Expecting You

by Claire Cullen

  “Talking isn’t going to fix this. I’m not even sure it is fixable. I know I shouldn’t wallow, not when Luca needs me so much right now, but this was his best chance, his last chance, and…”

  Zac’s heart sank.

  “The surrogacy didn’t work?”

  He felt an uncomfortable twinge inside him as he asked the question. It wasn’t right for him to pry, not about this. He knew all too well the emotions involved, and he wasn’t even…

  Beckett laughed, the sound bitter and grating.

  “If the consequences weren’t so tragic, it would almost be funny. I don’t know if the surrogacy worked. I haven’t the first clue if, somewhere out there, someone’s pregnant with my child.”

  That twinge became a somersault, and Zac felt his heart thump in his chest.

  “I’m not sure I follow. How can you not know?”

  “The clinic made a mistake. ‘A series of errors,’ that’s what they’re calling it. They put the embryo, my embryo—my child—into a stranger instead of Austin, our surrogate.”

  Zac couldn’t speak, couldn’t convince his mouth to open, couldn’t do anything but sit and stare at his tea.

  “What’s worse is that we can’t even find this person to explain. To know if it worked, to help them understand what it means, to ask them to…” Beckett leaned forward, his head in his hands. “It’s one thing to sign up for nine months of carrying someone else’s child, it’s another to be landed in it with no warning. Every time I feel like I’m going through hell, I remind myself that they’re going through it too. They didn’t ask for this, any more than we did.”

  “I—I’m so sorry.”

  Zac finally found his voice but could do nothing more than offer meaningless platitudes. His heart was racing in his chest, he felt breathless and lightheaded, and the somersaults in his stomach were a full-blow cyclone.

  “I—um—I should get to bed. Goodnight, Beckett. Try—try to get some sleep, hey?”

  He all but ran from the room, abandoning his tea in his haste to get away. He was two steps into his apartment when his stomach revolted, and he sprinted for the bathroom. As he knelt there, retching, tears in his eyes, Beckett’s words kept going around and around in his head. It could be a coincidence, couldn’t it? Maybe mistakes like this happened all the time? Maybe clinics passed embryos around like candy and hey, surprise, he got one.

  He sat on the cold bathroom tiles for a long time, unable to move past his first instinct—denial. Maybe none of this was happening. It might all be a strangely realistic dream that he just had to wake up from. And what was the best way to wake up from a dream like this? Sleep. It had to be.

  Groaning, he dragged himself up off the floor, cleaned up, and staggered into bed. He lay there for a long time, staring up at the ceiling, wishing for sleep to come. When it did, it was filled with fragments of dreams and nightmares, conversations running over and over in his restless mind. When he finally blinked his eyes open to see sunlight across his ceiling, he heaved a sigh of relief. And then reality hit. He turned his head into his pillow and sobbed.

  A while later, his phone rang. He reached a hand out to knock it off but, seconds later, it rang again. Sighing, he dragged it across the bed toward him. Harper. If there was anyone he wanted to talk to right then, it was him.

  “What time do you call this, duck? I’m starving.”

  “Um…”

  “It’s Sunday, Zac. We’re supposed to go out for breakfast, remember?”

  “Sorry, Harper.” He was hoarse from crying, wrung out and exhausted.

  The omega went from irritated to concerned in the space of a second. “What’s wrong? Is it the morning sickness?”

  “Just… had a bad night, that’s all.”

  There was a brief silence before Harper spoke again. “I’ll bring breakfast by. Won’t be long.”

  Zac rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling again, then threw back the covers. At almost nine weeks along, his stomach was still mostly flat. That would change, maybe sooner rather than later, and there’d be no hiding the truth. But it was so much more complicated than a simple accidental pregnancy. It wasn’t fair. For most people, an unplanned pregnancy was an ‘oops baby’ sort of situation. Too much sex, too little care taken to stop it from happening. Omegas, being more fertile than most, had the consequences drilled into their heads from the time they were children. So how was it fair that Zac had been careful, done all the right things, and still ended up ‘in the family way’ without an alpha by his side?

