Scene 4 - Break-time: 1996
JACOBSorry Mr Turner. I’ve done it. My poem for form. I’ll be quick. I know it’s your break-time as well.
MICHAELIn your own time.
JACOBI just want to say… you said it had to be my own words, yeah?
MICHAELYes.
JACOBGood.
I got out of bed and I didn’t feel ready.
To go for a piss or turn on the telly.
I got to the bus stop, I didn’t feel happy.
To sit near the front, this journey’s so crappy.
I got to my school and I didn’t feel pleased.
To sit in this classroom, in fact I felt peeved.
I got to the C Block, it wasn’t so fun.
To see all those tossers, I wanted to run.
I got to my break-time, at last I’m alone.
Away from the people, away from my home.
I got to my science class, I really don’t get it.
To work out this logic, I feel so pathetic.
I got to Design Tech, this day’s nearly ended.
A bag full of nails so my heart can be mended.
I got to three-thirty, so now no more stressing.
Tomorrow’s another day, another time, another lesson.
Silence.
JACOBThanks sir. Sorry about the swearing and stuff, yeah?
MICHAELThanks Jacob. It’s great. Get it in on time in future.
JACOBCheers, sir.
MICHAEL smiles and JACOB flattens his poem on the desk and rushes out. MICHAEL writes a grade in his book. ALEX enters holding a lunch box.
ALEXGuess who forgot their lunch this morning?
MICHAELWhat are you doing here?
ALEXFraternising with the enemy, handsome.
MICHAELOi you, wait ’til Elmers End School finds out about this one. Don’t let the kids see you sneak in late.
ALEXI’m not teaching ’til after break. This is my good deed for the day. (He places MICHAEL’s lunch on the desk.) You ok?
MICHAELSorry, I didn’t have my head screwed on this morning when I left the house.
ALEXYou didn’t even kiss me goodbye.
MICHAELAlex… I’ve got to make a good impression.
ALEXDon’t half the teachers here know you already. Some of them were your teachers surely?
MICHAELYeah, but I want to start a new chapter.
ALEXRight.
MICHAELI want to lay some foundations.
ALEXSure.
MICHAELI want to–
ALEXRewrite history?
MICHAELMaybe. One step at a time. But yeah.
ALEXYou have nothing to prove to these people, darling. They’re fucking lucky to have you. You know that, right?
MICHAELI do. You tell me that every day. (Beat) Which is why I adore you.
ALEXThis classroom is so clinical.
MICHAELI’ve still got a way to go, I need to make it more homely.
ALEXWell, now you’re home you have time to do that.
ALEX gets out his wallet. He takes out a small passport sized photo of himself. He takes a piece of tape from the desk and sticks the photo to the blackboard.
ALEXThere. Now you can feel more at home.
MICHAELOi!
ALEXWhat? You want me to take it down?
MICHAELIt’s…
ALEXWhat?
MICHAELI’m teaching in a matter of minutes.
ALEXWhat’s next lesson?
MICHAELTo Kill A Mockingbird. (Beat) Alex…the photo.
ALEX takes the lesson plan off MICHAEL’s desk.
ALEXDiscuss the role of family in To Kill A Mockingbird paying close attention to Aunt Alexandra.
MICHAELThoughts?
ALEXI thought you were a lover of Shakespeare?
MICHAELWell, I don’t get to pick and choose what I teach.
ALEXOh poor old Mr Turner, eh? (Beat) You, here. You’re going to do great. (Beat) I love you, Michael.
MICHAELI love you too. (Beat) Now run along. Get back to work you.
ALEXWhy?
MICHAELI need to get ready.
ALEXOk, ok. On one condition.
ALEX points to his cheek asking for a kiss goodbye.
MICHAELAlex…
ALEXYes, Michael. I mean. Yes, Mr Turner.
MICHAELYou’re taking the piss. You know that?
ALEX points to his cheek again asking for a kiss goodbye.
ALEXOtherwise it looks like I’ll be sitting in on To Kill A Mockingbird.
