The fucked up part? This isn’t the first time I’ve fantasized about Emmy. She’s starred in a lot of my one-on-one sessions. I can push my attraction to the back of my mind, usually. Tonight’s something else.
I close my eyes and take a few measured breaths. It doesn’t help. I see her shaking her hips even in my mind. What does wake my ass up from my fantasies? The motherfuckers gawking at her with their cameras held facing in her direction.
“Fuck.” I jump into action so fast I don’t think twice about rushing over to the bar and throwing Emerson over my shoulder.
Rage holds a tight grasp when I realize I’m not the only one that saw the show as I carry her kicking and screaming toward the exit. My hand lands on her ass and I try to convince myself it’s to hold her steady, but I know better.
I’m going to hell.
***
Emerson
“You know what would be fun?” Penny slurs sloshing her drink through the air.
“What’s that?” I ask trying to smile, but I know it’s bullshit. Everything is bullshit, and these drinks are especially bullshit for not turning my mood around after that twatsicle tried to man-handle me earlier.
“Doing our dance. You know, the dance.” She flips her hair in challenge.
“Like you two could pull that off anymore.” Leo turns away from me and takes a sip from his six straws hanging out from his drink.
My mouth hangs open in disgust.
He’s challenging me? Me? I’m ready to show him Rebel came to play.
“Oh, it’s on. Penny, you know what to do.” She nods, winks, then heads for the DJ booth.
The second the first beats of “Tricky” by Run DMC pumps through the sound system, I squeal and shimmy my shoulders truly feeling excited.
Leo flies around on his stool and stops when he’s facing me. “No!” He gasps. “You can’t.”
“Don’t put out a challenge and not expect me to rise and make you eat your words.” I go to take a step up on the stool, but Leo grabs my arm.
“There’s a lot of people around. Cell phones.”
“No one knows who I am. Don’t be such a party pooper, Lavender Leo.” He cocks an eyebrow at me in question. “I’m testing out road names for our lady gang. Clearly, that’s a miss.”
“Clearly.”
“Fuck, Penny’s already started,” I scream, then bound up onto the bar top.
When everyone realizes what’s going on, the attention is solely focused on my girl and me. I know we look good because we perfected this routine when we were drunk almost two years ago, maybe longer. We watched that movie Something Borrowed and thought their dance to “Push it” was the shit. So, we made our own to our favorite old school rap jam.
I jump in when Penny starts a body roll to the right, then we swap and body roll to the left. We fall in sync, step after step like world-renowned dancers. Bobbing and weaving through each other to make intricate dance patterns, some accompanied by awesome jazz hands.
We’re just about to take it home when a shoulder is shoved into my belly, and I’m airborne. What I’m not doing is finishing this kickass dance, something I’m sure everyone is severely upset about.
“What the fuck?” I look around, trying to figure out what the hell happened. After catching a glimpse of the person carrying me, I panic. It’s Joss. I’m on his shoulder, and he’s carrying me out of the club, and his hand is firmly on my ass cheek. Said ass cheek is currently on fire.
This is a lot to process in my inebriated state. One thing I process, rage. How dare he interrupt me. Penny needs me for the fucking lift.
“Penny!” I yell, reaching out for her like she’s my lifeline. However, I don’t see her up on the bar anymore. Instead, she’s being carried in a similar fashion by my brother.
“Rebel!” she yells back, trying to wiggle out of my brother’s hold. I’m surprised when I see Danny spank her ass, and even more shocked to see the elation on Penny’s face. Maybe she’s drunker than I thought?
Joss doesn’t put me down once we get to the parking lot. He continues to keep me perched on his shoulder with his hand still on my ass.
“Hands,” I growl.
“I’d have to agree,” Danny states, placing Penny on the ground.
“You’re good for something after all Danny boy.” Once I’m finally right-side up, I look around and notice Leo walking to our little group.
“Man, you guys really know how to kill a party. You could have at least let them finish. It was pure gold.”
“Oh yeah.” Joss takes a step at Leo and Danny holds his shoulder keeping him where he is. “Is it going to be gold when the footage from one if not all of those phones in there,” he hitches his thumb back at the club, “release tomorrow that show Emerson shaking it up on the bar top like a fucking stripper?” He turns to face me. “Is that the image you want everyone to see? I’m sure the league will be offering you a ring girl gig after your fight. I’m betting you’d be decent at it. You’re sure dressed for the part.”
It’s like a punch to the gut. He thought I was acting like a stripper? Me? I was dancing with my best friend having a good time. It doesn’t take a genius to see how much I want to kick ass at my fight. He’s helped me train, knows how much this means to me. He’s helped me since practically the beginning of my journey. To say I’d make a decent ring girl is a blow to my ego and a disgusting insult.
I try to block it out, but all my insecurities roll in like a tidal wave.
See, most boyfriends I’ve had thus far, not being many, could never take me the way I am. Understand that I’m outgoing and sometimes I do crazy things. Isn’t that a part of being twenty-two? It’s devastating to think he’s just like the rest of them. Wants to fit me into a cookie cutter box and keep me there. Well, fuck him.
