by R. A. Spratt
Mr Wurtz paused for a moment, easing his grip, ‘What?’
‘You’re assaulting the wrong student,’ said Mr Lang.
‘It was me,’ said April. Although it sounded more like ‘i wath me’ with her nasal voice.
Mr Wurtz looked down at April. She wasn’t a large girl. Just average height and very skinny. Normally she seemed much bigger because her enormous amount of inner rage seemed to emanate from every pore of her skin, making her seem huge in the same way an angry cat looks bigger when it’s puffed out its fur. But right now, she was slumped on a seat and in pain. She looked like what she was – a skinny, injured twelve-year-old girl.
‘You?’ said Mr Wurtz. ‘You’re kidding.’
‘Nup,’ said April. ‘But if you wait five minutes until my nose stops bleeding, I’ll take you on. No one throttles my brother and gets away with it.’
‘You throttle us all the time,’ Fin pointed out.
‘That’s different,’ said April. ‘That’s done with sibling love.’
‘But you’re just a little girl,’ said Mr Wurtz.
‘I take it back,’ said April slowly getting to her feet. ‘I won’t wait until my nose stops bleeding. Let’s do this now. Hold my Kleenex.’ April pulled the two tissues out of her nostrils and held them out to Fin. He pulled away. The blood stained twists of tissue were the grossest thing he’d ever seen in his life, knowing they’d been up his sister’s nose only made that worse.
April dropped the tissues and turned to face Mr Wurtz. She put up her fists. ‘I warn you, I don’t fight to Queensbury rules.’ This would have been more intimidating if two rivulets of blood weren’t streaming from her nose and she wasn’t swaying side to side dizzily. Loretta gently grabbed April by the waist and guided her back to her seat.
Just then, the back door of the admin building burst open. ‘Where is she? I kill her!’ yelled Mr Popov in his thick Russian accent as he strode into the foyer from the opposite side. He spotted April instantly and unlike Mr Wurtz he was not taken aback by her size. Mr Popov knew there was much more to April than that. ‘How dare you break my rugby captain. Why you no break the winger? Or the fullback? Why you have to break the captain? The only one who any good! Who score the goals.’
‘If he wasn’t as delicate as a china tea cup he wouldn’t have broken so easily,’ grumbled April.
‘And in April’s defence,’ added Fin. ‘Jason was very rude. I mean, it’s rude to be rude to anyone. But it’s stupid to be rude to April.’
‘I don’t believe it,’ said Mrs Wurtz. ‘My boy is always so polite. We’ve raised him to have good manners.’
‘This one’s a feral hoyden,’ said Mr Wurtz pointing at April.
‘What did Jason say?’ asked Loretta. ‘It must have been pretty bad. Or at least, something that sounds bad to April. Did he insult Pumpkin?’ Loretta turned and explained to the Wurtzes, ‘April has emotional issues. In response to a childhood scarred by double abandonment she refuses to bond with people, the only thing she cares about is her dog.’
‘That’s not true!’ said April. ‘I don’t just care about Pumpkin. I care about all dogs. And all animals . . . Except cats. They’re stupid.’
‘Jason said how Loretta was the best looking girl in Currawong,’ said Fin, using finger quotation marks to indicate when he was quoting Jason word-for-word. ‘And that April was the exact opposite. That it was weird that they were living in the same house and that perhaps Loretta would give April make-up tips so she could be better looking, like wearing a paper bag over her head.’
April’s fists clenched as she heard the words repeated. If Jason had been in the room she would have had a go at him again.
‘I don’t believe it,’ said Mrs Wurtz.
‘There were seventy-three witnesses,’ said Fin. ‘He was training with the rugby team. That’s fifteen players. And we were in our PE lesson which has two classes combined. Everyone heard it.’
‘Besides,’ said April. ‘I didn’t dislocate Jason’s shoulder. I grabbed hold of him and he was too tall to put in a headlock, so I pulled his jumper over his head and tied the arms together. He’s the one who panicked, ran away with his head stuffed in a jumper and slammed straight into the rugby goalpost.’
Mr Wurtz was deflated now.
