by Sheila Lowe
Standing at the water’s edge, Jessica sent out her energy to Ethan the way the books she read instructed. The books Sage had bought her.
Don’t think about him now.
Spirit guides, please help me find Ethan. How about a hint? I really, really need your help.
What if she could choose to have an episode like the one with the satanic cult victim, Finley Hunter? Just wake up and find clues in a miniature she had no memory of making. Tada! Wouldn’t it be easier?
Nope. Bad idea. That whole experience of being hogtied had been demoralizing. And Finley Hunter was dead. She still had hope for Ethan.
For several minutes she stood there, listening and hoping for a sign of some kind. When nothing happened, she tucked away her disappointment and turned to leave. Cut short by a sudden strong impulse.
Connecting with the feeling, Jessica’s gaze swept the vegetation around the marsh. She looked up into the branches of the trees above. Felt a nudge to look down at the muddy ground. Saw something she had not noticed before…
Less than a yard from her right foot, half-buried in the mud, was a plastic T-Rex.
“Where did you come from?” she said to the toy dinosaur, crouching on her heels.
The spade-shaped head and tiny arms, the bulbous body. It was the perfect size for a four-year-old fist to grasp. Jessica reached for it. The jolt of energy she got when her fingers touched the plastic so startled her that she almost fell over backwards.
With a soft, sucking slurp, T-Rex came free and the mud closed back over the hole.
EIGHTEEN
The plastic dinosaur was in a paper evidence bag in the trunk of Zach Smith’s car and members of the Emergency Response Team were en route. Fish and Wildlife, who managed the wetlands, had given permission to conduct the search.
“You should have left it where it was,” said Zach.
The rebuke set Jessica on the defensive. “Are you thinking about DNA? With all the rain we’ve had, would there be any?”
He shrugged. “Maybe not, but we like to see evidence in situ. I’ll send it to the lab, see if they get anything off it. It could have belonged to any kid.”
Jessica threw him a look of scorn. “Yeah. Except I was pulled here, and just any kid isn’t likely to climb through the fence to the water. The same marshy water I saw in my head while I was in his bedroom. Oh, and in case you forgot, Ethan is a mini-paleontologist in training. And he has a special thing for T-Rex. And Abby ID’d the photo you sent her.”
Zach rolled his eyes. “She said he had some dinosaurs like it, but they’re in his toy box.”
“And she said Trey would have gone and got him another one if he got upset that it got left behind. The one in the mud was like the one he had in his toy box. There’s no shortage of toy stores, in case you didn’t know.”
“Well, I can’t bring a full ERT out here just because your hand itched.” Noticing her crestfallen face, Zach relented, letting her know he had been teasing. “Don’t worry, chickie, I’ve got a smaller crew coming to walk the area. We’ll do a thorough search.” His phone rang then and he moved away to answer it.
She watched him listen to the other party, head bent, nodding, thinking how he had always reminded her of Keanu Reeves—appearing like kind of a goofball, but with more depth than it sometimes seemed. Zach was an important friend, but now that Sage had come into her life, she knew he would never be anything more.
He clipped his phone back onto his belt and ambled back to her. “Trey Starkey used his debit card at Dinah’s.”
“The diner on Jefferson? This proves they were near here.” Jessica had lived in the area after her accident and had passed the historic restaurant countless times. Dinah’s had been famous for their fried chicken and oven baked pancakes since the 1950s.
“Yeah, it proves it. I have to call Abby and find out if Ethan has a passport.”
“You think Trey will take him out of the country?”
“At this point, I wouldn’t—hold on; text…” Zach pulled his phone off his belt again and checked the screen. “The ERT is a couple minutes out. You’d better get going before someone sees you, Jess.”
He looked past her shoulder, his expression changing to one of disgust. “Shit, fuck, dammit.”
Jessica turned to see a TV news van pull up right behind her car. “How the hell did they know?”
