Jonah and Co.

by Dornford Yates

  CHAPTER II

  HOW THREE WAGERS WERE MADE, AND ADELE KILLED TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE

  We had slept, risen and breakfasted: we had visited Tours Cathedral:finally, we had mustered in the lounge of the hotel. It was when wehad there been insulting one another for nearly an hour, that Jonahlooked at his watch.

  "We have now," he said, "wasted exactly forty-nine minutes in kickingagainst the pricks. Short of a European war, you can't alter thegeography of France, and the laws of Mathematics take a lot ofupsetting. It's no good wishing that Bordeaux was Biarritz, or thatPau was half the distance it is from Angouleme. If you don't want togo right through, you must stay at Bordeaux. It's the only possibleplace. If you don't want to stay at Bordeaux, you must go rightthrough. I don't care which we do, but I do want to see something ofPoitiers, and, if we don't get a move on, we shan't have time."

  All the way from Boulogne France had made an excellent host. So farshe had never failed to offer us a good night's lodging, with Historyas a bedfellow, at the end of a respectable run. Indeed, from thepoint of view of they that go down to the South in cars, her famouscapitals could hardly have been more conveniently disposed. This veryevening, by lodging us at Angouleme, she was to repeat such hospitalityfor the last time. Upon the morrow we should be faced with a choice ofmaking a dash for the villa which was awaiting our arrival at Pau, orbreaking the journey asunder--but by no means in half--by sleeping atBordeaux.

  "I must confess," said Daphne, "that, for some reason or other,Bordeaux doesn't attract me. Incidentally, I'm getting rather tired ofunpacking and packing up."

  "So far," said her husband, "as the bestowal and disinterment of myeffects are concerned, I can confirm that statement. Indeed, if we hadanother week on the road, you'd both be exhausted. You left my spongeand bedroom-slippers at Boulogne, my dressing-gown at Rouen, and mypyjamas at Chartres. I wish you'd tell me what you've left here. I'msimply dying to know."

  "No," said Daphne. "You must wait till Angouleme. I wouldn't spoil itfor anything."

  "Jade," said her husband. "And now, stand back, please, everybody. Iwant to do a little stock-taking." With that, from every pocket heproduced French notes of all denominations, in all stages of decay, andheaped them upon the table. "Now, this one," he added, gingerlyextracting a filthy and dilapidated rag, "is a particularly interestingspecimen. Apparently, upon close inspection, merely a valuablesecurity, worth, to be exact, a shade under twopence-half-penny, it isin reality a talisman. Whosoever touches it, cannot fail to contractat least two contagious diseases within the week. In view of thetemperature of my coffee this morning, I'm saving it for thehead-waiter."

  "When," said I, "do you expect to go down?"

  "The pure in heart," said Berry, "are proof against its malignity.Don't you come too near. And look at this sere and yellow leaf. Now,that represents one franc. When I think that, upon offering that to abar-tender, I shall not only not be assaulted, but shall actuallyreceive a large bottle of beer and be lent a two-and-sixpenny glassfrom which to imbibe the same, I feel the deepest reverence for theFrench Government. No other authority in the world could possibly putup such a bluff and get away with it."

  "They are awful," said Jill, peering.

  "They're perfectly beastly," said Berry, "and wholly ridiculous.However, since they're also legal tender, I suppose I may as well tryand sort them out. What I really need is some rubber gloves and abox-respirator. Hullo! Just catch that one, will you? He's seen thatdog over there.... You know, I'm not at all sure that they get enoughair in my pocket. I suppose we couldn't get a hutch for the moreadvanced ones. I mean, I don't want to be cruel."

  Again Jonah looked at his watch.

  "We have now," he said, "wasted fifty-six minutes in----"

  "Excuse me," said Berry, "but isn't this touching? Here's affectionateAlbert." With the words, he laid a two-franc note tenderly upon mysleeve. "Now, I bet you don't get him off without tearing him."

  Disgustedly I managed to detach Albert, who instantly adhered to myfingers.

  There was a shriek of laughter.

  "Stick to him," said Berry. "I've lost the bet."

  The injunction was unnecessary.

  After Albert had clung once to Adele's--happily, gloved--fingers andtwice to each of my hands, I trod upon him. Some of Albert was stillupon my boot that evening at Angouleme.

