by Dora Hiers
Trouble? Carson was worried that she’d let him go too far?
Obviously, their heads were taking them to different places. She huffed and reached for the doorknob.
“Wait.” His hand landed on her forearm, stilling her with his soft touch.
When she didn’t look his way, his thumb nudged her around to face him. “My self-control disintegrates when I’m around you, Jillian. You’re so beautiful. You make me want—”
She rolled her eyes, tried to disengage from his contact, but he kept his light grip on her chin. She squeezed her eyelids closed, attempting to keep the tears that threatened to spill over, checked.
“Hey.” That one word, spoken on a husky whisper, full of emotion, was like a magnet. Her lashes fluttered open, and what she saw caused her heart to stutter.
“You might want to throw a bunch of names at me, and most of them would be valid, but not one of them would be ‘liar.’”
“I never—”
“I saw it in your eyes, Jillian. You didn’t believe me.”
She licked her lips, suddenly dry and crusty, worse than if she’d devoured an entire bag of salty popcorn without something to wash it down.
His fingers threaded through her hair, toying with the ends and twirling it between his fingertips. His gaze traveled from the top of her head, dwelling for a time at her eyes, before moving on and landing on her lips.
His chest rose and fell. A lump slid down his throat.
“Jillian—” He dropped his gaze and scooped up her hand to sandwich it between his. Apparently, he swallowed back the words he’d been about to utter because when he looked up, a sheen coated his eyes, and he started over. “Jillian, I’m sorry that I gave you reason not to trust me. I was young and stupid.”
Her focus never left his face. She didn’t respond. She wanted to hear what he had to say, and any words she spoke might make him clam up.
“I’m going to do my best to get you to change your opinion of me, to show you that I’m trustworthy, and—”
His head wagged back and forth, determination steeling his jaws and firming his lips. “If I have to say the words over and over until I’m ninety years old just to get you to finally believe it, I will.”
She couldn’t stop the chuckle that bubbled up, picturing him at ninety years old. An older version of the thirty-year-old, with longish gray hair that curled over his shirt collar, his back hunched over a cane. In the image that came to mind, he still sported that irresistible lopsided smile and mischief still danced from those luscious green eyes.
What would it be like to grow old with him? To wake up every day and be able to kiss him good morning, to experience that powerful emotional connection like the one they’d just shared. To snuggle on the couch in the evenings and talk about their days. To watch the joy light his eyes as he cradled their baby in his arms. To sit outside on the porch and watch children play in the yard, to partner with him in raising wee ones into adults.
She gasped, the confined space closing in on her. She tugged her hand from his grasp and flung open the door to the car. She had to escape, away from the tight space where she only breathed in him.
Away from the unhealthy dreams of happily ever after, from the shattered wishes of what could have been but would never be. She couldn’t go back to that dark place after Carson left. She needed oxygen. Light. Distance.
She bolted from the car and slammed the door, straining to drag in precious gulps of air, but humidity hung heavy in the night, so dense it was hard to breathe.
“Come on. I want to show you something.” Carson’s deep voice tickled her ear as his arm propelled her forward.
She swiped a sleeve across her moist cheeks. Stifled the sniffles. She refused to let Carson see her tears.
On the front stoop, keys rattled from Carson’s hand while he unlocked the door. He reached in and switched on a light, gestured for her to enter the modest ranch house.
She stepped inside and surveyed the space. Neutral tones covered the walls while splashes of color dotted the room. The kitchen area and great room combined to make one large room, separated by a gas fireplace and a counter with three bar stools, creating a cozy, intimate feeling. A welcome fragrance pulled her in further. She scoped out the mounded plate on the counter. “Cookies?”
He chuckled. “Should have known you’d pick up on the smell of your favorite cookies.”
“So this is what you’ve been working on?” She pivoted, taking in the entire space, then walked over to trail her fingertips along the quartz countertop. The entire space flowed well, so open and inviting.
“Yeah. By the grace of God, we finished today. Two days before my deadline.” A trace of awe and wonder deepened his voice. His boots clomped across the wood floor and stopped directly behind her.
Even if she hadn’t heard his footsteps, she’d have noted the change in temperature. She wanted to fan herself, but the room itself was cool. It was her internal temperature that spiked from his nearness. That, and her awareness of him. She spun around to face him.
Strength exuded from those broad shoulders and muscles strained against his cotton pullover shirt. But, that wasn’t the only reason she was more aware of him than ever. His faith glowed from his eyes.
Goosebumps prickled along her bare arms. “Wow! I’m impressed.” And not just with the remodel.
“Thank you. But I didn’t bring you here to impress you.” He reached for her hand, threading his fingers through hers as he led her around to the counter. He pulled out a barstool and motioned for her to sit then held the plate of cookies in front of her.
“Thank you. I thought you’d never offer.” She took a bite and sighed. Heaven!
“I think I found the way to your heart.” Crinkles fanned out from his eyes as he settled on the stool next to hers.
If he only knew. He didn’t need a way to her heart. She’d given him that invisible key in middle school. The first time she’d seen him wave those bony fists in the air against a kid who kept bullying his sister with vicious words about their mom.
