Don't Think. Just Breathe. (TNT trilogy Book 1)

by Sarah Delany

  “No,” I softly reply, shaking my head.

  “What part shocked you so much, and caused you to draw your breath in?” he quizzes me. I stare at the boy who is a stranger but in so many ways isn’t and deliberate whether to bare my soul to him. Trying to give myself more time before I make a decision, I ask him to carry on with the story first. He obliges. “So you asked if I’d save you if you were drowning which got me worried you were going to jump. I told you I would save you and you made me promise. Then you laughed and sprinted away into the night. The next time I saw you was at some party on the Saturday before school started. You were dancing with Leyla and I think you may have seen me but I don’t think you recognised me. I was going to come up to you but when I sparked up the courage, you were gone,” he states, matter of factly.

  Deciding to be honest with this boy who has been helping me, I take a deep breath, keep eye contact with him and confess, “My dad died. It would have been his birthday the day you found me.” Understanding crosses his features so I continue. “I didn’t know how to deal with anything so I stole a bottle of vodka from my mum’s cabinet and drank it in my room. I remember wanting to go to the dock as my dad would take me there when I was younger and I wanted to be closer to him but I don’t remember going there or anything. My mind is blank. I remember being in my room but nothing else. It sounds a bit silly saying it out loud.” My eyes drop down in embarrassment but Tate’s hand leaves my hip, grasping my chin again to bring my eyes back to his.

  “It’s not silly at all,” he softly tells me, while gazing into my eyes. “Do you think you would have jumped in the water though?” He says with a chuckle trying to lighten the mood. Unwanted tears burn my eyes, trying to free themselves from the hold I have on them, trying to keep them contained. Worry shadows Tate’s face, “What is it?” he implores, moving his fingers from my chin so his hand can cup my cheek. Warmth is all I feel.

  “I don’t think I was literally talking about drowning. I meant drowning in here,” my shaky voice whispers my secrets, as I point to my temple. It’s all it takes for the flood gates to open and tears are streaming uncontrollably down my face as I close my eyes. The warmth leaves my cheek and before I realise what’s happening Tate has his arm under my head curling me into him with his other arm wrapping around my torso.

  “Sshh, sshh, shh,” is all he says, and the tears increase as my hands cling tightly to his shirt and I release all the pain I’ve kept inside.

  I don’t know how long we stay wrapped in each other’s arms. I drifted off to sleep for a moment which is weird as I usually don’t sleep at the best of times. I lift my chin off Tate’s chest and his rhythmic breathing tells me he’s fast asleep now too. It gives me a few uninterrupted moments to watch him shamelessly. Peaceful is how I would describe him in this moment. He still has a firm grip on me but his face calls to me and I need to touch it. I slide my hand up his chest and timidly place it against his cheek. Mirroring the movement he had done against my face. Scratchy stubble lies under my palm and I find myself running my hand against it, liking the feel. His warm breath caresses my face and I get lost in admiring him. His hair still sweeps across his forehead so I move my fingers to brush it back off his face then return my hand to its original position against his cheek leaving it to rest.

  An abrupt, unfamiliar ringing pierces my observation of him but before I can move my hand he awakes. His larger hand is covering mine keeping it firmly planted against him.

  The hint of a smile crosses his plump lips, “Don’t move, leave it there,” he instructs. How long was he awake for? My cheeks heat with embarrassment at being caught. As he lets go I obey and leave my hand against his stubbly cheek while he digs in his back, jeans pocket to locate the noise. Opening his eyes, phone in hand, he swipes up to answer the call, placing it by his ear. His eyes bore into mine, with the smile still evident on his face as he leans his head into my touch. Not knowing who is on the other end, all I hear are Tate’s answers to his caller.

