by Sadie Moss
In all my years hidden away in the Strand complex, I’d dreamed about what my life would be like when I finally got out.
I’d dreamed of romance.
Of falling in love.
I hadn’t dreamed of bloody fights in speeding vehicles, or of having the animal that shared my body choose not one, but four mates for me.
Molly had removed the IV from my arm earlier, but I was still heavily dosed up with painkillers. They made me woozy and tired, but my churning mind wouldn’t let me sleep. My arm and side throbbed dully, and I shifted uncomfortably, listening to the sounds of breathing and the soft snores that filled the room. Molly’s house only had one guest room, but I was positive the guys wouldn’t have wanted to sleep anywhere else even if she had a million rooms.
Hell, even if that was an option, I wouldn’t have let them. I might not be sure how I felt about this new mate bond yet, but I couldn’t deny that something inside me felt unsettled and anxious whenever these four were away from me. Even West had come back to sleep in here with all of us, although he’d spent the entire afternoon avoiding this room.
Why? What’s going on with him, anyway?
I’d worried about Rhys rejecting me, but I’d never expected the cold shoulder to come from West. Not after the way he’d looked at me before he kissed me. Not after that kiss.
“Hey, Scrubs. Can’t sleep?”
Noah’s soft whisper caught my attention, and I looked over as he crept toward the bed. He lay down beside me, settling his large body carefully next to mine, careful not to disturb my injuries. He wore only a pair of shorts slung low on his waist, and even through the blanket, I could feel the heat of his skin.
I rested my head against the pillow, gazing into his warm gray eyes. “No. I know I should. I feel tired, and the drugs make me a little woozy. But I can’t stop thinking.”
He reached up to smooth a strand of hair away from my face, his touch achingly gentle. “About what?”
“About everything.” A smile tilted my lips before it slipped away again. Then I swallowed, trying to organize my thoughts. “I shifted, Noah. In the Strand ambulance, or whatever it was. My wolf came out.”
He nodded, his gaze full of understanding. “I thought you might’ve.”
“Why?”
“Well, for one thing, when we found you, you were naked. I figured—well, hoped—that was the reason why. I couldn’t stand to think of any other reason for it.” His eyes darkened for a moment at the memory before his fingers found a lock of my hair again. “Plus, your hair is different.”
“What?”
I craned my neck, and he held up the strands of my hair so I could see them. They were brown. Even in the dim light, that was obvious. I hadn’t noticed before, but the light blonde color I’d dyed my hair had vanished when I’d shifted into a wolf and back. My hair had grown back in its usual color.
“Oh.” I shifted my gaze to Noah. “Did you know that would happen?”
“Nah. You’re the first shifter I know who dyed her hair.” He chuckled ruefully. “So much for that disguise.”
The IDs I’d gotten from Carl last time we were in Vegas had pictures of me with blonde hair. I could re-dye it, but Noah was right. It wouldn’t be a very effective disguise if it returned to its original color every time I shifted. Not that it mattered. I wasn’t sure there was a disguise in the world that would keep Strand from hunting me—from finding me.
“Noah.” My stomach churned as I forced the words out. “I killed my mo—the woman pretending to be my mom. My wolf did. And the other people in the ambulance too. I don’t… remember it all clearly. The whole thing is just flashes; bits and pieces, with whole chunks missing. I don’t remember much of anything clearly until I woke up here. But I know I killed them all. I tore her throat out.”
Pain flickered in his eyes, and he bit his lip, rising up on one forearm so he could gaze down at me. “I’m so fucking sorry, Scrubs. I hate that you had to do that. But she wasn’t your mother. She wasn’t on your side. And she would’ve killed you if it came down to it, you have to know that. You were defending yourself.”
I twined the fingers of my good hand in the sheets, gazing up at him. “I know. I know that. It’s just, what my wolf did—what I did as a wolf—none of it felt like it was under my control, you know? I felt… feral. Wild.”
