by Gwen Rivers
“No, Nic. You need to listen.” Harmony holds out her hands, palms facing me. “I promised him I wouldn’t let you go after him, no matter what.”
“And you think this is the right way to go about it? Go running back to the goddess to tattle on me?”
Freya lifts her chin. “The dead swarm over the fey lands without cease. There is nowhere to hide. You are marked. If you cross, you will be overwhelmed and torn apart.” Her gaze holds mine. “Just as Angrboda was.”
I sway on my feet. “It was real?”
The goddess tilts her head, studying me. “You know it was.”
Angrboda’s…dead. The giantess who was literally larger than life, who risked her neck so I wouldn’t have to go….
My throat feels raw as if I’ve been screaming. The world tunnels and I shake my head, trying to fight off the dizziness, the overwhelm.
“Nic?” Chloe’s hand is on my back. It is only then that I realize I’ve fallen to my knees. “What have you done to her?”
“Nothing. I am here to protect her and Váli Sigynjarson’s child,” the goddess says.
Shoving my grief into one of those small compartments I used when hunting to suppress fear or doubt, I slam the lid then struggle to my feet.
“You tried to seduce Aiden,” I growl up at the goddess then turn to face Harmony. “Did he tell you that? She was trying to seduce my mate. Isn’t it enough you snared him when he was a boy?”
Harmony’s purple face pales in the moonlight.
“As if you didn’t hurt him even worse than I have done.”
That’s it. I am sick of owning Nicneven’s mistakes. “Not in this life. It took me a while to accept him but now that I have, I will never let him go.”
The goddess’s hands ball into fists. “How dare you speak to me in such a way? I am a goddess of Asgard.”
“Clearly you have your own agenda,” I say. “Tell me what it is.”
Freya glowers down at me. “I wanted his child for the prophecy. My seer predicted that the One True queen will stop Underhill’s reign of terror and free the fey. What better queen than the daughter of two gods?”
“Except that he doesn’t want you.” I’m done arguing with her. “He needs me, I can’t just sit here while he’s captured.”
“Listen to me. You must stay behind.” Freya’s hair whips in the wind. “You are marked. She will come for you if you cross. And if Underhill manages to kill you or your child, the fey’s final hope dies with you.”
“She wants to murder him. Murder my Aiden.” Terror coils in my gut at the thought she already might have done it. “He’s been through so much already. Overcome so much. And you’re asking me to abandon the man I love?”
“Not forever,” Harmony gestures to my belly. “You felt the power of the One True Queen. Just wait until she is ready to fulfill her destiny.”
“He would come for me,” I tell them all. “He wouldn’t wait.”
“But he wouldn’t expect you to come for him, especially not if doing so would put your baby at risk,” Chloe murmurs. “They’re right, Nic. You must wait.”
“How long?” I look to the seer. “How long do you want me to do nothing?”
Harmony takes a deep breath. “When your child comes of age, she will be the savior of the land under the hill.”
I shake my head. “You’re talking years? Aiden doesn’t have years.”
“He might get free,” Chloe pushes my hair back over my shoulder. “He has allies there. Nahini and Bard, Soladin and Fern. And don’t forget Addy. You can’t count her out yet.”
Years. They wanted me to sit around in the relative safety of Midgard while Underhill is torn apart. While my mother plots to bring about the end of the world.
“What if I’m too late?”
“Time moves differently beyond the Veil.” The goddess says. “I can slow it to a crawl. Years here will be no more than a handful of hours to Aiden.”
“Nic,” Chloe says softly. “That’s better than anything I could do. You can have the baby and when she is ready, she can rule.”
When I have the baby, because Aiden wouldn’t be here for the birth, to see her come into the world. See her first step, hear her first word.
“We’re supposed to be together, to raise her together.” I cover my stomach with my hand.
“So stubborn,” Freya snaps. “You get to have your cake and eat it too, Nicneven. Why do you hesitate?”
“Because I love him.” I glower up at the goddess. “This is what you do when you love someone—whatever you can.”
She doesn’t respond aloud. I wouldn’t call her expression regretful, but she does appear a bit more contrite.
“Nic,” Harmony reaches out a tentative hand as if she wants to touch my stomach. “That’s my niece in there. I couldn’t protect Váli, but I can protect her. Please, help me do that.”
“I won’t abandon him.” The words clog my throat.
Chloe puts her hand on my shoulder. “I can’t see the future, not like Addy. But she’s right about your banishment. You might not even make it through the tear, the force could shred you both. Or you could land surrounded by a thousand Draugar.”
Just as Angrboda had. Underhill knew she was coming because she was marked.
I stare up at it, the gap between our world and the fey realm beyond. “You’re asking me to walk away from all of them. Addy, Nahini, Bard, and Soladin. Aiden.”
Chloe shakes her head. “Not forever. Didn’t Freda teach you never to go into battle unarmed? You have no magic.”
“The fire—”
“Is the power Underhill holds. She can turn it around and burn you to ashes.” Freya smiles as though contemplating my immolation. “Not that I would mind seeing that, once the One True Queen is secured.”