  "For the last time," said Jonah, "I appeal to you all to let thatdog-eared mountebank rake over his muck-heap, and attend to me."

  My brother-in-law addressed Adele.

  "It is," he said, "a discreditable but incontrovertible fact thatsaints have always been reviled. I suppose it's jealousy." He turnedto his wife. "By the way, did you pack my _aureola_? I left ithanging on the towel-rail."

  "If," said Daphne, "you're referring to your body-belt, it's with yourbed-socks."

  "And why not between your flannel vests?" said her husband. "The greyones we found at Margate, I mean. With the imitation bone buttons.Ah, here we are. Now, if half a franc's no earthly, what'll who giveme for two-thirds of fifty centimes?"

  Jonah sank into a chair and closed his eyes.

  "Look here," said I desperately. "Once for all, are we going to stayat Bordeaux, or are we going right through?"

  "I think we'd all rather go right through," said Jill.

  "I know I would," said her brother. "And if Boy's leg was all right, Ishouldn't hesitate. I'll answer for Ping. But, frankly, with Berrydriving, I doubt if Pong'll fetch up. I mean, two hundred andtwenty-two miles takes some biting off."

  There was a pregnant silence. Then--

  "He'll never do it," said Daphne.

  Her husband, who was still busy with his paper, looked up defiantly.Then he took a thousand-franc note and laid it apart from its fellowsupon the table.

  "I will wager that shekel," he said deliberately, "that, with a startof one hour to-morrow, Pong reaches Pau before Ping."

  There was a gasp of astonishment.

  "Done," said Jonah. "What's more, I'll bet you another you don't getin before ten."

  Berry raised his eyes to heaven.

  "An insult," he said. "Never mind. Your dross shall wipe it out. Itake you."

  "And I," said I, not to be outdone, "will put another on Pong for thedouble."

  I felt that my honour was involved. After all, if I had not trainedthe mount, I was training the jockey.

  "Right," said Jonah. "Will you both pay me now, or wait till you'reout of hospital?"

  "I think," said I, "we'll have a run for our money."

  The bets were made, and there was an end of it. But when we were againin the car, and my brother-in-law was threading his way out of Tours, Ibegan to repent my rashness.

  Considering that, when he took the wheel at Boulogne, Berry had hadonly three lessons in the management of a car, he had done mostcreditably. My brother-in-law was no fool. Moreover, on leavingRouen, he and I had joined forces. Sitting beside him in the coupe, Ihad driven the car with his hands--after a little practice--withastonishing results. In two days we had, we prided ourselves, raisedsuch collaboration from the ranks of the Mechanical to the society ofthe Fine Arts. My part was comparatively easy. Sinking his initiativehe had more nearly converted himself into an intelligent piece ofmechanism than I would have believed possible. It would, of course, bevain to suggest that Pong would not have gone faster if I had been ableto drive with my own hands, or Berry had had my experience. Still, wehad come very well, and with a start of a whole hour and a littleluck.... Another point in our favour was that Adele, who with Nobbycompleted our crew, had a pronounced gift for map-reading. She had aneye to country. She seemed to be able to scent the line we ought totake. The frequent treachery of signposts she laughed to scorn. Uponthe morrow her confident assistance would be invaluable....

  What, when I made my bet, I had entirely forgotten, was that we werenot always upon the open road. There was the rub. From Angouleme
toPau towns would have to be penetrated--among them Bordeaux itself--andin the towns our system had broken down. In a crowded street, though Icould still administer, Berry could not execute. When I endeavoured toallow for his inexperience of traffic, I found it impossible accuratelyto gauge his capabilities. After a failure or two, it had been agreedthat he should negotiate such streets as we encountered without myinterference.... Of my haste to support Pong's honour, I had forgottenthe towns.

  With years of practice behind us, Jonah and I could thrust throughtraffic, happy enough with an odd inch to spare. Naturally enough,Berry had no such confidence. An inch was of no use to him. He musthave a good ell, and more also, before he would enter a gap. In thetrough of a narrow street he laboured heavily.... There was no doubtabout it. The towns through which we should have to pass on Wednesdaywould settle our chances. My money was as good as gone.

