by Holly Jaymes
Normally, I didn't mind doing public appearances to promote a movie. After all, I enjoyed acting and the best way to keep acting was to get people to come to see the movie. But right now, I didn’t feel like I had it in me to be Theo Wolfe, big movie star.
“Can you forward me the schedule? I’ll be sure to be there.” In the end, I didn’t have much of a choice. Talk show appearances were part of the game.
“I sent it earlier today, but since I didn’t hear back from you, I want to check to make sure you got it.”
“I’ll check my email.”
I hung up the phone but didn’t check for her message. I’d do it tomorrow.
I thought about getting something to eat to help soak up all this booze I was about to drink, when my phone rang again. This time it was my brother’s ringtone. Again, I considered not answering it, but if there was ever a time I needed my older brother, now was probably it.
“Oliver, how are you?”
“Well, to be honest, I think I’m totally fucked.” his strained voice announced over the line.
“Jesus, what’s up?”
“Let’s just say that you are able to become the golden child in the family.”
I couldn’t imagine that there was anything Oliver could do to dim the bright star my parents saw around him. But if he felt like he had done something wrong, it had to be pretty big.
“What’s going on?”
“Remember that woman I told you that I was seeing?”
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me. “Oliver, you’re always seeing someone. I’m not sure if I remember the specific one, but I know that you were seeing someone.”
“She was my boss’s daughter.”
I tried not to laugh because he really did sound like he was in some serious shit. “You know you’re not supposed to date the boss’s daughter, right?” Of course, I was one to talk. Madeline worked for me and I was fucking her. That was just as bad, except I loved her.
“Well, it was less about dating and more like fucking, but yes, I know you’re right. But Jesus, you should see her, Theo.”
“You know, Oliver, there’s more to women than tits and ass, right?” I realized that my questions were more about razzing him than helping him.
“Now you tell me,” he said with a laugh. But then he let out a sigh that I could tell meant he was feeling the weight of the pressure of something. “It gets worse.”
“So it’s not just that the boss found out and fired you?”
“Well, that of course has happened. But it’s worse. Turns out she filmed us.”
I frowned. “Filmed you doing what?”
“Dammit, Theo, you know, fucking.”
This time, a snicker did get free but I reined it in quickly. “I can’t believe you filmed yourselves in bed.”
Oliver was an adventurous guy, but a sex tape felt beyond what he’d do.
“I didn’t. She did without my knowing. Now she’s using it against me.”
I found myself wondering why a woman would use a sex tape against a man. Usually, women didn’t want that sort of thing getting out.
“What does she want?”
“She wants me to marry her. She tried to tell me she was pregnant but I was able to call her on it. So then she came out with this. At first, I thought she was joking but then she showed me a clip. Fuck, I can’t have my dick on some porno site. She says if I don’t marry her, she’s going to tell everybody about this tape.”
“Holy shit, she’s crazy.”
“Yes, I know. I’m calling you because I’ve lined up a few job interviews at clinics in Manhattan and I need a place to stay. Can I stay with you?”
It wasn’t like Madeline was going to be coming over anymore. “Yeah, I’ve got an extra room for you here. Do you really think running away to New York is going to keep her from releasing the tape?”
“How the fuck do I know? I just need to get away. I’m the one who told her father about our affair and then resigned, so I’m hoping he’ll make sure she doesn’t do it. After all, it won’t just hurt me, it’ll hurt her and him too."
“How can it hurt you, besides just embarrassing you?”
“I’m a plastic surgeon to people who want discretion. They’re not going to go to a doctor who’s scandalized with a sex tape.”
“You don’t think that kind of publicity will follow you here?” I asked Oliver. In the digital world, it didn’t seem possible to escape something like a sex tape.
“I don’t know. I just have to hope that her dad keeps her in line and my being out of sight will help.”
“Well, I suppose if it doesn’t work out, you could sell it. I hear porn is big these days.” Perhaps it was wrong of me to joke with him, but it was nice to have a moment of levity.
“You're the actor in the family, not me. Speaking of filming sex, how is your love life going?” he asked me. “Mom said you were in the tabloids again with your leading lady. She’s hoping for redheaded grandkids.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Don’t ask.”
“That bad, huh?” he said.
“Well, I don’t have a sex tape, but I’m alone just like you, big bro’.”
“Oh. I guess when I get there next week, we can drown our sorrows and then jump back into the sea.”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, although my gut turned over. There was a time when going out and partying, especially with Oliver was something to look forward to. But despite everything going to hell with Madeline, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone but her. I had to hope that over time my feelings for her would dissipate, otherwise I’d be alone forever.
“I’ll be there in a few days. Thanks, Theo.”
After all he’d done for me, particularly in trying to protect me from my parents, this felt like a little thing.
“Like I said, the room is yours. I’m finishing a shoot in the next week or two and then I’ll have a little time off. I’ve got a new project in the works with my production company.”
