Words to Ease Your Soul

by Jacqui Rogers

  and we say goodbye to moon and sun,

  we will be walking side by side

  and nothing will have ever died.

  How much time is left to go?

  Let’s not worry about what we can’t know,

  just live and laugh and be with me,

  for I am your own devotee.

  So thank you for always being there,

  for saving me from my despair.

  There’s just one thing more I have to say:

  I love you more with every day.

  When You Have to Go

  When you realise the love has gone

  but cannot find the time to leave...

  When did it all go so wrong?

  Can it ever be retrieved?

  Would it ever be the same,

  the love and laughter that we shared -

  is it gone in all but name

  or could it maybe be repaired?

  Questions follow, one on one,

  but is it wise to trust them now

  or should I just say that “It’s done”

  and let it go, restart somehow?

  Is the timing ever right

  for the sadness this will cause?

  This could be a running fight -

  maybe I should pause...

  I feel so guilty, feel so sore,

  thinking that it’s done and gone;

  but I really do want so much more

  than the path we find ourselves upon.

  Can we both just walk away

  or will be it be too hard to do?

  Should I just say that I’ll stay,

  forget it all and be with you?

  I promised you the truth always,

  but how do you ever say the fact

  that far from those past halcyon days

  we no longer interact?

  Hardly ever together now,

  we live our lives apart;

  I do my thing, you do yours

  and of mine you want no part.

  But I do want a partner,

  someone to share my heart;

  fed up with feeling all alone,

  I need another start

  with someone who really loves me,

  who cares if I am there;

  someone to tell my dreams to,

  someone who will share.

  Perhaps I could keep the magic going,

  perhaps, if we were one;

  but the secret’s in the knowing

  that really all is done!

  So I’m going to find the courage

  to raise this very soon,

  and I know you will discourage me -

  it will not be opportune.

  But I can’t go any longer

  without being honest to your face,

  and find I’m so much stronger

  now that we don’t embrace.

  When I’m with my friends who care,

  I feel so much more blessed;

  but leaving them, returning,

  only makes me feel depressed.

  I cannot do this any more,

  I’ve given all I can

  and if I stay here any longer

  I’ll be old before I am...

  I do wish you the happiness

  deserved for every soul,

  but I have to take decisions now,

  I have to take control.

  There’s only so much one can give

  before it’s time to leave,

  when all your friends are telling you

  there’s nothing more to be achieved.

  And I have put so much deep thought

  into the life I want from now;

  unfortunately it can’t be bought

  or else I’d find out how...

  So taking courage, with a heavy heart,

  I’ll knock your door to tell you

  that it’s better if we are apart,

  it’s time to say farewell.

  I’ve practised this so many ways,

  to say these words to you;

  it never gets any easier,

  an awful thing to do.

  But you’re locked into the life you want

  which no longer includes me;

  I can no more be nonchalant,

  so open up and see

  that we would be happier apart.

  I’m certain of this too;

  though you’ll always be within my heart,

  I’ll always care for you.

  I’ll take all that you throw at me,

  the dark recriminations;

  I don’t expect you to agree -

  I have no expectations.

  Yet I thank you still for all we had

  and hope you can forgive,

  as I head for my launching pad -

  I only want to live.

  No more pretence behind closed doors,

  no more inventing lies,

  it’s time to move on, time for more,

  without wondering if or why.

  Wherever my decisions take me

  I’ll grab it with both hands;

  to live, to love, to laugh, to dream -

  a life that can expand.

  From Granddad

  You were always special to me from the day you were born, as delicate as a flower and as strong as I have ever seen. You did things your way - which was not approved of by others - but you did make us all chuckle.

  The day your father died, I had to stop you from rushing to him. I had to keep you back, you didn’t want him to go, and that broke my heart; but there was no-one else to do it and then for a while you wouldn’t come to me. You felt that I’d broken your trust and for that I am sorry.

  I tried to live a good life and my family was everything to me. It was all I knew. But grandchildren bring a whole new perspective into it when they arrive, as you now know. Really, you would like nothing more than to be with them all the time as they really give a new focus on life. There were seven grandchildren and we loved them all; but you were the youngest and needed us more.

  It’s true that when I passed over I thought I wasn’t ready for it. I missed so many things. I missed our cuddles. I was surprised when I reached this side because it’s not how I thought it would be at all; but it is worth all that happens in life to be here.