  “Yeah I’m still here.” “I’m by the pool.” “It’s forgotten man, don’t sweat it”. “No, I’m with a friend,” at his response, a full smile takes over his face. “Don’t be nosey,” he tells his caller. He’s quiet for a moment while the other person talks then he replies with, “Ok, I’ll meet you there soon.” While looking at me something clicks in his head and he says, “Ah JP hold on a sec.” He brings the phone down to his leg and holds it against his thigh so JP can’t hear what he’s about to say to me. His face transforms to one of sorrow with his smile being replaced with a frown. “Who did you come to the party with?” he sadly asks. Knocking me back to reality, I remember Blake and try to remove my hand but his defeated eyes plead with me. “Leave it there, please?” I indulge his request by keeping it there. I run my palm against his stubble once more and he closes his eyes enjoying my touch. With closed eyes he asks me, “Do you want me to ask JP if Blake and your friends are still here or do you want us to take you home?” He didn’t need me to confirm I came with Blake, he already knew. Shit, I don’t want to hurt him but if I don’t find Blake I’ll have to explain to him where I went.

  “Blake if it’s okay, please?” I softly reply. Slowly opening his strained eyes he holds my gaze, lifting the phone back to his ear to talk to JP.

  “Sorry about that man. Can you tell me if Blake is still around?” Never taking his eyes off me he listens to JP talk. The longer he talks the more agitated Tate gets. His muscles tense and his jaw clenches under my hand. His once relaxed breath becomes heavy. “Take his keys man. He doesn’t sound fit to drive,” he snaps into the phone. “Tell them sleep it off here and we will get Tamsyn safely home for them.” Ugh I guess Blake got wasted after I left him. “Sort it JP, then come find us at the pool so we can leave,” he demands, before hanging up and shoving his phone roughly into his back pocket.

  ---Tate---

  I’m fuming at Blake. How could he be so reckless and drink way too much when he’s supposed to be driving Tamsyn home? Her tiny hand still rests on my face where I’ve asked her to keep it. I know when she moves it away, our moment will be broken and I selfishly want to stay with her like this for as long as I can. JP has the fun job of telling Blake we are going to take Tamsyn home. I’m not sure how it will go down but I could care less about Blake’s feelings at this point. Her girlfriends have disappeared too, both leaving a while ago with the guy I saw Chloe with. I don’t know if they checked in with Tamsyn to see if she was okay. She has been with me for a while and no one came here looking for her. What useless friends. It’s a lot quieter now so I assume most people have gone home.

  “You okay in there? You’re lost in thought?” she asks in her caring voice, drawing my attention back to her.

  “Yeah I’m more than okay,” I admit, squeezing her tighter in my arms, drawing her closer to me. After drifting off I’ve sobered up a bit but I wish I’d had less to drink tonight so I could remember every detail about her. Having her here in my arms now is incredible. She releases my face, drawing her hand down my body and wrapping it around my waist pulling me closer to her. She must want the contact as much as I do. Resting her head on my chest she sighs and it’s the sweetest sound like she’s content being in my arms. I can’t help myself; I nuzzle my nose into her bare neck and breathe deeply, taking in her heavenly scent. Now I know the smell associated with her, I can’t get enough.

  “Did you sniff me?” she questions me, as she giggles into my chest.

  “Yes I did. You smell so good,” I tell her unashamedly.

  The slamming of the pool gate has me craning my neck around to see who it is. Tamsyn burrows her head into my chest, concealing herself from view.

  “It’s only JP,” I quietly tell her, and she lifts her head up. He waits a few chairs away with his back to us to give us privacy. We focus on each other, both not wanting to move but knowing we have to. I stretch my hand out and push the hair away from her face with my
finger. Moving my hand to the base of her neck I lean in and press a long kiss to her forehead. Pulling away slowly, I glance down at her and her eyes are closed with the smallest of smiles on her face.

  Reluctantly, I loosen my grip on her and whisper, “Come on, let’s get you home.” We both simultaneously turn our opposite ways and get off the chair. Having been lying down for so long on a wooden chair I’m a bit sore and stiff so I stretch my arms above my head to loosen up a bit. I extend my hand out to her which she happily takes not needing any coaxing from me. Hand in hand we stumble towards JP, the liquor still running through my system making me a tad wobbly. JP turns toward us when he hears us approaching, his eyes widening when he sees our connected hands. Tamsyn notices his intent stare and tries to pull away but I tighten my grip not wanting to lose the contact already.

  Hoping to distract her, I ask JP, “What happened with Blake?”

