Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  We stare at each other without saying a word until I nod.

  CHAPTER 5

  * * *

  JAKE THE SNAKE

  “Hey, girl.” Maya’s backpack hits the tile floor with a thump as she slides into the seat next to me.

  The classroom of students is abnormally quiet. It’s the beginning of the semester and everyone’s eyes scrutinize the bodies around them. They’re more than likely scoping out the competition, because that’s what I was doing until Maya showed up.

  “Well, look at what the cat dragged in.” I tap my pen against the desktop.

  “Sorry I didn’t come home the rest of the weekend.” Maya gives me a sly grin.

  “Shut your face, liar.” I shove her calf with the toe of my shoe. “So, how was Red Shirt?”

  After I was several drinks in the hole with Jacob, Maya came to find me, and she was with a cute guy in a red shirt. I assumed she didn’t know his name because she never introduced him, which wasn’t out of the norm. Disappearing shortly after, Maya proceeded to text me all weekend with excuses as to why she wasn’t home. I read between the lines; she was between the sheets.

  “Eh, not bad for a white boy.” She shrugs, but I can tell she’s fighting a smile.

  “Oh? Did this one reel you in?” I mimic holding a fishing pole, and then I hook her and circle a fake reel.

  Maya loves men but doesn’t like to keep them around very long. She bores easily, and her track record with guys isn’t great. She zeros in on the hotties and gets down to business with them before they can speak. Once they open their mouths, she says the illusion is usually disintegrated.

  She bats at my hands and laughs. “Stop. You’re an idiot.”

  “Takes one to know one, yo.” I wink.

  “Oh God.” Maya bends down to pull her notebooks out of her backpack. When everything is settled on her desk, she turns to me. “So?”

  “So what?” I cock my head.

  “What happened with Jake? Did you find out if he has a big snake?” She points to her crotch to make sure I understand her innuendo and chortles like a teenager.

  “No.” I smack her shoulder.

  But I wanted to…

  Jacob and I got even drunker. We laughed a lot, and I think we might have danced by the table, but I can’t be certain. Before things could escalate into forbidden territory, Jacob’s hot Man Bun friend came to whisk him away. Their guy party—and Jacob’s designated driver—was moving on to another bar. Jacob asked for my group to follow theirs. When I scanned downstairs and saw Liz with a lumberjack attached to her ass and Camila talking to a group of girls, I knew it would be a no-go. Regretfully, I waved good-bye to Jacob and stayed. Out of spite, I ordered one of everything on the food menu since Liz’s Daddy Warbucks was footing the bill.

  “What?” Maya exclaims, bringing me back to the present. “Why not?”

  “Because he’s the father of one of our NICU babies.” I shake my head and bounce my eyes around the few students sitting near us to make sure they didn’t hear me. Thank goodness they’re too self-involved.

  “Yes, the father of a patient, not the actual patient,” she whispers. “And he won’t be for much longer. Jenna’s getting stronger, and she will eventually go home.”

  My heart squeezes and shoots uncomfortable tingling sensations into my chest at the thought of Jenna leaving. I’ve been anxious to see her again. I’m heading to the hospital for a three-hour shift as soon as class is over. Getting back into a routine after surgery—especially now that it involves school—has left me exhausted, but the prospect of caring for Jenna has me excited.

  “And, before you try to use the excuse that you just got out of a relationship, you know what they say.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.” Her eyebrows wiggle.

  Before I can retaliate, the professor booms out, “Good morning, and happy fall semester, students! I hope you enjoyed your summer because break is officially over, and hell begins.” She rubs her hands together. “Welcome to grad school!”

  A chorus of groans circles the classroom.

  She’s an angel; that’s all there is to it.

  Those are the first thoughts that enter my mind when I see Jenna sleeping in her incubator. I review her vitals, study her chart, administer her medications, and then just watch her until I’m called away to help assess another case.

  “I’ll be back, sweet girl,” I whisper.