  His phone rang again.

  “Here now, duck. Want to let me in?”

  “Be there in a sec.”

  He climbed out of bed, threw on a shirt so he wouldn’t scandalize the neighbors, and headed out to the door. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, which had him doubling back to the bathroom to wash the dried tear tracks from his cheeks. He didn’t need to look any more pathetic than he felt.

  Harper was waiting by the door, glancing over his shoulder at one of Beckett’s neighbors. The old woman was pretending to water her flowers, but her eyes kept straying their way.

  “She thinks I’m here to steal her lawn ornaments,” Harper joked, handing Zac a cardboard carton holding three cups. He clasped a heavy bag tightly in his other hand as he followed Zac up.

  Zac went straight for the small living room and its comfortable couch, curling up as Harper sat next to him.

  “I got you ginger tea,” Harper said, indicating one cup. “And hot chocolate. It sounded like a hot chocolate morning on the phone, but the baby might disagree.”

  Zac felt tears spring to his eyes at the word ‘baby.’ He knew he should tell Harper what he’d learned, what he was starting to believe might be true. But before, this had all been abstract. Sure, there was a baby growing inside him, but an ultrasound picture of a grainy blob and a bit of nausea wasn’t much by way of proof. Being faced with the fact that the baby might actually be Beckett’s, be the lifeline they needed for Luca... It made everything real in the harshest of ways.

  “I… I think I might be in trouble, Harper.”

  His friend took that admission in his stride.

  “What kind of trouble? The kind where you owe someone money or where we need to get you a stint in rehab? Or the kind where you’re stuck in this shit situation and, understandably, you’re panicking?”

  Zac swallowed a laugh. “That last one, mostly. But…”

  “But what?”

  “Remember how I told you that Luca needs a transplant?”

  “Sure. You said they were trying for a sibling for him, through a surrogate.”

  “Beckett says they implanted the embryo into the wrong person and now they don’t know where it is.”

  Harper rolled his eyes. “Very funny, duck. It’s not April first, is it?” He made a show of checking his calendar.

  “Harper…”

  “No. No, you are not carrying Beckett’s baby. That would be insane. This isn’t that small a city. There’s got to be lots of clinics, lots of procedures just like that happening every day. It’s probably just that their surrogate got cold feet.”

  “That’s not what Beckett said.”

  “You mean that’s not what you heard. You’re in full-on panic mode, Zac. You’re seeing connections where there aren’t any.”

  He dearly wanted that to be true. And it was easy to believe it with Harper so adamant.

  “Maybe you’re right.”

  “I am right, duck. I’m sure of it. I feel it in my bones.”

  “I still don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “I’ve had some ideas about that.” Harper opened the bag he’d brought with him, a delicious smell wafting out. “But let’s eat while we talk. My blood sugar’s falling off a cliff. I can’t take too many more dramatic reveals today.”

  He grinned at Zac, handing him a pastry. Now that the panic had ebbed a little, Zac found he was ravenous.

  “Cinnamon swirl, your favorite. L
et’s hope the baby agrees.”

  “Let’s hope,” Zac echoed, taking it eagerly and biting down. The explosion of creamy sweetness across his tongue was heaven.

  “Now, where was I?” Harper munched his way through a vanilla custard slice. “Oh, yeah. You’re pretty set on having the baby, right?”

  “Right.” He couldn’t imagine getting rid of something so wanted.

  “Then I propose you work for as long as you can. Beckett seems like a solid guy; I can’t see him getting rid of you just because you’re pregnant. You can work right up to your due date and have the kid. Once he’s born, Aaron contacts the clinic, tells them about the baby, and surrenders it to them. They’ll reunite it with whoever it belongs to, and you go back to your life. There’ll be no connection between you and the baby. All Aaron needs to do is make a phone call. I can do the actual handover on his—your—behalf.”

