Her All Along

by Cara Dee

  She smacked a smooch to my cheek but kept babbling and reaching for the soil.

  “I’m deciding right now that all you’re saying is how much you love me,” I said. “You think I’m the best Daddy in the world, yeah?”

  “Bu Dadaaaa!”

  “That’s so sweet of you. I love you too. Let’s go visit Nana and Pop.” I picked her up and carried her as if I’d never held a toddler before—approximately two feet away from my body. “Stop kicking, you goofball.”

  She didn’t stop. Instead, she laughed and completely thrashed in my grasp.

  “You’re not a very good team player,” I told her, stepping up onto the porch to ring the bell. The sound tightened my stomach, and I had to take a deep breath. “Fuck, Daddy’s nervous.”

  From inside the house, I heard James holler for someone to get the door.

  He was about to find out I was here for more than just to drop off Grace. I assumed he knew Elise was getting ready for a date; he just didn’t know with whom. He wasn’t the type to pry.

  Had Mary figured it out yet? Had Elise possibly told her?

  It was Mary who opened the door a second later, and yeah, oh yeah, she knew. She grinned smugly and reached for Grace. “Hi, my sweet angel. Are you ready for a sleepover with Nana?”

  “Nananana!” Grace was officially out of my hands, and my shirt was still clean. Fucking miracle.

  I shrugged off Grace’s diaper bag and set it down on the hallway floor. Mary’s smug expression meant I could relax some, right? To be honest, the only thing I truly worried about—genuinely—was their view on the age difference between Elise and me, partly because she and I had been close for so many years.

  I dreaded to think they’d suspect I’d done anything inappropriate. Or rather, illegal.

  “She’s eaten already, and I changed her diaper before we came here,” I said.

  “Okay.” Mary smiled and patted my cheek. “Relax, son. This is a good thing.”

  I exhaled a chuckle, more relieved than I could describe, and watched her help Grace to her feet. My little monkey didn’t hesitate to fly straight into the living room, where she probably knew she’d find James by now. He was always in his chair watching the news or ESPN. Or the Weather Channel.

  His voice confirmed he was in there. “If it ain’t my saving Grace! Are you old enough to bring me coffee yet? See here, huh? Mug’s empty.”

  Grace rambled incoherently and quickly, and whatever she was saying resulted in James grunting his way out of his recliner. At the same time, I heard a door open and close upstairs.

  My daughter reappeared shortly after with James in tow, and he gave me a two-fingered salute and asked if I had a date too.

  I supposed the button-down and dress pants were a dead giveaway. “Yes, sir.” I cleared my throat and figured it was best to just spit it out. “I’m having dinner with Elise.”

  “Ah, so it’s not…” He trailed off and cocked his head. When I heard Elise coming down the stairs, James scanned me from top to toe before narrowing his eyes at Elise, or so I assumed; I couldn’t see her yet.

  “You’re almost there, honey,” Mary told James in a teasing tone.

  I was glad she was having fun. Some of my nerves made a swift comeback and… My train of thought chugged out the window when Elise appeared on the bottom step. Fucking hell. I’d…never seen that dress before. It was dark green and hugged her perfect body, and all I saw were bare shoulders. The fucking thing didn’t have straps.

  She clasped a bracelet and eyed her father with a small smirk, but for one second, I could only focus on the bracelet. I’d never given anyone jewelry before. I didn’t care about jewelry. But I wanted something from me to grace her wrist. Hell, could I stick reminders all over her so she’d always think of me?

  A bit over the top, some might think.

  “So, you two…” James straightened and folded his arms over his chest. He would’ve looked more intimidating if he didn’t have my daughter hugging his leg. “Really? You and my girl?” He slid his gaze to Elise. “Him?”

  He didn’t sound too disgruntled. I’d heard worse. Who could forget Fucking Chad?

  “Yes, Dad.” Pipsqueak rolled her eyes. “Do you need me to introduce him? I think you remember his name.”

