by Cara Dee
I started laughing. I had no clue why, but I just couldn’t compartmentalize the joy I was feeling. Where the fuck did I put it? Had Darius been here, he would’ve punched me hard in the face or something.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Ethan scrambled off me and stared incredulously.
I couldn’t answer yet. The laughter was still falling out. It was goddamn bizarre. I’d never felt anything like this before. It was different from the joy I’d felt when I became a dad. No more or less, just very different. As if that love and happiness had parked its ass in another part of my ticker. Actually… It felt like my daughter had given me a heart. Now Pipsqueak was filling it with her presence, her soft laughter, her adorable smirks, and those green eyes that could bring me to my knees.
“Are you on drugs?” Ethan demanded.
I grinned and shook my head, staring up at the fans that dotted the ceiling. “No.” I chuckled quietly and scrubbed my hands over my face. “I’m in love with your sister. This is her doing.”
I blew out a breath, and I dragged myself to my feet before gauging Ethan’s reaction.
I wasn’t even nervous, just determined. Determined to make this thing between Pipsqueak and me permanent and public. I didn’t want any sneaking around anymore. It wasn’t as if we’d been overly stealthy, regardless. Elise had admitted that she’d talked about me with Willow, aside from Ryan and Angel, so they knew she and I had something. And considering how often Elise spent the night at my place, especially last year, I banked on Mary having her suspicions too.
My plan hadn’t been to confess anything to Ethan, nor had I planned on making shit official with Elise today, on her birthday, but now I wasn’t sure I could wait. Perhaps yesterday had settled things for me when the principal from school called. I just needed to talk to Pipsqueak about the whole thing.
Ethan stared at me with a blank expression.
I exhaled and quirked a smile on my way over to my water.
“You’re for real?” he asked.
I inclined my head and picked up the bottle. “It started last summer, but we put everything on hold so she could focus on school.” I chugged some water, then collected my breath. The clock above the mirrored wall told me it was time to get home to my girls, a thought that made me grin to myself.
Ethan made a face. “Shit, man, that’s bad. You look all love-sick and fucked up.”
I laughed.
“I mean, it’s good for Elise,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know how you used to be…but you’re not that guy anymore, right?”
I sobered instantly. “Fuck no.” It irritated me that he’d even go there, though I couldn’t blame him. He’d picked me up after I’d been arrested, after all. He’d been around for the worst of it. “She’s—” Everything. I shook my head, unable to find the right words to describe the impact she’d had on me. And continued to have on me.
Maybe Ethan saw it, judging by his smirk. “All right, then. I guess it’s serious.”
“Terrifyingly so.” As I grabbed my towel and phone from the floor, I noticed I had a message from Pipsqueak.
Did you buy lunch already? If not, I got this insane hankering for Chinese food.
That would be one heavy lunch, but it was her birthday. She could have whatever she wanted, and then she could decide if she wanted to keep the reservation I’d made for tonight, or if she’d want something lighter.
“As sad as I am to see my buddy bite the dust…” Ethan trailed off with a rueful grin. “Since it’s my baby sister, I’m glad you look whipped.”
“Thank you,” I chuckled. “I think.”
It felt good to have told him, and he’d reacted pretty much how I’d thought he would.
Darius was a loose cannon, however.
By the time I got home with enough Chinese food to feed an army, the sun had disappeared and rain was pouring down. I jogged up the path to my house with the food and my gym bag, and once inside, I was met by loud music and Grace’s laughter.
Fucking hell, this had to be my future.
Just as I’d imagined, Elise and Grace were dancing and goofing off in the kitchen.
Grace laughed madly and spun around, mirroring Elise’s movements.
I set down my bag, then leaned against the doorway and just watched them.
Elise didn’t stop when she spotted me. She just grinned and shook her booty in the way that made Grace squeal and try to mimic.