  He lets out a sigh saying, “He’s drunk bro, like super wasted. I don’t know why he drove if he was going to drink like he did. And Parker isn’t much better off. I told him I’d seen Tamsyn looking for the girls but they’d left so I would take her home for him,” he explains to us.

  Me and Tamsyn must both look at JP guiltily before he adds, “Don’t worry, your name didn’t come into it bro and he was happy Tamsyn had someone she knew taking her home. He laid down on the couch a minute before I came out here but he was already snoring away,” he says, easing my worries. “Let’s sneak out the side gate to be safe so he doesn’t see her if you’re worried,” he suggests.

  “Good idea,” I agree and we follow JP as he leads the way.

  As we approach the wooden gate attached to the side of the house, JP stretches up to unlatch the hook quietly, in case anyone is still around. The house is a complete contrast to the one I arrived at earlier in the night. The temperature has dropped considerably and Tamsyn shivers next to me.

  “We will turn the heat up in the car for you,” I tell her, giving her soft hand a gentle squeeze. Secretly, we proceed through the gate and round the side of the house by some bushes, heading out onto the road unseen.

  Remembering I came with more people, I ask JP, “Where are Rafe and Scott?” Snorting, he slows his stride to walk beside us to talk.

  “You two missed out on the action. Scott drank too much, he ended up puking way too close to the bonfire. I took him to the car to sleep it off. Then I came back and Rafe was hitting on a random girl whose boyfriend wasn’t too impressed so I ended up dragging him to the car to save him from himself. It took me longer than I thought to get Rafe to stay in the car then I came looking for you,” he informs us, finding it humourous. As we trudge our way through the now empty street to the car I keep ahold of Tamsyn’s hand. It’s like her hand was made for me. Arriving at the car, I can see Scott’s head pressed against the rear, side window.

  “Rafe’s in the front. You two can squeeze in the back,” JP informs us, so I drag Tamsyn around to the other side of the car so we can get in. Opening the door, I pop my head in and see Scott sprawled out diagonally taking up space in the middle. I hop in and push his legs towards the opposite door. He answers me with a couple of grunts then is back to snoring. Tamsyn follows me in. She’s so small, she hardly takes up any room which is good because me and Scott’s tall frames take up more than the average sized person. We buckle in, JP starts the car and we’re on our way.

  As we start our journey back to the other side of town, I ask JP to turn the heat up for Tamsyn. Her thin frame contains hardly any fat, so no wonder she’s shivering considerably. I lift my arm over her small shoulders and pull her into my side. Her body is tense, not relaxed like she was when we were at the pool. I peek down at her and her eyes are watching JP. Is it him making her nervous? Giving her a slight shake to gain her attention, I raise my brows in a quizzical look. She returns it with a small shake of the head which I take as meaning not to worry about it. I beam at her hoping it will relax her and try again to pull her in closer to my side. This time she doesn’t resist and wraps her arm around my waist, snuggling her head onto my chest. Her touch soothes me in a way I didn’t know was possible. I relax, closing my eyes to rest.

  “Come on bro,” I hear JP whisper yell to the side of me. I twist my sleepy head towards his voice and see him at the open car door trying to pull Scott out. Warmth at my side brings my attention to it and there lies a peaceful angel fast asleep. Her face is free from worry, without a care in the world. I wish she could look this untroubled all the time.

  “A little help would be nice if you’re awake bro,” JP’s strained voice cuts through my ogling, and I remove my arm from around her. I position her so her head rests against the door so I can help JP and she can sleep uninterrupted. Once she’s settled I turn my focus to JP. He’s trying to pull Scott out by his arms, but Scott’s dead weight is too heavy for him alone.

  “I’ll push him out from here. Get ready to catch him while I get out,” I tell him. JP leans in closer putting his hands under Scott’s underarms.

  “Hurry, he smells like vomit.” I use all the strength I can muster and push Scott’s back so he’s forced into JP’s hold. It works and JP drags Scott from the car. I unclip my belt and hurriedly exit behind him, grabbing one of Scott’s arms and throw it over my shoulder. We half drag carry Scott up the path to his front door.

  “How are we going to get him inside man?” I whisper to JP.

  “Search him for keys,” he replies. We juggle to hold him up while we pat his pockets down with our free hands.