  I stuck my hands into my pockets and refrained from showing any amusement. “I’ll take good care of her, sir. You know that.”

  He grunted and peered down at Grace. “What do you think, sugar? Do you vouch for your father?”

  She babbled something and bounced on her toes.

  Elise walked over to her and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. “Daddy’s the best, isn’t he?”

  Grace laughed and nodded, though undoubtedly because Pipsqueak was nodding too.

  “No need to exaggerate,” James muttered.

  “Oh, you’re being silly.” Mary swatted his arm. “You two have a lovely date. We’re of course very happy for you.” She beamed at her daughter and kissed her cheek. “I know you’ve been waiting for this, sweetie.”

  I smiled at how quickly Elise looked away, self-conscious. Or embarrassed. Whichever it was, I wanted to hear all about her crush on me before I wiped away any lingering mortification. Sue me, but it made me feel ten feet tall.

  After getting a quick hug from Grace and wishing the Quinns a nice evening, I ushered Elise out of the house, where I could finally tell her how fucking stunning she was.

  She grinned up at me, and I was fast to dip down and kiss those soft lips.

  It felt good that we were doing this. After a year of wondering and worrying, taking Pipsqueak out to dinner—for an official date—was like turning the uncertain into certain. She wasn’t the only one who needed things set in stone; I preferred it that way too.

  Before we left her street, I grabbed my suit jacket in my car, figuring I might need it later if she got cold. June wasn’t very hot in Washington, and even though the sun had warmed up the town today, it was steadily dipping closer to the horizon.

  “Where are we going?” she asked curiously.

  “The marina,” I replied. “I took your not-so-subtle hint about the Italian place there that never checks for ID.”

  I smirked at her snicker.

  It still felt a little bizarre that I was with someone who couldn’t order her own drink in a restaurant.

  “My youngling.” I draped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head. “How long do you think it’ll take Darius to call me a cradle robber?”

  Elise snorted and removed my arm from around her, wanting to hold hands instead. Very fine by me. I threaded our fingers together as we started crossing the playground.

  “He’ll probably tell me I’m shopping at the old folks’ home too,” she mused.

  I laughed.

  We arrived at the marina a few minutes later, and we were far from the only ones here. The outdoor seating areas along the boardwalk bustled with couples, groups of friends, and families who were out to eat. Elise glanced apprehensively at Darius’s restaurant as we passed, but I didn’t see him, nor did I care if we happened to run across him. It was only a matter of time.

  Two spots over, we entered the Italian place where I’d made reservations. Just in time for my stomach to growl with hunger.

  “I have a reservation for two under Becker,” I informed the hostess.

  She checked her computer. “Of course, your table will be ready in a few minutes, sir.”

  “Thanks.” I placed a hand on the small of Elise’s back and guided her to the side. “Damn, I’m hungry.” Everything smelled fantastic in here, and a server just passed us with two dishes of lasagna.

  “Me too.” She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around my middle. “Have I told you I’m glad you’ll be in California next semester?”

  I smiled and dropped my lips to the top of her head. “Tell me again.”

  She lifted her head and looked up at me. “I’m so fucking happy we’ll see each other more often n
ext year.”

  “Such language from my Pipsqueak.” I dipped down and kissed the smirk off her face.

  “So, you can fuck me, but I can’t say fuck?”

  Jesus Christ. I coughed and looked around to confirm no one had heard her, and when I faced her again, she was grinning like only a Quinn could. With way too much triumph and cockiness.

  She smoothed her hands down the lapels of my suit jacket. “Was that too much for you, Mister?”

  I narrowed my eyes.

  Cheeky brat.

  “Mr. Becker? Your table is ready.”

  Thank fuck because I didn’t have a witty retort ready for her.