  It seemed equally probable that Berry would save his stake. Barringaccidents of the grosser sort, if we started betimes, we were bound toreach Pau before ten. Such a protasis robbed the bet of its savour.With a thousand francs at stake, it would be foolish not to takereasonable care. And the taking of reasonable care would all buteliminate the element of uncertainty.... There was no getting awayfrom it. Of the two wagers, only the first was worth winning. Toreach Pau before Jonah would be a veritable triumph.

  Moodily I communicated my reflections to Adele.

  "I thought it was rather rash at the time," she replied. "But I thinkthere's a sporting chance."

  "That's right," said Berry. "Put your money on uncle. With enoughencouragement I can do anything."

  "Permit me to encourage you to blow your horn," said I. "That child infront of you is too young to die." My brother-in-law obeyed. "All thesame, I'm afraid we're for it. It isn't so much a question of pace,pure and simple, for Jonah's a careful driver. But his street work isbeautiful."

  Berry sighed.

  "I suppose he'd pass between those two waggons," he said sarcastically.

  "He would," said I.

  "I don't think you quite see where I mean," said Berry, pointing. "Imean along that temporary passage, which would admit a smallperambulator."

  As he spoke, Ping brushed past us, slipped between the two wains, anddisappeared.

  Berry stared after it in silence. At length--

  "I withdraw," he said. "I'm not a conjurer. If everybody stood wellback I used to be able to produce an egg, broken or unbroken accordingto the temperature of my hands, from a handkerchief about six feetsquare. People were very nice about it, very nice. But an inabilityto introduce a quart into a pint pot has always been among my failings.Don't say I've got to turn to the left here, because I can't bear it."

  "No," said Adele, smiling. "Straight on."

  "What--past the steam roller? How very touching! Excuse me,messieurs, but would you mind suspending your somewhat boisterous_travail_? My little car is frightened.... No answer. I suppose Imust pass it. Or shall we turn back? You know, I didn't really halfsee the cathedral!"

  "Go on," I said mercilessly. "Jam your foot on the accelerator andshut your eyes. Oh, and you might hold Nobby a minute, will you? Iwant to light a cigarette."

  Adele began to shake with laughter.

  "With pleasure," said Berry acidly. "And then I'll help you on withyour coat. I may say that, if you touch me with that mammal, I shallpress and pull everything I can see and burst into tears. I'm allstrung up, I am."

  There was not much room, and the roller was ponderously closing in, butwith a protruding tongue our luckless chauffeur crept slowly past themonster in safety, and a moment later we were scudding up the Poitiersroad.

  Now that we were clear of the town, we set to work diligently. Adelepored over the map and the Michelin Guide; Berry turned himself into amechanical doll; and I maintained a steady issue of orders until mythroat was sore.

  The weather was fair and the going was good. Her new-born stiffnessbeginning to wear off, Pong went better than ever. Berry excelledhimself.

  With every kilometre we covered my spirits rose, and when we overtookJonah on the outskirts of Chatellerault, I could have flung up my cap.

  The latter was clearly immensely surprised to see us, and when westopped, as was our custom, at a _charcuterie_ to buy our lunch, andPing had followed our example, leaned out of his window and asked mepointedly whether my leg was yet stiff.

  Concealing a smile, I regretted that it was.

  Jonah fingered his chin.

  "Of course," he said warily, "it's a condition precedent that you don'tdrive to-morrow."

  "Of course," I agreed.

  The confession of uneasiness, however, did my heart good. It was plainthat my imperturbable cousin was getting nervous.

  As we moved off again--

  "We must lunch soon," said Berry. "My mouth's watering so fast, Ican't keep up with it."

  I patted Adele's arm.

  "Now you know the way to his heart," I said. "Straight through thestomach, and----"

  "But how gross!" said Berry. "And how untrue! Naturally ascetic, butfor the insistence of my physicians, I should long ago have let my hairgrow and subsisted entirely on locusts and motionless lemonade. But aharsh Fate ruled otherwise. Excuse me, but I think that that therebasket or ark in which the comfort is enshrined is rather near theconduit through which flows that sparkling liquid which, when vapoured,supplies our motive power. And _foie gras_ is notoriously susceptibleto the baneful influence of neighbouring perfumes. Thank you. Ifthose bits of heaven were to taste of petrol, it would shorten my life.And now, where was I?"

  I turned to Adele.