“I think it’s great that you started your own company, Theo. I know Mom and Dad don’t understand what you do but I get it and I'm proud of you.”
Who needed my parents’ approval, when I had Oliver’s? “I’ll see you in a few days.”
We hung up the phone and I finished my drink, rising from my chair to get another one. But this time, I changed my mind and instead got a bottle of water. Oliver was right. I’d started something good. While I might have been suffering from the ultimate heartache, I had a business to run. I started this whole thing because I wanted to be in control of what I did and the projects I worked on. So it was time for me to stop pining over Madeline and start focusing on my goals and plans that didn’t include her or any other woman.
Going Home
Madeline
I arrived in California late and stayed at the nearest hotel I could find. I met with the director on the new film the following day. I wondered if there would ever come a day when I didn’t have to audition. There were plenty of actors who were offered parts on their reputation alone. Theo was one of those actors even before he started his own production company. For now, since I was starting out again, I had to jump through the same hoops as all the other starlets out here.
The director was a jovial man and was well known in the industry for producing and directing quality movies, so I was excited he was willing to consider me. Of course, I had to go through all the questions about being a child actress and how different the industry was now, but he’d apparently done his homework on me, having contacted Corrine and asking about my work. Anger bubbled up in me when he mentioned that she’d been positive about my work. I wondered if she told him that Theo had spent the whole few months of filming wooing and seducing me in an effort to get the chemistry he wanted between our characters.
I was angry at Theo for all sorts of misdeeds, but one of the newest sources was in how he’d made me second-guess my ability to act. Had our chemistry been off the charts because of what
we were doing late at night in his apartment and not because I was a good actress? I resented both him and Corrine for making me lose confidence in my abilities. As a result, when I did my audition, I was a bigger bundle of nerves than when I auditioned for Theo’s movie. The character in this movie wasn’t as big a role as I had in Theo’s, but it was still important and I was eager to do it well. One of the things I really liked about this role was that as opposed to Nicolette who was a strong kick-ass woman but was on the side of good, this character was a kick-ass woman who was manipulative and conniving as she worked to get her son on the throne. I was excited to play a part that wasn’t wholesome and good like I had played before. Since I was so bitter about what happened with Theo and Corrine, I hoped that I would be able to draw on my anger and resentment to help me with the role.
I was in Los Angeles for a few days for the audition, and spent a few more days hanging out. I thought about going to visit my mother who was back home in Brentwood, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to see her. I really had nowhere to be or anyone to see. I could make new roots in southern California as even if this role didn’t turn out, I could audition for others.
But, what I really wanted to do was go back to New York to see my grandparents. Whenever my life felt out of control or I was just sad, they were always a safe place to fall. So, I decided to return to New York.
I let Nadine know that I was coming back to New York, but I wouldn’t be going into Manhattan or needing to stay with her. When my plane landed in New York, I went straight to the car rental desk, rented a car and drove to my grandparents’ house in Woodstock.
Being home with them, I was able to get everything I expected and hoped for from them. They gave me the love and support that I needed, and also the time alone to deal with everything that was going on. At least they did for a couple of days.
Three days into my stay, I was sitting on the sun porch with coffee and a book. Although I wasn’t really reading it. Instead, I was trying to figure out if maybe going back into showbusiness was the right choice. After the fiasco with Theo, and then late last night after receiving the message that I didn’t get the part for the movie filming in Croatia, I began to wonder if it was a sign that I needed to do something else.
My grandmother came out to join me on the porch. She had a cup of tea in one of her delicate floral teacups she had inherited from her own grandmother.
She sat down in the designated grandma chair. “I saw Theo Wolfe on TV last night.”
I wondered how long hearing his name, even thinking his name, would make my heart break all over again. I didn’t say anything in response because I couldn’t trust myself to not start crying.
“Nadine told me what had happened,” she added.
“It’s my fault. I guess I should’ve known something like that could happen,” I said.
My grandmother’s soft wrinkly face scrunched up. “Why?"
“Because it’s Theo Wolfe. He has a reputation for loving and leaving his co-stars.”
My grandmother gave me a hard stare. “For somebody who has disdain for the perpetuation of false narratives in the entertainment industry, you seem to have quite easily believed what they say about Theo.”
“I’m not going off what the industry has said, I’m going off the fact that he used me.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute,” she said dismissively.
My grandparents weren’t ones to mince words or do a lot of placating. They would tell it like it was, but in this case, if she was going to defend Theo Wolfe, she would be wrong.
“I heard him with my own ears, Gran.”
“I still don’t believe he did it. Did you actually talk to him?”
“I heard the director tell him that he did a good job in seducing me to get the performance they needed out of me, but that her only concern was that maybe I’d fallen for him. And then she said, ‘but you have to do what you have to do,’ which he repeated.” To my mind, that was all that needed to be said or heard to understand Theo’s position.
“But did you talk to him directly? Did you give him a chance to explain?”