The counter was almost spotless. A white cake sat on one of her spinning platforms that she used to apply decorations, but other than a layer of frosting, the cake had nothing on it. But there was a bowl of sliced fruit by the sink, so I assumed she had plans. Strawberries, kiwi, blueberries, and bananas from what I could see.
Only she would make a cake that I actually looked forward to trying.
“Who’s hungry?” I asked.
Grace twirled around, nearly falling on her butt in the process, and spotted me. “Dada danth, pom!” She waved for me to join her.
I smiled and held up the bag of food. “Or we eat lunch on the patio first.” I faced Elise next. “In case you missed it, it’s pouring down.”
“Oh, awesome!” She lit up, knowing this meant she could listen to the rain falling on the patio roof. “Let me get the food, and you can help Grace wash her hands.” She walked over to me, focused solely on the bag.
I had another agenda item first. “Hey.” I lifted her chin and dipped down to kiss her.
She laughed softly and kissed me back, sliding a hand up my chest. “Hi.”
I hummed contentedly. “I love this, coming home to find you here.”
“Mmm, me too.” She played with the neckline of my tee and flicked me a quick glance that was full of playfulness and affection and…hope? “I didn’t mean to ruin a surprise or anything, but have you, by any chance, planned on visiting me in San Francisco?”
I furrowed my brow and straightened. What had she seen? She wasn’t technically correct anyway, but—
“An email popped up on your computer after I’d changed Grace’s diaper,” she elaborated and took the food from me. “I saw the words San Francisco and district before I looked away.”
Ah.
Well, now I had to read the email.
I had seen hope in her eyes, right? Which would bode well for the conversation. And settle my nerves.
“I guess you’ll have to wait and see,” I replied. “Grace, love, come here. Let’s go wash our hands while Elise turns your Chinese food into paste.”
Pipsqueak snickered, and it didn’t go unnoticed that she was blushing too.
It was shaping up to be one hell of a great day.
Elise and I sat across from each other and had Grace at the short end of the table on the patio, and between us were all the containers of food we could need. And a lot more. The rain pitter-pattered on the roof, giving Pipsqueak this look of extreme contentment and happiness that it was impossible not to feel the same.
Her mood had always been infectious to me, I realized.
The fact that she was currently drowning in one of my hoodies only made her cuter.
“How was your workout?” Elise bit into a spring roll and wiped some cut-up noodles off Grace’s chin.
“It was good. It was shit, but it was good.” I dumped more rice on my plate and went for another serving of beef stew. “Ethan isn’t the best sparring partner, not that I was any better today. But I got to tell him that I’m snatching up his baby sister, which felt fantastic.”
Elise straightened in her seat, and her lips parted in surprise.
I smiled and shoveled some food into my mouth. “I’m not letting you go back to San Francisco thinking we’re putting anything on hold again, Pipsqueak.”
There it was, the hope in her eyes. I hadn’t imagined it. It suddenly became so clear that she was trying to pace herself and let me set the tempo, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want her to be afraid she’d come off as pushy or whatever else.
&
nbsp; “You…” She swallowed hard and put down her spring roll. “Like, you’re ready to be a couple?”
I flashed a quick smile at her straightforward wording, then wiped my mouth on a napkin before I left my seat. The table was in the way. Grace was babbling to herself, in charge of her own spoon, resulting in approximately ninety percent of her food ending up around her plate, but it meant she could entertain herself for a moment.
Elise scooted out and eyed me warily, nervously, and I helped her up so I could take her seat. Then I pulled her down sideways across my lap, her legs dangling off the armrest. This was much better. Closeness, intimacy, with the one person I had a feeling would never betray my trust. Because she was Pipsqueak.
“More than ready.” I tucked a piece of hair behind her ears and looked into her eyes, and yeah, no, I wasn’t going to be able to hold anything back now. It was all going to come out, my thoughts, my plans, my hopes. “When you left last summer, this house became empty. It was good in a way, because it forced me to think about what I wanted for myself.” I didn’t want to leave her in suspense, so I continued right away. “You’re definitely a part of it—you’re the biggest part of it—but there’s something I have to do for myself as well.”