  Jenna stirs but then quickly settles back into a deep sleep.

  I’m gone longer than I wanted, and my shift is almost over, but I check on Jenna again. She’s still peacefully sleeping. Fighting the fight of her life is tiring work.

  Pulling on sterile gloves, I open her incubator to change her diaper and give her a sponge bath. Sometimes, we nurses get so busy that we don’t make time to bathe the babies properly because it takes time and extra care. I’m almost off the clock, and I’m exhausted and sore. But spending time with Jenna brings me peace, and I can use more of that in my life right now.

  “Hi, baby girl.”

  I brush the back of my gloved finger against her cheek, and she briefly opens her eyes. It still amazes me that she looks right at me even though she’s unable to see that distance.

  I smile just in case she can.

  “You’ll feel so much better after your bath,” I coo to her. “And I’m using the good wipes, so you’ll smell like spring flowers.”

  Pulling a swab out of the warmer, I rub it over her head, massaging as I move around. Jenna flexes her feet and purses her lips, almost like she’s trying to talk to me.

  “Does that feel good, angel? I bet it does.”

  I continue to take my time bathing her, talking and humming to her while I do. When I’m done, I give her a fresh diaper and stand there, watching her, until movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention.

  “Crap!” I jump when I notice Jacob is standing at the opening of the curtains surrounding Jenna’s area. Heat builds in my cheeks at getting caught interacting with her. I clutch a hand over my thundering heart. “Are you trying to give me a stroke?”

  He doesn’t say anything. He just stands and closely watches me with those intuitive blue eyes.

  His attention makes me restless, so I rub the back of my hand over Jenna’s cheek one more time. Then, I secure the top of her incubator. I gather the wash wipes and dirty diaper and throw them into the trash along with my gloves.

  “It’s not polite to sneak up on people.” Grabbing Jenna’s chart, I scribble down some notes for the next shift of doctors and nurses.

  “I didn’t want to interrupt.” Jacob’s voice is sincere. It sends a spark down my back.

  “You’re not interrupting anything. I was just finishing my rounds.” I shrug, trying to play off the intimacy of the situation.

  “I beg to differ.” He walks toward me and stands by my side, staring down at Jenna.

  The energy his body radiates makes me want to inch closer, but I suppress the need.

  “I’ve watched multiple nurses care for my daughter over the last several days, but no one has your touch with her, Joslyn.” When his gaze lifts to mine, something’s written in his eyes that I can’t interpret.

  “Well”—I close and place Jenna’s chart back in the holder—“I guess I’m the greatest at my job then.” I smile playfully.

  “There’s no doubt in my mind.” He shifts, so we’re facing each other. “I’m sorry I had to leave you at the bar the other night.” His voice is low and seductive, and it makes my fingers tingle.

  Me, too.

  Uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation and my thoughts, I squint at my watch. “I need to get to class.” I turn to walk around the privacy curtains.

  “Joslyn,” he says softly but with enough weight to make me stop.

  I keep my back to Jacob and wait.

  “Talk to me.”

  I squeeze my eyes closed, gathering myself. Gazing o
ver my shoulder, I focus on Jenna, not him. “She’s doing really well today, Mr. Ancroft.”

  I haven’t called him anything but Jacob, and I don’t know what made me change it now. Other than the effort to get things back to a professional level between us.

  From my peripheral vision, I can see Jacob’s posture stiffen.

  “My daughter’s health is my utmost concern”—he takes a step closer to me—“but you know damn well that’s not the subject I want to discuss. Jenna was in your hands, which means she received the best care.”

  Finding courage, I glance up into his piercing blue eyes and find a way to lie to him. “If you’re not questioning Jenna’s care or health, then there’s really nothing more to discuss. Have a nice evening.”

  “Joslyn—” Jacob takes another step closer.

  “Jos, we have to get to class. Come on, girl.” Maya pulls back the privacy curtain and halts when she sees Jacob and the expression written on my face. “Sorry to intrude, Mr. Ancroft. I didn’t know you were here.”