And she’d never taken it back.
“They’re the perfect end to a wonderful meal. Especially since they’re my favorite.”
“No. Perfect would have been if I’d thought to stock some milk to go with them.” He chuckled and dug into his pocket. His hand came out with a stack of pictures.
He looked over at her with a sheepish grin. “Well, maybe I did hope to impress you but only a little.”
Like a card game, he dealt the pictures, lining them up on the granite. “Before and after.”
She popped the rest of a cookie in her mouth, wiped her hands on a napkin, then picked up the first one. She stared at the picture, her jaw hanging. Doors dangled lopsided from damaged kitchen cabinets, and the vinyl flooring was torn and ragged. Trash littered the floor, and huge, gaping holes speckled the walls.
She swiveled, trying to place the spot where the photo had been taken.
“Over there.” Carson pointed to a spot in a corner of the family room.
Her head snapped in that direction. She held the picture up, glancing between the photo and the freshly energized space. “Really?”
He grinned, nodding. “It makes for a better flow, don’t you think?”
“Definitely.” She nodded and moved on to the next picture. Same thing. Each picture required Carson to point out where the photo had been taken because he’d transformed it so wonderfully.
She gazed up at him with fresh respect for his talent and ability. Not that she didn’t have a healthy dose before, but this redesign took it to a whole new level. “You really accomplished something amazing.”
He stuffed the stack of photos back in his pocket and stretched out a hand, guiding her to her feet.
Of course, he’d want to show her around. But he didn’t. Instead, his hands curled around her hips, and he pulled her close to his heart. And when those strong hands left her hips to frame her face, his gaze holding hers hostage, willing h
er to understand words he hadn’t uttered, she couldn’t force her legs to move if she tried.
“Jillian, do you see what I’m trying to tell you here?”
Mesmerized by the nutmeg specks glinting from his eyes, the huskiness in his voice, the earnestness in his expression, she could barely move her head back and forth.
“This house had to be absolutely stunning thirty years ago, but it was abused and mistreated. All we did was restore it to its original beauty. Something that was always there, just hidden underneath the years of grime and neglect.”
Now she got it. Fat tears welled up in her eyes and puddled over. She lowered her lashes, but that didn’t diminish the pain of what she needed to tell him. Would he leave her again? “Carson.”
“Yes, sweetheart?” His thumbs rubbed gentle lines across her cheeks, blotting out the moisture. He pressed his lips to her forehead, his touch sweet and feather-light.
“You haven’t seen all of them.”
“I know.”
“The fire stole one of my breasts.” There. She said it.
When her lashes lifted, his green eyes were locked on hers, his hands still cupping her cheeks, a tender expression on his face. He nodded. “I guessed as much. Sweetheart, I don’t claim to know a lot about God, but I’m learning. He created you in His image. Beautiful and precious to Him, and perfect, just the way He designed you. You’ve taken a beating, emotionally and physically, but you need to know that you’re still beautiful. Just like this house.”
His arm slashed through the air, taking in the entire room, but his attention never wavered from her. “It took a little care and a lot of love to bring out the beauty that was always there.”
She gulped, barely managed a nod. With moisture clinging to her heavy lashes, her heart burst with love for this new man.
His hand slid under her long sleeve and caressed the puckered tissue. He lifted her arm and pressed his lips to her skin, trailing kisses up and down her arm where it had been burned.
“What are you doing?” Her voice came out husky.
“Trying to show you that these scars may be part of who you are, but they don’t diminish your beauty in my eyes.”
“No?” Her voice came out hoarse because of the huge lump of emotion clogging her throat. The only sound in the room was her pulse whooshing through her ears.
He shook his head. “No. If you can’t trust me yet, trust God.”
A ragged sigh, filled with years of yearning, lifted her chest. She closed her eyes. Thank You, Lord. For bringing Carson home and for guiding him to You. Whether or not he ever loves me, thank You for that.
23
“I’m impressed.” Justine Silver’s stiletto heels clicked against the hardwood as she concluded the tour in the kitchen. Her delicately manicured fingertips glided across the counter’s smooth surface as she surveyed the space. “I really like your design style. Neutrals with striking splashes of color. That combination will make for a great selling tool.”
“Thanks.”
“But even more than that, I appreciate the changes you made to the floor plan. It creates a much more efficient use of the space. Buyers will love this. Not that they knew it was any other way.”
He nodded, agreeing with her sentiment, as he followed her clicking heels to the front door. When he’d first toured the house, he’d immediately recognized the changes necessary to make it into a more user-friendly space.
Ms. Silver tugged the door open, her bright red fingernails a sharp contrast to the pewter handle. She glanced over a shoulder. “Great job, Carson. I knew you were the right person for the job. This absolutely proves it.”
With careful steps, she negotiated the concrete stairs and power walked down the sidewalk, as fast as those high heels would allow, anyway. He watched her slide into a fancy red car and speed away from the curb.
Keys dangling from his hand, Carson took one last look around the house.
With God’s help, he’d not only met the deadline, but he’d also squeaked in on budget. His boss seemed thrilled with his performance and his design style. Maybe she’d keep him around.