She chewed on the inside of her cheek, her eyes asking the silent question.
“I have to get out of this town for a while,” I admitted. “I’ve spent my adulthood building a safety net, and it’s not enough anymore. I want to do what you do—see a new place, try something new, take a risk or two.”
“I’m not taking any risks,” she argued anxiously. “Where are you going? What does this mean? Won’t I see you? How long—”
I pressed my lips to hers to shut her up, which only worked half the time. This time, luck was on my side, and she quieted down with a huff.
I smirked. “It’s kind of up to you where I’ll go, baby,” I said. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Grace reaching for her sippy cup, so I extended it to her. “I’m not returning to work in the fall,” I went on, facing Pipsqueak again. “Starting on August twenty-seventh, I’ll be on a one-year leave from Ponderosa High.”
“Oh my God.” She swallowed, her gaze flickering across my face. “I-I don’t know how to process. You’ve been a teacher for as long as I can remember. You teach up in Ponderosa—it’s what you do.”
“And I’ll return to it next year. I’m not quitting.” I knew I had to be patient with her here, and there was no way I could mention selling the house just yet. It would be too much. “It’s just a sabbatical.”
She wrung her hands awkwardly in her lap. “Okay. How is it up to me where you go?”
Because I didn’t want to impose, of course. “In case one of my plans isn’t optimal for you, I’ll go with the other,” I answered. “This summer, I’m going to travel the West Coast a bit with Grace. There’re some sights I’d like to visit, and I don’t have to find work right away.” Here goes. I cleared my throat. “What I do after that… Either I can go farther inland or perhaps south, or I can accept a job in the Bay Area.”
“Y-yes,” she choked out, eyes widening. “Yes. You can come to California? To San Francisco?”
I exhaled a small laugh. She didn’t inquire about the job, just went straight to the possibility of having me nearby. Jesus Christ, I loved her.
“The email you saw… An old college friend of mine lives in San Francisco, and I asked him to put out some feelers in the area,” I admitted. “He’s set up three Skype interviews for me, one of which he believes will result in a direct offer from a public school in Oakland.”
“That’s so c-close!” she stammered, fisting my hoodie. “You have to take it, Mister. Please, please, please!”
I grinned and kissed her quickly.
“Dada, mow!” Grace’s demanding voice stole my attention, and she clearly wanted more to drink. She waved her sippy cup at me.
While I reached for the pitcher of strawberry lemonade and refilled her cup, I explained to Pipsqueak that even though I might get an offer quickly, it would take some time before I could work in California. Mainly because of paperwork. My experience wouldn’t matter if I didn’t meet the standard teaching credential requirements.
“Um, dumb it down for me?” Elise asked.
“See it as a transferal of my teaching license,” I summed up, handing Grace her cup. “Can you say thank you, Grace?”
“Tank!”
I chuckled and sat back once more. Elise still appeared unsure, so I elaborated. “It’s nothing to worry about, hon. People do it every day. I’m just saying it doesn’t happen overnight, but it’ll be finished by the time I start.”
Elise was practically vibrating on my lap. “You’ll be in California my last year of school. You’ll be with me—we’ll be able to see each other often.”
“Yes.” I touched her cheek.
“Oh my God.” She threw her arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly, her body trembling. “Best news ever.” She sniffled.
I hugged her back and kissed her shoulder.
“Gah! I don’t know what to do with myself.” She released me, only to lift my arm and sink her teeth into my flesh. “I have to bite you.” It came out muffled.
I laughed as I braced myself for her energetic outburst, but the pain wasn’t too bad.
Grace cocked her head, and I swore she even raised an eyebrow, whether it was intentional or not, and I couldn’t help but crack up harder.
I reached forward and wiped her mouth. “What’s Elise doing to Daddy?”
