by Lexi Wilson
If it had something to do with work, then I would feel bad the next day. With a sigh, I skimmed it.
Hey,
I know I’m not your favorite person in the world right now, but there is something I really need to talk to you about. Please, just give me a few minutes of your time. It’s all I’m asking.
I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t going to deal with shit like this after what he pulled. Though my heart had leaped to my throat when I saw that he wanted to talk to me, I quickly reminded myself that he had dumped me for his ex-wife: a woman who had repeatedly shown herself to be one of the worst choices of partners on the planet.
Not only was the woman draining to him, but she was uncaring about Kellie. I could forgive Anthony for being a stupid man, but not a stupid father. After a few minutes of debate, I quickly shot him a message.
If you want to talk to me, you know where I work.
I hit send before I had the chance to say anything else — or change my mind. I then decided I was going to turn my phone off for the evening. The last thing I wanted was to end up glued to my phone at the club when Molly and Jace were trying to give me a good evening. Especially on the phone with the guy who was the whole reason I was in the situation I was in.
I slipped my phone into my purse and stepped outside where Jace was waiting in the car. I decided against telling him Anthony had emailed me and decided instead just to go out and have a good time. I knew we would pick up Molly first; then we were going to head down to the club. I could cut loose and have a good time, pushing Anthony out of my mind for the night.
After all, he was my boss and nothing more. If he wanted to talk to me, he could do so when we were at work and I was on the clock.
If I was going to be subjected to what he had to say, I might as well get paid to do it.
“Oh my God! Okay, I take back all the doubt I had about you,” I laughed as the three of us walked through the door. We had spent the night laughing and dancing, and I had even made a few friends. I didn’t think I was going to, but Jace was right; there were a lot of cool people there, and once I had a couple of drinks in me and loosened up, I had a lot of fun.
“We go at least once a week,” Molly chimed in, hanging off Jace. They had been grinding on each other all night, and I was surprised they hadn’t ended up disappearing into the bathroom. Of course, I knew regardless of whether or not they hooked up in the bathroom, she was going to end up back at his place.
We continued to laugh and chat for a while before they disappeared into his room, and I didn’t want to think about what they were doing in there. I shook my head as I pulled my phone out of my bag. It was the first I had it out since I left, and I marveled at how relaxed I felt. It was nice not being tied down to it, and I wasn’t too eager to turn it on again.
And the reason stared back at me as soon as I did.
Anthony had emailed me twice more, and after reluctantly skimming the emails, I saw that they both said roughly the same thing as the first. He had something important to say to me and desperately wanted to talk about it. It didn’t seem to matter that I didn’t want to talk to him — he was adamant.
I didn’t care. He broke my heart. He had been rude to me, and I wasn’t going to come crawling back to him like it was nothing. As far as I was concerned, he had made his decision, and now he was going to have to live with the consequences. I wasn’t the kind of woman to go crawling back just because someone apologized to me.
He was going to have to prove to me that he changed. I wasn’t going to go running back to him for the sake of it. It was up to him to convince me that it was a good idea. Not the other way around.
I sent him another email in return, telling him the same thing I had told him before. He knew where I worked, and he knew the hours I worked. If he wanted to talk to me, he could do so when we were there.
I didn’t care what he had to say or how badly he wanted to talk to me now. As far as I was concerned, he had made his decision.
And I made mine.
Chapter 33
My eyes flew open, and I felt my heart skip a beat. Maisie had told me she was going to be home late, but she followed that with not coming home, at all. I had watched two movies with Kellie. We had ordered takeout, and we had enjoyed spending time with each other. But, throughout the night, I had it in the back of my mind Maisie was going to come home.
I prepared myself for the awkward tension. I prepared myself for asking her about my credit card. I prepared myself for her coming home drunk.
But, what I hadn’t prepared myself for was what I was going to do if she didn’t come home, at all.
And, that’s exactly what happened. Kellie had stayed up with me as long as I let her, but after the end of the second movie, I insisted she go to bed. Though she protested at first, I didn’t listen, telling her that it was the middle of the week, and she had to have her rest for her studies. I hadn’t let her see me email Stella.
I didn’t want her to know.
The fact of the matter was that I didn’t know how things were going to turn out between Stella and myself, and I didn’t want to get Kellie’s hopes up. I knew she wanted Stella to come home. She had told me so several times. She viewed this as Stella’s home as much as it was ours. And, there was a part of me that suspected she didn’t think of it as her mother’s home, at all.
Eventually, however, she did go to bed, and I promised myself to let her sleep in later in the morning.
It was then that I prepared myself for when Maisie would come home. I hoped we would be able to discuss her being gone like adults, and I prepared the conversation in my mind several times, determined not to fight with her. I didn’t want to get drawn into a screaming match Kellie would wake up to.
But, the longer she was gone, the angrier I became. I could feel the tension in my chest. I didn’t want to blow up at her, but I knew it was inevitable.
That is, if she came home.