  Jacob nods once at Maya, but his eyes stay glued to me.

  “The evening nurses should be on the floor,” I say to Jacob. “If you need something, I can send one in for you.”

  Jacob silently watches me, communicating this conversation isn’t over, but concedes for now by shaking his head.

  “Have a good night.” I nod.

  “Thank you for watching over my daughter, Joslyn. I look forward to talking with you soon.” Jacob turns toward Jenna.

  Maya grabs my arm and leads me down the hallway. “What was that?” she questions as soon as we enter the break room.

  “Nothing.” I open my locker and grab my backpack. I’m exhausted, and I can’t wait for this day to be over.

  Slamming the door closed, I turn and almost run into Maya. She’s standing with her hand on her hip, her foot tapping.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Don’t what me, Jos. Spit it out, or I’ll force it out.” She tips her head.

  My shoulders sag. “He wants to talk about what happened at the bar.”

  “No doubt. I’d like to talk more about what happened or, better yet, what didn’t happen at the bar.” Maya cocks her left eyebrow.

  I brush past her, and I can hear her quickly following behind me. When she’s at my side and keeping pace, she stares at me with a calculating expression that she knows will make me break.

  Bitch.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, My.”

  We push through the hospital doors and onto the sidewalk. We stroll to the corner and wait for the light to change, so we can cross.

  “I want you to say you like him.” Maya digs in her purse, pulls out her gloss, and smears it on her lips.

  “I like him. He’s a nice guy, and from what I can tell, he’s a great dad.” I adjust my backpack on my shoulders and focus on the street.

  She scoffs. “I want you to say you have the hots for him and want to jump his bones.”

  “My!”

  I smack her arm, and she laughs.

  The light changes, and we progress across the street.

  “You were with limp-dick Brett for way too long. It’s time you had fun with a guy who knows what he’s doing. If I was a betting woman, I’d bet my education that Jake knows how to work his snake…among many other things.” Maya smacks her lips together and then smirks.

  “Enough about Jake and his snake. When did you become so crude?”

  We stop in front of the science building.

  “When did you become such a prude?” Maya walks through the door that’s being held by an attractive guy. She winks, pats his cheek, and says, “Thanks, babe.”

  “I’m not a prude,” I say quietly as we climb the stairs to the second level. “I’ve just been…dealing with a lot.”

  When we reach the top, Maya pulls me to the side, so we’re next to the wall.

  “I know you have, Jos. That’s why I want you to let loose and have a little fun. If there’s one thing I know, it’s men, and Jacob wants in your panties.” She gives me a pointed look. “You don’t have to marry the guy. Just enjoy him for however long it works for you. You’ll get no judgment from me.”

  “He’s off-limits, My.”

  “Only in your skewed mind. But, if you want to think of him as forbidden territory, by all means, do so. That only adds to the fun.” A devilish gleam enters her eyes.

  I shake my head and watch as our peers rush past us, on their way to lectures.

  Maya swats my butt. “When you finally decide to do the nasty with him, make sure you wear a skimpy lace thong. Older men dig that shit.” Then, she saunters into the classroom and toward our desks.

  As I follow her to our seats, I wonder how I came to be friends with someone who’s my polar opposite.

  CHAPTER 6

  * * *

  FIGHTING FOR AIR

  “What’s going on?” Jacob’s frantic voice says as I step onto the NICU floor for my shift.

  I glance in the direction it came from and see the privacy curtains around Jenna’s area are pulled back. Maya, Susan—the head NICU nurse—and Doctor Garvin are hovering around Jenna’s incubator. One of the monitors goes off, and Maya pivots, pressing buttons to make it stop.

  My stomach plummets at the frantic expression on Jacob’s face.

  Jenna.

  Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m darting in their direction.

  “Goddamn it! Tell me what’s happening to my daughter!” Jacob approaches the hospital staff.

  “Sir, if you could please calm down.” Doctor Garvin places a hand on Jacob’s shoulder.