Noah tugged my hand away from the sheet, lacing our fingers together. “It’s not easy. Some people don’t even survive their first shift. Our bodies aren’t equipped to deal with it at first. There are two halves of you now that have to reconcile with each other. It’s harder for some people than others to find that balance. We all struggle with it sometimes.”
I grimaced. “It felt like I was buried somewhere deep in her psyche. I finally understood how Rhys got lost in his wolf—why he couldn’t shift back. It was like the wolf just took over who I was. She was so strong.”
A look of concern flashed over his face, and he squeezed my hand. “You won’t get lost, Scrubs. We won’t let you. But your wolf does sound strong. Maybe it’s part of whatever new experiment Strand was doing on you—why you were such a special test subject.”
Fear trickled down my spine like ice water. Had they made me some kind of monster, some uncontrollable beast? I wasn’t exactly sorry I’d killed those people in the ambulance, but it scared the shit out of me to acknowledge that I’d had no control over it. The predatory instincts inside me had been too strong to resist.
“Maybe that’s why your wolf chose four mates,” Noah mused, his gray-blue eyes narrowing thoughtfully. “The mate bond can have a stabilizing effect on a wolf. Maybe she needed that much support.”
Dragging my gaze away from his face, I drew a deep breath. The contact between our hands, the feel of his thumb brushing my skin, the heat coming from his large, warm body next to mine—they all fed some primal part of my soul, sparking a need for more deep inside me. Every touch from these four men was like a drop in a bucket that would never, ever be full.
I needed all of them in a way that was beyond reason or logic. And Rhys had said each of their wolves had claimed me too. But I couldn’t help but feel like I’d somehow forced this on them, like my uncontrollable she-wolf had ruined their pack dynamic. Would they really be okay with sharing me? The look in West’s eyes when I’d told him I needed him too still haunted me.
“I’m sorry if I messed things up between you all. I didn’t mean to… force myself on any of you. Is this really how the mate bond works?” I asked softly. “The wolf chooses, and then everybody just has to live with it, whether they like it or not?”
Noah lowered his chin a little, shaking his head. “No, it’s not like that, Scrubs. And you don’t have anything to be sorry for. The mate bond isn’t like some decree handed down from on high. It’s your wolf—who is a part of you, whether it feels like it right now or not—choosing her perfect match. And our wolves choosing her right back.”
“So you’re okay with this?” I asked, biting my lip.
His gorgeous smile tilted his lips, which hovered so close to my own, I could feel his breath on my skin. “I’ll admit, I never expected to bond with the same female as all my pack mates. But what are we supposed to do? Fight against it? Fight each other for you? I’d rather die than do that.”
“Do you wish your wolf hadn’t chosen me?”
It was a dumb question to ask, maybe. It was like handing him a dagger and asking him to stab me in the heart with it. If he said yes, it would kill me—I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from the guilt and pain of that rejection. But I had to know.
Noah’s gray-blue eyes warmed, crinkling slightly at the corners as his smile widened. “Didn’t you hear what I said, Scrubs? My wolf is a part of me. It wasn’t just him that chose you. I did. I think I chose you the first day I met you, when I saw how much hope you had despite everything you’d been through. I’ve never met anybody as strong as you.”
A tear leaked from the corner of my eye as his words made
my chest hurt and soothed the ache all at once.
“I chose you too, Noah. Before my wolf. Before the bond.”
His smile seemed to radiate pure joy, and instead of answering with words, he dipped his head and pressed his lips to mine. I could feel him carefully managing the weight of his body to make sure he didn’t disturb any of my injuries, taking care of me like he always did. His kiss was soft, warm, and exploratory.
My mouth opened, and our lips moved in perfect harmony as we tasted each other. He slid his tongue across mine in deep, even strokes. Nothing about this kiss was forceful or hurried, but it was so deep and languorous it felt like I might drown in it.
Despite my injuries and exhaustion, and the painkillers coursing through my system, an electric charge seemed to gather in my body, radiating out from my core. I disentangled my hand from Noah’s, bringing it up to slide my fingers through the short-cropped hair on the back of his head, bringing him closer as our kiss became impossibly deeper.