  That… that actually sounded like it might work.

  “It needs some fine-tuning,” Harper admitted. “Ideally, we need Aaron on board, but if not, we could work around him.”

  “Work around him?”

  “I’ll pretend to be him on the phone.”

  “You don’t think he’ll help us?”

  “I think, when he learns the truth, he’s going to freak out a little. Thankfully, he has a few months to come around.”

  It all sounded so easy. Zac knew it wouldn’t be. He still had to carry a baby for nine months, hold down his job, then hand the baby over and forget all of it ever happened. He let his hand rest against his stomach, wondering if he was doing the right thing. But then, what could be more right than giving this baby back to where it belonged? He was just its guardian for nine months, the person accidentally charged with shepherding it into the world. He could do that, couldn’t he?

  Chapter Eighteen

  William was already waiting at the table when Beckett arrived.

  “Am I late?” he asked, glancing at his watch.

  “No, just me being early, as usual,” William said, tucking his phone away.

  Beckett took a seat and barely glanced at the menu. They’d been there often enough that he knew what he liked.

  “How’s the Archus project looking?”

  “I’ve almost finished the first draft. It was a struggle.”

  Beckett was surprised to hear William admit it. He’d been so enthusiastic about it during the initial planning stages.

  “What’s the problem?”

  “Lacking inspiration, I guess.”

  Beckett could sympathize. Some alphas’ creativity ebbed and waned, especially if they were single for long stretches. As far as he knew, William hadn’t dated in almost three years. His last breakup had been rough.

  “You ever think about getting out and meeting someone?”

  “Work is my life, you know that. I don’t have time for dating.”

  “Well, how about casting your net a little wider? There are other options if you’re looking for inspiration.”

  William raised an eyebrow. “Never thought I’d hear you recommending an escort service.”

  “And you still haven’t. I wasn’t thinking about companionship in that way. I was thinking about a muse. There are agencies for that these days. All aboveboard.”

  “Sounds like people peddling nonsense to me.”

  “Maybe. Some people swear by it, though.”

  Beckett signaled to the waiter, who came and took their order. Once he’d gone, William very deliberately changed the topic of conversation.

  “How’s Luca?”

  “He had a rough night last night, temperature of one-oh-one.”

  “You were up with him?”

  “I took the first shift; Zac took the second. Breakfast was a nightmare. Luca threw more food than he ate.”

  “Thank god for the nanny, huh?”

  William grinned at him, and Beckett tried to smile back.

  “Yeah.”

  “Uh-oh. Trouble brewing? I thought you said Zac was a keeper.”

  Beckett groaned, shaking his head. “He is. He should be. I’m the one fucking this up.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I kissed him.”

  William’s eyes went wide. “You kissed the nanny?”

  “Not so loud,” he grit out, glancing around. There were people a little too close for comfort, and gossip like that would spread like wildfire.

  William lowered his voice. “Did he kiss you back?”

  “That’s not the point, William. And it wasn’t just a kiss.” He glanced away, more angry with himself than anything.

  “You’d better tell me.”

  “The night Luca shifted, we sort of slept together. Just, you know, actual sleep. All three of us, conked out on the floor. We woke up cuddled together the next morning, stark naked, with Luca babbling away beside us.”

  Beckett could see William was trying very hard not to smile.

  “It isn’t funny.”

  “I think it’s hilarious. And you would too if there wasn’t something more going on. So, tell me.”

  “There’s nothing to tell. Zac’s awesome. He’s great for Luca, he’s great for me. It’s easy to talk to him, he has a sense of humor when it’s most wanted, and he always seems to know when I need a listening ear. But I’ve started leaning too heavily on him.” The night when he’d told him about the surrogate being a case in point. Zac had all but fled from the room.

  “Is that really a terrible thing?”

  “Of course it is. It’s a bad road to start down, and a selfish one at that. I should be thinking about Luca and his needs, not my own.”

