by Dora Hiers
Treasured memories that she’d stuffed deep down, and then encased them with blocks of concrete. That way his leaving couldn’t hurt her so much.
Ha. As if that had worked.
She’d forgiven him a long time ago, but that didn’t mean she planned to make this reunion easier for him.
“You must be Carson Lambright.” A male voice broke into her thoughts, sounding hollow and far off at first, before it finally seeped into her consciousness.
Corbin Randolph.
Her date.
As if she needed the reminder that she wasn’t here alone, an arm wrapped around her back, and Corbin pulled her next to his side in a possessive gesture.
She narrowed her eyes at her friend, debating how to handle this awkward situation. In a moment of weakness, she had accepted Corbin’s invitation to escort her to Remi’s wedding. They’d been friends for a long time, but that’s all she’d ever permitted their relationship to be.
Until tonight. When she’d intended to allow their friendship to advance to the next level. A more-than-friends relationship. But she hadn’t told Corbin that, yet.
Because she’d finally waved the white flag of surrender on casual dating. How many times did she want to acknowledge the hideous scars marring her body? Or decide to dress in a pair of shorts just to catch her date’s reaction? Or watch a guy try to cover his horror behind a hand or turning his head?
It didn’t matter which guy or how long she’d known them. They all reacted the same. With revulsion. Except Corbin, who had a morbid fascination with the medical miracle of skin grafts.
Yep. She was done with the dating scene. But, neither could she imagine a lifetime of loneliness, of pining for a man who didn’t care whether she existed or not. And her heart literally ached from putting her dreams of love and children off forever.
Corbin was the logical choice for a future. They enjoyed each other’s company. He made her laugh, and he was pleasant and easy enough to talk to. Her scars didn’t matter to him. But the biggest reason?
He had no control over her heart.
None whatsoever.
No, her heart had only danced to the tune of the man in front of her. The man whose shoulders had suddenly stooped, as if long, backbreaking years of manual labor had aged him right before her eyes.
But he’d willingly snuffed out the music to their dance a long time ago.
Carson stared at the arm that had disappeared around her waist. The brown flecks in his gorgeous eyes widened, and a heavy eyebrow arched. A muscle ticked along his clenched jaw.
Surely he wasn’t…jealous?
She considered snuggling closer to Corbin. For about one second. She’d never been one to play games, and she wasn’t about to start now just because Carson showed a flicker of emotion where she was concerned.
Jerking away from Corbin’s side, she stepped out of his reach, determined not to be sucked into the bitter surge of feelings threatening to drag her back out to the sea of despair that she’d almost drowned in the day she graduated high school.
The day Carson left.
She gripped the bunch of roses so tight that sharp fingernails dug into her skin. The sweet smell of cake and flowers battled with the strong scent of roasted pork, churning in her belly, threatening to expose the hamburger she’d scarfed down for lunch. She gulped it back and loosened her hold on the flowers.
“Corbin Randolph. Meet Carson Lambright, my twin. Corbin’s our favorite local vet.” Camdon saved her from speaking, the emotion and warring scents leaving her throat raw, her tummy unsettled.
Carson held out a hand and, after a second’s hesitation, her date accepted the handshake, reluctance lining his downturned lips and firming his jaw. As if he knew Carson was a threat. Had the gossip mill already started here at the wedding? Had Corbin heard the rumors about their past? Or was her face giving something away?
She wrangled her emotions, schooling her features, and then glanced at Carson. Fatigue shadowed his face and something else. Respect? Resignation? She couldn’t tell.
Camdon clapped a hand around his brother’s shoulder, joy and disbelief softening the sharp edges of his usually serious expression. “I still can’t believe you’re back, man. When did you get in?”
“The moment Remi began her march down the aisle. Literally.”
Well, technically, he’d sauntered into the yard when Jillian stumbled down the aisle, but she didn’t correct him. She hid her expression by tucking some flyaway strands of hair back behind an ear.
“Did you meet Ryan?”
“Yeah. Looks like Mom and Remi both did well.” His dew-glazed gaze slid back to her, and his voice dropped a notch, as did his chin. “Jillian, I—”
Light jazz came across the speakers situated strategically in Remi’s yard, then a clear male voice cut in. “What a fabulous afternoon for a wedding, right, folks? Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Mason Mulrennan!”
The music man waited until the applause died down, then continued. “While the bride and groom take care of pictures, relax, dance, whatever floats your boat. The party’s just getting started.”
“That’s our cue.” Indecision crossed Camdon’s face, not a typical expression for the unflappable and confident Deputy City Manager. “Carson, you know Remi’s going to want you in the pictures.”
Carson’s chest lifted. His nostrils flared slightly before his lips compressed. “I’m not dressed for pictures.”
His brother nodded and flicked his head toward the house. “We can fix that. Come on.”
Carson allowed his brother to lead him away, but after a couple steps, he turned around, his eyes begging her for something. What? “Jillian, can we talk later?”
The wanderer wanted to talk.
She’d wanted to talk thirteen years ago. Now? Not so much. Now, she was ready to listen.
Had he found himself? Worked past the sorrow and anger over his dad’s suicide? Or had he left because of the horror of what he’d seen?