Now that I heard her fighting with the lock, I picked up my phone and checked the time. It was nearly six in the morning. I didn’t for the life of me want to think about what she could have been doing out so late, and there was a part of me that was utterly disgusted with her. I knew she hadn’t been doing anything good, and it made me sick to think that she might have been with someone else.
She pushed open the door, stumbling into the house and nearly knocking over the table. I could see right away she was drunk, and I bit my tongue and took a deep breath before starting. I reminded myself not to explode, but I was going to get my point across.
“When you said you were going to be out late, I had no idea you meant you were going to be out all night,” I said in a cool tone.
“Time got away from me. I wasn’t aware that I was on curfew,” she replied, her voice flat. She threw her purse on the table with the keys alongside, and I rose from my spot on the couch.
“Time and money both?” I asked with a tone equally as flat.
“What would you know about it?” she spat.
“I know enough to know that you stole my credit card,” I said sharply. She laughed. Not a humorous laugh, but one that was dry and drunken. One that told me she was just about as ready to snap as I was.
“What’s mine is yours. Don’t you remember how marriage works?” she asked after she’d laughed a little too loud.
“We aren’t married. I could ask you about fidelity if we were.”
“That’s none of your business!” she shouted.
“Keep your fucking voice down! Kellie was up too late last night as it is!” I snapped back. I was speaking in a loud whisper, but I knew it wasn’t going to take much to be pushed over the edge.
“All you care about is that fucking child!” Maisie shouted.
I didn’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t take it any longer. I could put up with her shit when it had nothing to do with Kellie, but when it came to how bad of a mother she was, I couldn’t take it. I had to let her know how I felt. It was as though a mons
ter woke inside of me, and I lost control.
“She’s our child! Of course, she’s the one I care about! What kind of mother are you to put anything else in the world above her?” I shouted.
“You’ve been putting everything else in the world above me since the day we were married!” she shouted back.
“That’s a lie, and you know it! You checked out of our lives when Kellie was diagnosed!” I screamed.
“Do you want to deal with this? Do you want to watch your child die?” she shouted. She laughed once more; then she shook her head. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you. You act like I’m the monster when I’ve done nothing but try to protect myself.”
“That’s the problem, Maisie: you only care about yourself!” I snapped. “The day when you think of someone else is going to be the day it snows on the Fourth of July!”
“Oh, is that a fact?” she asked. She shook her head once more, and I crossed my arms. “So what would you have me do then?”
“I want you to get out! I want you to get out of the house, and I want you to get out of my life! I’m going to go to court over this, and I’m going to get full custody of Kellie. You’ve done nothing but be the world’s worst mother since the day she got sick, and I’m done putting her through it!” I snapped. I was surprised at the words that were coming out of my own mouth, but I was too angry to stop.
I was sick of her garbage, and I was finally putting my foot down.
“So what? You can go fuck that secretary of yours again?” she asked with another cruel laugh.
I pointed to the door. “Get out!”
She turned and shook her head, but I could see she was angry. There was no pain, no kind of emotion in her besides being angry. I genuinely believed that she cared for no one but herself, and now I could see that I was right. Not me. Not Kellie.
No one.
She looked at me with one more arrogant flip of her hair, and she pointed her finger in my face. “You can do what you want with that brat, but you aren’t going to cheat me out of the money you owe. I’m going to make sure that paycheck comes in nice and steady — you remember that!”
She didn’t give me a chance to respond. Turning on her heel, she stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door so hard behind her it shook the walls. I stood for a moment, shaking with anger. I wanted to punch the wall and scream. I wanted to throw things. But, for the sake of Kellie, I would be as silent as possible. She needed her sleep, and I was going to respect that.
I sank onto the couch and buried my face in my hands. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting the anger slowly leave my body. Suddenly, I felt a small hand on my knee, and I looked up. Kellie was looking at me with wide eyes, and I could see by the look on her face she had heard the entire thing.
She sat down on the couch beside me, and we sat in silence for a long time. I knew she must have had a lot going through her mind, and I felt the same. I wished there was something I could say to her, but I knew silence was just as important.
We ate a subdued breakfast, and the somber spirit continued until the temporary nanny knocked on the door. I had forgotten she was going to arrive that day, and I felt she must wonder what was wrong with me as I showed her around.
“I’ve been trying to get through some things at work, and I really appreciate you doing this,” I said with a smile. She looked around the apartment, and I was glad she was older. There was something about her that I liked immediately, and for the first time in a long time, I felt comfortable leaving my daughter.
“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mr. Miller. I’ve got it all under control,” she said with a smile. I looked from her to Kellie and back again, then I nodded.
“Call me if you need anything, anything at all,” I said. I looked from one to the other once more, meaning it for both of them.
“Go on, Mr. Miller. I’ve got it handled,” she said gently.
“We’re fine, Daddy!” Kellie said, clearly trying to be as cheerful as possible. I sighed. I knew there was nothing else I could do but go to work and pretend that the morning didn’t happen. Just like every morning, I had to push through. I had to make the best of it.