  Jacob shrugs it off and takes a threatening step closer.

  “Mr. Ancroft, please calm down. We’re trying to assess the patient’s situation,” Susan says.

  “Don’t tell me to fucking calm down. She’s my daughter, and her name’s Jenna, not patient,” Jacob growls.

  “Mr. An—”

  “What’s going on?” I question as I enter Jenna’s space.

  Jacob turns, and his desperate blue eyes land on me. When they do, his face slackens slightly. “Thank God you’re here. Something’s wrong, and they won’t tell me anything.”

  “It’ll be okay.” I place my hand on his forearm. My attention immediately goes to Jenna, who is starkly still, to Maya, Susan, and then Doctor Garvin, who is going between studying Jenna’s chart and evaluating her active monitors. “What’s her diagnosis?”

  “She developed apnea but is now showing signs of pneumothorax.” Susan adjusts some of Jenna’s tubing.

  Crap.

  “What does that mean?” Jacob interrupts the conversation.

  “She’s had a brief stop in breathing, and she possibly has a collapsed lung,” I answer Jacob.

  “Shit.” He rakes his hand through his thick dark hair.

  I squeeze his arm in reassurance, and his pleading eyes land on me.

  I turn to study the machines. “Her blood pressure’s decreasing. Have you called for a chest X-ray?” Walking to the counter, I pick up the phone and poise my finger over the dial.

  “Yes, Jos. We’re waiting for them to retrieve her,” Maya responds.

  “Forget that. They could take all day.” Moving to fight with the tubes, I start to disconnect what I can to make Jenna mobile. “We can take her down. We don’t have time to wait.”

  This little girl and her family have weaseled their way into my heart, like I should never allow a patient to do. But what’s done is done for now, and I won’t stand around and watch Jenna suffer.

  “That’s not wise, Joslyn,” Doctor Garvin says.

  “Well, it’s unwise to sit around and watch Jenna’s blood pressure drop while she struggles to breathe. We’re trained to act, not to wait,” I say boldly. I get Jenna’s cubical unhooked, set up the transport equipment, and unlock her brakes.

  Looking at Doctor Garvin, I crinkle my forehead, waiting for his direction, ready to go against his wishes if I disagree with
them.

  I’m overstepping my bounds as a nurse—let alone as an intern—but I don’t care. I’ll deal with the consequences later. Right now, I can’t stand by and watch this baby suffer.

  Doctor Garvin swishes his arm out, indicating I should proceed forward. I nod as I start to push Jenna’s incubator.

  “Joslyn…” I hear Jacob’s broken voice behind me.

  Glancing over my shoulder, I see Jacob standing still with his lips pressed tightly together and creases around his eyes.

  “She’ll be okay, Mr. Ancroft.” I use Jacob’s formal name for Doctor Garvin’s and Susan’s benefit. The last thing I need is my superiors sniffing around my unintentional and inappropriate connection with this family. “I’ll stay with her the entire time. I promise.”

  Jacob nods.

  Before I turn, I see him fist his hair in both hands, squeeze his eyes closed, and lower his head, and my heart breaks for him. He’s alone in this with so much resting on his shoulders. I wish I could stay and comfort him, but I know my being with his daughter is the best thing for everyone.

  As I carefully push Jenna down the hallway to the elevator, I keep a careful watch over her and vow to protect this beautiful little girl however I can.

  The X-ray showed that Jenna did have pneumothorax. We were able to remove the excess air in her chest cavity with a needle and syringe, inflate her lung, and watch her blood pressure move back into low but normal levels. With the assistance of a more advanced ventilator, she’s now breathing easier.

  Jenna’s a fighter; I’ll give her that.

  It’s a little after nine in the evening by the time Maya and I wheel Jenna back to her designated area in the NICU. We plug in her incubator and hook her up to her machines.

  As I stand and watch over her to make sure she’s comfortable, Maya rubs her hand along my back.