  "He's off," said I. "The prospect of gluttony always loosens histongue. There's really only one way to stop him. What about lunchingat the top of this hill? Or can you bear it till we've passedPoitiers?"

  A mischievous look came into Adele's brown eyes.

  "It's not half-past twelve yet," she said slowly. My brother-in-lawgroaned. "Still ... I don't know.... After all, we did havebreakfast rather early, didn't we?"

  Berry smacked his lips.

  "A sensible woman," he said, "is above boobies."

  As he spoke, Ping swept by stormily.

  There was a moment's silence. Then--

  "Hurray," cried Adele excitedly; "we've got a rise!"

  It was patently true. Jonah was wishful to reassure himself upon apoint which an hour ago he had taken for granted. The reflection thatat the moment we had not been trying to outdistance him increased ourdelight. All the same, his ability to out-drive us was unquestionable.But whether he could give us the start he had agreed to was anothermatter.

  We ate a festive lunch....

  An hour with Poitiers is like a sip of old wine.

  The absence of the stir and bustle which fret her sister capitals isnotable. So reverend and thoughtful is the old grey-muzzled town thatit is hard to recognise the bristling war-dog that bestrode thetoughest centuries, snarled in the face of Fate, and pulled down Time.The old soldier has got him a cassock and become a gentle-faceddominie. The sleepy music of bells calling, the pensive air of study,the odour of simple piety, the sober confidence of great possessions,are most impressive. Poitiers has beaten her swords into crosiers andher spears into tuning-forks. Never was there an old age so ripe, somellow, so becoming. With this for evidence, you may look History inthe eyes and swear that you have seen Poitiers in the prime of her fulllife. The dead will turn in their graves to hear you; children unbornwill say you knew no better. And Poitiers will take the threefoldcompliment with a grave smile. She has heard it so often.

  Celt, Roman, Visigoth, Moor, Englishman--all these have held Poitiersin turn. Proud of their tenure, lest History should forget, three atleast of them have set up their boasts in stone. The place was, Iimagine, a favourite. Kings used her, certainly. Dread HarryPlantagenet gave her a proud cathedral. Among her orchards Coeur deLion worshipped Jehane, jousted, sang of a summer eve
ning, and spenthis happiest days. Beneath her shadow the Black Prince lighted such acandle of Chivalry as has never yet been put out. Not without honourof her own countrymen, for thirteen years the High Court of Parliamentpreferred her to Paris. Within her walls the sainted Joan argued herinspiration.

  I have dived at random into her wallet, yet see what I have broughtforth. If memories are precious, Poitiers is uncommon rich.

  As if to console us for our departure, the road to Sister Angouleme wassuperb. Broad, straight, smooth as any floor, the great highwaystretched like a strip of marquetry inlaid upon the countryside. Itsinvitation was irresistible....

  We reached the windy town in time for a late tea.

  As soon as this was over, Berry and I escaped and carried Pong off to agarage, there to be oiled and greased against the morrow's race.Somewhat to our amusement, before we had been there ten minutes, ourcousin arrived with Ping and the same object. Had the incidentoccurred at Poitiers, I should have been encouraged as well. It wasanother sign that Jonah did not despise his opponents, and his opinionwas worth having. As it was, the compliment left me unmoved....

  The truth was, Berry had that afternoon contracted two habits. Againand again on the way from Poitiers he had shown a marked tendency tochoke his engine, and five times he had failed to mesh the gears whenchanging speed. Twice we had had to stop altogether and start again.He had, of course, reproached himself violently, and I had made lightof the matter. But, for all the comfort I offered him, I was seriouslyalarmed. In a word, his sudden lapse suggested that my brother-in-lawwas entering that most unpleasant stage which must be traversed by allwho will become chauffeurs and are taught, so to speak, to run beforethey can walk.

  It was after we had dined, and when my wife and I were seated--myself,by virtue of my injury, upon a couch, and she upon a cushion besideme--before the comfort of a glowing log-fire, that Adele laid down theGuide and leaned her head against my knee.

  "I'm glad I married you," she said.

  I looked at Nobby.

  "So are we both," said I.

  "I wonder," said Adele, "whether you are really, or whether you're justbeing nice."

  "Personally, I'm just being nice. Nobby is really. Of course, he maybe making the best of a bad job. As a worldly good of mine, I justendowed you with him, and that was that."

  "You were both very happy before--before I came."

