“No—” I said with a tug, but he whispered my name and I stilled, staring into his eyes.
Slowly, he inched the glove from my fingers. The air was cool against my skin as the glove dropped to the floor, and my eyes fluttered closed at the relief I felt. I took them off sometimes, but only when I dared and was alone.
Then Jackson placed my palm against his chest and my eyes fluttered open. His chest was solid and cold, and I could feel the rhythmic thud of his heart against my hand.
Bah-bum. Bah-bum. Bah-bum.
His eyes closed, and he spread his chilled hand over mine. I could feel the cold waning as the heat from my hand seeped into him. Jackson calmed me in a way I never understood, and as I pressed my fingertips harder against his chest, I let a flood of heat fill us both. I wasn’t afraid, but content.
“What’s happening to us?” he whispered, lifting my hand from his chest. He stared down at it, lost in wonder.
“I don’t know.” My voice was quiet but seemed to echo in the room. “I’ve been trying to figure that out myself.”
Jackson blinked at me, his lashes wet but no longer ice, and water dripped from his beard onto my shoe. “I didn’t know if he would be okay,” he finally said, his voice thin.
“Beau? He’ll be fine,” I told him. “He had a wolf blanket to keep him warm.”
Jackson’s brow puckered again and he let go of my hand. “Thea moved a log with her mind,” he said. “When they caught me watching, Beau ran for the bank and the ice broke under him.”
“And let me guess, you jumped in and got him,” I said knowingly.
Thoughtful quietness surrounded us, broken only by the crackling wood and a sigh as Jackson sat down in the chair. “What now?” He picked my glove up from the floor and handed it to me.
“Well, I’ll get a towel for your defrosted hair for starters,” I teased. I grabbed a towel from the clean stack by the door. “And we need to talk, all of us.” I handed him the towel. “I’ll give you some space.”
I turned to leave and Jackson reached for hand again. “Elle?”
“Yes?”
His eyes sought mine, and he squeezed my hand, rubbing his thumb over my wrist. “Thank you.”
My chest warmed, and I exhaled a shaky breath of relief. It was a look of forgiveness and gratitude, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
Chapter 51
Elle
We dressed for bed, the guys hanging outside while Sophie, Thea, and I dressed for bed.[138][K139]
“Where are my pants?” Thea asked, looking under the cot.
“Here.” Sophie pulled them out from under her sweatshirt. I had fewer layers and walked to the door to open it for the guys when we were ready.
It was a nightly routine, one that started with blankets held up for privacy but in the small room, routine revisions happened quickly.
“Ready!” Thea chirped, and they hurried to the door to switch with the guys. I creaked the door open to find the three of them sitting on the step, patiently waiting.
“Done!” Thea sang.
Alex looked at his imaginary watch. “You almost beat your record.”
“Ah, see Thea,” Sophie nudged her. “We are getting faster.”
Jackson and I exchanged a look of amusement as the three of us filed out before they slunk in. “You better hurry, boys,” Sophie sang through the door. “If we beat you, you’re making us breakfast tomorrow.”
Sophie snickered conspiratorially with Thea as Beau griped inside. “That wasn’t part of the bet.”
I leaned against the post and stared out at the night sky. The night was cold, the air crisp and invigorating against my skin, but the sky mostly clear. A few clouds dabbled the inky blue, but it hadn’t snowed in over a week which was a welcomed part of the changing seasons. Rain would come soon, though, and with it would come a brief summer.
The moon wasn’t as high in the sky as it normally was, only peeking above the trees. The six of us retreated to the cabin earlier than usual. We were all exhausted, and there was an important topic that needed discussing.
Jade, Took, and Del asked few questions, though all of them had seen enough to know we were different that they were. Questions would likely come, but in the day’s aftermath, the Ranskins were content to let everything simmer while the ten of us[H140] processed all that was happening.
Alex and Sophie, on the other hand, had a million questions, most of which I couldn’t answer. And to my surprise they were just as shocked as I was when I mentioned Thea had a secret of her own.