  He strummed his fingers across the tabletop, aware of William’s close scrutiny.

  “You’ve got feelings for Zac. More than just ‘how awesome is our nanny’ feelings. Am I wrong?”

  “He… he is exactly my type, William. I haven’t felt like this about anyone since Darcy.”

  “Is that really so wrong? You’re single. He’s single too, right?”

  “Right. I mean, as far as I know.” He was sure that, if there was an alpha boyfriend, he would have come up in conversation by now.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  For someone who was so determinedly straitlaced most of the time, William could be stubbornly obtuse about the strangest things.

  “The problem is Luca. He needs Zac. That’s what I should be focusing on. If I pursue this thing with Zac, and it backfires, he’s the one who suffers most.”

  “Then go careful. Sound Zac out, see if you and he feel the same way about each other. If you don’t, you both agree that it’s water under the bridge. No harm, no foul. And if you do, go for it.”

  “It’s too high a risk.”

  If things fell apart—in a month, six months, a year—where would that leave him and Luca?

  “You’re the happiest I’ve seen you in years, Beckett. A healthy, happy child needs a happy, well-rounded parent. Not a workaholic. You could do with a little light in your life.”

  “Speak for yourself, Mr. I’m-celibate-forever-after-one-bad-experience. You’re one to talk.”

  “You and I are very different people. I’m not relationship material. Whereas you…”

  “Need to think more about my son and less about the nanny.”

  “Beckett…”

  He knew if they kept talking about it, it would only end in an argument.

  “Come on, tell me about the Archus project. How’d you handle the window placement in the end?”

  Beckett had just pulled into the driveway when Brendan called.

  “I’ve got some news. Good, I hope.”

  “What is it?”

  “I may have tracked down the omega involved. Aaron has an omega cousin. When I showed his picture to the receptionist at the clinic, she recognized him.”

  “Okay. That is good. That’s great, actually. What now?”

  “Now, I’ll make the approach. Softly-softly, just like you wanted. Catch more flies with h
oney, right?”

  “What will you do, exactly?”

  What happened next was going to be key. It would set the tone of this whole arrangement, assuming there would be one.

  “What I do best. Ask questions.”

  “You’ll be careful, won’t you? I don’t want to spook him into making a rash decision.”

  “I’ll make sure he knows that he’s not in any trouble. Trust me, Beckett, I can handle this.”

  “I know that. Sorry, I’m just…”

  “I get it. This means a hell of a lot to you. I’ll do the best I can. When I have news, I’ll call.”

  “Thanks, Brendan. I’m glad William pointed me in your direction. If it was up to the clinic…”

  After getting no response to the first letter, they’d sent a second. They hadn’t yet figured out that Aaron wasn’t even the person they were looking for. And Beckett had no intention of enlightening them. If they were too stupid to know they were being defrauded, then why would he help them? Better he handled this himself and kept them out of it.

  “Those guys seem great at dropping balls. Let’s not give them any more to hold, hey?”

  Beckett laughed. “Let’s not. Thanks, Brendan. Talk to you soon.”

  He got out of the car and headed inside, pausing when he noticed a note stuck to the interior door. He peeled it off and read it, smiling to himself. ‘Watch out! Lions and leopards about.’ Luca had shifted again, and Zac had joined him.

  Things had been awkward between him and Zac since the night he’d told him about the missing embryo. What he’d said to William was true—he had been leaning too heavily on the nanny for support. It was unfair of him to do that. He’d been doing his best to back off and give Zac space, and it seemed the omega had been doing the same. But they still lived together, took care of Luca together, and shared meals. They’d just dialed back on the late-night chats over tea. He missed them. That, to him, was a sign he’d gotten too familiar with Zac. The omega was his employee, not his boyfriend. It wasn’t fair to either of them to confuse the two.

  He opened the porch door cautiously, peering about. Once he was sure there were no cubs or leopards in the hall, he quickly stepped inside and closed the door.