MICHAEL slowly goes over to ALEX. He slowly leans over to ALEX to kiss his cheek. ALEX turns to face MICHAEL and sneaks a kiss on the lips.
MICHAELBugger off! Go on.
ALEXWith pleasure. (Beat) See you tonight.
ALEX leaves. MICHAEL goes over to the blackboard. He studies the photo. He takes it down. He sits at his desk. He picks up the lesson plan. MICHAEL picks up the telephone on his desk and dials.
MICHAELHi Mum, it’s Michael. Erm… I was hoping to speak to you, but… I guess you must be out with Dad. (Beat) Look… I know it’s been a while and stuff, well more than a while… I’m teaching at Beckenham High, weird to be back at my old school. But I thought maybe you could both come over to mine for dinner. (Beat) I’ve just moved to a little flat by the War Memorial. It’s nice, it’s nice to be back in the area… I’ve missed it. Anyway… I’ve met someone… I’d really like, maybe… Erm… anyway I thought it would be good to catch up. I don’t want another… four years to pass. (Beat) You know… it would be nice if you could… (He covers his face with his hand. Composes himself.) Call me. The number is 0181 650 5274. It might go through to the answer phone but… speak soon. (Beat) Love you Mum. (Beat) Say hi to Dad. Bye.
MICHAEL places the phone down. Music begins. Strobe begins. Lesson 3 1997 is written on the wall. MICHAEL moves the desk off. A PE changing room. TOM brings on a PE bench with a sports bag wearing a dirty rugby kit and sits down. KIRK sneaks up behind TOM. Strobe ends. Music ends.
Scene 5 - Lesson 3: 1997
KIRKZIGAAZIGAA!!
TOM (jumps) You scared the fuck out of me.
KIRKThis changing room smells like shit.
TOMI know, right?
KIRKWhere is everyone?
TOMGone. I’m still covered in crap.
KIRKWhy?
TOMAaron Stokes fucking rammed me into this massive puddle. I was just standing there and then suddenly… boom!
KIRKBut he’s fit, right? Christ, I saw him playing five-a-side football yesterday and he is just so fit. Anyway, are you coming or what?
TOMI’m changing.
KIRKWhatever… I’m going.
TOMWhy?
KIRKI’m hungry, loser. Unless you want to bunk off? We’re going to be late anyway.
TOMYou eat. I’ll change. I’ll be five minutes. (Beat) I’ve got crisps. Then we can amble on over to next lesson.
KIRKOk. What you got?
TOMWe’ve got English with Mr Turner.
KIRKNo, you loser!
TOMWhat?
KIRKThe crisps…
TOMFucking hell, keep your hair on. I’ve got Monster Munch. And they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
KIRKOr they say the way to a man’s heart is through his arse hole... Do you want me to wait or not, loser? (TOM gives him the crisps) Spanks, bitch.
KIRK opens the crisps. TOM takes his trousers and socks off. TOM stands, youthful and unashamed in his Calvin Kleins. He takes off his muddy shirt.
KIRKTake your fucking time, yeah?
TOMI’m changing…
KIRKWhatever. (Beat) Look at you in your Calvins.
TOMYe
ah. Got them on special at Madhouse. (Beat) What?
KIRKNothing. Is that your necklace?
TOMYeah. It’s my St Christopher. (Beat) What?
KIRK (puts a large handful of crisps in his mouth) You look like a slag.
TOMRight…
KIRKJust saying. (Beat) Like a proper Soho slag.
TOMRight, says you, Mr Soho. (Beat) When you came out the closet there was an explosion!
KIRKAn explosion of fabulousness! But hey if you got it, flaunt it sweetie!
TOM giggles. KIRK laughs.
KIRKCome on, you loser.
TOMAlright! Oh, I’ve got this new Ben Sherman shirt for Saturday night.
TOM gets the shirt out of his bag and holds it up.
KIRKOh nice.
Silence.
TOMWhat?
KIRKNothing. (Beat) Is Liam Costa coming? On Saturday?
TOMWhy?
