by K. A. Berg
But my inner bitch is still screaming. Knock on that door and get your man or stand up to him and tell him he can kiss your ass.
The metal of the door is cool under my fist, opposite of the lightning storm combusting inside me.
“RYAN!”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ryan
“How long has she been here?” Evan asks as he approaches the bar, scanning the room for Cara.
“About an hour,” I tell him and then nod toward the restrooms. “She went to the ladies’ room.”
“Drunk?” he asks.
“Yeah.” I nod. “She’s not belligerent or anything, but she’s not making too much sense to me. Something about holidays and Spencer ripping apart her family.”
Evan sighs as if this all makes perfect sense to him. It probably does, honestly. He and Cara are very close.
“The custody agreement was finalized today. He gets every weekend, and they have to split the holidays. She was upset, thinking about how she has to share the kids on Christmas and other holidays and it’s not fair. I think it’s all finally hitting her. Harder than she expected. I knew it was all going to come to a head but didn’t know when. Guess it’s time.”
Cara is a sweetheart. Always has been. She’s five years older than us and always watched out for Evan and then me. Seeing her in so much pain is hard.
She comes out of the restroom and smiles at Evan. “Hi, baby bro.”
“Hi, sis.” He pulls her into a hug. “Where are the girls?”
She takes a seat at the bar and goes back to her Long Island Iced Tea. “With Mom.”
Evan sits next to her, and I turn my attention back to game seven of the World Series. The Dodgers are only two innings away from winning this game and securing my childhood dream of watching them win the title. Since I’ve been alive, the Dodgers have never won the World Series. The last two years, they’ve made it to the championships but only to lose.
With Cara in the capable hands of Evan, I watch my dream come true. The bottom of the ninth comes fast, and I think my stomach is in my throat. Boston tied the score last inning. I don’t know if I can handle watching the Dodgers blow it again.
Hernández steps up to the plate.
Come on. Come on.
A swing and a … foul ball.
Come on. Shake it off.
The pitcher winds up, and the crack of the bat rings in my ears as I watch the ball sail into center field, right over the wall for a walk-off home run.
I stand, stunned, for a moment before the entire bar erupts in cheers.
Holy shit!
The Dodgers won the World Series.
The next half an hour flies by in a blur of shots and beers. Everyone in the bar is celebrating as if they were all just as big of a Dodgers fan as me.
Even Cara has snapped out of her funk and is enjoying the win.
Evan catches me at the far end of the bar. “Hey, man. Cara is done. She’s ready to drop. I needed to get her home, like, ten minutes ago.” He chuckles. “I forgot how quick she goes from zero to sixty.”
“Why don’t I just take her upstairs? Let her sleep it off.”
He nods. “That’s not a bad idea.”
A pretty blonde walks by, and Evan’s attention immediately shifts from getting Cara home to the woman’s ass. He’s so shameless.
“Go.” I nod toward the woman. “I’ll take her up.”
“I’ll swing by in the morning and get her.”
Cara leans over the bar, looking ready to fall asleep in her drink.
“Come on, Cara, babe. I’ll bring you upstairs. You can lie down.”
Coming around the bar, I put my arm around her waist and guide her to the back. She trips, heading out the back door, and we almost fall in the alley.
“Sorry.” She giggles. “I think I had about one too many.”
I laugh. “More like three too many, babe.”
“You’re so awesome, Ryan,” she coos. “You’re going to make a great husband one day. Just don’t decide nine years into your marriage that you don’t want to be with her anymore, okay? I like that Danielle girl.”
Me too, Cara. Me too.
The stairs are a bit of a struggle, and I practically have to carry her up them, but I finally make it up. She stumbles and sends us flying backward into the door. Lord, I should’ve cut her off a while ago. A minute later, I get her on the couch.
I’m pretty sure she was asleep before I laid her down.
Taking a deep breath, I sit on one of the kitchen chairs. Cara’s words resonate in my mind. The way she’s feeling now is exactly what I’m trying to avoid with Danielle. I need to make sure that we both want the same things from each other. No just one-sided love. Not one person—mainly me—happy and head over heels in love while the other is unhappy, wanting something that isn’t a life with the other.
The booming sound of someone banging on the door startles the shit out of me.
“RYAN!”
A woman’s muffled voice filters in through the pounding on the door.
“Open this door now, you coward. You asshole!”
Danielle. Speak of the devil.
It’s like my mind conjured her up for me.
What is she doing here?
And what is she mad about? Because she’s most definitely angry about something.
My pulse beats strong in my neck at the thought of seeing her, even angry. I’ve been longing to lay my eyes on her. To feel her body melt against mine in a hug. To hear her laughter. To see her smile. In person, not pictures.
I glance over my shoulder at Cara on the couch. She doesn’t seem to be the least bit fazed by the noise coming from outside.
“Ryan, you’d better open this door!”
Crossing the small room, I don’t hesitate to open the door in spite of my uncertainty of what’s awaiting me on the other side.
All that matters is that Danielle is here.
Her eyes blaze with flames, and her hands are clenched in fists. “You fucking liar!” she curses at me as soon as the door is open. “How could you do this to me?”