  "We thought we were."

  "O-o-oh," said Adele, twisting her head around, to see my face. "Youwere. You know you were."

  The gleeful accusation of the soft brown eyes was irresistible. Togain time, I swallowed. Then--

  "So were you," I said desperately.

  "I know I was," was the disconcerting reply.

  "Well, then, why shouldn't we----"

  "But you said you weren't."

  I called the Sealyham.

  "Nobby," said I, "I'm being bullied. The woman we love is turning mywords against me."

  For a moment the dog looked at us. Then he sat up and begged.

  "And what," said Adele, caressing him, "does that mean?"

  "He's pleading my cause--obviously."

  "I'm not so sure," said Adele. "I wish he could talk."

  "You're a wicked, suspicious girl. Here are two miserable males, allpale and trembling for love of you--you've only got to smile to makethem rich--and you set your small pink heel upon their devotion. Iadmit it's a soft heel--one of the very softest----"

  "----I ever remember," flashed Adele. "How very interesting! 'Heels Ihave Held,' by Wild Oats. Were the others pink, too?"

  Solemnly I regarded her.

  "A little more," said I, "and I shan't teach her to drive."

  Adele tossed her head.

  "Berry's going to do that," she said. "Directly we get to Pau."

  I laughed savagely.

  "I'm talking of automobiles," I said, "not golf balls."

  "I know," said my wife. "And Berry's going to----"

  "Well, he's not!" I shouted. "For one thing, he can't, and, foranother, it's my right, and I won't give it up. I've been lookingforward to it ever since I knew you. I've dreamed about it. You'remiles cleverer than I am, you're wise, you're quick-witted, you canplay, you can sing like a nightingale, you can take me on at tennis,you can ride--driving a car's about the only thing I can teach you,and----"

  Adele laid a smooth hand upon my mouth.

  "Nobby and I," she said, "are very proud of you. They're not in thesame street with their master, they know, but they're awfully proud tobe his wife and dog."

  To such preposterous generosity there was but one answer.

  As I made it--

  "May I teach you to drive, lady?"

  A far-away look came into the soft brown eyes.

  "If you don't," said Adele, "nobody shall."

  * * * * *

  The day of the race dawned, clear and jubilant. By eight o'clock thesun was high in a blue heaven, new-swept by a steady breeze. Limpinginto the courtyard before breakfast, I rejoiced to notice that the airwas appreciably warmer than any I had breathed for a month.

  We had hoped to leave Angouleme at nine o'clock. Actually it was aquarter to ten before the luggage was finally strapped into place andmy brother-in-law climbed into the car. With a sigh for a badbeginning, I reflected that if we could not cover the two-hundred andtwenty odd miles in twelve and a quarter hours, we ought to be shot.

  Jonah stood by, watch in hand.

  "Are you ready?" he said.

  I nodded.

  "Right," said my cousin. "I'm not sure we've picked the best route,but it's too late now. No divergence allowed."

  "I agree."

  "And you don't drive."

  "It's out of the question."

  "Right. Like to double the bets?"

  "No," said Adele, "they wouldn't. I won't allow it. But I'll bet withyou. I can't afford much, but I'll bet you a hundred francs we'rethere before you."

  "I'll give you tens," said my cousin. "And I start in one hour from_Now_!"

  When I say that, upon the word being given, Pong, whose manners hadbeen hitherto above reproach, utterly refused to start or be started,it will be seen that Fate was against us....

  It took us exactly two minutes to locate the trouble--which was in themagneto--and just over two hours to put it right.

  As we slid out of Angouleme, an impatient clock announced that it wasmid-day.

  At least the delay had done something. So far as the second wager wasconcerned, it had altered the whole complexion of the case. We were nolonger betting upon anything approaching a certainty. Indeed, unlesswe could break the back of the distance before daylight failed, ourchances of reaching Pau before ten were worth little. If the road toBordeaux were as fine as that from Poitiers, and Berry could find hisform, we should probably run to time. We could not afford, however, togive a minute away.

  As luck would have it, the state of the road was, on the whole, ratherworse than any we had used since we left Boulogne. Presumablyuntouched for over six years, the wear and tear to which, as one of thearteries springing from a great port, it had been subjected, had turneda sleek highway into a shadow of itself. There was no flesh; the skinwas broken; the very bones were staring.

