For the first time, I was truly afraid of her. Afraid that she could see the emptiness inside me. Afraid that she might realize that there was nothing in me to fight for ... or to love.
My life was just a big black hole with no direction to take. Inside me there were only so many stairs piled up, plunged into darkness, and incinerated by my demons.
I looked at Alice. She was life and pure fire. She was energy and strength.
I was just ash in comparison.
Ash that longed for her vitality to return to life; but after so many years the only thing I could do now was turn off Alice's light and drag her to the bottom with me. That is why I wanted from her only what I could afford, something that I knew I could reciprocate: sex.
As for love, for me it was only a light that I could only turn off with my darkness, and a compass useful only to those who had not yet lost hope.
I would never be able to understand or appreciate such a feeling and even less return it.
“ Easton, I don't want to fight with you anymore. Our feud has dragged on too long. I’m asking you now to bury the hatchet and take a step towards peace. I cannot change your past or erase the pain of your memories, but I can promise you that I will always be there for you and, if you allow me, I will give you all the affection and support that there is between a sister and a brother."
The sweetness in Alice's voice was hypnotic and her words were a balm for my soul. However, when she hinted at becoming like true siblings, I felt a sudden and destructive anger scratching inside me.
"We will never be like brother and sister," I snarled furiously, moving away from her touch, and leaving.
I knew I hurt her. She had just handed me an olive branch and I had taken it and broken it with my answer. But she was stronger than me: I could not and did not want to accept that Alice saw me as a brother.
This is not what I want. I want something else. Something that could destroy both but that makes me feel alive.
I would have done anything to make her understand that I would never be a brother to her.
11
ALICE
For two nights that I did not close my eyes. Two nights when I could finally enjoy my bed in full solitude, but for some reason felt cold and empty.
Easton's last words kept pounding in my mind.
I had tried to be his friend and sister, but apparently, he didn't want me.
He was only interested when there was a bet in the middle, but beyond that, Easton did not seem in the least attracted by me, even in the face of a request for peace.
I felt out of place, tired, frustrated, and depressed.
The truth was that I really wanted to have a special relationship with him and it wasn't only because of his way of being with me, made of threats that only stirred my desire combined with spite, with arrows as he basically amused himself with caresses and kisses which I now dreamed of continuously and which I desired more and more.
Easton was incredible. He knew how to make me angry, how to laugh and how to give me pleasure all at the same time. Staying with him was like going on a roller coaster, where you never know what to expect and or when the final thrust will arrive, or that caress capable of pushing me beyond that border that I had created over the years.
Only he had managed to make me tear down the fence of stakes and rules that I had imposed on myself.
Only he could make my heartbeat so hard that it silenced all thoughts.
The time we spent together, with our ups and downs, was magical.
But being close to him was also negative and destructive.
Sometimes it seemed to me that I was a moth drawn by the flame even though I knew I was going to burn myself.
Easton was dangerous because it made me want something I knew he would never give me. With him I could only end up burned by the passion that burned inside me every time he touched me and kissed me.
When did I start to experience this mixture of confused emotions for him?
I sighed, heartbroken and confused, only now realizing how Easton had crept into me so much that I lost sleep.
"How angry are you, one to ten, about what Easton has done to you?" Kira exclaimed, drawing me out of my thoughts. I hadn't even heard her come in.
"Zero. By now I have given up. I am just a toy for him to have fun with, but now that the betting story has come to an end, I have decided to turn the page,” I replied with a shy smile. I didn't want her to know how hurt I was.
“ I wasn't talking about the bet, but about what he posted on Instagram two days ago. Felicity showed it to me this morning and I immediately came here. "
"I don't know what you're talking about." I sighed nervously at the thought that Easton had combined me with another.
In a moment, Kira came to my side and showed me Easton's Instagram account, clicking on the hashtag #aliston, and our names together.
There were dozens of photos published in black and white or in twilight of the two of us sleeping together.
I blanched suddenly. Easton had photographed me while I was sleeping!
They were not erotic or nude photos, but the intimacy that was perceived was so palpable that it was extremely sensual, with me crouched on his body, our legs entwined together, my hand on his chest and his on my belly.
I was so shocked that I couldn't say even one syllable.
"A little while ago he also put up a video," Kira gave me the final coup de grace.
I swallowed hard while my roommate started the very short movie.
It was dark, but the camera flash illuminated Easton bent over me as he kissed my neck. I was asleep with my head on the pillow, not far from the lens.
"Do you want me, Alice?" Easton asked me, kissing me on the lips.
I didn't answer him but emitted some moans of pleasure.
He repeated the question in an even more hoarse and seductive voice.
A smile traced on my lips and a sleepy, languid expression came from my mouth: "Yes."
Oh my God, I said yes!
I felt betrayed, confessing what I didn't want to admit to myself.