I had to be strong for Kellie, I told myself. That’s what mattered. Kellie.
She was my entire world, and she was my focus. I didn’t care how hard things got.
I’d figure it out.
Chapter 34
I shifted in my seat, thinking about how loudly the clock was ticking on the wall. I noticed how it always seemed to tick louder when I was waiting for something, and I tried to push it out of my mind. I was sitting in my peach-colored suit, the one I knew Anthony hated the most, waiting for him in his office.
I knew he was going to be in at any moment, and I wanted to look as unattractive to him as I possibly could. Of course, there was a small part of my mind that refused to listen to the rest of my logic, and I had taken the time that morning to do my hair and makeup the way I knew he liked. But as I sat there waiting, I told myself that I didn’t give a damn what he had to say.
Finally, the door opened, and I braced myself. I was expecting him to come in dressed in his normal work clothes. But, he was wearing a t-shirt and his running shorts. The clothing was clinging to his body in all the right places, and I tried not to let my mind remember what he looked like with his clothes off.
“Good morning. Thank you for waiting,” he said.
“I didn’t get the impression I had much of a choice,” I replied.
“I didn’t force you to be here, but I’m glad you came in,” he remarked. I knew what he meant. He had messaged me that morning and asked me to wait for him in his office, and I had argued with myself about whether I was going to do so. I didn’t want him to think that I really cared what he had to say to me, but at the same time, I didn’t feel that I had much choice to tell him I didn’t want to.
He was still my boss, and I had to do what he said when we were on the clock. But I was going to make it clear while I was seated in his office that I didn’t want to be there.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he took a seat next to me. I had expected him to sit behind the desk as he always did, but instead, he chose to be right by my side.
“I wanted to apologize to you. I’m sorry, Stella. I really am. I shouldn’t have done that to you, and I feel like shit for doing it. You didn’t deserve any of that, and, well… I’m sorry.” He looked like he wanted to say more, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. There were so many emotions running through me; I didn’t know what to say or how to respond.
I hated that he was apologizing, but at the same time, this is what I wanted from him. I didn’t know if he was going to ask me to get back together with me, and there was a part of me that worried he would. At the same time, I worried that he wouldn’t. I didn’t know how to handle it, and I wanted to scream.
“Thank you for your apology, but I can’t forgive you. That was too fucked up, Anthony. I think you know that. You aren’t going to just walk over here and tell me that you’re sorry and expect everything to go back to the way it was. That’s not how it works.” I shook my head. The more I spoke, the angrier I became. I could feel the tension in my chest, and I wanted to slap him. I could see by the change in his face he was disappointed, and it only confused me more.
I didn’t know what to say to him. He had hurt me more than he knew, and I wanted him to feel it. I wanted him to feel the same pain he had inflicted on me. At the same time, I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted to walk away and forget I ever had fallen in love with him in the first place. But, there was another part of me that wanted to fall into his arms and cry.
I wanted him to tell me how much he cared. To be entirely honest, I didn’t know what I really wanted.
He looked at me with wide eyes for a moment; then he looked down at his hands folded in his lap in front of him. He was moving his right thumb over his left, massaging his hand and clearly trying to choose his words carefu
lly. I felt my heart racing in my chest. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I couldn’t find the words.
We sat for a few seconds in silence, and I worried it was growing awkward between us. Finally, I sighed. I couldn’t let this go on. It was just as tortuous to me as it was to him, and I no longer enjoyed seeing him squirm. I rose with another sigh, brushing the front of my peach suit.
“If that’s all you have to say, I do have some work to do,” I said dryly as I walked toward the door.
“That’s fine, thank you,” he replied quietly as he also rose from his chair. I hesitated for a moment, the anger swirling in my chest. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t think clearly. Nothing came to mind, and I felt angrier the longer I stood. I gave him a curt nod; then I walked out the door.
I walked quickly to my desk and sat down, but it was only a few minutes before Jace was in front of me. “What happened?”
“He wanted to apologize,” I replied without looking up. I felt a lump in my throat, but I wasn’t going to pursue it.
“And, what did you say?” he asked. I looked at him, tears in my eyes. I opened my mouth to reply, then shook my head as I turned my attention back to my screen. I didn’t have any way to really explain how I felt, and I didn’t want to break down in tears trying.
He stayed at the end of my desk for a moment; then he muttered something I didn’t catch and walked deliberately over to Anthony’s office. I saw him look over at Molly, but she only gave him a glance before turning her attention back to her own work. I had no doubt in my mind she would support whatever he was doing.
I wanted to get up and follow him, but when I tried to stand, I realized I was feeling weak in the knees. I didn’t know why Anthony’s apology made me so angry, but I couldn’t even think straight. He was gone for a few minutes, and we could hear the sound of their voices coming from within his office.
I couldn’t tell if Anthony was angry or not, but it certainly sounded like Jace was. I would have given anything to be able to go into the office and see what they were talking about, but I knew there was no way I could join the conversation without it getting a lot worse than it already was.