2
He didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until Jillian nodded. The tightness in his shoulders relaxed, and his lungs deflated. Why did he feel like he’d sprinted through a marathon?
“Sure. We can talk. Later.” She cleared her throat. Her gaze flicked briefly to the guy standing like a fierce sentinel next to her before sliding back to him. Her long lashes dipped against creamy cheeks. “But probably not tonight.”
He nodded, understanding what she hadn’t said. “Fair enough.”
Better than fair, actually. If the situation was reversed and Jillian had disappeared without a word, he probably wouldn’t be so accommodating.
He’d expected that she’d moved on with her life, married and had those three babies she’d always dreamed about, but he didn’t see any permanent fixtures gracing her left hand.
So the guy hovering around her wasn’t a sure thing. But then, that wasn’t entirely a given since she’d never really worn jewelry, not even a watch.
Weariness, soul deep, settled over him, but with it, a healthy measure of contentment.
He was finally home. He turned back around and glanced up at the sky. Clear blue and cloudless. Nothing beat a perfect North Carolina sky. Not any place on earth. And he’d been to practically all of them.
His steps lagged as he followed his brother toward Remi’s house, which looked to be a converted stable. “A shower will feel mighty good. Better lock the door to the bedroom, though. A soft bed might be too much of a temptation for me right now.”
“Been on the road long?”
“What?” He scoffed, waggling his eyebrows as their gazes connected. “Thirteen years isn’t long enough for you, bro?”
“Too long.” Serious eyes regarded him.
“Yeah.” He was at the point in his life where he could finally agree that being around family was important.
Especially after Lilly’s accident.
God, if You’re real like Lilly says You are, please make sure that poor girl e
ntered through heaven’s gate. Why did she have to die like that?
She didn’t deserve to be burnt alive.
But then, neither did Jillian.
He couldn’t imagine the pain, the horrific suffering that burn victims endured. Sorrow welled up in his eyes, but he refused to let it loose. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
He didn’t deserve to be called a hero, either.
Not him.
Not the jerk who’d treated Jillian so callously when all she was guilty of was honesty and loving him. He didn’t deserve her love then, and he surely didn’t deserve it now.
No. He’d caused trouble his whole life.
Starting with his father’s suicide.
He had plenty of questions for God, but no answers yet, although he was committed to finding them. He brushed a hand across his face, as if that could wipe away the failures, the disappointments, the constant running. “Hope Remi doesn’t mind the beard in the photos because it’ll take me until tomorrow to shave this thing off.”
His brother cast a sideways glance at him as he tugged the front door open. “Remi will want you in them, however you are. You know that.”
He did. Thirteen years hadn’t erased the image of his sister’s loving heart and graceful spirit.
Camdon flicked his head toward a room off to the left. “Bathroom’s in there. I’ll grab some clothes and fresh towels, but you can get started. Don’t be long. I’ll tell Remi and Mason you’re on your way.”
Ten minutes later, he opened the front door, revived and refreshed, and sporting a pair of his brother’s jeans. He sniffed the freshly laundered shirt. He could get used to that clean, unsullied scent. Not his usual fragrance or style of clothing, but it’d have to do until he could get to town and buy more from the consignment store.
“Remi sent me to collect you.” A sweet voice came from nearby, stopping him in his tracks.
Jillian.
She waited for him at the bottom of the steps, the flecks in her eyes transforming from an autumn brown to a forest green.
He’d always loved watching those specks sparkle and shift.
A niggle of unfamiliar emotion, of longing twined with belonging, tingled in his toes and worked its way up his limbs.
He sucked in a breath, mashing it back down. He’d accepted a long time ago that he was forever destined to wander. Guys like him didn’t belong anywhere.
“And what would you have done if I’d still been in the shower?” He couldn’t resist teasing to see if that soft pink blush would still creep up her neck and cheeks.
She didn’t disappoint.
A smile lifted one corner of his lips, the first in a very long time. With a light heart, he practically skipped down the steps to cup her elbow. “Lead away.”
“They’re waiting for us by the barn.”
Us. He liked the sound of that, temporary as it was.
He also liked the way she smelled. He leaned closer and took a breath. Pineapple, violets and musk, melded together in a delicate balance between bright and sensual, a scent so totally Jillian.
Satisfied, he pulled back, but only a bit. He’d pounce on every opportunity presented to make amends to the girl he’d hurt so badly. “Jillian, I need to—”
“There you are.”
Carson ground his teeth on the rest of the words, silenced a moan, but couldn’t stop the sigh that eked out.
The vet again! The guy was like a wild mushroom, springing up all over the damp, moist ground.
Jillian offered a slight smile, her tension obvious from the tight line of her lips. “We’re almost done with the pictures. Would you mind grabbing me a glass of punch, Corbin?”
No ring on the vet’s finger, either, so that meant—
“You were saying?”
“Huh?” He stared at the vet’s back. How much did this fellow mean to Jillian? Were they dating? Just good friends? Living together? After all, he didn’t really know her anymore.
A hand gently touched his forearm then slid away before he could focus on it. “I’m sorry for the interruption. What were you saying?”