Whoa! The animosity rolls off of her strongly, gripping my heart in a vise.
“Do what to you?”
I don’t know what she’s upset about, but I know whatever it is, it’s big.
“You didn’t push me away because you wanted me to be sure that I wanted this.” She pokes her finger into my chest, and I have a wave of déjà vu. “You did it, so you could go make sure you wanted me. What’s the matter? Couldn’t decide if one pussy was enough for you, Mr. Fun?”
That’s a low blow.
She doesn’t mean it, Ryan. She’s upset about something and lashing out.
The urge to pick her up and shake some sense into her is hard to ignore. Where the hell is her mind? I can smell alcohol on her breath, so I’m guessing it isn’t off somewhere good. Amelia stands at the end of the stairs, looking disappointed, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking at her sister.
“Danielle”—I try my hardest to keep my voice even—“I don’t know what’s going on. But I haven’t thought about sleeping with anyone other than you since the day I met you.”
She laughs, but it’s a snicker and full of disbelief. “How can you lie right to my face? I just watched you walk up here with a woman. I can’t believe you’d cheat on me. Well, I guess it isn’t cheating since you decided we needed time apart. Why wouldn’t you just break up with me? Why string me along?”
Holy shit! This doesn’t look good from Danielle’s perspective, but this isn’t at all what she thinks. I have a lot to explain and not too much time before this all goes south.
“Okay, you need to take a deep breath and give me a second to explain.” Grabbing her hand, I pull her inside and let her see for herself what is going on here. “Cara had too much to drink downstairs. She was ready to pass out, so I brought her up here. To sleep. See?”
Evan’s sister is curled up on the couch, passed the hell out.
Danielle sees her and then just stands still as a statue with her mouth opening and closing like a fish. “She was leaning her head on your shoulder, and you had your arm wrapped around her waist,” she says to me, but her focus is still on Cara on the couch.
“She’s pretty drunk,” I add. “She was having a hard time tonight and tossed back a few too many. I helped her up here.”
It’s as if she’s glued to that part of the floor because she hasn’t moved a bit since seeing Cara. “That makes sense.”
Coming behind her, I place my hands on her shoulders and pull her back into me, hoping to calm down her emotions. “What’s going on, Danielle?”
Her body loses its stiffness as she sighs, but her voice is still filled with a ton of fight. Her words start off low before getting higher and more forceful. “I don’t fucking know. I don’t know anything because I’m playing by your rules in a game I know nothing about.”
“What game?” I’m trying to follow, but I can tell she’s stressed, and her mind is in overdrive. Even a month away from her can’t diminish our connection, my understanding of her and how she thinks.
“This distance thing you want between us.”
I spin her around and grip her face between my hands. “I’m not playing a game with you.” I stare deep into her eyes, letting the sincerity in my words sink in. “What was your plan tonight, Danielle? What brought you here?”
Whether Danielle planned to come here, or it was on a whim, she still had a plan for how this was going to go. She wasn’t expecting to see me with Cara.
Her eyes mist as she looks up at me with some uncertainty in them. “I thought you were testing me.”
“Testing you on what?”
Her cheeks blush with a pale pink in the center. “How much I wanted you.”
“How were you going to prove that?”
“I thought I could show up and tell you I’ve had enough of this and that I want to be with you and only you. Make the first move.”
Her words spark something deep in my chest. “Did you think that would work?”
She nods. “Until I saw you coming up here with a woman. Then, I got mad and desperate. I love you, Ryan. I want you so badly that I’m a walking zombie most days, trying to figure out what I need to do to prove that to you.”
My heart hammers in my chest as her words wash over me. “And if I were up here with a woman?”
“I was going to beg you not to sleep with her. Not to do this to us. Because I’d want you to choose me.”
Her words are like the magic key I’ve needed to stuff my insecurities in a box and lock them away. “That’s all I would’ve had to do? Pick you? It wouldn’t have mattered that I was going to sleep with someone else?”
Her answer to this question is important. I need to hear this before I throw away the box forever. “It would’ve hurt like hell, but it’d be my fault for not proving it to you earlier. Letting you get away with this shit. We are supposed to be together, Ryan. You fill some part of me I didn’t know was empty before you. No one will be able to make me feel the way you do.”
A euphoria I’ve never felt before consumes me. “You love me.” I kiss her lips. “You came to fight for me.”
“I do.” She smiles as the tears building in her eyes finally break free and fall down her beautiful face. “I did. I want it all with you. A wedding. A house. Kids. Hell, even a freaking dog if you want. I don’t care. I just want it all with you. It’s all I’ve been able to think about.”
I smile at her brightly, feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my whole life. “This is it.”
“This is what?”
“Remember how I told you that we would know when we were supposed to know?” I ask. “When I said that there would be a sign of some kind?”
She nods.
“This is it.”
“What the hell do you mean, this is it?” she bites out, anger taking over her voice. She balls her hand into a fist and hits me in the chest. “So, you were testing me this whole time? Just waiting for me to come and make a big scene?”