The video ended.
Twenty-seven seconds of footage that felt like hours to me.
I covered my eyes in shame with shaking hands.
My cheeks were hot, and my heart was so agitated that my head was spinning.
I looked back at the video and read Easton's comment posted below: “I'll come for you soon, Alice. Just you and me. I promise. PS: This is not a bet and, for those who still don't know, Alice is not my sister, but only the daughter of my father's new girlfriend. "
"At least he made it clear you're not brother and sister," Kira tried to cheer me up.
Too bad that the hundreds of subsequent comments were all focused on what was a new challenge for them, as everyone expected new photos and videos on the developments of the story.
Only Easton's dry reply, stating that he would not release new details and that they should not try to ask him again how I was in bed if they didn't want to die, gave me some consolation.
"Why does he do all this, attract attention, expose me to the public, if then he says he has no intention of posting other videos or photos?" I blurted, agitated.
"I think you should go talk to him."
"Or I should kill him," I hissed furiously, regaining control, and running to Easton's room.
I knocked and his roommate Logan immediately opened the door. As soon as he saw me, he vanished towards the study area.
Inside I found Easton lying on his bed, writing something on his cell phone.
"Are you posting any other embarrassing photos of the two of us sleeping together?" I exploded, snatching the phone from his hand.
"I was replying to the latest comments on the video I posted online a few hours ago."
"Aren't you ashamed? I could sue you for such a thing! "
"There are no nude or explicit sex scenes, so I don't see where there’s a problem."
"The problem is that you
posted photos of me without my consent. Photos you took while I was sleeping! You're an asshole!"
With a leap, Easton jumped out of bed and nailed me against the closet.
"Do you want to know what a real asshole would have done in my place?" He whispered in my ear, crushing me with his body against the furniture.
I tried to push him away, but I couldn't.
"Exactly what you did!" I snarled.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"Then take my cell phone. My PIN is 3776. Go to the photo gallery, take a look and then come back here. Know that if you try to delete anything from my cell phone, I have a copy on my computer and I will not hesitate to take revenge by posting everything you have deleted," he said, detaching himself from me and letting me go with his smartphone.
I ran to my room and together with Kira I entered the gallery.
"Are you sure you want to see these photos with me present?" Kira embarrassed, faced with new pictures of me and Easton in bed. This time the content was much more inconvenient and uninhibited than the others. In these, I was much more exposed, and my hands were always on his body or on his boxers.
I would have liked to bury myself. I wasn't so sure that I had been deliberately posed because I myself had once found myself with his hand on his package.
I had an uncontrollable desire to delete them, but Easton had been clear about it and I knew he would not hesitate to make me pay for it.
“ I think he wanted to put you in his glass box, letting the world know that you are his and that only he can have you. He also used this to declare that you are not his sister, so he made his bet with his friends null and void."
"And was there a need to go that far and publish my photos on social media?"
“ Felicity says that Easton has always been one over the top and it is obvious that he likes to upset and break the rules. But this time he did not do it impulsively, otherwise he would have published these more daring photos instead of these suggestive ones, don't you think?” Kira tried to make me think.
"I don’t know what to think."
“ I don't know Easton very well, but I had difficult times with Lucas last year. At times it seemed to see my boyfriend again, when he still didn't understand he loved me, but he was so jealous and possessive that he would make reckless and questionable choices just to protect me. Some guys are like that. They have difficulty communicating their inner world and when they try, they often use the wrong means. It's up to us girls to try to understand them and be able to bring out what is beautiful and wonderful in them. "
"Maybe it’s not that easy."
"It's not, but you're strong enough for both of us and I'm sure Easton cares about you more than you imagine."
Thanks to Kira, I had the courage to go back to Easton to return his cell phone.
What my friend had said to me troubled and agitated me deeply, but I was too scared of Easton and the wall that always stood between him and everything else, to believe that one day I could manage to get to him and receive his affection.
When I came across Easton, I didn't say a word.
I put the phone on the desk and went away.
"That's all? Any scene for daring to photograph you?” he tried to stop me.
"I don't intend to give you a reason to push you to continue posting our photos on social networks," I just said.
"I see you've learned your lesson."
"Fuck you!" I blurted out before I could control myself, violently closing the door behind me.
I only heard his laughter in the distance.
12
ALICE
I got up late.
I was alone, as Kira left with Lucas every Sunday for some new adventure while I always stayed on campus to avoid returning to my mother and Mitchell, Easton's father. He too always stayed on campus or went out with Ryo, Ant and Logan.
I would have gone to my father, but the journey was long and expensive and, since I heard him every day on the phone or on Skype, I knew he was fine, even though lately I had noticed that he was more tired than usual.
I was about to take a shower when I heard a knock on the door.
I went to open it.
Easton stood before me.