He gave his head a little shake, noting that they were nearing the barn and the wedding party. Laughter spilled out of the open door. He could see his sister smiling and posing for the camera. Now wasn’t the time.
“It can wait until later.” When he could apologize uninterrupted by the vet.
“Camdon said Ryan wanted your mother to be surprised, so they haven’t mentioned—”
“Carson!” A screech then footsteps scampered across the grass. His mother landed hard against his chest, alternating between laughing and crying, pulling her head back to look at him, then repeating the process.
He glanced over his mother’s head. Saw a tear slide from Jillian’s eye and trickle down her cheek.
That unfamiliar feeling? Now he knew what it was. This was what it felt like to come home.
Thank you, God, for that answered prayer.
****
Before she had a chance to stop it, a tear slipped down her cheek. She palmed it away, mad at herself.
Carson had offered his open arms to everybody but her.
Not that she was jealous. No, really, she wasn’t. Was she?
Okay. Maybe just a little. Because she knew what it felt like to be tucked into those long arms of his, her head resting against his broad chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. An incredibly sweet feeling of being protected, sheltered from life’s storms, of being right where she belonged, with a man who belonged to her.
How wrong she’d been.
A sigh slipped up from her chest, quiet and unbidden.
Finally, Lessa edged back, her arm latching around Carson’s too-thin waist to snuggle next to him. She shot her husband a mild accusatory glance. “You knew about this?”
“Only minutes ago,” Ryan responded with a tender smile.
Remi took her turn hugging her brother and introducing her husband.
Jillian inched back a few paces, reluctant to intrude on this bittersweet family reunion, a family that she’d hungered to be part of. Especially since both her parents were gone now.
“Not so fast.” Carson reached out and gently tugged her back into the circle of family. “If I have to be in the pictures, you’re not getting off so easy.”
She gulped, mad at her heart for doing that silly little flutter and dance like it used to every time he touched her. She shrugged out of his grasp and stepped over to stand next to Remi. Somewhere safe, out of Carson’s reach.
“You all right?” Remi whispered.
“Not now. But I will be.” Would she? Ever?
The camera clicked close ups of the hugs and smiling faces. Finally, after a few funny and even more serious shots, the photographer signaled the end of the formal photo shoot and pulled the bride and groom away to capture some dramatic pictures.
Suddenly, a hand holding a glass of punch appeared in front of her face.
Corbin. How could she have forgotten about him?
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Corbin had a nice voice, but it wasn’t deep or rich, and it didn’t warm her heart like Carson’s.
Lord, have mercy! Help me derail that train of thought. And, please, please help me to stop comparing Corbin to Carson.
Face it. She was going to be a wreck while Carson was back in town. But he wouldn’t be around long. Would he?
She sipped the punch. The sparkly liquid cooled the feverish blood racing through her veins. She took a deep breath. Tried to formulate some rational thoughts.
Obviously, she couldn’t follow through on her decision to become more than friends with Corbin tonight. Not like this. Not while her heart was behaving so badly.
Maybe not ever.
An arm wound around her waist, this time soft and comforting. She glanced to the side. Lessa.
Remi’s mother smiled back, full of encouragement and love, just like the smiles she gave to Remi. Lessa had fille
d the empty maternal holes in Jillian’s life since graduation. Actually, way before then. Jillian’s mother had checked out of her life since the fire…
“How long will you be home?” Lessa’s pointed question jerked Jillian’s attention back to Carson.
The man sighed, shrugged.
“A couple of weeks? A week?” Apparently, Lessa wasn’t giving up until Carson gave her a definitive response.
“Probably. Maybe.” Was that a hint of hopefulness in his voice?
“Long enough to house sit for Remi and Mason while they go off on their honeymoon?”
Carson appeared thoughtful, silent, considering the question. He scratched his beard. “Who was going to house sit for them?”
“Jillian. But she has a job and feeding the animals at both her place and Remi’s would be a burden.”
Jillian’s jaw dropped. Since when had caring for her bestie’s animals become a burden? “I—”
Lessa interrupted, acknowledging Jillian’s confused look with a sweet smile and a single arched eyebrow. “Jillian would never admit that, of course.”
She scrunched her forehead. What was going on? Was Lessa playing matchmaker?
“You know I’m always available to help if you need it, Jillian.” Corbin pinned her with a resigned look, defeat slumping his shoulders.
“I know. You’ve always been wonderful about that, Corbin. Thank you.” She pressed her fingertips lightly against his forearm before turning back to the circle of family she’d adopted as her own.
Carson regarded her with solemn eyes, his gaze flitting between her and Corbin. “Would it put you out too much if I stayed here, Jillian?”
Other than wreaking havoc on her heart? Or was he asking if her and Corbin were an item? “Not at all.”
“Good. It’s all settled, then.” Lessa clapped her hands, smiling, her eyes alive with excitement. Of course she was thrilled for her son to be home. And if Carson committed to stay here during Remi and Mason’s honeymoon, that meant he’d be close to his family for at least two weeks.
Two weeks of constantly scolding her heart.
She’d never make it. She’d have to stay away.