“So sorry I embarrassed you guys,” I say looking at the floor as tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I hate myself in this moment for getting so emotional. “Let’s go.” I’m ashamed his comment got to me like that.
You know what, fuck Joss. He’s never talked to me like that before. How dare he think that it’s okay to say those things when he knew damn well how deep they’d cut me.
Leo puts his hand into mine and Penny does the same on the other side. We begin walking down the street, in the direction of our hotel. We should probably catch a ride, but my body’s shaking with pent-up anger and I need to walk it off.
The guys stay a couple of steps behind us, and I can feel Joss’s stare boring into the back of my head. If I weren’t in such a shit mood now, I would laugh at the fact that my brother’s scolding him over his comment and how he touched me inappropriately.
“I think you’re entirely too cocked to be in your own head right now,” Penny slurs. “Trust me, I do this for a living.”
“I know.”
“I have more drinks in my room,” Leo whispers, and I praise the gods.
“Thank God. If I get too fucked up just carry me back to my room,” I softly state.
We ride the elevator up to our floor in awkward silence once we get back to the hotel. I don’t look at Joss once and my mood slash teen angst is starting to piss me off. What the fuck? He makes one comment to me, and I become Bella from Twilight? Goddamn.
He takes me off guard when I see the remorseful look in his eyes when I finally make eye contact with him.
“Emmy,” Joss’s voice is regretful, but I cannot be deterred.
I let him see the hurt in my eyes. “You just proved that all guys are the same. Thank you for finally helping me get over you.”
It’s at that precise moment that the elevator door opens, and I walk without a backward glance at Leo’s room. Once my gangs inside, I slam the door and slump against it.
“God, tonight had more angst than Teen Mom,” Leo states. “And you know I love me some Teen Mom.”
“Shut it. I need to shut off my brain and forget about how I acted like a heartbroken teenager. Next time smack me. I refuse to waste any mor
e time and energy on Joss. How many times can one man shatter me?” I’m so pathetic.
Leo whips out a box of wine he bought from the corner store and the rest of the night becomes a blur.
Chapter 12
Emerson
Four Years Ago
Graduation day.
The culmination of all the sucktastic years I’ve spent behind brick walls finally coming to a close. Saying goodbye to people I couldn’t care less to see again and continuing with friendships I know will last a lifetime.
“Jesus Christ.” Leo picks up his robe and drops it. “Green and gold are not my colors.”
I laugh. “I don’t think they’re anyone’s colors.”
The door to the gymnasium slams shut and pulls my attention that way. I notice Joss striding across the gym floor coming my way. I fluff my hair a little and quickly face my best friend. “Do I have anything in my teeth?” I over smile so he can help me out.
“Your pearly whites are free from debris. How about me?” He mimics my smile, and I give him the all clear.
I don’t know why Joss is here, and I don’t care. I’ll take him any way I can get him, and it’s usually few and far between these days. We’ve grown pretty close in the two years he’s been working my security detail, but with Danny being his best friend I get overlooked a lot when he’s at our house. My brother’s such a douche canoe.
I look in my peripherals and notice him getting closer. My heart begins to accelerate, and I wish I was wearing anything but this dopey ass graduation robe. The cute sundress I’m wearing underneath would be a much better option, but I can’t throw my robe off without him noticing.
“Hey Em,” Joss greets me and twists one of my curls around his finger.
“Hey, Joss.” God, he smells good. “What’s up?”
“Someone tipped off the photographers that your family would be here, and we had to call in extra security to hold them back. The bad news is since it’s a public place we can’t keep them out, only hold them back a bit.”
“Great,” I mutter wondering how I’m surprised by this anymore. Mostly it upsets me because my classmates have it in for me and I’m sick of it.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. There was a mini red carpet at my prom because my dad was chaperoning. My mom tried telling him it was unnecessary and that one of my classmates would tip the news crews off, but he didn’t listen. He never listens when it comes to his precious baby, aka me.
You’d think kids at my school would want to be my buddy, become my best friend to get close to my family. The complete opposite happened, and that’s why I cannot wait to be done with this stage in my life. They love ruining the important moments for me, and I’m sick as hell of it.
Joss lifts my chin with his knuckles and if my heart was beating before it’s nothing compared to now.
“Don’t let this ruin your graduation.” He leans in. “That will let the assholes win. Walk out with your head held high and be the little badass you know you are.”
I give him a wobbly smile.
Graduation is kind of a shitshow at best. The paparazzi are loud, and I feel bad they’re ruining this experience for everyone. That is until Marny Lincoln decides it’s a good idea to crack a joke about it in her valedictorian speech. It wasn’t a joke, it was a knock at my family and me, and I’m not having it.
When it’s finally time to walk across the big stage and receive my diploma, I shake Mister Feldman’s hand and smile for the camera.
“I knew I should have forbidden you to graduate on stage. This is a circus.” He accuses me. As if I’m the one who made this all happen.
I glare at him and walk back to the middle of the stage. My family looks a little skeptical in the front row, and I smile reassuringly at them.
