mischievous grin. She was going to splash or dunk me, I was sure.
But then something behind her caught her eye. Her eyes narrowed and then widened in surprise. I had a moment to wonder if maybe there was a bear or something behind me, in which case I probably could run and dive into the water with no problem, assuming the bear couldn’t swim.
“Madeline?” she said. She pointed behind me with her finger. “I do believe Theo Wolfe is joining us.”
I whipped around and sure enough, Theo was walking across the meadow toward the pond.
Back in 2005, there was a version of Pride and Prejudice where at the end, Mr. Darcy was walking across a field as the sun was just rising. His coat was open and waving behind him, his shirt uncharacteristically opened at the collar. I could watch that scene over and over again, even though it wasn’t in the book, because it just was so swoonworthy. Everything that scene evoked when I watched it, welled up inside me as I watched Theo Wolfe walk toward me.
I realized I was standing calf-deep in the pond, wearing an almost-too-small bikini with my hair a mess on my head. It was ridiculous to be self-conscious about how little I was wearing considering that Theo had not only seen me naked, but also, his hands and lips had been over every inch of my naked body.
Still, we were supposed to be over that. So I did feel a little bit awkward standing there as he continued to move toward us.
I heard Nadine in the water behind me until finally, she
was standing next to me. She leaned in and whispered, “You haven't been completely honest with me.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the delicious-looking Theo Wolfe in those soft, faded jeans and tight-in-the-chest t-shirt.
“That man isn’t looking at you like you’re his co-star. He’s looking at you like you’re his prey.”
There was really nothing I could say to that. Although I wasn’t sure it was true. I wasn’t sure what to read in his bright blue eyes as they latched on me while he continued his forward momentum toward us.
“And I’m pretty sure that you’re looking at him like he's naked and you want to drag your tongue over every inch of him.”
That got my attention. I whipped my head to the side to look at her.
She grinned, and then left the pond.
“Where are you going?” I hissed, feeling a little bit panicked, although I wasn’t sure why.
“Three’s a crowd.” She picked up one of the towels that we had brought and wrapped it around her and then slipped on her swim shoes. “I’m going back to the house to help Gran shuck corn or whatever she needs help with for dinner because I suspect we’re going to have a guest.” She smiled and gave me a wave as she walked along the path. “Hello, Theo Wolfe,” she said, extending her hand. “I’m Nadine Fox. I believe we live in the same building and that you’ve already met my sister Madeline.”
He took her hand but his gaze held on me. “Yes, how do you do?”
She laughed. “I do pretty well, thank you. Now I’m heading up to the house.” She turned back to face me. “You two behave.” And then she headed back up the path, disappearing into the woods, leaving me alone with Theo.
Unworthy
Theo
Driving up to Madeline’s childhood home seemed like a great idea until I actually pulled up in front of the house. I wasn’t generally a man prone to nerves, but as I parked and got ready to get out of the car, I was filled with them. Would she see through me to the desperate idiot who drove a hundred miles because he couldn’t go another day without her? Would she be angry that I came up here and interrupted her time with her family? Would she send me away with the reasoning that we both agreed that being together was a bad idea? Which it still was, except that for me, the desire to see her again far outweighed what any paparazzi might print in a tabloid.
The curtains in the window moved, and I knew that I’d been seen. Someone knew I was here, so I couldn’t very well turn around to leave and pretend like I never came. I got out of the car and walked up to the door, hoping I didn’t seem like an idiot or a jerk.
The older woman who answered the door was friendly. She invited me in and explained that Madeline and her sister had taken a walk to the pond, then she asked me to stay for dinner. I said I would, but in the back of my mind, knew that if Madeline didn’t want me here that I would find a reason to leave. The woman had her husband show me out the back and toward the path to the pond.
“Just stay on the trail ‘till you hit the pond, you can’t miss it.”
It was late afternoon and the sun was still warm, the humidity still fairly high as I trudged along the path and through the woods. Eventually, I could see that there was a clearing up ahead, and I determined I had to be close. My nerves picked up again, as I tried to unscramble my brain to think of what I’d say when I saw her. I stepped out from the woods and into an open meadow where there was a large pond.
There were two people in the pond but my eyes went only to Madeline. Seeing her stopped me in my tracks. She was so stunningly beautiful. She stood knee-deep in the pond. Her beautiful red hair was stacked on her head and the sun shone on it, giving it glorious gold streaks. Little tendrils of it hung around her face and neck. She looked like a fucking goddess.
And then there was the bikini. The man in me was instinctively drawn to her perfect female form. I wanted to strip myself bare and go to her, taking her into my arms, filling her with my body and pounding away this insatiable need for her.
