by Frost Kay
“Accidents happen. No one is accountable but that monster,” her friend murmured. “They got you out and locked Sloven up.”
She flinched at his name and turned her watery glare on Lev, his turquoise eyes stark against his complexion. “You manipulated, lied, and put me in danger all for the sake of a game that I had no business being part of.” She swiped away her tears with her left hand. “I know. I know.” Blade wasn’t the only one with an illegal distorter.
Lev didn’t blink, grimace; nothing but a blank mask.
“I want to see it. Show me.” She gestured to his wrist comm. “Show me.”
He nodded at Coal and Blade, then tapped his wrist. A shiver went through the air, and new faces appeared before her eyes. In Lev’s place was the green-haired Av pirate who had attacked her ship. Her gaze skipped to Coal, who now wore the face of the blue-haired Av, Asa, as he’d called himself. Finally, she moved to Blade, whose fake green Human eyes were pinned to her.
Jer gasped. “You mud-eating—”
“Jer,” Coal said softly.
Her friend snapped her mouth shut and turned back to Allie. Jer’s eyes scanned her and dropped to Allie’s feet. “You have wounds on the bottoms of your feet. You should get off them.”
Allie glanced at the floor and stared at the bloody footprints. The sterile white floor began to spin, mixing the red smears, making them look like one of the king’s demented paintings. She wavered on her feet, and a hand smoothed over her shoulder. She glanced up into Zune’s eyes.
“Allie, you need to sit or you’re going to fall.”
“They hurt me,” she whispered.
“I know. Don’t worry. They were just leaving.”
She nodded, her head a swirl of colors and lies. Allie turned back to the mirages in front of her. They’d lied to her from the beginning. Messed with her mind, made her feel like she was going crazy. That was unforgivable. The scalpel dropped from her hand and clattered across the floor. She stepped into Lev’s space and planted a trembling finger against his chest. “You’re despicable.”
“I’m doing my job,” Lev said. Like it was an excuse for the hurt he’d caused.
She glanced to Coal and then Blade before focusing back on Lev’s foreign face. “I thought y’all were my new family. I guess I was wrong.” She swallowed the sobs threatening to drown her. “Hope it was worth it,” she said between her teeth.
Her legs started to go out from underneath her, but Zune caught her as Blade stepped closer. She stared at the Human visage he wore. “You forgot your face.”
A curse escaped him, and he touched his wrist, his Human façade disappearing. Familiar onyx eyes met hers, pleading. She stared at his face. His betrayal hurt the most.
“I trusted you.”
He swallowed hard, his shoulders slumping. “I know.”
“I kissed you.”
“I know.” His voice was ragged.
“Never again.”
“Don’t do this,” he said, tone sharp. “I messed up. I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
She closed her eyes against the tears threatening to fall and leaned her bruised cheek against Zune’s chest. “I want to go home.”
Silence met her statement.
“She needs to stay here,” Blade said.
As if he had any say in her life. Allie ignored him and stared at Eve. “Can I leave?”
“You’ve been seriously injured. In my opinion, it would be best for you to stay here.”
“Will I live if I go home?”
Eve glanced at Lev, as if awaiting his instruction.
“His opinion doesn’t matter. It’s my health, not his.”
Eve blew her purple bangs out of her face and frowned. “You’ll live.”
“Jer?” she called. The redhead moved to her side. “Take me home.”
5
Perfecting Avoidance
“What was that?” She was vaguely aware that her roommate had said something. At least, she thought it was directed toward her and not the movie Jer was watching.
The redhead scooted off her bed and clasped her fingers loosely between her knees, her blue gaze narrowed on her. Usually, that sort of look made Allie nervous, but not today. She wasn’t in the mood for Jer’s lectures.
“It’s like you’ve been gone the last three days. There’s been no one home. I’ve excused your behavior, because I understand what you’re going through.”