“You know what? You can thank your kids for this shitshow.” There’re a few gasps from my language. “The same kids that made high school hell for me over the past four years.” I look down at my family again and my mother’s cringing and my dad’s cutting his hand across his neck.
I look around then back at the paparazzi. “You wanted a show, here you go.” I lift both my arms and give the crowd a two-fingered salute. God does it feel good to give everyone a big fuck you.
I storm off the stage flipping Mister Feldman and the rest of my class off. After loudly stomping down the stairs, I walk past my family gesturing for them to follow me out of here. I don’t miss that my brother is laughing his ass off or that my uncle Jay’s face is so red from holding back his laughter. They follow me out, and we reconvene in the school parking lot.
“What the hell Emerson?” my dad growls.
“No. You cannot get mad at me for this. I’ve told you how they are. Then when Mister Feldman handed me my diploma, he told me it was all my fault, I couldn’t take anymore.”
My dad grabs Uncle Kyle by the shoulder and pulls him backward. “It’s not worth it.” He turns to face our large bunch. “Dinners on me. Let’s get out of this fucking place.”
Music to my ears.
Joss comes up beside me and slings an arm around my shoulders. I love the way he smells. It’s one of my favorite things about him. Sure, that list could go on for ages, but still.
“I’m proud of you my little badass,” he whispers in my ear.
His little badass. I like the sound of me being his.
“Joss, good work today. I want to invite you out to dinner for Emmy’s graduation party tonight as a member of the family. I’m sure Danny hasn’t extended the invite yet.”
“Thanks, sir. I’ll be there,” he agrees, turns my way and smiles. It almost knocks me on my ass, and my sister Everly closes my mouth after he heads to his car without looking back.
“You had some drool right there,” she states, and my dad swings his head toward us with accusing eyes. He must think I’ve been through enough because he doesn’t say a word.
I remove my gown and wait for Leo. He stormed from the stage after my little show, but not before running down and tapping his foot until our teacher handed him his diploma. Now with diplomas in hand, me and my best friend walk together to my car.
“Let’s burn these pieces of trash they call graduation robes tonight. We’re done with high school, and it’s on to bigger better things.”
“Amen.”
I’m in my cute sundress with my makeup retouched when I look around the restaurant for Joss. Everyone’s been here for a while, and he has yet to show up.
“Stop looking desperate Rebel. It doesn’t suit you.” Leo walks up to me with a drink in his hand. He hands it over, and when I take a sip, I sputter.
“What the hell is that shit?” I ask.
“I spiked it. You act like you’ve never had a drink before. Aw shit,” Leo mumbles the last bit as he looks over my shoulder. I turn to look at what seems to be the problem when he stops me. “Don’t look. Don’t you do it.”
He knows me better than that.
When I turn around, I find Joss entering the place…holding a girl’s hand. A very gorgeous girl with long blonde hair that’s perfectly styled. He looks around the room searching before he meets my eyes. He smiles then looks away when the person he’s with whispers in his ear and places her hand on his shoulder.
The first sting of tears hit the corner of my eyes as I will myself not to cry. Not here. Not now.
“Maybe it’s his sister?” Leo guesses. There’s no way it’s his sister when she kisses him on the mouth before heading for the bathroom.
Right there in that restaurant, my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces.
Chapter 13
Joss
Regret washes through me when I remember I’m rooming with Dan. He’s done nothing but treat me like a petulant child since we left the club and I’m done with it. Can’t he sense I’m beating myself up enough over my stupid as fuck comment?
“Fuck off Dan. I said something stupid in the heat of the moment.”
“No. You know how mu
ch fighting means to her, yet you land a low punch like that. Not cool man.” He runs his hand through his hair. “She trusts you. She told you about her fighting before me, her own brother.”
“Leave it alone.” I don’t want to have this talk, least of all with Danny. I’m feeling things I’ve been trying to fight off for years, and it’s messing with my fucking head. I understand he’s sticking up for his sister, but if he knew why I really blew up at her, he’d rip my dick off. If he knew half the thoughts I’ve had about his sister tonight, our friendship would be over.
We’re lying in bed when I decide to broach another subject to take the heat off of my little snit.
“What was that all about with Penny?” I fight to stifle a laugh and fail miserably. “If I acted like an asshole, you were a fucking caveman.”
“She is so frustrating. I don’t know man, I saw her up on the bar and went apeshit. When that bastard tried to video up her skirt, I saw red. Forgot my baby sis was even up there.”
“Anything you want to share with the class?” I ask.
“Are we really doing this? If we are, I have a few questions I’d also like to ask.”
I remain silent because, what the fuck?
“That’s what I thought. Just,” he sighs. “Watch what you say to my sister. She’s going through a lot right now with all the tabloid bullshit, and I can tell that’s getting to her. Em may play it all off, but she’s really insecure when it comes to fighting. Man though, you should have seen her lay out a dude bigger than us earlier.” He pounds his fist into his hand. “Out like a light.”
“Why did she fight someone?”
“It wasn’t much of a fight. He was trying to get her to leave with him and wouldn’t take no for an answer. If I knew her dancing with him was going to lead to problems, I would have intervened much sooner.”
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