Easton knocking instead of using his cloned magnetic card?!
"What do you want?" I blurted out without preamble. I hadn't seen him for three days but all I had done was think about him, those photos. Now finding him in front of me with his beautiful blue eyes that flowed over my body was the umpteenth stab at my purpose of forgetting him.
"Sorry, don’t you read your mom's emails?"
"She wrote to me two days ago, but I didn't have time to read it," I replied.
I was too busy basking in the despair and loneliness in which you made me fall.
"She and my father are waiting for us today to celebrate your mother's birthday."
My mother's birthday!
For the first time I had forgotten it. I would have felt guilty, if she hadn’t done the same with me so many times that I had lost count.
“ My father organized a small reception with friends and work colleagues. We have to be there too. I came to get you. We’ll go in my car,” Easton explained to me, still staring openly, indifferent to my disappointment. What did my blue pajamas with penguins have that made them so interesting?
"I don't feel like it."
"Me neither, but I promised her, and I have to bring you, since you don't have a license."
"Ok, I'm getting ready," I snorted.
"Try to put something suitable for a college student instead of a children's pajamas."
I didn't even answer him, I just slammed the door on him.
An hour later I was ready with an improvised gift bag with a perfume inside that I had bought for myself.
I didn't know if I had put on my best dress for my mother or just to show Easton that I knew how to dress like an adult.
He too was very handsome in the dark blazer and white shirt.
"Am I presentable enough?"
Easton looked at me for a long time.
I saw his jaw twitch but instead of answering me, he let out a frustrated sigh and started the car engine.
Offended by the lack of a compliment, I closed in on myself and didn't open my mouth all the way.
When we arrived in front of the Easton family villa, we found the parking lot full.
"Have fun," Easton said to me as I got out of the car.
"Aren't you coming?" I asked, confused, noting that he wasn't turning off the engine.
"Are you kidding? Don’t even think about that!"
"I understood you promised your father."
"Promises that I always like to break."
"And me? Are you going to leave me alone?” I almost whimpered, worried about facing my first luxury reception with important people, all by myself.
"I'm sure you will do everything very well."
“ Please, Easton, stay. I don't know what to say or do in these events. I'm not used to it ...”
"You will learn."
"Easton, please ..."
"You can always come with me. I’m going bowling with Ant. "
"I can't miss my mom's birthday party."
"Then arrange it."
I could not add a word, and Easton had already left.
I looked at the clock. I was almost an hour late.
I smoothed my skirt and calmly went to the party.
There were a lot of people, all well dressed and very aristocratic.
I limited myself to a few nods and a few sketchy smiles as I walked among those strangers.
"Alice, finally!" exclaimed my mother, approaching Mitchell.
"Hello, Mom," I said, offering her my gift.
"Thanks, honey."
"Gifts should be put there," Mitchell said, pointing to a long table with an indescribable quantity of gifts on it, almost all already open. "Where's Easton?"
"He wasn't feeling well, and he prefer
red not to come," I invented. Even though I hated him for leaving me alone, I didn't want to mess him up.
With the excuse of putting the gift away, I turned away from Mitchell's grim look.
When I got to the table, I felt bad.
For her birthday, my mother had received trips, days in a luxury spa, silverware, gold, and precious stones jewelry ... My twenty dollar perfume was almost an insult.
I was trying to hide my present among the various packages when I saw Mitchell approaching again.
"Today is a special day for your mother," he said sternly.
"I know."
"So, couldn't you have dressed a little better, instead of making her embarrassed? Between my son who doesn't show up and you who comes dressed worse than my employees, I don't know what to do anymore. I gave you a credit card for this kind of shopping and I know that you are not using it, not even the bare minimum, but I would like you to realize the discomfort you create with your sloppy dress and with that hole on your shoulder. »
I felt so missed I felt mortified.
I looked at the dress. My favorite.
Sure, I had bought it three years earlier at a department store, but I loved it.
Under Mitchell's gaze I saw a small seam on the shoulder that I had not noticed when I had worn it that morning.
Now I understand why Easton hadn't spoken about my dress! He probably found me obscene, but he didn't have the courage to tell me or he didn't want to embarrass me.
That's why he didn't want to come with me!
I felt my eyes tingle with humiliation.
I tried to cover the damaged fabric with my hair and, without saying a word, I went towards the swimming pool, in the hope that Mitchell would not follow me, as Easton had told me once.
I looked over my shoulder.
In the lounge there were a lot of people with a distinct air who chatted about politics, travel, and many other things that I didn't know, while waitresses moved quickly among the guests with trays full of glasses of champagne and canapes.
A buffet had also been set up, but I felt my stomach shut and before my mother's speech, I took refuge in the greenhouse adjacent to the west wing of the villa.
Broken Rules (Love Storm series Book 2) Page 8