KIRKJust asking.
TOMRight. Is Nick Dyer coming?
KIRKFuck off!
TOMJust asking.
KIRKWhatever.
TOMRight… (Beat) Massive dick.
KIRKWhat? What the fuck are you chatting about?
TOMHis dick’s massive.
KIRKI don’t wanna know.
TOMYou do wanna know. Every detail. Every inch.
KIRKStop being rank. (Beat) Why you telling me this?
TOMYour face!
KIRKWhat about it? How do you even know that?
TOMYour face!
KIRKHow do you even know he’s got a massive dick?
TOMYou said you didn’t want to know.
KIRKI don’t. Oh, fuck off!
TOM (points in the direction of the showers) In there. All the fucking time. Spinning it round in his hand like a helicopter. (Beat) He’s like, proper proud.
KIRKThat’s disgusting!
TOMYeah, but fair play, it’s massive.
KIRK starts to laugh. They start tickling each other. TOM takes his school tie off and starts spinning it in his hand like a helicopter. They laugh.
KIRKWhat about Liam?
TOM is silent. KIRK continues to laugh.
KIRKWhat? Why are you looking at me like that?
TOMI dunno.
KIRKCome on I’m messing.
TOMRight.
KIRKDon’t tell me you haven’t looked.
TOMActually I haven’t. I haven’t looked.
KIRKYeah right.
TOMI’m telling you I haven’t.
KIRKSerious. Why?
TOM (sits on the bench) I dunno. I just haven’t. I’d want it… I’d want it to mean something. I don’t want to share that moment with the rest of the lads from form. Ankle deep in pubic hair and rusty drains. That doesn’t mean anything. He is fit. He is. But I’m keeping my head up and eyes forward until–
KIRKUntil…
TOMUntil it’s… Until it’s us. Me and him. Alone. Together.
KIRKYou know what I think?
TOMWhat?
KIRKYou should put some fucking clothes on, you slag! Come on!
KIRK and TOM laugh.
KIRKWe’re going to be late. I want a front row seat for Mr Turner’s arse. Uch, I love that man.
TOM (begins to dress at pace)What, love him more than sex with Max Coleman?
KIRKMore than sex with Max Coleman. That was an error!
TOMDid you have like… proper sex?
KIRKJust blow jobs and wanking.
TOMErm, I think that’s what they call being married.
TOM and KIRK laugh.
TOMIs he still interested?
KIRKI dunno, don’t care. If he wants anything to do with me, he’s gotta be nice. He was stood smoking outside The Stag on Monday, he didn’t even look at me.
TOMHe apologised to me, you know? Because he loves you…
KIRK“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.”
TOMPlease don’t sing that here.
KIRKWhy? Piss off.
TOMJust because there’s an echo in a changing room does not make you Mel C.
KIRKAs if… Anyway, you will always be Mel C. I’m Geri. Come on, otherwise you will miss out on Mr Front Row Butt Cheeks. Do you think he’s gay?
TOMMr Turner? Totally.
KIRKHe got a lift home with that Drama teacher one time.
TOMNo. He’s with some teacher from Elmers End College. He teaches my sister. She said she’s seen them on the High Street loads.
KIRKWell, Mr Drama Teacher was very relieved to see him. Mr Turner was laughing and then they sped off. What do you think it means?
TOMI dunno… that Mr Drama Teacher doesn’t like to get the bus with a group of screaming teenagers. Maybe Mr Turner and Mr Drama teacher are friends. Can’t you be friends and be gay?
Silence.
KIRKWhatever. He’s so gay.
TOMSo what?
KIRKMr Drama Teacher better appreciate how much of a fitty Mr Turner is.
TOM playfully pushes KIRK on the bench and attempts to run out.
TOMWho’s going to be late now?
KIRKOi! It’s always the innocent that get hurt in the cross-fire, you loser!
TOMCome on!
Strobe begins. Music begins. ‘Lesson 4 1999’ is written on the wall. KIRK removes the shoes and bench. MEL brings on desk and STEVE walks in and stands opposite MEL. Strobe ends. Music ends.