“The coast is clear,” Alex said, opening the door. “And we made excellent time.”
“I don’t know,” Thea drawled, and she pointed at Beau who was still pulling his shirt down. “He’s not even ready!”
“Yah-haw,” Beau said.
“Nah-haw—”
“How about we call it a tie tonight, guys? We’re all tired and we can start again tomorrow.”
Jackson closed the door to the wood stove, still in his sweats from earlier. “Everyone grab a seat,” he said.
The kids knew the talk was coming; I think they were even relieved.
Thea and Sophie crawled up onto the bed where Beau already sat, fluffing his pillow.
“Before everyone goes to sleep,” I started. “We need to talk about all the new things that are happening.” I met Jackson’s gaze as he laid the pallet out on the floor.
“We never talked about what I did to that man in Slana,” I reminded them. Thea and Beau exchanged a look. “What I did, I didn’t want to do that.”
“You did it to protect us,” Beau said. His nonchalance unnerved me. While what I could do was a relief it was also frightening and dangerous.
“Yes, I did it to protect us, but I didn’t want to do it. Killing isn’t okay—”
“I know I wasn’t there,” Alex said, elbows resting on his knees. “But what are you worried about? That we’re scared of you or that we think it’s okay to kill people[MOU141]?”
“Both, I guess.”
“We know you won’t hurt us,” Sophie said.
“No, never, not intentionally at least, but my point is some of us can do things we don’t fully understand and they are potentially dangerous. We can’t walk around pretending we know what we’re doing and how to control it, especially around Jade, Took, and Del because they might get hurt. Do you agree?” I looked at Thea.
“I know me and Sophie aren’t the only ones. Beau, you have a way with wolves, it seems. Are there any other animals or capabilities you’ve discovered we should know about?”
He shook his head and glanced at his sister. Thea blinked at me. I could tell she was thinking, turning over her secret in her mind. Her conscience teetering.
“How about you, girlie? How are you doing with all of this?” I hedged. “Any cool thing you might be able to do that we don’t know about?”
Sophie ran her fingers through Thea’s brown hair, patiently waiting for her to fess up.
“Um, well—” She looked at her brother. Beau sighed, nodded, and looked sheepishly between me and Jackson.
“I can do things like this,” she said, making a piece of wood tremble in the basket. My eyes widened. “Sometimes I can move things, but only when I’m really scared or thinking really hard.”
“When did you start doing that, squirt?” Alex asked. “You could’ve been doing my chores this whole time.”
Thea smiled, but it didn’t reach her ears. “I’m not that good yet.”
“But you’re getting better,” I mused.
“What can you move?” Sophie asked softly, peering down at her “Sticks, rocks—”
Thea nodded. “And people.”
Sophie’s hand stilled in Thea’s hair and Beau studied each of us, his eyes flashing furtively around the room.
Thea licked her lips and took a deep breath. “One time, Beau was in trouble,” she said, her eyes shimmering. Her voice broke, and she began to cry.
Sophie p
ulled Thea closer and held her tight. “It’s okay,” she whispered.
My chest tightened, and Jackson stared at her incredulously.
“It was an accident,” Beau said, tears in his eyes. His chin trembled as he picked frantically at the blanket. “She didn’t mean to do it.”
“Hey,” Jackson said, as he stood up and stepped over to him. “We know it’s okay, bud.” He took Beau’s hands in his, so tiny in comparison, and rubbed Beau’s shoulder as he sniffled back tears. “We aren’t mad at Thea.”
As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I noticed the tears in Alex’s. “Alex?” I whispered. I’d never felt so in the dark, as my mind whirled, trying to put nonexistent pieces together. When? Who? [LP142]
“Your mom,” he said, looking between them.
“She was pulling on me,” Beau cried, “Thea was just trying to help me.” I was losing count how many times it felt like my heart had broken, but it cracked and everything strong inside of me poured out.
