by Lexi Wilson
Maybe money couldn’t buy happiness, but it could help buy access to happiness. That had to count for something.
I let out a cold laugh. The baby had been home for only a few minutes, and I was already plotting to cover up my bad parenting by splashing cash around.
“Everything looks kosher with the paperwork,” my lawyer said. He leaned forward. “The father not being on the birth certificate will weaken any claims, but I’ll be honest, in the age of paternity testing, if he shows up, he might be able to fight for her. We do have to keep that in mind.”
“Don’t worry about him,” I said. “I’ll have my people track him down, and I’ll splash some cash on him to make sure he gives up his rights.”
My lawyer nodded. “That’s for the best I think. These things can get messy, and we don’t want the man showing up and trying to extort you later.”
I slammed my hand on my lawyer’s desk. His eyebrows raised.
I snorted. “Some penniless loser with no responsibility can’t stand against me. I might have failed to protect my sister, but I will protect my niece with all the power I have available to me. I’m only handling it now because I don’t want Sasha to have to go through any pain in the future.”
He raised his hands. “I understand. I’m on your side, remember?”
I sighed and nodded. “Now, let’s talk about getting her some trust funds set up,” I said. “I also don’t want my niece suffering if something should happen to me.”
I stared down at my sister in her casket. She looked so peaceful lying there, like she was just taking a nice nap before she’d wake up and suddenly say something outrageous.
The pastor had already delivered his remarks, and so now people were just paying their respects. It was a small crowd, very small. Too small for the number of people who claimed to be her friend.
Irritation flared up in me, and my hands curled into fists. So many parasites had claimed to be my sister’s friend throughout the years, but now that she’d died, most of them couldn’t even bother to show up. They couldn’t stop partying for one night to come and pay their respects. The bastards.
I knelt down by her casket.
“I don’t know if you can hear me wherever you are now, Daisy,” I said. “But I want to know I understand that I failed you. I spent years saying and thinking that you were just selfish, but you were barely more than a kid. I should have done more, and been there for you more, not just with money.” I let out a long sigh. “You didn’t live up to your potential because despite my promise, I was more concerned with my company than helping you. I didn’t realize that until it was too late. I’m sorry.”
I stopped talking as a few mourners walked by. They offered me a polite nod and moved on.
“I won’t fail Sasha,” I continued. “I’m going to make sure she grows up healthy, happy, and lives up to her potential. I’m going to put family first.” I rose, resting my hand on the edge of the casket. “Now it’s not just my promise to Mom and Dad, but my promise to you. I will protect my family. Goodbye, Daisy. I hope you’re in a better place.”
Spinning on my heel, I hurried toward the exit. I didn’t give a crap about putting in a longer appearance for her parasite friends. Hunter had already come and gone, having taken seeing my sister in the coffin almost worse than me. There was no reason for me to stay.
Grief choked me, and for the first time in a long time, tears welled up in my eyes.
Chapter 14
Morgan
A funk as deep as any Seattle fog had descended over me by the time Friday rolled around. I was at my desk in the office, returning emails and just doing my best to minimize Daniel’s work by reaching out to different meeting partners and other executives in the company. Though his organization was surprisingly small for a company that made billions of dollars, in the end, it wasn’t like you could deal with that level of money with a half-dozen employees.
A lot of people, important people, needed his input and time, and it was my duty to make sure they left him the heck alone while he dealt with his grief and a newborn baby, at least for a little while.
I ended up doing a lot of logistical juggling to keep things moving forward. The rescheduling was a simple enough matter, and Daniel was at least answering emails from me, so we could keep the general engine of the company going forward, even while he was staying at home. I could easily see us pulling this off for another week or so.
By now, it had leaked that his sister had died in childbirth. Before, I’d just told people he had some personal business to take care of.
The truth coming out had complicated my job in some ways and made it easier in others. Some of his closer business partners and executives were more flexible all of a sudden, but it also meant I was having to deal with people sending flowers and passing along their condolences.
I, more than anyone, understood how sometimes good intentions could only make things worse. But I did worry that I was letting my own reactions color things too much.
A click of the mouse revealed yet another condolence email. I tapped out a generic reply and then responded in Daniel’s stead. I was keeping a list so he knew who contacted him, who sent him flowers, and all that sort of thing.
It was the tenth email I’d responded to that day. I sighed and lifted my trembling hands. My heart raced, and I wanted to cry. It’d taken me a couple of days to understand why my reaction was so bad, but I finally understood why I was so crushed, despite not even having known Daisy that well.
I’d left my old job because of the constant cloud of emotional pain, and the ongoing pity caused by my own loss. Now, I’d stepped right into a new job where the same thing was being directed at my boss. Everyone was doing what they should, offering their condolences and leaving him alone when possible. I should have been pleased with them, and it wasn’t even aimed at me, but instead, every condolence email or bouquet of flowers delivered made my stomach tighten. At that point, we could open up a flower shop.