Scene 6 - Lesson 4: 1999
MELAll I’m trying to understand is the thinking behind choosing this particular play.
STEVENo disrespect Mel, but no one seemed to be concerned with my choice of A-Level play last year. Why this year? What’s changed?
MELYou tell me. (Beat) Look, all I’m doing is trying to understand why it’s attracted so much attention.
STEVEFrom who? Whose attention has it attracted?
Silence.
MELThere have been some raised eyebrows from the governors?
STEVEThe governors. Which governor in particular?
MELWell, a parent Governor.
Silence.
STEVERight, I see. (Beat) Would this parent governor happen to be Maureen Parks?
MELSteve, it’s not an attack on you. Mrs Parks raised some concerns that she thought the tone of the piece might be too adult for the students.
STEVEToo adult. How?
MELShe said she felt that some of the scenes might be too adult for the students.
STEVEAre you telling me Maureen Parks has sat down and read a Mark Ravenhill play?
MELNo. Well, I couldn’t tell you how much she has read but–
STEVEHave you read it?
MELSteve…
STEVEI’m not trying to be rude. Have you read it?
MELI’m familiar with his work.
STEVESo she wants me to cut the swearing? No disrespect Mel, but I think a bunch of seventeen-year-olds might have heard the word ‘fuck’ before.
MELI understand. But I am not sure that it’s just the language she has a concern with.
STEVEWhat else does she have a concern with?
Silence.
MELI think some of the themes.
STEVEThe themes!
MELI don’t think I need to spell it out to you Steve.
STEVEOk, so last summer’s production of The Tempest, which had an all-male cast I might add, is fine by her. But her son playing a gay character for his A-level exam isn’t suitable… Seriously?
STEVE goes to leave.
MELSteve.
STEVEI’m not changing it.
MELJust hear me out on this–
STEVEShe’s not the teacher, Mel!
MELSurely there’s got to be another option.
STEVEWhen did we start letting the parents decide what we should and shouldn’t be teaching their kids? When?
MELA parent has the right to take an interest in their child’s education–
STEVEAgreed. But if she wasn’t a governor would we be having this conversation? Would we?
MELI haven’t made any decisions.
STEVEThat’s not how it sounds to me. It sounds to me like I’m being asked to change what I’m teaching.
MELThere’s not another text that the students might enjoy?
STEVEThat’s not the point. (Beat) I’m sorry, but if we are going to choose texts for the students to perform in, that they don’t care about or relate to… they aren’t going to engage with the work. It’s that simple. They’ll switch off. (Beat) The A-Level practical exam was up by twenty-five per cent last year. Not just down to me, but me and Kath choosing the right plays for the right kids. Trust us.
MELI do.
STEVEThat’s not how it looks to me. (Beat) It looks to me like you want me to change what I deliver to my students based on one parent’s concern.
MELI haven’t asked you to do anything yet.
STEVEYeah, yet. Exactly. If this was just a parent would we be having the same discussion? Or is it the fact that she is a governor?
MELShe is a parent, she’s allowed to enquire. She is also a governor, she’s allowed to bring it up.
STEVEThis is what I don’t understand. Tell me what Maureen, who helps out at the local church, knows about teaching kids Drama?
MELHold on a minute Steve, I think you are getting into very dark territory.
STEVEYou know what I mean. How could she have a clue about what is right or wrong for her son?
MELIt’s a matter of appropriateness.
STEVEAppropriateness, right. I’d love to hear a suggestion from her.
MELShe did actually suggest some ideas.
Silence.
STEVEEnlighten me.
MELShe suggested some Parlour Theatre.
STEVEI’m not even sure I know what that is.
MELIt’s Dickens, I think.
STEVEShe’d like me to do Dickens? With five Year-Twelves? Are you having a laugh?
MELSo, it’s not to your taste?
STEVENo. It’s not to my taste. Nor will it be to the taste of a group of seventeen-year-olds.
MELWould you like me to call her?
Next Lesson Page 3