“Ow.” I chuckle, rubbing the spot she punched. “No, I’m saying … you charging up here, even though I could’ve been having sex with another woman, to try and stop me is my sign.”
She shoves away from me, running her hand through her hair. “You know, it’s a good thing you’re hot as hell because I’m starting to question whether or not you’re as dumb as a bag of rocks since, for the life of me, I can’t follow all this stupid shit.” She paces back and forth as she lets everything she’s feeling out. “First, it’s not a test. Now, it was. Me not being able to stomach the idea of you with another woman but willing to look past it is a sign. Why? So that if it happens later in life, you know I’ll forgive you? If that’s what you’re thinking, you’re sadly mistaken, mister.”
“Danielle”—I stop her pacing by grabbing her arm and pulling her into me—“the sign wasn’t you overlooking another woman. It was you trying to stop it to begin with. You could’ve seen Cara and me heading up here and turned and left. You could’ve assumed I was sleeping with Cara and moved on, leaving me without knowing. I witnessed firsthand how fast you dropped Scott, and you had been ready to marry him. You’d loved him but not enough to move past another woman. You were willing. For me. That’s enough for me to know the risks are worth the rewards.”
She peers up at me from under her lashes and starts bawling. “I kind of hate you right now, Ryan Cohen. This has been the worst month of my life. You made me go out. Mercy made me go speed-dating. All because you needed some stupid sign. I got drunk and watched a baseball game tonight, so I could feel close to you, and now, you’re all like, It’s all good now, Danielle. We can be together because I got my sign. Well, fuck you, Ryan.”
She tries to step away from me, but that’s not happening. Now that I have her back, in my arms, she’s not getting away.
“This hasn’t been easy on me, Dani Girl.”
“Bullshit. Your life has been moving along perfectly. New bar. Favorite team winning the World Series all while I’ve had to stalk you on social media because I’ve been a pathetic loser waiting for you to call me. Or text me. Hell, I would’ve taken a note from a carrier pigeon at this point in time. ”
“Yes, those things were great and make me very happy, but not as happy as you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t give me that shit, Ryan. This whole stupid break was your idea. And that line sounds like one from a cheesy movie.”
“You’ve quite the potty mouth tonight, Danielle.” I smirk.
“Because I’m kind of buzzed. I don’t know whether I want to kill you or kiss you. My mind is completely fried, and I feel like things still need to be discussed, but all I can think about is being in your arms because it feels like forever since I’ve had them around me.”
My arms tightly band around her, holding her together while she breaks apart. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ll never let you go again. You’re mine now.”
She sniffles. “I’ve been yours.”
The fullness that I feel from having Danielle right where she belongs isn’t something I can adequately describe. It’s like feeling the last piece of the puzzle snap into place. Feeling like everything is just as it should be. I feel whole. Content. Happy.
“I love you, Danielle.”
Pulling back, she looks up at me and smiles through her tears and snot. I love how much she doesn’t care about being a hot mess. And she’s never looked more gorgeous.
“I love you, Ryan.”
A throat clears behind us. We turn, Danielle still in my arms, and see Amelia peeking in from the still-open door.
“Sorry to interrupt, but there was yelling and crying, and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
Her eyes quickly dart around the room as if she’s trying to take in as much as possible to make a quick assessment. Cara is still knocked out on the couch, fully clothed. Not much to see there. Danielle is in my arms,
and Amelia might have heard us say I love you.
“We’re fine.” I smile at her.
She points back into the alley with her thumb. “Okay, I’m going to head home if you don’t need me, Dani.”
I glance down to her and her to me. Our eyes lock, and I see everything swimming in those melted chocolate orbs. There is not a doubt in my mind that we are anything but good. We’ve got some work to do, but we are most certainly all right. Danielle will be okay. I’ll make sure I glue her back together. It’s only fair after she brought me to life.
She smiles at me. “I’m going to be fine, Amelia.”
She turns to leave, but I stop her.
“Amelia, my friend Evan is downstairs. Ask Roxy who he is and tell him Cara is sleeping upstairs and that he needs to make sure you get home okay. Don’t head home alone at this hour, or I’ll call your mom.”
Danielle lets out a throaty laugh. I’ve never met their mother, but Danielle has told me all about her fears of her daughters living in the city. I’m concerned she might have a legit anxiety issue when it comes to city life.
“You two are perfect for each other.” She shakes her head before heading down the metal staircase.
“I’m really happy you came here tonight.”
“Me too,” she says. “I was a little worried for a few minutes. But I’m really glad I came too.”
I kiss the top of her head as she snuggles her face into my shirt.
“How do you want to celebrate the World Series win?”
“Wrapped around you.”
She laughs. “Be serious. Tonight was huge for you. I’m sorry I interrupted whatever plans you had.”
“Fuck the Dodgers,” I tell her as I drop my hand down and pick her up. “I got my girl back tonight. That’s so much bigger than the Dodgers winning the World Series.”
Chapter Forty
Danielle
Ryan looms above me, looking more beautiful than ever. His eyes shine like a beacon of lust, desire, and most importantly, love. A sheen of sweat coats his chest and shoulders. His arms cage me in, making me feel at home.