“They monitor the police band, goddammit. They’re here before we are. I’ve gotta set up a perimeter. Look, Jess, can you go and sit with Abby until her mom gets there? Make sure she doesn’t try to come here to the wetlands.”
“Does she know where you are?”
“I called her on my way here. It’ll be all over the news.”
“Okay, I’ll text her that I’m coming.”
“Thanks. You know the drill. Act like the newsies aren’t there. Ignore them.”
“Got it.”
Jessica hurried out to the street. She was almost at the Mini when Keith Lewis, the TV reporter who had been at Abby’s press conference, spotted her and jumped out of his media van. He reached the Mini first, blocking her driver door.
“Hi there. I’m Keith Lewis, Eyewitness News,” he said, putting on a phony smile.
“I know who you are,” said Jessica, not smiling back.
“Great. So, what’s the story on little Ethan? Have they found something?”
“What do you mean? I was just walking the trail. Now, would you mind stepping out of my way?”
He stayed where he was. “Oh, come on, I saw you talking with Special Agent Smith. Did he tell you anything? What’s your part in the story? Can you give me your name?”
Keith Lewis had a dozen inches on her but Jessica had learned early on that if she straightened her spine and put steel into her tone, it made her seem taller. She took a step toward the reporter. Surprised, he took a step back. Jessica raised her chin and narrowed her eyes.
“My name is get the fuck away from my car before I call the cops.”
Driving away with a squeal of tires, she decided with a smug grin that the expression of stunned surprise on Keith Lewis’ face was worth the irritation of being forced to deal with him.
“What if they find him in the marsh?”
Abby was the picture of hopelessness, slumped in her club chair in the den. Another dusk had fallen with Ethan away from home, out there in the world somewhere, away from his mother.
“What if he’s all by himself in that muddy water? Oh, God, what am I going to do without him?”
Jessica cleared her throat, searching for the right thing to say. As much as she deserved to express them, Abby’s emotions embarrassed her. Should she reach over and squeeze her hand or something? The gnawing despair Abby must be experiencing was all too familiar, but Jessica had never taken comfort in physical contact the way other people seemed to. After coming out of the coma and learning of Justin’s death, she had wanted no one but Jenna within miles of her, let alone put their hands on her.
“You can’t think that way, Abby,” she said, settling for comforting words. “You’ve got to stay strong for Ethan.”
“You’re right. I just—my God, how did we get here? How did it all go so wrong?”
The questions required answers that Jessica did not have. She had glanced at the photo of Trey and Ethan on the end table as she sat down. It practically vibrated with negative energy and gave her the creeps just as much as it had the first time she laid eyes on it. She stretched for something intelligent to say that would not come across like some inane platitude; those meaningless “thoughts and prayers” that served to pick a wound raw.
“Sometimes, couples grow in different directions, Abby. Maybe that’s what happened to you and Trey.”
Abby leaned her head back against the chair, her long legs splayed in front of her. “I thought I was so grown up, dating the captain of the swim team. Trey was a junior in high school, I was in ninth grade. I was totally infatuated. He said I was his soulmate.” The sigh she dredged up
came from the depths. A faint smile ghosted her lips. “It’s all so long ago.”
“You’ve been together for a long time.”
“He wanted me to wear his class ring on a chain around my neck, but as soon as I put it on, he got super-possessive. I made some innocent comment that my best friend’s brother was cute. He went on this crazy rant, claiming I’d cheated on him. I was devastated.”
Jessica nodded to show understanding, but inside she was cringing. She had made the same kind bargain with the devil as Abby had. Who was she to judge? Wasn’t it too easy to examine someone else’s life and think, ‘Why would you stay with such a jerk?’
Abby was on a roll, letting out feelings that had been tamped down and hidden, maybe for years. “I kept calling and begging him to forgive me and take me back. How dumb was that? After he decided it was time to make up, I started working extra hard to keep the peace. I had to be super-careful with everything I said.”