Half sitting on the bed, Jackson wrapped his arms around Beau and let him cry into his chest. “She was sick,” he said for both of them to hear.
I reached for Alex’s hand as he wiped the tears from his cheek. None of this was easy, none of it made sense.
“You didn’t have a choice, just like Elle didn’t have a choice[SF143],” Jackson murmured.
Beau choked on a sob. Maybe for his mother or for him and his sister. Maybe it was because the lie was a burden they no longer had to carry.
Sophie rocked Thea and cooed in her ear, and while Alex and I sat, absorbing everything around us, I knew whatever was happening to us, this was only the beginning.
Chapter 52
Jackson
Elle and I sat on our pallet on the floor in companionable silence, our backs against the wall. My knees were up, arms draped over them, spent of every emotion over the past few hours. Drained. Exhausted. Broken hearted for Thea and Beau.
“I hadn’t seen that coming,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.
I glanced at Elle. Her cheeks were rosy from the heat of the room, and her hair was in a disheveled ponytail.
She shook her head. “Me either.” She crossed her legs in front of her, no socks on with only a t-shirt and sweats. I could imagine her at home like that, hair mussed, eyes gleaming in the flickering light, a softness about her I rarely saw. It made me want to touch her skin, but I looked away instead.
“They need to practice,” I said. “They need to know how to use what they can do and control it.”
“We all do.” She looked at me. “What can you do?” she asked, her eyebrow raised. “You say nothing, but I don’t know if that’s true.”
“I worry,” I told her. “I have the ulcer to prove it[SF144].” She nudged me and heaved out a breath. For the first time in months, I felt like I could let my mind rest for a little while. There wasn’t something looming overhead, and I closed my eyes as I let the feeling sink in.
“I worry too,” Elle whispered. “Sophie told me something once, right before the accident. She said, there are good guys and bad guys. We know there are madmen still alive, sniffing the air for their next victim,”
My eyes popped open, and she waved the question in the tip of my tongue away. “One of the guys in Slana, it’s not important. But, if we’re the good guys, how are we going to protect them from the bad ones.”
“Other than practicing what they can do? The five of you would be a force to reckon with. Especially if Alex can adapt to you and Sophie[LP145]. The bad guys wouldn’t stand a chance—”
“Jackson, I’m serious.” She tilted her head, expectant.
“So am I.”
Elle dropped her head in her hands and groaned.
“Short of locking them in a fortress for the rest of their lives, we have no other options.”
“What if there’s no one like us in Hartley? What if they have to hide it or[LP146]—”
“You could decide not to go,” I said, tired of fighting every part of me that wanted to make all of this work. “We could come up with a different plan, together.”
I looked at her, half expecting her to smile with relief, but she frowned instead.
“What about, you know . . .” She hesitated. “Your dad and—”
“You were right, this is bigger than us. I don’t want to dwell in past anymore. I want to do something that feels right for a change and whatever all of this is, it feels like this is it. Maybe this is the family I was meant to have.” I cleared my throat. I hadn’t meant to say it, and it felt wrong. But even as my eye blurred, it felt true. “I think Hannah would want me to do this.”
Elle said nothing as she watched the kids, and I appreciated it. It was hard enough navigating what we were to one another; I didn’t need her trying to explain it. She’d just say it’s complicated anyway, and I already knew that.
The kids’ chests rose slowly, sounds of their soft breaths filling the small room. “You never talk about your family—other than your sister,” I realized.
“That’s because I didn’t have anyone else worth talking about.”
“Your parents—”
“No—no parents.” She picked at a piece of loose thread on the blanket. “My mom left and my step dad . . . I refused to shed any tears for him.”[147]
The severity in her voice was sobering. “Is he why you hate the dark?” I heard myself ask, before I realized I didn’t want to know the answer. “Sorry, that’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s fine, it feels like ancient history now, but yes.”