I stood there for a moment, watching her like she was some kind of mirage. But then I reminded myself that she was real and I was here to talk to her. So I propelled myself forward again, walking toward the pond.
Her sister was the first to notice me. She stared at me with curiosity. Perhaps if it were any other man, she might’ve been concerned about a strange man approaching them, but I could see that she knew who I was. So mostly she stared at me with intrigue as she moved toward Madeline and whispered something to her.
Madeline whipped around, her eyes zeroing on me. I watched her reaction. If she was angry about my showing up like this, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Her sister got out of the pond and wrapped herself up in a towel, and then walked toward me, introducing herself. I did my best to find my manners and greeted her, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from Madeline.
And now we were alone. She took a couple of steps back in the water and my heart clenched in my chest that she wasn’t happy to see me.
“What are you doing here, Theo?”
I struggled to get my mouth to cooperate, but finally, I said, “We have new scripts.” Inwardly I slapped myself on the head because that was just a dumb answer.
Her brow furrowed. “You drove up here to bring me a new script?” Then she had an expression like something dawned on her. “How’d you even know where my grandparents’ home is?”
What I really should have told her was how much I missed her. How much I just wanted to talk to her. How I wanted to hold her.
“Your info is on file with the production company. As far as driving up to give you the script, I’m also here because Corrine had some concerns about our last day filming together. She was hoping we could work things out so that…”
Madeline looked down. “I’m sorry about that, Theo.” Then her gaze shot up to mine again. “Are you here to fire me?”
My brain completely skittered to a stop. What? No! I was totally fucking this up. As terrifying as it was, it seemed to me that I needed to tell her the truth. Giving her excuses and half-truths was only making things worse.
I put my hands on my hips and I looked down, toeing the dirt beneath my shoe, trying to find the right words.
Finally, I looked at her. “Madeline, I’m here because I want to see you.” There, I said it.
Her expression suggested she was still uncertain about what I meant by that.
“Bringing the script and talking to you about our work the other day, those are all just excuses to be able to come here and see you.” I further expounded.
The worry line on her forehead lessened a little bit, but she still didn’t say anything, and worry began to creep up my spine. I scanned my brain for what else I could say. How could I be any clearer?
Finally, she spoke. “You’re not worried that maybe you’ve been followed or will be seen here?”
“No. Maybe I’m being reckless or naïve, but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t give a shit. I want to see you. I feel like I should be able to see you. The paparazzi shouldn’t dictate my life. The question is, do you want to see me?” I hated how desperate I sounded. For a second, I resented her a little bit for putting me in a position to feel so powerless with her. Right now, the weight of the world seemed to hang on her answer and that didn’t sit well with me.
“But I thought we decided-”
Trying to hold back the frustration that could come through in my tone, I said, “I know what we said. For me, I really just don’t care anymore. I do care about hurting you. If you don’t want to take the risk, that’s fine. I will accept and respect that. Or maybe we can arrange to ignore each other at work and when in public, but I can see you in the evenings. I’ll take that. We live in the same building, so we can just hang out together when we’re home. Or you can tell me to leave."
“No.”
My heart sank. She didn’t want to take the risk. Or maybe she just didn’t want to see me anymore. Whatever the reasoning, her answer was
no. I couldn’t quite find the words to say so I started to turn to leave.
“I mean no, I don’t want you to leave.” I heard a splash of water and when I turned, she was coming out of the pond and now was ankle-deep. “I’ve missed seeing you too, Theo.”
Happiness began to bubble up from my belly into my chest. “Does that mean I haven’t made a total fool of myself by coming up?”
She smiled, that radiant one that always felt like the sun was shining on me. “No, you’re not a fool.”
A new wave of desperation washed through me. A desperate need to touch her and hold her and kiss her. I yanked my shirt over my head and tossed it by her clothes. I undid my pants as I toed off my shoes.
“What are you doing?” she asked with a laugh in her voice.
“Joining you for a swim.” My boxer briefs did little to hide the impact of seeing her half-naked. That was until I put my feet in the ice-cold water and my dick immediately contracted up into my body as it anticipated being submerged. It would’ve been embarrassing, except that I was just too focused on her. I reached out, putting my hand along her lower back and pulling her up against me. Her warm hands slid up my chest, squeezing my pecs slightly before sliding up to my shoulders.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said happily.
“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Not wanting to wait a second more before tasting her, I lowered my head to her, covering her mouth with mine. A burst of sensation blasted through me as my lips first touched hers, her taste first infused my mouth. Her soft moan was like music to my ears and I slanted my mouth to take the kiss deeper as I tugged her body closer into mine. My lips broke from hers, trailing along her jaw and toward her ear. I gently tugged on the lobe with my teeth. “I really want to squeeze your ass.”