“Walking on eggshells,” said Jessica, with the kind of understanding that comes from sharing a similar experience. “Making sure you never so much as looked at anyone else.”
“I had to promise I would never go to my friend’s house again.”
“Ninth grade is so young. What did your parents say?”
Abby shrugged. “My father was having an affair with the company bookkeeper. He just walked out on us and was a deadbeat dad. That’s why I became a lawyer, chasing men just like him. Of course, that was years later. Mom worked her butt off to support us girls. She cleaned houses for other families, which meant she was too tired to pay attention to us. She just wanted to go home and sleep. I know now she was depressed, too.
“I had to stay home after school and watch the girls. Trey always came over and I’d be trying to entertain him and get my homework done, too. He’d be sitting there watching TV, or else trying to get me into my bedroom.”
Jessica let her talk, listening with half an ear, nodding where it seemed appropriate. The general pattern of abuse Abby described was well known to her. When she and Greg met, he had pursued her with expensive gifts and flattery, taking her to fancy restaurants. But once they were a couple, he sometimes stood her up or showed up late for dates, armed with pathetic excuses. She had been so ridiculously attracted to him that she made the mistake of overlooking those slights. When things were good between them, they were amazing. And there was the sex—she admitted it to herself now. He had always been able to talk her into bed.
Jessica recognized from the start that he drank too much. She fooled herself into believing his promises to quit after graduation—he needed the alcohol to help him deal with the stresses of school, he’d say. Then he graduated and he needed the alcohol to help him deal with the high-stress job as an architect. The drinking got worse. The more he drank, the more he bought her pretty things, jewelry, flowers to make up for his meanness while drunk. But the gifts never replaced what she wanted most—his love and affection.
No sooner had she decided to end the relationship than she discovered she was pregnant. Greg’s excitement about the baby came as a shock. She was so sure he would want her to get rid of it. It was not until after he had talked her into getting married that she came to understand his need for control. That, more than his desire for a family, was what drove him.
He let her know in subtle ways that he saw her as weak and under his thumb. But Gregory Mack failed to recognize Jessica’s tough inner core, which eventually fought its way back to freedom.
Too bad she had not been clairvoyant then.
“We never should have gotten married,” Abby was saying when Jessica came back to the present. “Poor Mom. She was thrilled when we got engaged, thinking I would be ‘taken care of’—she’s that old fashioned. It made her feel less guilty about neglecting us.”
“She’s here for you now,” said Jessica, remembering how uncomfortable it had been to see her own mother at Justin’s funeral. They’d had nothing to say to each other, no hugs. Lorraine had never made an effort to meet her grandson. She’d had to show up because it would have looked bad if she hadn’t, and “image” was Lorraine’s middle name.
Abby said, “Mom can’t take a lot time off, or she’ll lose her job. She’s a nurse’s aide. Anyway, since she pushed for the marriage, I don’t like to rub it in her face that Trey turned out to be such a shit.”
Privately, Jessica thought Abby’s mother deserved to have her face rubbed in it, but it wasn’t up to her. “Are you close to your sisters?” she asked.
“They call and we FaceTime. They all live out of state, have kids of their own.” Abby pushed herself off the chair as if it took every ounce of strength she had. “How about some coffee? Glass of wine?”
“Coffee would be great, thanks.”
They went into the kitchen. Large sheets of cardboard had been placed over the windows to block the reporters’ view. Abby switched on the lights and started going through the mechanics of brewing coffee.
“Are you hungry? There’s that casserole Mom brought over last night. I haven’t touched it.”
“I’m fine, thanks. You go ahead.”
“I can’t eat. I’ve lost five pounds.” Abby pulled cups from the cabinet next to the sink and busied herself with small tasks. Either she had not finished with the conversation they had started in the den, or maybe she needed to keep talking to distract herself from what Zach and his crew were doing under floodlights at Ballona marsh. They both knew the possibility that they might come across Ethan’s body there. Neither of them wanted to talk about it.