I wondered if those were the things Sophie saw, and the reason she was so distraught sometimes. The way Sophie looked at me when she told me she sees things about us, the shock and sorrow and pity in her eyes explained all I needed it to.
“I wish I could sleep like that,” Elle said, nodding at the kids. “They’re out. It’s times like this I wish I still had a camera,” she said, mused.
I’d forgotten about the camera. Climbing to my feet, I hauled myself over to my scavenging bag that hung on the wall of hooks and coats. In all the craziness I hadn’t given it another thought. I pulled out the camera, one box of film, and the dark chocolate Milky Way, and looked at her. She continued watching the kids, her eyes growing heavy.
“I have no idea if this is any good,” I said, holding it out to her, but I thought you might be able to use it.”
With a yawn[148], she looked at me, her green eyes growing big and round. “What the hell . . .” She grinned, wide and toothy like I’d never seen before. I felt a spark of excitement too. “And it’s analogue?” She practically giggled as she took it greedily.
“I figured digital was pointless, but we’ll have to figure out how to develop the film.”
She turned it over in her hands, analyzing every number and every button. “This is a great camera.”
“Yeah, ten years ago.”
“No, still,” she insisted. “And the film will be easy to figure out. She shook her head. “I just—I can’t believe you got me a camera. I didn’t realize you even knew I liked photography.”
“I might not’ve been sober all the time, but I was listening.” I picked up the Milky Way from beside me and handed it to her.
“No way,” she chirped and covered her mouth glancing back at the kids. “It’s been months since I had one of these.”
“It’s good to hear you laugh.”
Elle rested it in her lap, eyes smiling as she looked at me. She leaned forward, and my heart skipped a beat. Elle pressed her lips to my check, resting her warm palm on the side of my face. “Thank you,” she breathed. And I closed my eyes, soaking her in.
Chapter 53
Jackson
Like clockwork, I woke up with the sun. Spring made for long days and short nights, but I was accustomed to that. I learned to appreciate it when I was working.
I sat in the chair beside the stove and pulled on my boots by firelight. A perimeter check in the predawn light would suffice. I
peered down at Elle, curled up on the pallet, a canteen and her pistol beside her pillow as she slept. Unlike the rest of the clan wrapped in blankets, she wore a t-shirt and shorts, her blankets wrapped only around her feet.
She stirred in her sleep, turning onto her back and folding her arms over her face. I smiled. She hadn’t put her gloves back on. Maybe she was finally trusting herself. Schlepping into my jacket, I grabbed my rifle leaning against the doorframe.
“Jackson.”
I turned around.
Beau was sitting up in bed, hair tousled as he rubbed his eyes. “Can I go with you?”
Glad he wasn’t shying away after all that happened yesterday, I happily nodded and pressed my finger to my lips.
Quietly and carefully, Beau climbed out of bed, glancing at his sleeping sister and Sophie in bed beside him. Neither of them stirred. I stepped outside to wait for him,
The morning air was perfect. A refreshing jolt after a night of revelations. I pressed my hand to my cheek.
The door cracked open behind me, and Beau stepped outside, zipping up his jacket with his beanie still in his hand. “You couldn’t sleep?” I whispered as I closed the door quietly behind me.
“Not really,” he said, peering around at the morning shadows that fenced us in.
“Too excited about your new friends?”
He peered up at me and I shrugged. “If you trust them, I think we should too. You know them better than we do.” I glanced back at the main cabin, a small swirl of smoke coming from the chimney, but no lights flicked inside. Bear was still sleeping in his house. “It looks like it’s just you and me out here this morning.”
Beau shook his head and pointed to the north end of the property. A gray-colored wolf stepped out, stretching with a yip, like it had just woken up. Then a white and tan wolf came into view.
“Do they sleep out here every night?” I asked.
Beau looked up at me. “They hunt at night.” He said it so matter of fact. I knew wolves were nocturnal, but that wasn’t exactly what I meant. “Where is their home?”
Shrugging, he looked up at me. “Here.”
The Darkest Winter Page 28