It didn’t matter that it wasn’t my sister. The atmosphere resonated with my wounded heart and brought back my awful memories. Not just brought them back but made them seem completely fresh.
The circle of life and death defined people. That’s what my therapist had told me. I thought it was crap, and just a pat way of trying to make people feel better about someone else dying.
At least with Daisy, that sort of claim made sense in a way. She’d died, but her daughter had lived on. That was a circle, not like what I had—a dead end.
I was about to reply to another email when a shrill noise sounded from the front of the room. The piercing and sad cry of a newborn. There was something about a newborn baby crying that called to every single mothering instinct in me.
Shooting out of my chair, I spotted Daniel holding Sasha in an infant seat. I was surprised that he would be back at work so soon, but I didn’t care as much about that as the fact that poor baby was crying and obviously needed some help.
Hurrying over toward the baby, the different possibilities flipped through my mind—hunger, fear, gas, diapers. Babies were simple in many ways. It was simply figuring out what was bothering them and then handling it. It was only the fact that they couldn’t let us know that made it challenging to deal with them.
Sasha lay in her infant seat, fussing and crying, a blanket over her body. She was red-faced and obviously unhappy. She gurgled between sobs.
Rushing in front of Daniel, I grabbed the seat from him without saying anything. He wasn’t taking care of the baby, so he obviously needed some help, and I was more than happy to provide it.
I set the seat on the floor next to my desk, then pulled the baby out, rocking her and making gentle soothing noises.
“It’s okay, little Sasha,” I said. I sniffed the air. No sign of a dirty diaper. There was a full bottle right next to her. I tried to get her to take it, but she didn’t latch. So she didn’t need to be changed, and she wasn’t hungry.
Armed with that information, I
patted her back and continued to make soothing sounds. I figured it wouldn’t take long. In about thirty seconds, Sasha was calm.
When I looked up, Daniel was staring at me, his mouth open, surprise written all over his face. “How did you do that?”
“Sometimes it just takes a different type of touch.” I smiled. “Is the baby giving you a hard time? Newborns can be a handful.”
Daniel nodded. I could tell from the huge bags under his eyes that he’d not been sleeping well, if at all.
“That nanny was so highly recommended, but she’s useless.” Daniel shook his head. “She keeps telling me all these things about how babies should respond, but she can’t actually seem to accomplish much herself. What good was all her training at her nanny school if she can’t actually handle the baby? I don’t need theory. I need execution.”
I cradled Sasha in my arms and danced around with her for a moment, humming. “I don’t know how much of this is about teaching someone how to handle a baby versus instinct. Maybe the nanny just isn’t clicking with the baby.” I returned to my humming.
Daniel watched in silence, not saying anything, a slight smile on his face. A minute later, Sasha closed her eyes. I slipped the sleeping baby back into the infant seat, smiling. So adorable. Totally cute. I never could understand how anyone could dislike a baby.
I looked up and was startled to see Daniel right over me, staring at me with burning curiosity in his eyes.
“What?” I said, my heart speeding up. Something about him standing right over made me weak in the knees. I averted my eyes.
“It’s nothing bad. You’re just a natural with kids.”
My cheeks heated. “Thank you. It’s not a big deal.”
“No, you don’t understand. You’re a natural, and you seem to like kids.”
I shrugged. “Lots of people like kids, especially babies. They are naturally cute.”
Daniel frowned like he was thinking over what he was about to say. “A few days ago I would have said this would be prying too much into your personal life, but after everything that’s happened, it’s hard to insist on too much personal distance. My point is you’re a natural with kids, and you’re married—were married. Since you seem to like them, I guess I just don’t understand why you never had any. It’s obvious you would have been a great mother.”
My stomach knotted, and I fell to my knees. My breath hitched, and my heart raced. I supposed it was inevitable. I’d expected him to ask the question eventually, but still actually hearing it overwhelmed me, especially with the actual baby so nearby.
I stood, my knees still wobbly, tears leaking from my eyes. I stumbled backward, trying to put distance between myself and Sasha. I didn’t want to fall and hurt the baby.
Daniel rushed forward, wrapping me in his arms and steadying me. For a moment I thought about pushing him away but being held in his strong arms comforted me. My head rested against his chest, his thumping heart soothing me.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said. “I thought I was saying something nice. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I do want kids—wanted kids,” I began with a sigh. “And I did have a baby.”
“What?” Daniel looked down at me, concern in his eyes. “I’m guessing this has something to do with why you separated from your ex-husband.”
I nodded. “I did have a baby with Blaine, my ex or whatever you want to call him. You have to understand. We’d tried so hard to have kids. I just could never seem to get pregnant, and we were about to look into IVF a few years back when the miracle finally happened. I got pregnant. We were both over the moon with happiness.”