Abby set a cup in front of Jessica at the table. “Trey gets by on charm and good looks. He’s super smart; could have done anything he wanted, but he’s intellectually lazy. He never got that it’s not that way for everyone.”
“I’m surprised you were allowed to go to law school,” said Jessica.
“When I told him that’s what I wanted to do, he went ballistic.”
“Because he knew he would lose control over you.”
“He ranted that I didn’t have to work, he would make enough to support me.” Abby gave a mirthless laugh. “Then he said that if I had a job it would make me too independent.”
“He wanted to isolate you.”
“I stood up to him for once. Look, I care about my mom, but I couldn’t allow myself to end up under-educated and poor like her. So, we compromised. I had to pick a school near home and wear an engagement ring. Trey took real estate courses. Then I started clerking at a law office and we got married. He wanted a baby right away, but I held him off for the first year.”
“Was he excited when you got pregnant?”
“You’d think so, but it was like ninth grade all over again, only worse because now I was stuck. He started complaining that he was losing my attention. Then he made rules for what I was allowed to wear, how to fix my hair, everything. And you know how it is when you’re pregnant—beyond exhausted.”
“No energy, morning sickness.”
“Exactly. Plus, working in a law office means you don’t work regular hours if there’s a trial going on. But dinner had better be ready and on the table the minute Trey walked in. He’d be furious if I was even five minutes late. No fast food, either.”
“This sounds a lot like my marriage,” said Jessica. “How did it go after Ethan came along?”
A dreamy look came into Abby’s eyes. “That was an amazing time. Trey totally changed. He couldn’t get enough of the baby. He bonded with him better than I did. I went back to work and they were together day and night.” The smile disappeared and a tear welled up and slid down Abby’s cheek. “Oh, Jess, I should have spent more time with him. I should have made him more important than work.”
It seemed a cruel irony that Abby was now feeling guilty for the same reason her mother had—spending too much time at work instead of being with her child.
“Didn’t you have a babysitter?”
“Trey wouldn’t allow it. When Ethan was too young to walk, he took him in
the stroller when he went to show houses.” She allowed herself a wry smile. “A baby is a good selling tool. The clients think Trey is wonderful.”
“He doesn’t go to pre-school?”
“No. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen when he starts kinder—” Abby broke off and covered her face with her hands, sobbing. She took the sheet of paper towel Jessica tore off and shoved into her hand and blew her nose. She got up and went to the sink, splashed water on her face. When she turned back, her red, swollen eyes made her look like the “before” picture in a cosmetics ad.
“Trey was always a good father. But, a couple of months ago, I started noticing that whenever I tried to hold Ethan or wanted to play with him, he didn’t want anything to do with me. He’d start fussing and squirming when I’d get near. He wouldn’t even let me kiss him. He acted like he was scared of me.”
“Do you think Trey—?”
“It was obvious to me that something was going on. I installed a secret nanny cam.” Her face twisted with anger. “He was brainwashing Ethan. He would say, ‘Mommy isn’t home because she doesn’t love us. She’d rather be with her friends at work.’ Or, ‘We’re men, we don’t like all that kissy stuff. You don’t want to be a mama’s boy, do you?’”
A photo of Trey posted on the refrigerator caught Jessica’s eye. Again, he was playing with Ethan, looking the part of the loving father. She was not by nature a violent person, but someone messing with a little kid’s head was enough to turn her into a monster. She would beat that arrogant face to a bloody pulp if she ever heard him say such a thing.
“Confronting him must have taken guts,” she said.
“Even I have my limits. I wasn’t about to let him do that to Ethan.”
“How did that go?”
“At work, I never let on how things were at home, but I guess the strain started showing. My friend Donna kept asking what was wrong. When I finally told her about all the rules, she was totally scandalized. She said I was being abused.” Abby huffed a short laugh. “I told her that was ridiculous and that if he ever hit me, I’d have left him right then.”