Allie’s eyebrows furrowed as she stared blankly at her friend. The words spewed like venom from her mouth: “You have no idea what I went through.” She slapped a hand over her lips, hating that she’d spoken in such a way to her friend. Her mama would’ve washed her mouth out with soap if she heard Allie speak to someone like that. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken that way to you.”
Jer reached out and clasped a hand over Allie’s cold fingers. She blinked at their linked fingers, Jer’s warm, hers freezing. For some reason, she just couldn’t get warm. Even as the thought went through her mind, she shivered and pulled the blanket tighter against her chest.
“It’s okay. I know you’re hurting. I understand.”
Allie gently pulled her fingers from her friend’s and flipped her hands over to stare at her abused palms. Scabs were forming, starting to itch terribly. Her fingers curled into fists, so she didn’t have to look at the wreckage from three days ago. A weak laugh fell from her lips. As if she could hide what happened. No matter what she did, her body hurt, but mirrors were the worst. They showed the brunt of the damage. Her skin bore the story of betrayal and brutality.
“I’m okay,” she said softly, her fingers moving along the thin blanket lying across her legs.
Jer nodded. “You’ve used that word a lot. It’s alright to not be okay. If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to talk. Just know that it’ll get better, day by day. I love you and I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk.”
She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to talk about it. Every night, she had nightmares. The worst part was that she took medicine just to fall asleep, but once she was asleep, she couldn’t wake. It was a horror in and of itself.
Allie blinked, realizing Jer was waiting for a response. She gave Jer a weak smile and knew that her friend saw right through her. “I’ll be able to talk about it soon enough. I just need to decompress.” Her words sounded hollow, even to her own ears. “Liar” was probably tattooed across her forehead.
The door hissed open as Jer strode into the apartment, her red hair tangled and messy, not at all resembling the sleek braid she’d plaited before she left for her shift at the Scarlet Kiss. Allie blinked slowly at her friend. The redhead was like a storm. She didn’t do anything quietly.
“What happened to your hair?” she blurted.
Allie cleared her throat. That was the most she’d said in a couple days.
Jer smiled crookedly and patted her wild red locks. “We had a crazy one tonight,” she said, tugging off her floor-length black jacket and throwing it haphazardly over her bed.
Allie nodded and then went back to her book.
“Are you kidding me?” Jer muttered. Her roommate trudged across the floor and jumped onto her bed.
She clutched at her blanket; her tablet jiggled from her fingers, falling to her lap. An annoyed sigh escaped her. As much as she wanted to continue her book, if she didn’t acknowledge Jer, the redhead would pester her until she did. The sooner she listened to her friend, the sooner she could escape back into the historical fantasy she was reading.
She arched an eyebrow at her friend. “Are you going to tell me about your crazy night?”
Jer glanced from the tablet to Allie’s face. “Forgive me my shock. I haven’t seen your face in a while. It’s been glued to that screen.”
“Are you going to tell me or not?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Who was Jer to chastise her?
“Touchy. But despite the tone, I’ll tell you anyway.”
“How
magnanimous of you,” Allie muttered.
Jer ignored her and launched into her story. “It was a wild one. You wouldn’t believe it! As you know, I was on bouncer duty tonight—”
“You just said duty.”
Her roommate scowled at her. “No interrupting. It’s my story.”
Allie waved her hand. “Get on with it.”
“Anywho,” Jer huffed. “A Kitteran male came into the bar with a few friends. It just so happened that there was a girl at the end of the bar who had been nursing a drink for a couple hours. A Human girl.”
Oh boy. She knew how this story ended.
“Well, Sid happened to be sitting by her. He was charming her like he does with every woman. The snake. Well, to make a long story short, the Kiterran male caught a whiff of the pretty little Human, and bam!” Jer clapped her hands together. “It was a super match. He about ripped Sid apart.”
Allie straightened. “Is Sid alright?”
