Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  Entwining our fingers, he pulls me further into the room. “I wasn’t good at romance with Juliana.”

  He stops to face me, and for the first time since I’ve known Jacob, he seems slightly timid. It does something to my heart, making it feel like it’s full of carbonation.

  “I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.” Pulling me into him, he wraps his arms around my waist.

  The music softly playing in the background switches to a song I don’t recognize.

  Jacob keeps one arm wrapped around me and takes my hand in his, lifting them between our chests. “So, this is my attempt at wooing you.” He gives me an uneasy smile and starts to sway us to the beat.

  We circle in place a few times, staring intently into each other’s eyes, before I rest my head against his broad chest, close my lids, and try to cherish this experience with him. It’s everything my inner-romantic could want, and it feels almost too good to be true.

  When the song comes to an end and another one starts, we continue to dance.

  Jacob leans his head down, so his mouth is against my ear. “I don’t ever want there to be any doubt as to how important you are to me, to my children, to our life.”

  Pulling back from me, his eyes are intense. “We wouldn’t have gotten through these last several months without you.”

  He places his hands on the sides of my face, and I’ve never felt so cherished, so overcome, so…appreciated as I do in this moment.

  For the first time in my life, I feel wanted. I’m not an inconvenience to Jacob. I’m not something that is simply taking up space. He sees me, but more importantly, he needs me.

  “You’re important to me, too, Jacob.” More than you will ever know.

  A small grin quirks up his lips before he leads me over to his dresser where he set the clothes he was holding in his hands when I walked in earlier. Examining the stack closer, I notice they’re my underwear, bras, and pajamas. My questioning gaze lifts to his probing eyes.

  “What are you doing with my undergarments in your room?” I ask.

  “I want you to move in with me.”

  My brows furrow. “I’ve been living with you since the fire at my parents’ house.”

  He shifts and pulls the drawer closest to us open, and I notice more of my items neatly stacked in them. Reaching out to me, he pulls me close to him.

  “I want to sleep with you in my arms every night without having to sneak around the kids. I want this to become our bedroom.” He brushes his hands through my hair. “You’re mine, Joslyn, and I protect and keep what’s mine close to me.”

  “I…you…” I huff and scratch my ear.

  Jacob chuckles and bends, so he’s looking me square in the eyes. “Is that a yes or a no?”

  “What does this mean, Jacob? This is a pretty big step to take with someone.” I break from his hold to pace the bedroom.

  I’m not sure why this is freaking me out, but it is. It seems, with this one small request, he’s asking so much more from me. If I agree, which I totally freaking want to do, it takes me way beyond being Jacob’s nanny and someone he sleeps with. This puts us into relationship territory, serious relationship territory.

  And he’s not only asking me to be a part of his life, but to also become a permanent part of his children’s lives. That’s a huge responsibility. I can never replace their mom, would never want to, but Jagger barely knew her, and Jenna will only know stories of her. If I say yes, I’m saying yes to a hell of a lot more than simply sleeping in the same room, the same bed, as Jacob. It commits me to a life I’ve always dreamed of having, one I’ve always thought I wanted. It will give me a family. And, as much as I want to open myself up to the hope of that possibly becoming true, the thought of it being taken away from me has me hesitating.

  I feel Jacob walk up behind me.

  Placing his hands on my shoulders, he spins me to face him. Studying me, his eyes soften. “Get out of your head, and go with your gut, Joslyn. What’s it telling you to do?”

  “It’s telling me to be cautious,” I answer honestly as I observe my clothes sitting on the surface of the dresser.

  He places his finger under my chin and lifts until my attention is trained on him. “What are you afraid of, sweetheart?”

  “That moving in here will be a hell of a lot easier than if I have to move out.” I inhale deeply and slowly release it. “That, if I don’t do the former, I won’t have to do the latter, and my heart will be safe.”

  “Safe isn’t a place you can move forward from.” He pulls me against him. “As my grandmother always said, ‘You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.’” He kisses my forehead before leading me over to the bed. “This is a big step for me, too. My heart and trust were broken inside this room, yet I’m willing to open them to you again. I’m scared, but I’m willing to take a chance on you, on us.”

  Gesturing toward the humongous bed that dominates the room, he says, “Let this be our metaphorical ship to explore the ocean of what-ifs. Let’s be brave enough to lose sight of the shore together.”

  Dear God, how am I supposed to keep my wits about me when he says things like that?

  He pulls back. “So, will you move in with me?”

  I know my answer, but I let a few beats tick by before I nod.

  He smiles a lopsided grin, and the intensity in his gaze deepens. “Really?”

  “Really.” My head bobs with more enthusiasm.

  He grabs my face in his hands and crushes his lips down onto me, sweeping me up into a passionate kiss that has my head spinning. When he pulls back, his blue irises are so dark and eager that they reach right into me and seize my heart. Not that I think it’s mine anymore.

  There’s no doubt in my mind how much this man wants me, and when he pulls my Mickey Mouse top over my head and throws it to the ground, the expression on his face tells me everything I need to know about his feelings.

  “Make love to me?” His voice is hoarse, desire laced in every word.

  “Since when do you ask?” I challenge.