I wanted to kiss this man for the rest of my life. I wanted his kisses for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Fuck food. Who needed it?
Finally, Noah pulled back, breaking the contact of our lips and looking down at me with an expression that melted my insides. He pressed small kisses to the corners of my mouth before trailing his lips down my neck and over my collarbone and shoulder. He rested his head on the pillow next to mine, burying his face in the little nook where my shoulder met my neck and curling his large body around mine protectively.
“I will always choose you, Scrubs. Always.”
He sighed contentedly, and we lay like that in peaceful, happy silence for a while until his breathing evened out and his body relaxed. I ran the fingers of my good hand over the strong muscles of his forearm, memorizing the feel of his skin.
Then I nestled deeper into the soft bedding, finally allowing my brain to slow down. My gaze moved around the shadowed room lazily, but it stopped on a pair of deep brown eyes that shone in the darkness.
West sat against the wall, elbows propped on his bent knees, watching me with an inscrutable look on his face.
Chapter Seven
The bed dipped, rousing me from a dreamless sleep. Hazy morning light filled the room as I blinked, turning my head toward the movement and finding myself almost nose-to-nose with Jackson.
“Morning, Alexis.”
He kissed the tip of my nose, making little tingles shoot across my skin like ripples on a pond. I was highly conscious of the fact that he was the only one of these four I hadn’t kissed yet. I didn’t know what it would be like, didn’t know how those laughing lips would feel pressed against mine. But I wanted to find out. Desperately.
Noah stretched against my other side, where he’d apparently slept all night.
“What the fuck are you doing, Jackson?” he asked sleepily.
“Just thought this side of her might be cold, since you’ve got that side covered so well.” Jackson snuggled a little closer to me, lifting his head to peer over my shoulder at his pack mate. “I seem to recall somebody saying we should give her some space—let her have a good night’s sleep.” He quirked an eyebrow pointedly. “Huh.”
“How’d you sleep, Scrubs?” Ignoring Jackson’s teasing words, Noah kissed my shoulder.
I smiled. “Good.”
“See?” He cocked an eyebrow at Jackson, who muttered something that sounded like “no fair” under his breath.
“What the fuck are you both doing?”
Rhys rose from his pile of blankets on the floor, coming to stand at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed. His curly black hair brushed his shoulders, and just like the other two, he wasn’t wearing a shirt. His sculpted muscles bunched as he crossed his arms over his chest.
The rest of the blanket piles on the floor were abandoned. West had already slipped out of the room, apparently, though I had no idea where he’d gone.
“Helping Alexis sleep,” Jackson supplied, as he and Noah both turned their heads to grin at Rhys.
“Exactly.” Noah grinned.
I suppressed a laugh at how quickly the two would-be rivals had joined forces, teaming up to take on Rhys. The black-haired shifter seemed to realize it too, because he rolled his eyes.
“She doesn’t need your fucking shenanigans right now. She’s supposed to be healing. Or don’t you remember what an absolute fucking mess she was when we found her?”
At those words, I felt both of the men beside me tense, and when I looked back at Noah, worry and pain reflected in his stormy gray eyes. They both moved to draw away, and I reached for them, trying to pull them each back toward me one-handed. The movement tugged at the stitches in my abdomen, and I hissed in pain, dropping my arm back to the bed.
“See?” Rhys glared at the other two.
“No! It’s okay, Rhys. I wanted them here.” My voice softened, and I shifted my gaze between Jackson and Noah, who looked so devastated to see me in pain that it broke my heart. “I’m okay. I feel… better when you guys are close.”
“Are you sure?” Rhys pressed, a growl still lingering in his voice.
“Yeah. I’m positive.”
Jackson looked around from where he knelt on the soft bedspread to my left. “In that case, we’re gonna need a bigger fucking bed.”
I laughed at that, then grimaced in pain again.
“Stop making her laugh!” Rhys ordered.