  We were shown to a table by a window with a view of the boardwalk, and I got to be the gentleman pulling out the chair for my date. Things like that mattered to me, because I could finally put my heart into every action. I was done going through the motions on autopilot and doing things because they were expected of me. My relationship with Elise was going to be genuine, as it had been from the very beginning when I’d befriended a curious preteen who came over at dawn to sit on the porch with me. If I remembered correctly, she’d been eleven the first time she came over without a chaperone. First time I’d seen her at dinners at the Quinns, she’d hidden behind James.

  “I already know I want the lasagna,” Elise said.

  “Same here,” I chuckled.

  So that was what we ordered, along with a bottle of wine.

  Elise grinned smugly to herself when no one asked for her ID.

  “I wanna play poker with you sometime,” I said.

  She laughed and shook her head. “No way. I know my limits. I have no poker face.”

  That’s what made it fun.

  Quick service around here. Someone appeared with wine and a bread basket soon after, and I let Elise approve our wine before our glasses were filled. The second we were alone again, I held my glass toward her.

  “To you seducing me.”

  She flushed and offered a playful glare but toasted to the brilliance of her seduction anyway. Then she switched to curiosity and asked, “What did it? What made you cave?”

  I grinned faintly and cleared my throat. “I had to have been the easiest obstacle to overturn. I thought I caved embarrassingly fast.”

  “Oh, please!” She laughed but clearly didn’t agree with me. “You’re just blind. The first several months I tried to make you view me in a different way, you didn’t notice it one bit.”

  I furrowed my brow. “I vividly recall a yellow bikini that almost made me swallow my tongue. Did even a week pass before I had you in my bed?”

  “But I didn’t start with the bikini,” she responded. “I think it was around the same time we learned that Grace was going to be a girl that I realized I had feelings for you, and the natural step was to just be around you more often. As soon as school was out, or as soon as my chores were done, I headed over to your house. I couldn’t not. I freaking obsessed over it.”

  I smiled, loving hearing these little confessions.

  “Mom and Dad always joke that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” she went on.

  It dawned on me right there. “You started cooking a lot more at my place.”

  She tapped her nose.

  Huh.

  “But I kinda knew it was in vain,” she said with a light shrug. “I know you well enough. I was certain you wouldn’t look at me twice as long as I was under eighteen.” She wasn’t wrong. “Plus, you were a mess—with Grace and everything, I mean.” She wasn’t wrong there either. “So, it was the bikini that did it, huh?”

  Well…

  “It changed things, yeah,” I replied honestly. “But I already loved everything else about you, Pipsqueak. You were already the person I looked forward to seeing the most at the end of the day, for dozens of other reasons, and that’s been growing for years. For as long as I’ve known you. You have always been special to me. I’ve always treasured the perspectives you offer. And now…”

  She smiled softly. “And now.”

  Now, here we were.

  I took a sip of my wine and squeezed her hand on the table.

  She squeezed back before she withdrew to try out the bread. “Have you thought more about your travels this summer?”

  “I’ve prepared absolutely nothing, but I have a list of sights I’d like to see.”

  She shook her head and dipped a piece of bread into olive oil. “You’re crazy sometimes. You have to plan properly!”

  I chuckled. “I’ll get there. I thought I’d start packing up personal belongings next week so a listing agent can come by and take pictures of the house.”

  She hummed and chewed. “Do you think it’ll sell quickly?”

  “Considering the location, yes.” I broke off a piece of bread too, and I poured some salt into the oil before dragging the bread through it. “Well, there’s one thing I’ve made plans for. I’ve rented a storage unit in the Valley.”

  My hope was that the house would sell before fall. The market could look better, but I had one advantage. There weren’t many houses for sale in my neighborhood. In fact, there were only two others. And many wanted to live there.

  “Will the Realtor or whoever handle everything?” she wondered. “Like, what if it sells while you’re in California? Which…I mean, I guess that’s sort of a given if you’re leaving soon.”

  “I’ll just fly home to finalize everything, and then I’ll be back,” I said.

  She nodded in understanding. “So, when are you leaving? Your lack of planning is highly frustrating, you know.”