Daniel stroked my hair but remained silent.
“Everything seemed like it was perfect. The baby grew at the right rate, all the screenings looked okay, and all my bloodwork seemed great. We were happy and ready to have our son. It was everything we’d ever wanted together. We’d painted a room, bought everything we thought we might need for years.” I let out a laugh, the old happy memory pushing away the darkness. “Then we finally had the baby, and again, everything seemed great at first, until the baby had trouble breathing and other problems. They had to take him to neonatal intensive care.”
“What happened? I thought you said everything was fine. Did they botch something during delivery?”
“No, it wasn’t their fault. The baby just turned out to have all sorts of problems.” I shook my head. “They did another genetic screening and found that the baby had several rare mutations. From what they told me, it wasn’t even like it was an inherited thing, so they’d missed it during the earlier screenings.” I squeezed my eyes shut, resting against Daniel’s chest and trying to soak in the comforting warmth. “On the second day in the hospital, the doctor marched in and calmly explained that there was nothing they could do. They could stabilize the baby, but there was nothing they could do to save the baby.”
Daniel didn’t say anything. He just continued to hold me and stroke my hair. The touch and support helped push me forward as I delved into the darkest depths of my past.
“So we stayed in the hospital for a week until it was too late—and my baby passed away.” My tears ran freely after that. “Everything fell apart after that.”
“How so?”
“I was devastated, but then a couple months later, I thought I had a good idea. I told him that it was a horrible loss, but that I wanted to try again, that we could still have a child. If it wasn’t an inherited problem, we didn’t have to worry.”
“And what did Blaine say?”
“No. Flat out no. He gave me a big lecture about how he could never go through it again and said I was selfish for wanting to put him through that. He called me all sorts of horrible names.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “I carried the baby for nine months, felt it inside me. Seeing my baby die destroyed me, and my husband was acting like I didn’t care at all. I made it very clear to him that if he didn’t want to have any more kids, then we were through, especially after the way he’d treated me.”
“So you separated?”
“Yes, we did.”
“But didn’t divorce?”
“It was too much trouble at the time. We both felt that we wanted things to stabilize before we dealt with the trouble of a divorce. That way we didn’t end up even more bitter. We sold our house, and we both went our separate ways. I never was interested in seeing anyone else, so I didn’t push for the divorce.” I wiped more tears against Daniel. “I fell into a deep depression. I’d thought I would be able to deal with my child’s death, but after Blaine made it clear we’d never have any kids, it all came back and crushed me. I took six months off work, started seeing a therapist, all of that. Eventually, it got better, but the ache was still there. I can still feel it.”
Daniel gently kissed the top of my head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I shouldn’t have brought the baby here; I should never have gotten you so involved in it. All that you did, it must have been terribly painful for you.”
I pulled away from his chest to shake my head. “No, I was glad to help.”
Daniel let out a long sigh. “My sister’s gone. My parents are gone. I’m well and truly alone now. You’re the only woman I know I trust, but I understand I can’t subject you to more pain. It’s not fair.”
“You shouldn’t worry about me. You’re the one who just went through the tragedy.”
“Which is all the more reason to be understanding about your pain. So I need to be smart about this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll find someone else, but I can’t fire her until I have a replacement. I guess I can’t be surprised that a nanny picked so quickly didn’t work out. I want to make sure that I don’t have to bring my baby in here and make you more upset.”
I shook my head, more to assure myself than Daniel. “It’s been two years, Daniel. I can handle it if you
need to bring Sasha in.”
Chapter 15
Daniel
I looked down at Morgan’s tear-stained face for a moment before pulling away from her. It felt comfortable having her in my arms, too comfortable, and I couldn’t help but wonder if something more life-affirming like sex might make us both feel better.
What the hell was I even thinking?
With effort, I stopped myself from wincing. Of all the things I should be thinking about at that moment, sex needed to be absolutely on the bottom of the list. I knew that.
Such thoughts were selfish. We both had our pain, and it wasn’t time for me to worry about sleeping with her. Even though Hunter had helped convince me to pursue Morgan, that was before everything that happened and things got turned upside down. The last thing I had time for now was trying to pursue a relationship.
Personal satisfaction and comfort would have to wait. I didn’t know how long, but it didn’t matter. I needed to stabilize my family and business situation, and then I could go back to worrying about myself.
The main question was how I could best stabilize my family situation. Every time I thought about how useless Fiona was, I had the resist the urge to punch a wall. It wasn’t like she wasn’t being paid good money.
I needed another nanny, but there was no guarantee the next would be any better than Fiona. The company I’d hired her from was an elite company that provided all sorts of guarantees. They had an impressive list of clients and recommendations. Somehow, I’d just happened to have picked a dud.
The whole thing made me question my instincts. Maybe I needed a woman’s touch when it came to selecting a childcare provider. Morgan might have a far better sense if a nanny would be good or not.