  I watched you from here and I came to visit you unseen as soon as I could. When the opportunity came for someone to appear to you, I stepped forward; we believed it would be too much for you to see your Dad - the wound was too raw back then. So I came when you did not expect it. That is usually the way and I stood in all my solid form and smiled at you. I felt your fear and I was sad about that. I tried to let you feel me but you couldn’t let down the barrier then and you ran away. You felt such shock that we decided to make you rest for a while, and you slept while we helped you process your experience. I came back several times after this and was seen often. I became quite good at it!

  You see, I am always helping you in your life. When you think of me, I am right here beside you, puffing away on my pipe and listening to your thoughts, seeing you doubt yourself, berate yourself. All I can say to you is to remember where you have come from and how hard it once was. At least you will not have all that again. What matters is now and that is what you must concentrate on. I can see how we all plan ahead, how we think tomorrow should be arranged - but you can’t, you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. You don’t know what choices will be made and who will affect them, not until it happens.

  When you need me, I will be there. When you are searching, I will be there to open the door and help you see clearly; and when you fall I will pick you up, dust off your knees, hug you and send you onward. When it is time to come over, I will be waiting at the door as I always did when you came home from school; is that not where you have come from? It will be like old times, yet the times will be new and full of so much promise. One day, I promise, we will hug again and laugh again and the journey will all have been worth it.

  Neve
r think that I do not agree with who you are. You have made me so proud in the work you do and I come to see you often. You have you mother’s flair; however, your grandmother thinks you take after her! But I know that you are just you, in all your beautiful glory - sometimes too trusting, though you give your all to others for the benefit of so many on this side of life and that side of life. Long may you continue.

  God bless you, my beautiful granddaughter. And for all the beautiful granddaughters everywhere - know that your grandfathers watch over all of you.

  Teenagers

  The teenager is a problem, an enigma to be solved -

  how do we control them? How did they evolve?

  We all believe our youngsters are the best there’s ever been,

  but let’s take off the blinkers and see what must be seen...

  Control is not the way, although you ask and plead and beg,

  and think they need a life like yours - then they just pull your leg.

  They are all individuals though you may not like their ways,

  hanging round with trouble, sleeping through the days...

  Sometimes you would love to walk away from all the stress,

  but in your heart you know you can’t, however much the mess!

  One minute you shout a curse at them, next they look forlorn,

  so then you have to hug them though it only brings you scorn...

  They think they’re very clever, telling you fib after fib,

  but you know this and it makes you smile, you know you will forgive them.

  Sometimes your head may just explode, you can’t always be strong,

  when they always seem to get their way and never admit they’re wrong...

  Just a short, short time ago they were the model child

  and you were proud to show them off, smiling, meek and mild;

  then, God, how did it happen that my child turned into this?

  I cannot for the life of me think how it went amiss...

  But I am told there’s hope for us and as the years progress

  they will become responsible. I don’t quite believe that yet,

  for several years have come and gone with no sign of any change

  and I wonder if mine’s different - it’s really very strange...

  I do want him to be happy, I love him with all my heart,

  he is the life and breath of me, my perfect work of art.

  But I don’t know how to help him now, don’t know what’s for the best;

  it might help if, by the afternoon, he’d get up and get dressed...

  So I’ve decided to step back and leave it up to him to live;

  whatever he gets up to now, I’ve little more to give.

  Of course, there’s hugs and love and words and meals by the score,

  but whatever else he needs from now - he’ll just have to explore...

  I know him better than he does, I know his hopes and fears,

  he’s told me all these in his eyes through the preceding years.

  And I hope he can confront the demons that nearly make us blind,

  that they drive him to his purpose and not out of his mind...

  And I hope he can remember those who always love him still,

  no matter what he fights against, no matter what his will.

  And I hope he’ll be all that he can, a brilliant purpose find,

  remembering to be caring, remembering to be kind...

  So I’m not going to fight with him and I’m not going to shout,

  it will only make him angry and determined to walk out,

  so we’ll agree to disagree and I’ll give him the space

  to find the way, God willing, to join the human race...

  For My Friend

  I want to write a letter to my friend. I have to say that we started this friendship in a very unconventional way, meeting through spirit when you lay in the darkest of places with your heart torn to shreds. I know you didn’t like me at all when we met and you kept away from me because of that; but time and again I was told you would return. Time and again, I was told to contact you to tell you I was thinking of you, though I know you did not believe that to be the case. And still you resented me - I don’t know why, you never said. But I persevered.

  You came back to the teaching circle because you knew you were meant to be there. Spiritual things frightened you, the feelings you had frightened you. The deep hole you were in was your home ever since your husband, your love, your soul mate had gone to the spirit world. He was too young, yes, but he had to go for you to flourish and grow - that seems like a strange thing to say, as I know that you would rather have him here. But this was about him, and this was his pathway to choose. He chose you all the way. He was so scared to move on and also scared to stay where you were.

