by Sadie Moss
“Carl here?” Jackson asked, perking up a little as he grabbed a donut in each hand.
“He’s getting the car.” Molly smoothed her hands down the front of her pants before tucking a stray lock of honey-blonde hair behind her ear.
She seemed anxious and pensive, and it struck me what a huge thing this was for her. She was about to leave her entire life behind—just walk away from all of it and close the door on her way out, as if she’d never been here at all.
She didn’t have family to speak of. She’d told me both her parents had died several years ago of different types of cancer. But still. She was about to untether herself completely from the life she knew and throw herself into the unknown.
She’d never see the hospital where she worked again.
Never see her friends or coworkers.
Never see this house.
I could relate to that kind of upheaval and what it did to one’s mental and emotional state.
Bypassing the coffee and donuts, I stepped over to Molly and reached for her tentatively. I didn’t want to scare her—she’d seen me maul three grown men yesterday, after all—but when she didn’t flinch away, I pulled her into a tight hug.
She let out a shuddering breath, wrapping her arms around me too.
“I’m sorry, Molly,” I said softly. “About everything.”
“It’s for the best.” Her voice was steady, but tinged with sadness. When we broke apart, determination flashed in her blue-green eyes. “If we don’t leave, Carl won’t be able to let this go. He’ll go after Travis’s friends, and their friends. He’ll get himself locked in a war he’ll never get out of. I can’t let that happen. I can’t lose him.”
I nodded, a lump rising in my throat. The way Carl and Molly loved each other made my heart ache. She would do anything for him, and he’d do the same for her, even if it meant abandoning their old lives to start over together somewhere. It didn’t matter; their true home was each other.
We broke apart, each pulling ourselves back together before we dissolved into weepy messes. This wasn’t the time for that.
“Here, Alexis. Fuel for the road.”
Jackson had polished off his pair of donuts and now held two out to me, grinning widely. He always teased me about how much I could pack away in my small frame, but at the moment, I was just grateful he knew me well enough to know I’d definitely want two donuts… to start.
I accepted them gratefully, finishing the first off in three bites as Jackson chuckled. I ate the second a little slower, and by the time I’d finished my third and grabbed a cup of coffee, the front door banged shut in the living room.
A moment later, Carl poked his head into the kitchen. “Got the car. You all ready?”
There was a chorus of agreement, and Jackson and I both made another mad dash for the donuts before we followed Carl outside. He’d picked up a large blue van, which was more than enough to accommodate the seven of us, considering we were all traveling extremely light. I had no idea if he and Molly were really planning to abandon all their stuff, or if he’d had have one of his many underground contacts pack it up and deliver it to them wherever they ended up. But at the moment, all they had was a single bag each.
Rhys insisted on driving. His face was set into a tight mask, and I could feel the tension pouring from him. It reminded me of how he’d acted when I first met him, although now, despite his intensity, none of his anger was directed toward me.
As we pulled onto Interstate 15 out of the city, I glanced at Carl, who’d taken the front passenger seat. “Were you able to dig up much more info about Strand?”
He ran a hand over his slicked-back hair. “Some, yeah. From the looks of things, they’ve kept a tight lid on their operation. They must’ve, to have been able to conduct human experiments like this for so many years without word of it getting out. I had a hacker friend of mine do some digging, but even he didn’t find much. They’ve got the money and the resources to have the latest tech for everything, but it looks like they did a lot of stuff the old fashioned way—paper and ink, in person meetings, stuff like that.”
“What difference does that make?”
“Makes information easier to control. Once something’s digital, it’s harder to keep it from leaking. But if you’ve got watermarked paper documents? And only a few copies of those? You can keep things a lot closer to the vest.”
“Oh.”
I sank back into my seat, leaning against Noah’s shoulder. A sudden vivid image of a blood-splattered piece of paper bearing Sariah’s name popped into my head, and I winced at the memory. I’d been so delirious at the time, it hadn’t even occurred to me to question why a company like Strand, which could afford to build an entire self-sustaining underground medical complex to house just a few test subjects, would use something as basic as a simple spreadsheet to track their experiments.
“So, are we out of luck then?”
Carl half-turned in his seat, his sharp features splitting into a grin. “Far from it, sweetheart. Whether you go old-school or new-school for information storage, you can’t ever get rid of the human element. And that’s where the cracks show up in even the most airtight operations. Granted, there weren’t a lot of cracks to find in this case—Strand either pays their people obscenely well, blackmails them, or both. Or, fuck, they could do some kind of memory wipe on anyone they think is a risk. If they can turn people into damn wolves, who knows what else they can do.”
His gaze flicked from me to Noah, and he shook his head as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d just said. Then he continued.
“Like I said, there wasn’t much out there. But”—he beamed proudly—“my buddy managed to dig up blueprints to a facility in Salt Lake that sounds a lot like the one the guys say you were in. Hundred bucks it’s the Strand complex. I’ve got my contact digging for more info now, but it’s a start.”
I blinked, conflicting emotions welling inside me. On the one hand, that was amazing news. The guys had tried to find information for months and had gotten nowhere, so this was a huge win.