Jason staggered out of sick bay. His face was a grey white colour and his arm was bound in a sling against his chest. He was clearly high as a kite on all the painkillers Dr Singh had given him, ‘Mum, Dad, can I please go home? I’m tired.’
Mr Wurtz sighed. ‘Come on, son.’ He put his hand on Jason’s good shoulder and guided him gently towards the front door. ‘But when you recover from this injury, I swear I’m going to make you take jiu jitsu lessons. I won’t have my boy being beaten up by a little girl.’
‘Not just the girl,’ said Jason, lingering fear in his voice. ‘Her dog bit me as well.’
Mr Wurtz noticed Pumpkin. The little dog was looking his absolute cutest. ‘Yeah, I don’t think there are self-defence classes for dealing with rat-sized dogs. You’re on your own with that.’ He ushered his son and wife from the building.
‘You will punish her, yes?’ demanded Mr Popov. ‘I no fall for this, I’m just a little girl excuse.’
Mr Lang nodded. ‘Yes, you’ve gone too far this time.’
‘You c-c-can’t expel her,’ protested Joe. ‘She didn’t st-start it.’
‘Surely her severe facial injuries are punishment enough,’ said Loretta. ‘Speaking of which. How did you get the facial injuries? Did Jason punch you?’
‘Hah!’ said April. ‘That big lump of lard couldn’t land one on me.’
‘She tripped and fell on a bench, because she was laughing so hard when Jason ran into the post,’ explained Fin.
April smiled, the blood had trickled down over her teeth, so it was a particularly grim smile. ‘It was totally worth it.’
‘Fighting in any form for any reason is a serious matter,’ said Mr Lang. ‘There has to be an appropriate punishment. You are banned from going on the excursion.’
‘Nooo!’ gasped April. Her thoughts went to the promise they had given Professor Maynard.
Joe and Fin leapt to their feet and started protesting too. ‘Y-y-you’ve got to let her go,’ pleaded Joe.
‘She’ll do anything else,’ offered Fin. ‘She’ll clean the school with her toothbrush. She’ll polish all the teachers’ cars with her own hat. She’ll do anything! You’ve got to let her go on the excursion.’
‘It’s just one excursion,’ said Mr Lang. ‘It’s the most minimal punishment I could give.’
‘But think of the dinosaurs,’ pleaded Fin. ‘How will she ever learn about them?’
‘I hate dinosaurs,’ grumbled April.
‘There you see,’ said Fin. ‘It would be more of a punishment to make her go.’
‘And punishment do not good,’ said Mr Popov. His English got even worse than usual when he was upset. ‘Punishment no find me new rugby captain for Wednesday’s game. How she make up for that?’
‘That’s it!’ said Joe. ‘I’ll fill in for Jason in the rugby match.’
Mr Popov made a scoffing noise. Russians are good at these sorts of throat based noises. ‘You worst rugby player in whole school. You big, yes, but no rage. No animal instinct to drive ball up field of play.’
‘I’ll play then,’ said April. ‘I’ve got enough rage for a whole team.’
‘She is freakishly fast and strong too,’ said Fin.
Mr Popov considered this idea. ‘Is not bad plan. She good at contact sport for sure. And perhaps Bilgong boys be afraid to tackle her. All right, I agree.’
‘But I don’t agree,’ said Mr Lang. ‘You can’t allow a twelve-year-old girl to play in a rugby match with seventeen-year-old boys.’
‘Of course he can,’ said April. ‘It would be sexist not to. If he’s going to exclude me because of my gender I’d have to consult a lawyer about that. And my family has a really good lawyer who costs . . . how
much?’
‘$800 an hour,’ said Loretta.
‘I choose the team,’ said Mr Popov. ‘It in my contract as PE teacher. And I chose her.’
‘Fine,’ snapped Mr Lang. He’d had enough of the Peski’s for one day. All he really wanted to do was go into his own office, lock the door and change out of his bloodstained shirt. ‘Fine, do whatever you want. I wash my hands of the whole situation. If you play the rugby match on Wednesday and get through a whole eighty minutes without being sent off or having your neck broken then you can go on the excursion.’
Mr Lang disappeared into his office and slammed the door behind him.