  For the first half hour we told one another that we had struck a badpatch. For the second we expressed nervous hopes that the going wouldgrow no worse. After that, Berry and I lost interest and suffered insilence. Indeed, but for Adele, I think we should have thrown up thesponge and spent the night at Bordeaux.

  My lady, however, kept us both going.

  She had studied our route until she knew it by heart, and was justburning to pilot us through Bordeaux and thence across Gascony.

  "They're sure to make mistakes after Bordeaux. You know what thesign-posts are like. And the road's really tricky. But I spent twohours looking it up yesterday evening. I took you through Barbezieuxall right, didn't I?"
r />   "Like a book, darling."

  "Well, I can do that every time. And I daresay they'll have tiretrouble. Besides, the road's no worse for us than it is for them, andafter Bordeaux it'll probably be splendid. Of course we'll be therebefore ten--we can't help it. I want to be there before Jonah. I'vegot a hundred----"

  "My dear," I expostulated, "I don't want to----"

  "We've got a jolly good chance, any way. While you were getting herright, I got the lunch, and we can eat that without stopping. You canfeed Berry. We'll gain half an hour like that."

  Before such optimism I had not the face to point out that, if ouropponents had any sense at all, they had lunched before leavingAngouleme.

  "Here's a nice patch," added Adele. "Put her along, you two."

  Spurred by her enthusiasm, we bent again to the oars.

  Contrary to my expectation, my brother-in-law, if unusually silent, wasdriving well. But the road was against him. He had not sufficientexperience to be able to keep his foot steady upon the accelerator whena high speed and a rude surface conspired to dislodge it--a shortcomingwhich caused us all three much discomfort and lost a lot of mileage.Then, again, I dared not let him drive too close to the side of theroad. Right at the edge the surface was well preserved, and I knewthat Jonah's off wheels would make good use of it. Such finesse,however, was out of Berry's reach. We pelted along upon what remainedof the crown painfully.

  Seventy-three miles separate Bordeaux from Angouleme, and at the end oftwo hours fifty-four of them lay behind us. All things considered,this was extremely good, and when Adele suggested that we should eatour lunch, I agreed quite cheerfully.

  The suggestion, however, that I should feed Berry proved impracticable.

  After four endeavours to introduce one end of a _petit pain_ into hismouth--

  "Would it be asking too much," said my brother-in-law, "if I suggestedthat you should suspend this assault? I don't know what part of yourface you eat with, but I usually use my mouth. I admit it's a bit of arosebud, but that's no excuse for all these 'outers.' Yes, I know it'sa scream, but I was once told never to put _foie gras_ upon the nose orcheeks. They say it draws the skin. Oh, and don't let's have anycomic nonsense about the beer," he added shortly. "Pour it straightinto my breast-pocket and have done with it. Then I can suck myhandkerchief."

  As he spoke, Nobby leaned forward and took the dishevelled sandwich outof my unready fingers.

  "That's right," added Berry, with the laugh of a maniac. "Cast myportion to the dogs." He dabbed his face with a handkerchief. "Nevermind. When his hour comes, you'll have to hold him out of the window.I'm not going to stop every time he wants to be sick."

  Eventually it was decided that, since we should have to stop forpetrol, Berry must seize that opportunity to devour some food.

  "Besides," I concluded, "a rest of a quarter of an hour will do yougood."

  As the words left my mouth, I noticed for the first time that mybrother-in-law was tiring.

  For the moment I thought I was mistaken, for upon our previous runs hehad never turned a hair. Now, however, he seemed to be driving with aneffort. As if to confirm my suspicions, at the very next hill hemissed his change.

  "I think," I said quickly, "you ought to have your lunch right away.It's no good getting done in for want of food."

  Berry shot me a pathetic glance.

  "It isn't that, old chap. It's---- Hang it all, it's my shoulder!That cursed muscular rheumatism cropped up again yesterday...."

  The murder was out.

  After a little he admitted that, ever since we had left Poitiers, anyquick movement of his left arm had caused him intense pain.

  Of course both Adele and I besought him to stop there and then and letthe race go to blazes. Of this he would not hear, declaring that, solong as Jonah was behind, victory was not out of sight, and thatnothing short of paralysis would induce him to jilt the jade. After alittle argument, we let him have his way ...