He pulled the door closed and locked it, then tossed the keys in the air. They landed in his open palm. Contentment and satisfaction swelled his chest.
He’d proven to himself that he wasn’t just like his father. Sure, there had been times when he’d felt like throwing his hands in the air and giving up. Walking away. But, on every occasion, God had provided just what he needed. Whether it was a brisk walk outside or a phone conversation with Jillian or one of his family members who offered sweet words of encouragement, whatever it was, God had provided. Had helped Carson stick with it.
He leaped down the stairs, a spring in his step and determination steeling his spine. Bright sunshine warmed his back, and hope lifted his heart.
Time to get started on building the rest of his life now.
****
Carson pulled into the nearly vacant driveway for Forever Family Animal Sanctuary and parked the car. Breathing a prayer of gratitude that he’d beat Jillian here, he grabbed the folder off the passenger seat then stepped outside.
Bright sunlight beamed down on him, warming his back instantly. He lifted his face to the sky and closed his eyes. Thank You, Lord! What a glorious day for our first Beauty in the Scars mini-retreat…and for—
A horse snorted followed by a llama shriek, interrupting his prayer. He opened his eyes and gazed at the dozen or so llamas gathered by the fence, staring at him with huge black eyes and ears on alert.
“Hey. You made it.” Remi’s clear voice from behind startled him.
He glanced over a shoulder.
His sister made her way across the driveway, her boots now crunching in the gravel.
“Yeah. Thanks for giving Jillian the later time. I can’t tell you how many times I almost slipped.”
“No problem. Her coming just a little later gives me the perfect opportunity for a hug.” Remi’s eyes glittered with moisture as she wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him close. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you both.”
“You can have a hug anytime.” He’d debated on letting Remi in on his plans. Especially since her and Jillian were such close friends. But since they were meeting at her place, what choice did he have? Now he was glad he did. “But she hasn’t said yes yet.”
“She will.”
He wished he shared his sister’s confidence.
She must have seen the doubt clouding his eyes because her hand moved to grip his arm. “You’ve more than made up for the past, Carson. Let it go. She has.”
“You think?”
Remi nodded. “She loved you back then, but she can’t help but love the new man you are now more.”
He could only hope. And pray. He’d learned over the last few months that God had a plan and a purpose for his life. It was best to let Him handle the details. All Carson had to do was step out in faith.
The first vehicle rolled into the driveway, and Maria hopped down from the truck’s passenger seat. She caught sight of them and fluttered her hand in acknowledgement then turned around and said something to her mother. Maria’s mother waved as she pulled out of the parking lot. A car took its place, this time dropping off Cassie.
He could feel Remi shrinking, her fingernails pressing into his back. He knew she wasn’t frightened or intimidated by the scars on these girls, but because of her own fears of meeting new people.
He wrapped an arm around his sister’s neck and pulled her against his side. “It’s okay, Remi. They’re just as frightened and nervous as you.”
She nodded, licking her lips. “I know. I’ll be all right.”
“Hey, Carson,” Both girls said at the same time, shooting him a friendly look, but then casting their gaze simultaneously to the ground. Maria nudged the gravel with the tip of her sneaker.
“Good morning, ladies.” Carson glanced at Remi and snaked an arm around her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassur
ance. “Maria, Cassie, this is my sister, Remi. Remi and her husband own this place.” Purposely avoiding mention of Mason by name, he swept his free arm through the air, encompassing the farm. The last thing he wanted was for them to make the connection with the racecar celebrity and forget all about why they were there.
“Welcome to Forever Family Animal Sanctuary.” Remi shrugged out of his grasp and reached out to shake hands with both teens. She looked both girls in the eyes without even a blink. But then he hadn’t expected otherwise, especially since she’d known Jillian for so long.
His sister had come a long ways since he’d left. But even more surprising was the excitement glowing from Remi’s face. She leaned in toward the girls, whispering in a conspiratorial tone. “Did Carson let you in on the big secret?”
“Yeah.” Maria’s smile widened, stretching the taut, still angry-looking skin covering her face. “How cool!”
“Isn’t it?” Remi gushed. “I’m so excited for both of them. Jillian’s always been a sister to me, anyway. Now this will just make it official.”
She wrapped an arm around the backs of both girls and glanced over a shoulder at him as she led the girls toward the house. “Carson, do you want to come in or wait outside for the rest to arrive?”
She was giving him the option? The old Remi wouldn’t have let him out of her sight if anyone besides family was around.
“We’re only waiting on a couple more. I should probably stay outside and direct them. You gals go on in and get acquainted.” Smiling, he nodded reassurance to his sister, opting to help her exercise the newfound freedom from her fears.
“Okay.” Her eyes clouded, but she turned around and kept pace with the girls.
One giant step forward for Remi. Actually, for the girls as well. This was the most animated he’d seen them.
God, please let this be a wonderful day of celebration. A day of new beginnings. For the teens who will show up, for my sister, and for Jillian and me.
****
Carson arched his head back, his laughter ricocheting through the trees, mingling with the loud teen voices and the clod of horse’s hooves. What had Ben said to him to make him laugh so hard?