‘I think I’m going to enjoy going to public school,’ said Loretta. ‘It certainly isn’t dull.’
By the time the rugby match came around the whole thing seemed ridiculous. April was delighted by the challenge. She had stayed up late each night studying the rules and strategies of the game. But when they got to the field and they saw the boys from Bilgong get off the bus it was farcical. The boys weren’t twice April’s size. They were three or four times her size.
‘There’s no way they are under eighteen,’ said Fin, watching a six-foot-four stocky player lumber down the bus steps, the bus lurching under his weight.
‘They don’t have to be,’ said April. ‘They just have to still be at high school. They’re probably so brain dead they’ll still be there when they’re fifty.’
The big boy turned and looked at April. She had said it loudly enough for everyone to hear.
‘What are you looking at?’ asked April.
‘I’m good at maths,’ protested the large boy.
‘Good,’ said April. ‘You’ll be able to add up all your brain cells.’ She held up her hand and counted off on her fingers. ‘One, two – nice and easy.’
The big boy’s friend grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him away. The Bilgong players shuffled off to their team’s area.
‘Y-y-you don’t have to do this,’ said Joe, taking April aside.
‘Yeah, I do,’ said April. ‘You heard, Maynard. I have to go on the excursion, or else.’
‘But this is c-c-c-c- . . .’ Joe struggled to get the words out.
‘It’s crazy, I know,’ said April. ‘But I don’t want to get shoved in a van and moved somewhere else again.’
‘You hate Currawong,’ Joe reminded her.
‘No, I don’t,’ said April.
‘You s-say you do all the time,’ said Joe.
‘When have you ever listened to anything I say?’ asked April. She whacked Joe upside the head as she said this but it barely hurt, so Joe knew it was her version of a gesture of affection.
‘We can find another way of keeping Maynard happy,’ said Joe. ‘That doesn’t involve rugby.’
‘But it won’t be as fun as this,’ said April, popping in her mouth guard. ‘I’m looking forward to being allowed to slam people for once.’
The referee blew his whistle and the players jogged onto the field.
‘She’ll be all right,’ Loretta assured Joe, wandering over with Pumpkin in her arms. ‘The referee won’t let them actually kill her.’
‘I know,’ said Joe. ‘But what if she kills the referee?’
Pumpkin barked happily at the idea.
It turns out Joe had nothing to worry about. April was naturally brilliant at rugby. She had never played a team sport before, so no one had ever noticed that she could run like the wind. She could also dodge and swerve like an acrobat, and she had endless depths of energy. As a result, there was not nearly as much physical contact as she would have liked. Every time she got hold of the ball the opposition couldn’t get hold of her.
Admittedly April wasn’t very good at tackling because she weighed so little. But she was tenacious. Once she grabbed hold of another player she kept hold. They might keep running, but eventually she would slide all the way down to their feet and she’d pull off anything she could grab along the way. Twice opposition players abandoned their sprint for the try line because April had a hold of their shorts and was running in the opposite direction.
At the end of eighty minutes Currawong High had won its first match in two seasons. April had not been penalised once. They had even tried to make her man of the match, until she protested and insisted the award be renamed woman of the match because now that she was in the team none of them were man enough to win it.
The one injury April got was when the final whistle blew and Mr Popov ran onto the field to congratulate his team. He was so pleased with April he slapped her on the back a little too hard and knocked her face first into a muddy puddle.
Joe wasn’t far behind. He pulled April out of the mud.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
April took out her mouthguard. Her teeth gleamed white. The only clean part of her. ‘I told you I’d be fine,’ said April. ‘Looks like I’m going to get to see those boring old dinosaurs after all.’
Joe could not wait for Dad and Ingrid to get back. Being in charge was every bit as horrible as he had expected. It had been the longest three days of his life. There was so much to worry about, and so much to do. A regular school day was bad enough, now he had to get them all ready for the school excursion. He’d had to pack the lunches and make sure their uniforms were clean (never easy in April’s case), but the hardest part was getting them out of bed. The bus was leaving at 7 o’clock, so they had to get up at 6 o’clock to get ready and ride their bicycles into town. They were just about to step out the front door when Loretta revealed that she didn’t own a bicycle.