His bossy protectiveness only made me laugh harder, and I winced as my stitches twinged.
“That time wasn’t me! That was all you!” Jackson leapt off the bed, holding his hands up innocently, eyes wide.
I snorted, more laughter bubbling from my throat. The tension and stress of everything that’d happened over the past few days needed some release, and maybe it was because the drugs made me a little loopy, but I couldn’t seem to stop giggling.
Noah scrambled off the bed too, shifting his panicked gaze between Jackson and Rhys. “Everybody stop making her laugh! Don’t do anything funny!”
That only set me off again, and I clutched my side, trying to ease the strain on my stitches because it really did fucking hurt. But there was something so cleansing about it too. I’d needed this.
A knock came at the door, and Molly poked her head in as my giggles petered out. She glanced suspiciously at the three men before looking at me. “Do I even want to know what’s going on in here?”
“Probably not,” Jackson supplied with a grin.
She rolled her eyes at him, then stepped inside, followed by West and Carl, the man I’d met last time we came to Vegas. He was older than my men, probably in his early or mid-thirties. His dark hair was slicked back from his large forehead, and he had sharp features and clever eyes that didn’t seem to miss anything.
“Put your clothes on while I take care of my patient,” Molly said, shielding her eyes in mock-horror from Jackson’s shirtless form. “Then—”
“Then we need to talk,” Carl finished, his serious gaze sweeping the room.
All the joviality seemed to drain out of the air in a flash, and Jackson nodded. He, Rhys, and Noah left the room, and West hovered by the door while Molly approached the bed.
She asked me some questions about how I was feeling, took my temperature, and checked my head and the stitches on my bullet wound. By the time she was done, the three men had returned. She sat on the edge of the bed and laid a cool hand on mine as Carl cleared his throat, looking at the four pack mates.
“All right. Now I don’t normally give a fuck what anybody gets into. We all have our lives, we all have our separate stories, none of my fuckin’ business, right? But last time I saw you, I asked if everything was on the up and up here.” He jerked his head toward me. “And you told me this girl was safer with you than she would be anywhere else. But the next time you bring her to me, she’s got a gunshot wound, a broken limb, a concussion, and more bruises and scrapes than Rocky Balboa. So I gotta ask. What the hell kinda shit are you into here?”
All four of my
men were silent, and in each of their eyes I saw a guilt I wasn’t sure would ever go away completely. I could understand. There were plenty of things I hadn’t forgiven myself for and probably never would. But I couldn’t stand to see them look like that.
“They didn’t do this. Any of it! It wasn’t their fault,” I said, struggling to sit up a little higher on the pillows. Molly helped me before stepping back to stand with Carl.
The dark-haired man shook his head. “Yeah, I didn’t say it was, sweetheart. But I took on a risk letting them bring you here, and I need to know what the odds are of shit hitting the fan again. I don’t want trouble showing up on my doorstep. I look after my woman, even if they can’t do the same for theirs.”
Rhys and West both looked murderous at the accusation, but Noah held out a hand to them before stepping forward.
“We understand, Carl. And we’re more grateful than we can say. To you and to Molly.” He dipped his head in thanks, and she smiled softly. “We’re almost certain we weren’t followed. The people we’re hiding from don’t know where we are, and we don’t think—” His gaze flashed to me for a second, and the space between my shoulder blades itched. I could still feel Val’s fingers digging into my flesh as she pulled the tracker out.
“We don’t think they have any way of tracing us,” Jackson finished. “But we can’t one hundred percent guarantee that. If you don’t want us to stay, we get it. You need to protect your own.”
“Fuck that!” Molly scoffed, her sweet eyes flashing with disbelief. She turned to Carl. “You better not even think about kicking them out because of me. And besides, this is my house. I get to decide.”
“Baby.” Carl tugged the beautiful blonde woman into his arms, lifting her chin with a knuckle. “I’m just tryin’ to watch out for you. You know this life—”
She grabbed his hand, cutting off his words.