  I could imagine, since I knew her, and it was time to reassure her a little. “I’ve lived my life according to a plan, baby. For the first time ever, I want to try to go without knowing every detail beforehand. And I’m not saying it’s going to be my MO from now on. We’re just talking about a year off. A year to try new things.” I paused. “My plan…is to get in the car with Grace and just go. Our things will be in storage, I’ll keep an eye on listings for a future home while I’m away, the house will get sold, and…that’s it. A couple months on the road, starting the week after you’ve left here, and then I’ll join you in the Bay Area when the semester starts.”

  She grinned a little and fidgeted with her napkin, visibly torn between…something and the fact that she relied heavily on plans and structure.

  “What about housing when you start your job?” she asked next.

  “San Francisco is pretty much out,” I admitted. “There are plenty of temporary solutions around the city, though. I’ve been looking into vacation homes outside of Berkeley. They’re expensive, but there are a lot of them. It’s apparently its own business venture to own a house there and rent it out to professors and students who are attending the university for a limited amount of time.”

  That seemed to calm her down some. Maybe the housing issue was her biggest concern.

  “Grace needs day care too,” Elise noted. Then she winced and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know you’ll handle things great—I’m just…”

  “It’s all right, sweetheart.” I covered her hand with mine again. “When things are up in the air, it’s difficult for you to get settled.”

  She nodded and bit her lip. “Especially when it’s you.”

  I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re a constant, Avery.” She deflated; her shoulders sagged a little, and she looked lost. “No matter what happens in the world, you’ve always been there. Your schedule at Ponderosa was easy to follow—I always knew when you’d be home. You work out twice a week, you pick up Grace at the same time every day, you’re always close by. Now that’s gonna change, and it’s going to take me a while to readjust. It’s nothing bad—it’s change.”

  Fuck, I wanted to hug her. I had to settle for squeezing her hand and locking our feet together under the table. “Listen to me, Elise. I’ll always be your constant. Even when I try to make my life a little less predictable—for the t
ime being.” And I couldn’t stress this enough. “I need you to understand that stability will continue to be important to me in the future. It’s just who I am. I grew up without any stability whatsoever, and it’s what makes me happy.”

  She nodded once, gaze glued to our hands. She linked our fingers together. “You’ll be patient with me?”

  “I’ll be more than that.” I brought her hand close and kissed the top of it. “You’re going to focus on school and not worry about me, but I’ll keep you updated on every step of the journey. And before you fly back to San Francisco, we’ll sit down together and discuss everything you want us to cover. Okay?”

  Because this was the girl who could get tears in her eyes—tears of joy—when given a new notebook for list-making.

  “Okay.” She smiled, relief evident, and blinked back her emotions. “For the record, there is room in my life for chaos. It just needs to be of the organized variety.”

  I chuckled and bit off a piece of bread. “And that suits me perfectly, Pipsqueak.”

  She didn’t need to explain. I already knew, and I wasn’t worried. I knew, for instance, that she would love to go on a road trip without an itinerary. As long as structure could be built around it, with time frames and so on. She needed to know when the chaos started and when it ended.

  When our food arrived and Elise looked more at ease, I took the opportunity to change the subject. I wanted to know more about her school and the internships and jobs she’d had—and had been offered. She was usually a rambler when the topic excited her, but she’d been fairly tight-lipped while living in California. I’d often heard “I’ll tell you all about it when I come home,” and “I have so much to tell you when we see each other.”

  My rambler made a swift return now, though. She spoke animatedly about her chemistry professor, an older woman Elise had gotten attached to because she was a baker too, and culinary chemistry was a passion. It was apparently through this professor that Elise had been given the chance to work at some high-end restaurant that was known for its dessert selection.

  “It’s made me rethink a bit about my future,” she went on. “Chocolate is my first and true love, but there’re just so many fun challenges with pastries. Like, we had a four-hour conversation once about flour. Different types of flour. Can you imagine?”