‘How are you going to get to school then?’ demanded April. ‘You can’t expect Joe to double-dink you the whole way.’
‘It’s fine,’ said Loretta. ‘I’ll ride. Just not a bicycle. I’ll ride Vladimir.’
Vladimir was Loretta’s seventeen-hand high stallion.
‘But what’s Vladimir going to do all day at school while you’re on the excursion?’ asked Fin.
‘Doesn’t your school have stables?’ asked Loretta. St Anthony’s Academy had state of the art equestrian facilities so that was what she was used to.
‘Oh yeah, haven’t you seen them?’ asked April. ‘They’re round the back, behind the jacuzzi and next to the jewel house.’
‘I’ll take that as a “no”,’ said Loretta. ‘No matter. It’s a lovely day. Vlad can graze on the oval.’
‘Mr Popov’s head will explode,’ said Fin.
‘I don’t see why,’ said Loretta. ‘Really, he should be grateful. If Vlad grazes on it, it will save him having to get it mowed.’
‘And fertilised,’ said April. ‘Vlad is a big horse. His poos are massive.’ Pumpkin barked his agreement. He loved rolling in horse poop, especially when it was still warm.
The four of them took off into town. Joe, Fin and April peddling on their bicycles. And Vlad cantering down the nature strip, stopping occasionally to eat the head off a rose or tear out a delicious looking piece of hedge.
‘Why don’t they ever schedule school excursions for the afternoons,’ grumbled April. ‘Getting everyone up at crack of dawn just means we’re all in a bad mood right from the start.’
‘You’ve been in bad mood for twelve years nonstop,’ Fin pointed out.
‘Perhaps I wouldn’t be if I were well rested,’ said April.
‘You sleep like a log,’ said Fin. ‘You dump abuse on people all day long. Then having got that all out of your system you close your eyes and sleep like a baby.’
‘Yeah, meditation is overrated for calming the mind,’ agreed April. ‘Telling people what you think, as you think it, works much better.’
A beaten-up old sedan was driving down the street towards them. This was unusual. There was never much traffic on their street. And in the morning, it was normally all going the opposite way in to town. The car was driving right up the middle of the road.
‘That driver is a clown,’ said Fin.
‘Well they’re not very good at driving, but that’s a bit
harsh,’ said Loretta.
‘No, look,’ said Fin peering into the distance. ‘He’s got bright pink hair!’
April squinted at the driver. ‘It’s a she, blockhead.’
‘Well then she looks like a clown,’ said Fin. ‘And her passenger has a lot of tattoos.’
‘Perhaps they’ve escaped from a circus,’ said Loretta. ‘And she’s a tattooed lady.’
‘Except the passenger is a man,’ said April.
‘Equal opportunities,’ said Loretta. ‘Men should be allowed to be tattooed ladies too.’
‘Are they going to move over?’ asked Fin.
As the car drew closer they could see that both the passenger and the driver were not looking where they were going. The passenger had a large paper map that he was trying to read, but he kept getting it scrunched and turning it the wrong way. The driver was grabbing at it trying to see.
‘Who uses paper maps anymore?’ asked April.
‘Time travellers,’ suggested Fin.
As they watched, the driver snatched the map from the passenger, he tried to snatch it back and the car veered towards them.
‘Get off the road!’ exclaimed Joe. He swerved his bicycle across in front of April and Fin, forcing them into a ditch. Vladamir was already on the nature strip nibbling someone’s hedge, so he was out of the way.
The car drove past. The driver didn’t even notice the near accident she had caused.
‘Look where you’re going, you drongo!’ bellowed April.
‘They can’t hear you,’ said Fin. ‘They’re in a car.’
‘I was talking to Joe,’ said April.
The sun was just rising over the clock tower of the town hall as they turned in to Main Street. When they arrived at the school Loretta didn’t even bother opening the gate. She just urged Vlad forward and he leapt over the fence into the flower bed in front of the school office. It was so early in the morning, the gathering of students were still only half-awake so no one even passed comment. Loretta slipped off her horse’s bridle, slapped him on the rump with the words, ‘Go and find yourself something nice to eat.’ Vlad trotted off towards the school’s vegetable garden.