  A devilish smirk ghosts on his lips before he tackles me and pushes me onto the bed. I squeal and chuckle, which brings on a bout of tickle-torture from him, making me laugh harder.

  “Stop, stop.” Happy moisture trails down my temples as I look up at him with so much adoration, I think I’ll burst.

  “Are you waving your white flag, Miss Stone?” He grins down at me from his straddled position.

  “Never.” I try to smirk, but I think it probably translates into a dazed expression.

  “You make me happy”—his expression goes soft—“which I haven’t been in a very long time.”

  “You make me happy, too.” I smooth back a lock of dark hair that has flopped onto his forehead.

  He gazes into my eyes for a long time—searching for what, I’m not sure—until an expression crosses his face that I can’t read.

  Sloping down so that his lips rest against mine, our eyes locked, he breathes, “I love you, Joslyn. So fucking much.”

  My heart beats unsteadily before it stands still in my chest. My breath swirls inside my lungs, as if it were lost and didn’t know its way out of my body.

  Did he just say what I think he said?

  The passion written in his features tells me I’m not hearing things. This man—this beautiful, broken, dominant man—just laid out everything inside of him for me to take. It’s unbelievable, and I simply blink in awe and shock.

  “You don’t have to say it back.” He slightly pulls away and traces a path with his finger from my shoulder to my neck. “I know you’ve been through so much, and it might be a little fast, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

  I reach up, locking my hands around his neck, and pull him back to me. Taking a steady, deep breath, I catch his gaze and hold it. Letting go of my inhibitions, I let my emotions completely rule me.

  “I love you, too, Jacob. So much.”

  Both of
us beam at each other as we let the moment of sharing our true feelings seep into our souls and come out through our bodies with each other.

  He kisses me with such passion, it sets my spirit blazing. And, for the first time in my life, I finally understand what it’s like to make actual love.

  “I know I should’ve asked this sooner, but where are the kids?” I lift my chopsticks full of noodles to Jacob’s mouth, and he willingly accepts my offering.

  We’re sitting on Jacob’s bed—our bed—bathed in candlelight, eating take-out Chinese food, and watching the newest action flick on Netflix. Well, we’re not really watching; it’s more playing in the background.

  “They’re with their grandparents.” He lifts his chopsticks with a piece of sweet and sour chicken to my lips, and I graciously open my mouth for him to set it on my tongue. “They’re leaving for vacation on Monday and wanted to spend a couple of days with them.” Jacob wipes his thumb over a little sauce left on my bottom lip and then sucks it into his mouth.

  That’s freaking hot.

  “They go on a lot of vacations.” I chew on the morsel of heaven in my mouth and then swallow.

  “They worked hard their entire lives, so they could travel and see the world. I’m happy they’re able to do it.” He sticks his hand into one of the white to-go containers, pulls out a crab rangoon, and pops the entire thing into his mouth.

  “It really is great.” I nod. “So, why did we make plans for dinner and movies with the kids then?”

  He takes the chopsticks and container out of my hands and places them on the nightstand. Crawling over me and forcing me back against the pillows, he kisses his way up from my stomach to my mouth. He tastes like soy sauce and sex.

  “Because, as I told you, I was trying to be romantic and court you, and I wanted it to be a surprise.” He settles between my legs. “And, from where I’m lying, it seems to have worked.”

  Playfully, I smack him on his chest. He chuckles, grabs my hand, and pulls it up to his mouth, brushing his lips against my skin.

  “I can’t believe I get to wake up with you in my arms every morning,” he whispers.

  “Well, get used to it because, now that you’ve asked me to move in, you can’t disinvite.” I grin.

  “I would never dream of such a thing.” He plants a light kiss to the hollow divot at the base of my throat.

  “Speaking of the children,” I say.

  He groans, pulling back from his journey down my body.

  “What are we going to tell them about us?”

  “What do you mean?” he asks almost impatiently, his mind on his wandering hands.

  “Well, Jagger will notice that we’re suddenly sleeping together. Don’t you think he’ll ask questions?” I run my fingers over his thick dark brow.

  “It’s not as if he hasn’t seen us be close before. We’ll sit him down and tell him in simple terms what’s going on between us.” He grabs my wrist and briefly sucks my pinkie into his mouth, causing me to squirm against him. “It’s not as if he doesn’t already worship you.”

  “I know. I feel the same about him and Jenna, but won’t it be weird for Jagger? You used to sleep in here with his mom, and then, all of a sudden, it’s me.” I arch against Jacob as he grinds himself against me.

  “I wouldn’t say it’s sudden. You’ve been living in our house for months.” Leaning down, he nips at my chin.

  “I took over the role of disciplinarian, I moved into the house, and now, I’ll be sleeping in his father’s room. Maybe it’s all a little too fast.” I shrug. “I don’t want to disrupt his healing progress. He’s been doing so well lately.”

  “We’ll take it slow with him, Joslyn. But, now that I have you in my bed, you’re not getting out of it.” He goes back to kissing a path down my neck and to my breasts. “So, shut that beautiful mind of yours off, and let me send it flying.”

  And sending me soaring into oblivion is exactly what he does.