  The road continued to offer an abominable passage, and when we stoppedat a garage in Bordeaux, it was five minutes to three of a beautifulafternoon.

  The third bidon was discharging its contents into Pong's tank, andBerry was sitting wearily upon the running-board, with his mouth fulland a glass of beer in his hand, when, with an apologetic cough, Pingemerged from behind an approaching tram and slid past us over thecobbles with a smooth rush. The off-side window was open, and, as thecar went by, Jonah waved to us.

  There was no doubt about it, my cousin was out to win. It was alsotransparently clear that Adele and I, at any rate, had lost our money.We could not compete with an average of thirty-six miles an hour.

  "Boy!"

  "Yes, darling?"

  "Is that the last _bidon_?"

  "Yes. But Berry won't have finished for at least ten minutes.Besides----"

  "Couldn't I drive for a bit, just till he's finished his lunch?"

  I stared at my wife. Then--

  "I don't see why you shouldn't, dear, except that the streets ofBordeaux are rather rough on a beginner."

  "I'll be very careful," pleaded Adele, "and--and, after all, we shallbe moving. And it can't affect the bets. Nothing was said about Berryhaving to drive."

  I smiled ruefully.

  "As far as the bets are concerned, we might as well stay here thenight. We've got a hundred and fifty miles in front of us, and sevenhours--five of them after dark--to do them in. Berry's shoulder hasput the lid on. We shan't get in before midnight."

  "You never know," said Adele.

  Berry suspended the process of mastication to put his oar in.

  "Let her drive," he said huskily. "One thing's certain. She can't doany worse than I have."

  "You never know," said Adele.

  A minute later she was in the driver's seat, and I had folded the rugand placed it behind her back.

  As Berry took his seat--

  "That's right," I said. "Now let in the clutch gently.... Well done.Change.... Good girl! Now, I shouldn't try to pass this lorryuntil----"

  "I think you would," said Adele, changing into third, and darting infront of the monster.

  "Good Heavens!" I cried. Then: "Look out for that tram, lady. You'dbetter..."

  As the tram was left standing, I caught my brother-in-law by the arm.

  "_She can drive!_" I said stupidly.

  "Nonsense," said Berry, "I'm willing her."

  "_You fool!_" I shouted, shaking him. "_I tell you she can drive!_"We flashed between two waggons. "_Look at that! She's a first-classdriver, and she's going to save your stake!_"

  "What's really worrying me," said Adele, "is how we're to pass Jonahwithout him seeing us."

  There was an electric silence. Then--

  "_For-rard!_" yelled Berry. "_For-r-a-r-d!_ Out of the way, fat face,or we'll take the coat off your back." A portly Frenchman leaped intosafety with a scream. "That's the style. For-rard! Fill the fife,dear heart, fill the blinkin' fife; there's a cyciclist on the horizon.For-rard!"

  To sound the horn would have been a work of supererogation. Maddenedby our vociferous exuberance, Nobby lifted up his voice and barked likea demoniac. The ungodly hullaballoo with which we shook the dust ofBordeaux from off our tires will be remembered fearfully by all whowitnessed our exit from that city.

  When I had indulged my excitement, I left the terrier and Berry tofinish the latter's lunch and turned to my wife.

  Sitting there, with her little hands about the wheel, she made abewitching picture. She had thrown her fur coat open, and the breezefrom the open window was playing greedily with the embroidery about herthroat. Her soft hair, too, was now at the wind's mercy, and but for alittle suede hat, which would have suited Rosalind, the dark strandthat lay flickering upon her cheek would have been one of many. Chinin air, eyebrows raised, lids lowered, the faintest of smiles hoveringabout her small red mouth, my lady leaned back with an indescribableair of easy efficiency which was most attractive. Only
the parted lipsat all betrayed her eagerness....

  I felt very proud suddenly.

  The road was vile, but Pong flew over it without a tremor. Lookingupon his driver, I found it difficult to appreciate that a smallsilk-stockinged foot I could not see was setting and maintaining hisbeautiful steady pace.

  As I stared at her, marvelling, the smile deepened, and a little glovedhand left the wheel and stole into mine.

  I pulled the glove back and kissed the white wrist....

  "And I was going to teach you," I said humbly.

  "So was I," wailed Berry. "I'd arranged everything. I was going to beso patient."