“Explain what? It was clear as day. He was just doing his job.”
“I don’t believe it,” she said again. “He drove all the way up here just to see you. He wouldn’t do that if you didn’t mean something to him.”
For a split second, I considered that she might be right. But then I remembered him saying that one of the reasons he’d come up to see me was because Corrine had been concerned about the quality of the work we’d done just before that. So now his visit made total sense.
“It was all part of the ploy to get me back into performance mode.” At that point, tears did spring to my eyes. “If that’s what was needed, Gran, then I’m really not a very good actress, am I?”
“Oh my goodness, Madeline Fox, you need to stop. We all know that you’re a very good actress. Just as I know that Theo Wolfe has stars in his eyes for you. I saw them for myself when he sat with us at the dinner table. What I’m wondering is why you didn’t confront him and give him a chance to explain. Maybe there’s a perfectly good explanation. Or maybe he did just as you said but you can’t go second-guessing it.” She took a sip of her tea. “So tell me what he said or did that you didn’t give him a chance to explain?”
“He did try to talk to me but I told him I didn’t believe him.”
“Well, I guess it wasn’t that serious," my grandfather said, standing in the doorway to the sunroom. He entered the room with his own cup of coffee and sat in his grandpa chair.
I gaped at him and then looked at my grandmother, trying to understand why they were ganging up on me.
“What I think your grandfather is saying to you is that if you didn’t trust him, not even enough to hear him out, then it couldn’t have been very serious.”
“He used and betrayed me,” I said, not liking how defensive I was having to be. These were my grandparents. They should have been on my side.
“What if he didn’t? How do you know for sure?” my grandfather asked.
“Because I overheard him and the director talking about it.”
“But you didn’t give him a chance to tell you about it. Did you hear the whole conversation from beginning to end? What was said after you heard what you heard?” my grandmother asked.
I looked down. “I left. I’d heard enough.”
“Sounds to me like you hadn’t heard enough when maybe you could have but you didn’t give him a chance,” my grandfather said.
I wiped the tears that dripped on my cheeks.
My grandmother put her tea down and came over to sit with me on the little porch couch, putting her arm around me. “You know what the secret is to Grandpa’s and my marriage?” She didn’t wait for my response. “It’s trust and communication. I know it sounds easy, but it’s actually kind of hard.”
“It’s one of the hardest things ever,” my grandfather said.
“To trust someone makes you vulnerable,” my grandmother continued. “But having open communication helps with that. It’s partly how the trust is built. But you have to be willing not just to talk and share your own feelings, you have to listen to the other person as well. Maybe Theo would have confirmed what you think you already know, what if he didn’t? What if you misunderstood?”
I thought back to Theo’s desperation in wanting to talk. Was it possible my grandparents were right?
“If you don’t trust him, Madeline, or aren’t willing to listen to him, then there really is nothing there to salvage,” my grandfather said. “Now, I don’t know if Theo is the man for you. Personally, after seeing what your parents have gone through, it seems to me you should be with somebody outside the business, but if you have feelings for him and it’s possible that he’s the one, it seems to me that it would be worth listening to him. Love isn’t always easy. Just like your grandma said, you need to have trust and communication, which can be hard sometimes. But I’m here to tell you it’s worth it
.” He and my grandmother exchanged smiles. From my perspective, I’d never seen them have difficulties in their relationship, but I knew that was something adults would have hidden from children or grandchildren.
They’d definitely given me food for thought, and something to share with Nadine the next time she was acting philosophical about love and relationships. I didn’t see how it was going to change my current situation with Theo, but it was something that I would tuck away on the off chance I ever had another opportunity to fall in love.
Confession
Theo
Having Oliver come stay with me offered a distraction from missing Madeline and wondering what I could do to fix things between us. I vacillated back and forth between utter despair at having lost something so good and being royally pissed off that she believed I was a man who would betray her like that. Two nights after my brother arrived, instead of going out, we got annihilated on my terrace and he told me that if I cared for her, I needed to attempt to make amends.
“Whether you get back together or not, you two need to at least talk it out. Otherwise, you’re going to continue to torture yourself, and live your whole life wondering what if.”
“What if what?” I asked.
“What if you had been able to talk to her and work it out and ultimately live happily ever after.”
Initially, I laughed at that idea. Happily ever after wasn’t a reality. At least not for someone like me. But then his words settled into my brain and down into my heart. I didn’t know if there would be a happily ever after with Madeline but it was possible we could have lived happily for a time.
The next day I set out to figure out where she might be so I could talk to her. I’d been told she’d been in California, but when I accessed my network of people, I heard that she had left. I was disappointed for her to find out that she hadn’t gotten the role she’d been auditioning for. A part of me wanted to reach out to that director and advocate on her behalf, but I also knew that that was exactly the sort of thing that she didn’t want. She wanted to make it in the business on her own merit. So I didn’t call.