But on the other hand, the idea of stepping foot inside a facility like the one I’d grown up in made me want to vomit. I still had nightmares most nights about that place, the once comforting walls harsh and foreboding in my subconscious mind.
Could I handle it? Would I be able to put aside my own traumatic memories to focus on Sariah’s rescue? Or would my panic allow my wolf to take over entirely, risking our whole operation?
Stop it, Alexis! Don’t even think like that.
Something had shifted inside me last night after Noah and I had sex. I wasn’t sure if it was just because my wolf had finally gotten what she wanted—or part of it, anyway—but she seemed calmer now. And she felt different, more like a true part of me and less like some strange alien entity merely existing inside me.
I had to have faith that if I kept trying, I’d be able to make peace with my wolf, to become one with her so that when I shifted, my human side wasn’t shoved down like a rock sinking to the bottom of a lake. So that I remained in control, even in wolf form.
“Anyway, we’ll be able to analyze the blueprints for entrances and exits, layout, and structural weaknesses,” Carl went on, dragging my attention back to the present.
He was in his element now, eyes blazing with excitement as he talked about his plans for getting us inside the complex, and how we could use Strand’s old-school security technology to our advantage. My brows drew together as I listened intently, trying to make sense of everything he was saying.
I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the line, our fight against Strand had become his fight too.
Now we just had to pray his help would get us through this alive.
Chapter Twenty
The drive to Salt Lake City was only about six hours long, but we stopped midway, exiting onto a small side road in what felt like the middle of nowhere.
I’d been dozing, propped up between Noah and Jackson
, but the change in our speed roused me. I blinked out the window, stifling a yawn. I hadn’t gotten much sleep last night—none of us had, really—but I couldn’t regret that. Nothing could’ve been more worth it.
“What’s going on? Why are we stopping?”
“You need practice,” West said firmly from the back seat.
I craned my neck to look at him, surprised when he actually met my eyes. “What?”
“West doesn’t want you to break into Strand with us when we get to Salt Lake. He doesn’t think it’s safe.” Jackson wrinkled his nose.
“What?”
“I’m just trying to keep her, and us, from getting hurt,” West said stoically. “I don’t know why you’re all so willing to let her risk herself like this.”
“I want to!” I blurted quickly. I’d be damned if I was going to sit this fight out, and I had to make sure all the guys knew I didn’t need protecting when it came to this rescue mission. “I want to help!”
“We know, Scrubs.” Noah’s voice was gentle, although worry lurked in the depths of his eyes. “And none of us are going to tell you what you can and can’t do. But we just want to make sure you’re as ready as possible.”
“Yeah… Okay.”
I shot another look toward the back seat. West’s stubborn expression made me seriously doubt Noah’s assurance that none of them would try to stop me from going with them.
We pulled to a stop near a lightly wooded area. No other cars were visible on the road, and I couldn’t see any signs of civilization nearby. Jackson hopped out of the van, offering a hand to help me out too.
The others piled out behind us, although Molly and Carl hung back by the van while my men and I tromped deeper into the woods. I saw the two of them bending their heads over several sheets of printed paper and guessed they were going over the blueprints of the Strand complex. Then they disappeared from view, cut off by the trees as we walked farther away from the road.
“So, what now?” I asked when West and Rhys finally came to a stop.
“Now you shift.” West crossed his arms over his chest.
I blanched. “What, right now? Just shift?”
Not bothering to respond with words, he peeled off his shirt, dropped his pants, and kicked off his shoes. I barely had time to absorb the sculpted lines of muscle under his mocha skin before he transformed. A few moments later, a wolf with gray markings and dark eyes gazed up at me, his expression somehow challenging.
So, yeah. Just shift.
Damn it. He made it look so easy.
But I understood the point he was trying to make. If I couldn’t even control my wolf now, in a safe, no-pressure environment, how was I possibly supposed to keep her in line when my stress and adrenaline shot through the roof?
So I mimicked West’s actions and stripped off my clothes, ignoring the tension that seemed to gather in the air as the cool breeze made my nipples pucker. I felt all the men’s gazes on me, but I just closed my eyes, reaching inside me for the wild animal that lived there.
Deciding not to try force or coercion, I focused on what Noah had said about making peace with this part of myself. She still felt so alien, so other, sometimes. But maybe that wasn’t true; maybe we weren’t so different after all. With that thought in mind, I let myself become aware of what she was feeling and tried to allow myself to feel the same thing.
My head tilted to one side as I concentrated, letting my wolf inside my mind.
She wasn’t uncomfortable with the men’s attention at all. She reveled in it.
She knew, without any of the doubts or fears that plagued my human mind, that these men were hers.
She liked the feel of the earth beneath her feet, the tantalizing scents that drifted by on the breeze.
She was free.
Strong.
Unashamed and unapologetic.
I could be those things too, if only I’d allow myself to be.
With a snap, my bones cracked, changing and reforming under my skin as the shift finally took place. But this time, the pain wasn’t as intense; it didn’t feel like I was being torn apart. And within a few heartbeats, I blinked my eyes open to see that the colors of the world had shifted slightly like they always did when I was in wolf form.