The redhead waved a hand at her. “He’s fine. That scaled skin makes him impervious to most damage. I think his pride is the most wounded. But back to my story – he was so aggressive that it took Bastian, Elijah, and myself to wrestle him out of the Kiss.”
“I bet Elijah just loved that.”
Jer smirked. “That man is so overprotective some days. Good thing he’s not my boss or I wouldn’t get to have any fun.”
Fun. Jer’s idea of fun was getting thrown into walls and pummeling guys double her size. It wasn’t a healthy sport.
“The best part was the tiny Human girl who stormed out of the Kiss to yell at the Kiterran male and his friends. You should’ve seen the look on her face when she shook her finger in front of his face and he licked it.”
Allie froze as a memory washed over her. She remembered Blade doing a similar thing. Disgust churned in her belly. Blade was a snake in the grass. A liar.
“Needless to say, he’s banned from the Kiss, and I got to have a little fun.”
“Lovely,” Allie said.
Jer untangled her hair from the loose braid and cocked her head, her blue eyes studying Allie in that peculiar way. It was like her friend could see inside her, see the fear, the pain, the rage.
She flipped her scarlet hair over her shoulder and picked at the shiny black pants encasing her legs. “Sebastian’s been asking about you.”
“I don’t know why he’s asking about me. He knows that I’m coming back to work next week. He’s even been here to see me.” They were all gossips, and her boss was the worst.
Her roommate slung a leg across her bed. “That’s true, but you haven’t exactly been yourself. And you haven’t really talked to anybody. Said anything.”
She’d said things, just not what they wanted to talk about. “Talking doesn’t make it any better. It just makes the nightmares worse. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. Can you please drop it?”
“I promise you, it’s only going to make it worse,” Jer said softly. “I know how these things go.”
“You know how these things go? How could you possibly know how these things go?” Allie threw the blankets off her legs, her tablet smacking the wall with a thunk that she barely noticed in the heat of her anger. She stormed across the room, and then skidded to a halt with nowhere to go. She spun on her heel and stomped back to Jer, pointing a finger at her friend. “You think you know what it’s like to think you’re going to die? To think that a murderer is going to torture you, or rape you?” Even saying the words made her sick, but she soldiered on. “Or maybe even try to reenact one of his atrocious paintings with you as the prisoner?” Her hand shook as she pulled it back. Jer’s eyes rounded with pity.
“No,” Allie hissed, sweeping her hand across her chest. “You don’t understand, and you don’t get to judge me or needle me into speaking about something I’m not comfortable with. If I want to talk to you about it, I’ll talk to you. But for now? Now, I need you to leave me alone!”
Jer’s lips thinned, but she nodded and stood, towering over Allie in her high-heeled boots. She didn’t say anything, and only wrapped her arms around Allie and squeezed. At first, Allie stiffened up. She didn’t want to be held or touched. But after a while, her panic unwound in her chest. It felt good to be hugged. Her eyes burned with unshed tears. She wanted her mama, her family, the people who loved and cared for her, to be here.
“I want my mom,” she whispered. “I don’t care if it makes me childish or weak, but I want my mom.”
Jer shushed her and ran a hand down her hair like her mama used to. “Everything’s going to be alright, sweetheart.”
“I want to go home.”
“I miss my home, too. I wish I could give her to you, but there’s no possible way. I’m so sorry for that.” A hitching breath. “I can be your family and your friend if you’ll let me.”
Allie nodded and pulled back, noticing that her tears had seeped through her eyes and onto her friend’s uniform.
“Sorry,” she said, wiping at her face. “My grand-mere always said I was a terrible weeper. I’ve always been an ugly crier.”
Jer shrugged, smiling down at the tightfitting top. “I’ve had worse things on my clothing.” A shrug. “I didn’t really like this top anyway. It itches.”
Allie crawled back into bed, suddenly exhausted. “You’ve never liked your skin suits.”
Her friend cracked a smile that turned downright evil. “Well, at least I have a legitimate reason to make this one disappear.”