  "I was looking forward to it so much," I said wistfully.

  "Oh, and don't you think I was?" cried Adele. "It was so dear of you,lad. I was going to pretend----"

  "It was much more dearer of me," said Berry. "But then, I'm like that.Of course," he added, "you ought to have driven from Boulogne. Don'ttell me why you held your peace, because I know. And I think it wasjust sweet of you, darling, and, but for your husband's presence, Ishould kiss you by force."

  The car fled on.

  There was little traffic, but thrice we came upon cows and once upon alarge flock of sheep. We could only pray that Jonah had endured thesame trials.

  As we slid through Langon, thirty miles distant from Bordeaux, I lookedat my watch. Two minutes to four. Adele noticed the movement andasked the time. When I told her, she frowned.

  "Not good enough," she said simply.

  The light was beginning to fail now, and I asked if she would have thelamps lit.

  She shook her head.

  "Not yet, Boy."

  At last the road was presenting a better surface. As we flashed up along incline, a glance at the speedometer showed me that we were doingfifty. As I looked again, the needle swung slowly to fifty-five....

  I began to peer into the distance for Jonah's dust.

  With a low snarl we swooped into La Reole, whipped unhesitatingly toright and left, coughed at cross-streets, and then swept out of thetown ere Berry had found its name in the Michelin Guide.

  Again I asked my wife if she would have the headlights.

  "Not yet, Boy."

  "Shall I raise the wind screen?"

  "Please."

  Together Berry and I observed her wish, while with her own right handshe closed the window. The rush of the cool air was more thanfreshening, and I turned up her coat collar and fastened the heavy furabout her throat.

  The car tore on.

  Lights began to appear--one by one, stabbing the dusk with their beams,steady, conspicuous. One only, far in the distance, seemedill-defined--a faint smudge against the twilight. Then it went outaltogether.

  "Jonah," said Adele quietly.

  She was right.

  Within a minute we could see the smear again--more clearly. It wasPing's tail-lamp.

  I began to tremble with excitement. Beside me I could hear Berrybreathing fast through his nose.

  Half a dozen times we lost the light, only to pick it up again a momentlater. Each time it was brighter than before. We were gainingrapidly....

  We could not have been more than a furlong behind, when the suddenappearance of a cluster of bright pin-pricks immediately ahead showedthat we were approaching Marmande.

  Instantly Ping's tail-light began to grow bigger. Jonah was slowing upfor the town. In a moment we should be in a position to pass....

  In silence Berry and I clasped one another. Somewhere between us Nobbybegan to pant.

  As we entered Marmande, there were not thirty paces between the twocars. And my unsuspecting cousin was going dead slow. A twitch of thewheel, and we should leave him standing....

  Then, without any warning, Adele slowed up and fell in behind Ping.

  I could have screamed to her to go by.

  Deliberately she was throwing away the chance of a lifetime.

  Desperately I laid my hand on her arm.

  "Adele!" I cried hoarsely. "My darling, aren't you----"

  By way of answer, she gave a little crow of rejoicing and turned sharpround to the right.

  Jonah had passed straight on.

  As Pong leaped forward, the scales fell from my eyes.

  Adele was for the side-streets. If she could only rejoin the main roadat a point ahead of Jonah, the latter would never know that we hadpassed him. If...

  I began to hope very much that my wife knew the plan of Marmande ratherbetter than I.

  Through the dusk I could see that the street we were using ran on to abridge. It was there, I supposed, that we should turn to the left....

  To my horror, Adele thrust on to the bridge at an increased pace.

  "A-aren't you going to turn?" I stammered. "I mean, we'll never----"

  "I said the road was tricky," said Adele, "but I hardly dared to hopethey'd make such a bad mistake." We sailed off the bridge and on to abeautiful road. "Ah, this is more like it. I don't know where Jonah'sgoing, _but this is the way to Pau_.... And now I think it'll be safeto have the lights on. You might look behind first to see if they'recoming. You see, if they'd seen us go by, the game would have been up.As it is..."

  * * * * *

  At half-past seven that evening we drove into Pau.

  Arrived at our villa, we put the car away and hurried indoors.

  It was almost eight o'clock when Ping discharged his passengers uponthe front steps.

  In silence and from the landing we watched them enter the hall.

  When they were all inside, I released Nobby.