“Lee ba-ba-mm-ba Dada-tuck,” she rambled curiously.
“Ouch.” I winced and gripped Elise’s chin. “I think that’s enough, you biter.”
She grinned sheepishly and released my arm. “I’m just happy.”
“Me too.” I chuckled and eyed the teeth mark on my arm.
“You don’t get it.” She grabbed my face and kissed me, her lips curving into a gorgeous smile. “You’re finally mine, Mister. This here between us, it’s real. We’re doing this. Right?”
“All of it.” I smiled into another kiss, feeling ridiculously overjoyed by her eagerness and her declaration. “So, now can I finally take you out on a date?”
She giggled and kissed her way down my neck where she buried her face. “Yes, please.”
“Good.” I wasn’t going to count her birthday dinner later this evening. At this rate, we might end up staying in, because the rain was picking up, and I could hear thunder rolling in the distance.
“Wait,” she said and straightened. “Are you going to rent out your house while you’re in California?”
I rubbed her leg, hoping she’d processed the previous news enough now. “I’m actually putting it on the market within the next couple weeks.”
“What? Why—nooo.” Her face fell. “You can’t do that! I love this place. You have real air conditioning, and this is where I play house with you and pretend we’re a family.”
Oh Christ. She was too sweet. “We can do that at the next house too.” I smiled softly and touched her cheek. Maybe she didn’t even pay attention to the dreams she revealed in her casual honesty—talk about playing house and so on—but I sure did, and each glimpse into the future she’d imagined made me happier. “I can’t really afford this area anymore,” I admitted. “Grace will need her own room soon, and the traveling is going to cost me a bit before I start working again.”
Even then, it was going to set me back somewhat. Rents in the Bay Area were outrageous, and I wasn’t going to make a fortune working at a public school.
“Oh.” Pipsqueak bit her lip and peered down between us.
“It’s not a bad thing, sweetheart.” I lifted her chin. “Selling this house will not only allow me to afford this coming year, but I’ll be able to buy a bigger house a few neighborhoods east of here. Just before you came home, I saw a four-bedroom for sale on the other side of Emsworth.” It was the road that went through most of the residential neighborhoods in Downtown, creating a
perimeter around the center and the marina. In short, living within the Emsworth was a lot pricier. “It cost less than what I paid for this one when I moved in.”
“Oh,” she repeated, squinting. “It’s nice there too.”
“It is, isn’t it?” I threaded our fingers together on her thigh and gave her hand a squeeze. “I’d have a much bigger kitchen there, too.”
The corners of her mouth twisted up ever so slightly, but she kept her gaze on our hands. “What would you do with a big kitchen?”
I smirked faintly. “I have no idea. If only I knew someone who could turn it into her personal laboratory.”
It was getting increasingly difficult for her to maintain a blank expression, I could tell.
“I’m going to need a lot of help, you know.” I leaned in and kissed her jaw. In my periphery, I watched Grace pour her lemonade into her food. A delicious combination, I was sure.
“What kind of help?” Elise did a poor job of sounding indifferent.
I smiled against her skin. “Some basic stuff. What colors on the walls, where to put the couch, if there should be a theme in the bedroom, probably some new furniture…”
She couldn’t contain her grin anymore, though she tried to hide it against my neck. “I can do all those things.”
“You can? Well, fuck. We make a pretty good team then, don’t we?”
She laughed and smacked my chest playfully. “You’re funny, Mister.”
I chuckled. It was probably the first time someone had accused me of being funny.
Twenty-Eight
“Grace, I fucking swear. You can’t eat that.” After closing the gate, I squatted down to where she was grabbing a fistful of dirt from under Mary’s rosebushes. “Let’s clean those paws.” I brushed off the dirt and ignored her protests. For just one night, I wanted my white button-down to stay white. I’d purposely put it on right before we left our house. “Can you give Daddy a kiss?”