“What Bastian doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
“Exactly. I like how you think, Allie Sai.”
Jer cocked her head, her brows furrowing, and pulled Allie’s tank top to the side. “What’s going on with your skin?”
Allie shrugged her friend’s hand off and adjusted her tank top. “It’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing. The blue marks are weird.” She glanced at Allie’s marks with worry. “Has Eve looked at it?”
“What do you think?” Allie crawled back into bed, nestling into her blanket. “She’s done tests, and everything is just fine.”
Her roommate eyed her skeptically. “How long has it been there?”
“It showed up three days after the attack.”
Jer froze. “And you don’t think that’s peculiar?”
It was more than peculiar. The cyan lines covered more of her body than she’d admit to Jer. She didn’t want to worry her friend needlessly. Eve was taking care of it. “Eve’s not worried.” At least, if she was, she didn’t show it.
“Okay. But I’m not letting this go.”
Allie rolled her eyes. “Do you let anything go?”
Jer sniffed. “What are you saying? That I’m like a dog with a bone?”
“I didn’t say it.”
Her roommate’s eyes narrowed, and she lobbed a pillow at her. Allie laughed, feeling a little freer. Jer always managed to do that. “Love you.”
“I love you too, brat,” Jer grumped.
6
Busybodies and Probes
Wiping down the bar was oddly soothing. There was a measure of peace brought by doing something that was achingly familiar. It didn’t require any thought, and the shiny surface when finished was gratifying.
A hand touched her arm, yanking her from her thoughts. Allie jerked, knocking over a glass. She braced for the sound of shattering glass, but Bastian snatched it right out of the air before it crashed to the floor.
Stinking Kanji reflexes.
He slowly placed the glass down and stepped out of her space, his violet eyes finally meeting hers. He’d been doing that lately, staying out of her space. Before, they were always touching in a platonic way, but now he went out of his way not to touch her. Part of her was relieved, because she didn’t want anyone touching her, but the other part of her missed the interaction.
Bastian leaned a hip against the bar and crossed his arms, his tattooed forearms on display. “You doing okay, Allie?” he asked.
>
Okay. There was that stupid word again. Honestly, she was the furthest thing from okay, but she was doing the best she could. She was trying to be okay. Some days were better than others. She found she did better if she had a schedule. That way, she didn’t have a chance to wallow or use escapism to avoid the world.
“Your non-answer is answer enough. As it happens, I don’t think you’re fine, little one.”
“I am as fine as I can be.” She pasted on a fake smile and continued to wipe down the bar. He wasn’t trapping her into having this conversation now. She glanced around the Kiss. Who knew what busybodies were listening?
“You can take as much time as you need. You don’t have to be here,” he said softly.
Lord, save her from all the pity.
Allie slapped a hand against the bar and glanced up at him from underneath her lashes. “And where would I be, Sebastian? Where would I go?” She flung her arms out, the damp towel hanging limply from her fingers. “If I did as you said, what would I do? I don’t have any family or friends except for Sid, Jer, Elijah, and yourself. I’m so alone.” The words tasted like ash on her tongue, but it didn’t make them any less true.
Bastian reached out and touched her cheek in a gentle caress. “You’re not alone, and you’re right in one instance—we are your family. There are people who love you.”
She nodded, feeling guilty. She was being ungrateful to those who’d taken her in. Elijah caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back, but it felt wrong on her face. Her skin didn’t feel like it belonged to her any longer.
Pulling in a deep breath, she squeezed the towel in her fist. She knew what was bothering her. It had been three weeks since the incident. That night had been a horrid, awful blemish on her life, but it was the betrayal of those she’d come to count as friends that ate at her. What was worse—she missed the blasted traitors. She missed working with Zune, missed Kale’s jokes, even missed that wrinkly bastard Virgil.
A dark anger burned in her gut. It wasn’t right for her to miss them. They had put her life on the line. They’d lied.