  “Here, think I’ve found some,” I tell JP, as my hand makes contact with metal in his front pocket. Pulling out the keys, I hand them to JP so he can try them in the lock. The second one he tries works and we stumble clumsily inside. “Put him on the couch,” I tell JP, knowing his parents were away for the weekend so no one will see him passed out drunk there. We flop him down and then I wrestle his head down on the pillow with him facing sideways in case he spews again. JP lifts his feet onto the end of the couch so he’s in a more comfortable position. JP places Scott’s keys on the hallway table on our way out and we flick the lock before closing the door behind us.

  “What a night. Remind me it’s someone else’s turn to be the sober driver next time,” JP tells me, as we shuffle back to the car. Getting back into our seats, Rafe and Tamsyn haven’t moved, both out for the count. “Now for drunken master number two?” JP asks me, with a chuckle knowing I want as much time with Tamsyn as I can get, even though Rafe and JP live on the same street. We pull up to Rafe’s house and because JP is probably used to waking a drunken Rafe up he gives his arm a giant shake.

  “Wakey, wakey bro, time to go,” he tells him, in a sing-song voice. He gives him a few more heavy shakes and Rafe stirs. “Come on, wake up,” Rafe slowly wakes up, his heavy lids opening to look at JP.

  “We home dude?” he sleepily asks him.

  “Yep, time for you to go bro. I’ll see you tomorrow. You need a hand?” JP asks, unsure how awake Rafe is.

  “Nah, I’m good,” Rafe assures him, holding out his fist to bump first to JP then turns to me doing the same. I lean forward between the seats hoping to keep his sight off Tamsyn who’s still sleeping soundlessly in the back. He clumsily unclips his seat belt, opens his door and swings his legs out first. Slowly, lifting himself to standing he steadies himself before he walks the short distance to his door. We wait until he enters before JP pulls away from his house.

  “Do you know where her house is or do you need me to wake her?” I softly ask JP, trying not to disturb Tamsyn if I don’t have to.

  “Let her sleep bro, I know where she lives,” he assures me, and drives confidently in the direction of her house. I have no idea where she lives so I’m glad he does. I take in her tranquil face while I can. Her soft features look different when she isn’t haunted with her regular thoughts tormenting her. Will tonight change anything between us or will she go back t
o ignoring my existence once we are back at school? Will she pretend like tonight never happened? In case this is the way things play out on Monday, I want to get my fill of her before she goes. I want to see her so I run my finger across her temple, sweeping the loose hair behind her ear. She sighs, even in her deep slumber she can feel my touch. With that sound alone, she pieces back together a crack in my fractured heart.

  Too soon and JP is pulling to a stop.

  “This is her place,” he says, staring at the picture perfect house before us. A white picket fence frames the yard with a stone path leading to a wide wraparound porch. A new modern two storey house towers before us. The house is all white except for grey shutters and a darker grey porch. It’s the house I would have pictured her living in.

  Breaking up my thoughts and my admiration of her house, JP sadly says, “You’re going to have to wake her and let her go bro.” Like he knows this is the end of our rendezvous. Letting out a huff, I reluctantly lean towards her to shake her arm gently.

  “Tamsyn, you’re home now. Wake up,” I try to coax her out of her dreams. She rolls away from the window towards me and cuddles into me.

  “Hmmm Tate,” she sighs, while still fast asleep. My heart stops, eyes widen and I look at JP who is quietly sniggering behind his hand.

  “Guess you made quite the impression,” he quietly laughs. With a giant smile on my face I lean forward and playfully punch his arm.

  “I’ll carry her to the door, she should wake up when she’s outside,” I suggest to JP. “Can you get the door man?” I ask him. He jumps out and opens my door for me. I wrap an arm around Tamsyn’s back and then scoop her legs up with the other. With her in my lap, I shuffle to the open door and slide out. Standing up, I carry her effortlessly as she is feather light. She needs to put a bit of weight on. A slight breeze could knock her over. Trying not to jostle her as I walk up the path, I hold her tightly to my chest. I bend my head to take one last sneaky sniff of her enticing scent and nuzzle her neck again which is easily becoming a favourite spot of mine.