Ahead of them, the horizon is all lit up. The kind of equatorial sunset that folds and glows with colour – peach, grey, gold. The wind whipper-snaps around the mast, the wires.
‘I don’t know.’ Mim pauses, honesty making her throat raw. ‘But we’re going to choose. Together. We’ll decide.’
Essie nods – long, thinking nods – without taking her eyes off the water ahead. ‘You think it can be somewhere that has a soccer team?’
Laughter in Mim’s throat, sudden and loud and sweet. ‘Yes. I reckon it can.’
She reaches for Essie’s hand, holds it tight; the weight of her daughter’s fingers pressing back against her skin.
Acknowledgements
I acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the lands and waters this book was researched and written upon and recognise their continuing connection to Country that was never ceded. I pay my respects to their Elders, past, present and future.
This book began with a scribbled What if at a time when the Australian Government closed our borders to people seeking asylum. Over four years, while our border policies remained, the book changed trajectory but at its core remains a question about how we treat people who ask for help. At a time of global crisis, it’s worth remembering the paradox of what we would do to protect the people we love at the same time as we punish others for doing just that.
I was told Pippa Masson was the best agent in the country and I’m still pinching myself she took me on. Thank you, Pippa, for your astute guidance, warmth and for organising conference calls while I stood on hills in remote WA – calls which ended in this book finding its perfect home. My thanks also to the team at Curtis Brown, especially Caitlan Cooper Trent, and to Alice Lutyens in the UK.
Thank you to my indomitable publisher and editor Fiona Henderson whose enthusiasm, intellect, laughs and doggedness to make things perfect have taken this book to the next level. I wish exceptional editors Siobhan Cantrill and Deonie Fiford could accompany my words everywhere in everyday life. Dan Ruffino, Anabel Pandiella, Anna O’Grady, Elissa Baillie, Anthea Bariamis and the entire team at Simon & Schuster, thank you for championing this book from the beginning. I am thrilled to be in your hands.
Thank you Sandy Cull and Daniel Lint for the incredible cover, and to Erika Wells on a steamy Darwin night who first showed me Daniel’s work.
Toni Jordan is a novel whisperer who first said ‘Maybe just kill him?’ and opened this book out into something new. Penni Russon was my first and treasured reader. Aviva Tuffield gave me the confidence to dive in. I would never have held my nerve if it were not for Charlotte Wood who guided me and this project through the very shittiest part and back out again. I am forever grateful.
When I began, I had never set foot on a yacht. Thank you to all those who assisted with my sailing education: Leigh McLeod first let me take the helm, Sharon Mullins, Di & Bernie Mcgoldrick and Jane Courtier shared tales and books, Chris Wells answered endless questions, read ‘the boat bit’ and is never reticent in telling me where I get things wrong. That said, any sailing related errors are my own.
I had a mad idea to crew aboard a yacht from Darwin to Ambon, Indonesia, and Captain Neville Gill was kind enough to take me on. To Neville and the crew of Finally, Neil Brown, Pete Smith, Ray Jarrett, Matt Wilson, Joy Eggenhuizen and everyone involved in the Darwin to Ambon Yacht race 2018, my heartfelt thanks. I could not have written this book without you and those four days at sea. Neil – I stole your story of the whiteout in the Banda Sea. I hope you don’t mind. Thank you to Adjeng Hatalea and the people of Ambon I was lucky enough to meet.
On geology, I am indebted to Dr Susan White, Dr David Steart and Philomena Manifold for answering my many questions.
To all the mothers I know, and the ones whose stories I read, your experiences – myriad as they are – are the backbone of Mim’s story. Thank you. Solidarity.
Thank you to my writers group Meg Dunley, Katherine Collette, Kim Hood, Emily Brewin, Nicky Heaney & Venita Munir, especially for our magic retreats at Musk where so much of this book was written, deleted and written again. Thank you Cathy and Peter for allowing us somewhere to retreat and create. Thank you Meg, for keeping me accountable, and Katherine, for the joy and craziness of our podcast adventure. To my coven, Penni Russon, Zana Fraillon and Penny Harrison, thank you for sharing the splendid chaos of our writing and real lives and all the ways they crash up against each other. I’m so lucky to have you. Kelly Gardiner, thank you for your wise counsel always. To the RMIT PWE crew, thank you. Please don’t kick me out. I promise to finish one day. To the Class of 2016: Mark Smith, Mel Cheng, Rajith Savanadasa, Michelle Wright, Mark Brandi – here’s to our seconds (and thirds and fourths, you overachievers!). Thank you Alice Robinson, Angela Savage, Sally Piper, J.P Pomare, Karen Viggers, James Bradley & Kris Olsson for your generous early support. The beauty of doing this second time around is that my circle of writing colleagues has grown enormously; to all those I drink with, study with, interview for the podcast, chat with over twitter, thank you for sharing the strange wonder of this writing life.
I’m grateful for a Creative Vic grant and for residencies at Varuna, The Writers House and Bundanon where I had time and space to write. Susie and Paul at Point Hicks Lighthouse let me write on the balcony for two glorious days over the 2018/19 summer and talked to me about Indonesia. Thank you.
Booksellers make the world go around and I thank them for their passion and tireless devotion to books and stories and authors and readers. Our words would not go anywhere if it weren’t for you.
Thankyou to my girls: Eri, Shay, Tess, Mel, Amy, Julia, Polly, Katja, Jess, Bee – the best fan club ever in work and in life. Eri, Mont, Ash & Leroy shared (another) adventure of a lifetime, one that involved being in phone reception at strange times in remote places for bookish things. Thank you for sharing the thrill and Eri, for everything, always.
To my family who make life happen in ways big and small; my in-laws, especially Graham, who saw this started but not finished, and who would have been ‘powerful proud’. To my sister, Maggie, and Mum and Dad, for everything but especially for kid wrangling, unconditional love and razor-sharp reading eyes – thank you.
To Adam, who says writing is my job and gives me space and time to do the work, thank you. You are a good man and I love you.
To Gracie and Etta. Thank you for understanding that I am your mum and a writer, both. For sending me off on writing retreats with hand drawn signs that say, ‘You can do it, Mum!’, for the fierce tousle of the heart and mind that is every day of being a parent, for teaching me what it’s all for. I love you.
About the author
Kate Mildenhall is a writer and teacher. Her debut novel, Skylarking, was named in Readings’ Top Ten Fiction Books of 2016 and longlisted for Best Debut Fiction in The Indie Book Awards 2017 and the 2017 Voss Literary Prize. Kate teaches creative writing and co-hosts The First Time Podcast. The Mother Fault is her second novel. Kate lives with her husband and two daughters in Hurstbridge, Victoria.
Find out more about Kate at katemildenhall.com or connect via Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.
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THE MOTHER FAULT
First published in Australia in 2020 by
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© Kate Mildenhall 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publisher.
Selected Poems by Gwen Harwood
Text © John Harwood
First published by Penguin Books Australia 2001
Reprinted by permission of Penguin Random House Australia Pty Ltd
Cover design: Sandy Cull/gogoGingko
Cover image: Daniel Lint @cut.tear, daniellint.com
Typeset by Midland Typesetters, Australia
ISBN-13: 978-1-76085-448-5 (eBook)
The Mother Fault Page 27