  CHAPTER 29

  * * *

  PICTURE IT

  “What are you doing?” Jacob shuffles into my old room, wearing nothing but a tight pair of black boxer briefs. His hair is in disarray from my fingers raking through it all night, and he’s still asleep on his feet.

  Since it was our first night together in our room—and there weren’t kids to consider—we didn’t get much sleep last night. I miss the little munchkins, but every second alone with Jacob is bliss.

  Unable to shut my mind off when he fell asleep, I came into my old room. I’m sitting on the floor, wearing only his T-shirt, going through the last few folders that were in my mom’s boxes. I’m not sure what I’m searching for, but I have a feeling I’ll know it when I find it.

  “Rifling through the last of my mom’s things.” I open a folder and sift through a few papers before it’s ripped out of my hands and thrown to the ground.

  “What—” I squeal when Jacob’s arms go under my armpits and lift me to my feet, and then I’m swept up into his arms.

  “We have the house to ourselves today and tonight, and I plan to fuck you on every surface until the kids come home.” He turns and stalks out of the room and heads down the hallway. “You can look at that stuff later. Right now, we have a coffee date with the kitchen counter.”

  “Oh, really?” I wrap my arm around his shoulder and nibble along his collarbone.

  “Room number one, baby.” He plops my butt on the counter, gives me a chaste kiss on the lips, and then sets to making us each a cup of coffee.

  “How many rooms do you plan on covering?” I shift into a more comfortable position.

  “All of them, if you can keep up.” He winks.

  “If I can keep up?” I eye his man junk and lift my brows in challenge.

  When the coffee starts percolating, he steps between my legs and pulls me flush to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

  “You don’t think I’m up to the challenge?” He dips his head to trace a path of open-mouthed kisses along my neck.

  “Well, you are an old man, so if the shoe fits…” I tilt my head to the side, giving Jacob better access to my skin.

  “You little vixen.” He nips me just under my jawbone. “Not that I have doubts when it comes to my ability to perform around you, but I have a prescribed little blue pill should we run into any problems.”

  “Wait.” I slightly push him back, so I can see his face. “You have Viagra?”

  He shrugs and lowers his eyes.

  There’s a story here.

  “Why?” I ask.

  He huffs and turns to get two mugs out of the cupboard.

  “Jacob…”

  “Do we have to talk about this?” He sets the cups down a little too harshly against the surface.

  “You’re the one who brought it up, and I think we do if you’re already this upset about it.” I scratch my knee.

  He grips the edge of the granite, leans forward against it with his back to me, and dips his head between his shoulders. “I had difficulty getting an erection with Juliana.”

  “Oh.”

  Oh.

  “I loved her, but I”—he exhales bitterly—“couldn’t always get it up.”

  Turning toward me, I see the wounded expression in his eyes.

  “It made her angry, which is understandable, but it didn’t help my situation.” He shakes his head. “Maybe that’s why she sought out a sexual relationship with Clay.”

  I jump to the ground, go to him, and take his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. “Don’t blame yourself for her selfish choices, Jacob. I don’t care what happens in a marriage; there’s no excuse for cheating. Couples have problems, they fight, they might even lose some of the attraction they once had, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to wander outside of their union to satisfy their desires.” I rise up and softly kiss him on the mouth. “You sought help, you got a prescription, but that still wasn’t good enough for her?”

  He breaks eye contact an
d shakes his head. “It wasn’t just that.” When he finally meets my gaze again, there’s shame written in his. “I…I cared for Juliana, and I would’ve never cheated on her, but I wasn’t always attracted to her.”

  My brows bob, and my arms fall to my sides.

  “I know it makes me sound like a horrible person, but she wasn’t the woman I’d once fallen in love with. Her attitude became so negative, and although she remained attractive on the outside, her insides became rotten and deceitful.”

  “You’re not a horrible person.” I inch my hands up his chest. “You’re a wonderful man who was suffering from a terrible situation.” I brush my hand through his hair and study his features when something dawns on me. “You’ve never had problems getting an erection around me.”

  He pushes me back a little, and his eyes rove up and down my body before meeting mine. “Have you seen you?” His hand slides up my outer thigh and disappears under his T-shirt that I’m wearing. Grasping my butt, he pulls me into him. “You’re a piece of artwork, and you are by far the nicest, most caring, and most giving woman I have ever met.” Positioning me against him, he grinds his already hardening cock against me. “There’s nothing more attractive than that, Joslyn. Nothing.”

  “Jacob…” I’m at a loss for words at his compliments.

  Bunching the material of my shirt in his hands, he slowly lifts it. I raise my arms, and he pulls it over my head and tosses it to the floor. He bends to take my breast into his mouth while keeping his eyes on mine. Heat swarms in my chest and pools between my legs.

  “I think it’s time we start christening the kitchen, Mr. Ancroft.”

  “I think you’re very right, Miss Stone.” With that, he lifts me back onto the counter and devours me with his mouth.

  I’m gaping at the picture in my hand, not believing what I’m seeing. Not wanting to believe what I see. If this is what I think it is, everything I’ve fought for, everything I desire, is going to crash around me before I have it built completely.