  Then you came back to me and your lovely husband started to talk to me - but I couldn’t tell you. You would not have believed me. You were not ready to hear it.

  Most weeks, you sat in the energy just listening to everyone else and not saying anything. I kept a special eye on you. You were my ‘project’, to bring you into the light for you deserved that. During those evenings, I know you started to understand, to absorb what was truly happening around you and you started to blossom. Your love of nature and the Earth was evident from day one and the fact that you have now found your shamanic side is no accident. Your understanding of earth energy and the power it contains is wonderful, and using this has now brought you to a place of great learning. The future can be scary and unexpected.

  You have the most amazing spiritual abilities; contacting me through the ‘spiritual airwaves’ was particularly enlightening. I remember the first time it happened - how you were there when I needed you, and it’s just getting stronger. I personally find it hard to rely on people and that is what I feel I am here to learn - to fix - but you have laughed with me, cried with me, kicked me and supported me. You are the mother hen for so many, as you love to fix things too. So it is a journey of fixers who support each other through the painful journey in this world we find ourselves in. The healing you give by using your animals is beautiful and you love to heal. You give to others even when they don’t know you are doing so; but I do, I see it, I feel it as we are connected way beyond this world - I know you know that too. You were sent to me as much as I was sent to you.

  The future will be particularly challenging for you, realising that you must not be alone on this journey and that you will have to let your husband fly free. You will have to join with another and I know how much that scares you. Whoever this is will have to match you and to be very special. Their connection to nature and the Earth will fit you like a glove and you will show your full self - nothing will be hidden as it is now. It makes me laugh when people are around you because they have no idea what and who you are, and that is just the way you like it - being incognito. But not for much longer. Soon you will have to stand up and be counted as your pathway demands it.

  Every day, your words of love and care make many others smile, and you say them no matter how you feel. You say them to offer help and to give love and that is all, expecting nothing in return; but you should know that we do send much back to you, for you need it too. No-one can know what it is like to walk in your shoes and that’s the same for all of us. No-one knows the pain that you have experienced; we can all imagine it but it’s not the truth. We always like to think we can see others’ truth, but it’s the truth within ourselves that we have to acknowledge before we can cope with that.

  That said, you really annoy me sometimes because you want to jump ahead and then you miss things. You have to wait for your life to unfold in the way it must. Then you panic because you realise you’re not in control; but you never have been - we all have to surrender to the will of the spiritual magic, whether we know it or not. I’m sure I annoy you too as I never listen to anyone on the Earth! However, you have learned that the trick is to invade my thoughts and talk to me there. You are very crafty
sometimes.

  So what will the future hold for us both? Well, I don’t really know. I do however know that we will work together at some point. I do like your energy when we’re together, it’s so very different to mine and joined together it just works; it fits and is very powerful. We do have the capability to change lives, which is our purpose, to give, to receive and to love. So when you are fulfilled, your power will be strong and you will fly together, you and your partner (with your husband by your side). I look forward to that day as I will know what you have achieved.

  For all your troubles, you humble me and inspire me to be better. You are genuine and lovely and strong and I thank spirit every day since I met you. I hope that I inspire you too, as much as you inspire me. So wave your wand and raise your magic. Use it in the darkest places to shine a light; it’s what we do best. I trust you and love you and I hope that the world eventually sees the real you, the beautiful you.

  I have met so many people in my life who have become wonderful friends at once. So it will always be, but then fate draws us apart and that has made me sad on many occasions. People are brought together for the time that they are needed, where there is a benefit on both sides. Sometimes that can make us sad. So I want to say that I hope we stay close for longer than a season. I hope we can still laugh and have the fun we do for years to come. I hope that the work we do will make a difference to the world and also to you; may you find all you deserve because you are worthy of it. I also lost someone in order to find this path as you have too, so together we are much stronger. We help each other cope on our bad days, and on our good days we laugh. I don’t know if there is place for anyone else because you understand me so well. But know this - I will be there all your life and, even if you move away from me, our hearts and spirits will be forever entwined.

  This letter is for my friend. I hope it may inspire you to send a hug to your own friends, the people whom you meet suddenly and whom you just know and feel comfortable with. These things are meant to be, so love your friends and cherish them and they will do the same for you in return. Your partnership will be blessed and you will both be loved in ways you can only imagine. It is not an accident that you met when you did; there is always a reason, so trust in that and enjoy your journey.

  Always

  I could never leave you.

  My heart was always connected to yours by an invisible silver string.

  It frequently got entwined with yours, and with others, but yours was the only one that never tore.