I’d done it. I had shifted on command!
No. Not on command. At will. I hadn’t had to command my wolf to do anything, and that was the whole point.
I yipped, a happy, excited sound. The dark gray wolf in front of me padded lightly forward, sniffing at me and licking at my fur. I felt the love and protectiveness in him as he nuzzled me—something I could barely detect in his human form these days.
A half-second later, the other three men around us began tearing off their clothes too, grins stretching across their faces. Even Rhys’s mask of worry cracked for a moment as he joined in the celebration. As soon as they were naked, they each shifted—Jackson and Noah into pure white wolves, and Rhys into one with light gray markings.
Jackson threw back his head and howled, and Rhys nipped at him lightly. Probably warning him not to make too much noise. We were in a remote area, but there was no need to risk drawing attention to ourselves. Nils and his men were almost certainly still hunting us, and if anyone nearby happened to hear us and reported wolves in the area, I was sure he’d follow up on that lead like a bloodhound.
My mates all gathered around me, sniffing and whuffing. I couldn’t see all of my own body, but I could tell I was almost a foot taller than them. The realization struck me as slightly hilarious, considering how much they towered over me in human form. It was like we’d reversed places somehow.
My tail wagged, and I leaned back on my haunches, stretching out my front legs. It felt good to be a wolf like this, surrounded by my mates. The scents of the forest called to me, and I lifted my nose into the air, sampling them all. When Jackson darted off among the trees, I followed him, loping easily on four legs. The others followed, flanking me on all sides as we raced through the woods.
The urge to howl rose up in my chest, so strong I almost couldn’t hold it in. But I clamped my muzzle shut and settled for rolling onto my back when Jackson finally stopped in a clearing. Small twigs and rocks pressed into my fur, but my pelt was so thick I could hardly feel them.
A lupine face appeared above mine, Jackson’s amber eyes shining down at me. He cocked his head, his tongue lolling out. Then… he pounced. We rolled over together, playfully snapping and batting at each other with our paws.
I was bigger and stronger than him in this form, but I was careful not to hurt him. It didn’t take any effort at all—my wolf would never let that happen. I finally felt like I could trust that, at least.
What felt like way too soon, West let out a soft whine, calling our attention. We stood, shaking out our fur, and reluctantly followed him back to where we’d left our clothes. Noah and Jackson shifted back to human, looking lighter and happier as they dressed quickly. They’d needed this. We all had.
Nerves fluttered in my stomach as I stood by the small pile of clothes I’d left resting on my shoes. What if I couldn’t shift back? It’d been difficult every other time I’d tried it. My wolf never seemed willing to cede control.
Rhys and West came to stand near me, lending me their support like their pack mates had the day I’d almost attacked Molly.
But I didn’t want to have to rely on them for this. This was about my relationship with my wolf; I had to be able to do it on my own.
It’s all right. You can stay, I whispered to her inside my soul. Stay with me.
Every other time I’d tried to shift back to human, I’d felt like I was trying to crawl out of my own skin, to escape the confines of the wolf form my human consciousness was lost in. But the truth was, there was nowhere to go. Everything I was—wolf, human, fighter, lover—was contained inside this single vessel.
There was no getting rid of my wolf.
She was me.
And I was her.
Stay. Stay.
The shift happened almost unconsciously, brief pain rippling through my body before I found myself crouched on the forest floor, the chilly wind once again brushing my naked skin.
Before I could reach for my clothes, Jackson picked me up in a massive bear hug, spinning me around in a circle.
“That’s my fucking girl! That was beautiful!”
He pressed his lips to mine, setting me back on my feet gently and bending me backward with the intensity of the kiss. When he pulled away, he was beaming and I was panting.
“Thanks, Jackson,” I mumbled through tingling lips.
I stumbled over to my clothes on slightly wobbly legs, slipping everything back on before turning to look at West. He’d shifted back and dressed too, and the fabric of his dark t-shirt strained against his large biceps as he crossed his arms over his chest.
He looked torn between pride and disappointment as he regarded me, and I was sure I knew why. If I’d failed this test, he might’ve been able to talk the others into not letting me go with them on their rescue mission.
But I hadn’t failed. I’d done it.
He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, staring at me intently. Then a grin suddenly spread across his face like the sun breaking through a cloud as the twin dimples I loved so much appeared in his cheeks. It was the first time he’d smiled at me like that in weeks, and it was so potent it nearly knocked me on my ass.
“Well done, Scrubs. Well fucking done.”
The rest of the journey was uneventful, though all the steam we’d blown off in the woods seemed to gather over us again like an angry raincloud as we drove in silence. Even Jackson was too tense to keep up his usual teasing litany of, “Are we there yet?”
I pored over the printouts of the Strand complex blueprints, trying to translate the strange lines and markings on the paper into physical walls and rooms in my mind’s eye. From what I could gather, it was similar to the complex I’d lived in, at least in its basic shape. The complex was set up in several layers that went farther and farther underground, with each level spreading out in spokes from a central hub. There were small areas that might be offices or exam rooms, and several large, open spaces whose purpose was unclear.