I clench my hands into fists. Deep down, I know they are right. I have no magic, no army of the Wild Hunt at my back, not even my sword. I’m a pregnant teenager in desperate need of her baby daddy.
Am I risking our child for Aiden? Or for myself?
All magic comes with a cost. The price of freeing my wolf might be me and our baby. And I know Aiden wouldn’t survive that loss.
Not again.
“She might not have him yet. And even if she does, maybe he can escape.” Chloe picks up on my hesitation. “He has resources, you know.”
Aiden wouldn’t wait for me to escape. But they are right, he wouldn’t expect me to make a suicide run that will end in all of our deaths.
Haven’t I learned that life is precious? That I need to fight to survive? Crossing the tear unarmed, risking my life and the life of my child with no plan, is foolish.
Tears blur my eyes as I turn away from them, from the tear. Tossing the truck keys to Chloe, I head up the hill, blundering through the dark.
“Nic?” Chloe’s voice is full of worry.
“Leave her, Norn,” I hear Freya say. “She’s accepting her fate.”
I walk blindly for hours through the woods, stumbling over roots and rocks, pushing tree branches out of my way. At first, I have no destination other than away from the tear in the Veil that I am so desperate to cross.
But after a time, I begin to recognize my surroundings and head with a more purposeful stride.
I stare at the spot, the clearing on the bluff overlooking my farm. The site of our first date. Seasons have come and gone since Aiden brought me here, took me through the design of the house he was going to build. A place he said I’d always be welcome.
If I close my eyes, I can still hear the excitement in his voice. He’d come here to watch over me and had dreamed of a day when we could live together in peace.
My breaths tear from me, the frigid night air turning each exhale smoky. How much time is passing in Underhill? How much more will he suffer?
It was almost better when I was being held by the FBI. Though they’d tormented me and kept me locked up, I could still plan. It was supposed to end with me going after Pharaildis, dispatching her
once and for all.
But that was before the baby. A sob rips from me.
“How can I do this without him?” I ask the night.
There is no answer other than the bitter caress of the North wind.
Shattered
Aiden comes to with his face pressed into a familiar moonstone floor. Rodrick must have knocked him out. His clothes are sopping wet, plastered to his body. The sound of splashing water filters into his mind and he frowns and then looks up.
Just as Underhill emerges wet and naked from the queen’s private bathing pool.
“It really is you this time, isn’t it?” Not bothering to dry herself, she reaches for a silk dressing gown.
Slowly, he sits up, keeping a wary eye on the fire blazing in the hearth.
“I see you’ve undone the Kiss of Madness.” Covered, she moves past him. Flames lick out from the fireplace and encircle his neck. It doesn’t scorch his flesh, but he doesn’t think her intent is to harm him.
Not until it serves her purpose.
The fire leash yanks him from the bathroom and into her dressing room. She sinks into a large padded chair before an ebony framed mirror. The wet silk clings to her curves. “Pity I can’t give it to you again. My daughter would surely love to know you were out of your senses when you help me free your father.”
“I won’t—”
She smiles at him. “You don’t have a choice. You and Nic left me with no choice. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is to be free of this place. I was going to do it with power, destroy the Veil so the worlds could unite. But you’ve spirited the kings and queens away. Now, I have to end it all to have the freedom I crave.”
“You’ll die, too.”
Pharaildis shrugs as if she can’t be bothered with the trivial details. “Escape is escape. Do you know I tried drinking the most toxic poison known to mankind? I’m surprised it didn’t kill the child.”
Aiden’s eyes go wide. “You tried to kill your own baby?”
Underhill reaches for a crystal goblet and pours herself a healthy glass of fairy wine. She studies it intently. “You never think about the small pleasures until they are gone.”
Aiden can’t tell if she is addressing him or simply musing aloud.
“Food, wine, sex. Such simple joys. Hedonistic. And essential to maintain one’s humanity. Without them you become…something else.” Her eyes snap back to his and she sets the glass aside. “Nicneven’s never been more than another shackle around my ankle.”
He lets out a breath. “You don’t know what you’ve done to her. What that water did to her. It changed her fate. Your actions have damned her not only in one lifetime, but in two.”
She rises and reaches for a black gown. “She was never meant to exist in the first place. Why should I care if she’s suffered? No one cares about my suffering.”
“Nic cares.” He swallows. “She wanted to free you. She still can. You long for death? I know what that feels like. She can grant it to you and no one else needs to die.”
She releases her hair from its clasp and the dark river of night spills down her back. “Oh, I don’t want to die alone. I want to punish the fey. All of them. For what they’ve caused me to endure. How does the saying go? ‘Tis better to burn out than fade away?”
“There are innocent souls,” he pleads.
Her dark blue gaze glitters. “Like that of your child?”
A growl rips out of him, the wolf rising to the fore. “You leave her out of this.”
Underhill smirks. “Unlikely. Even if she is the one prophesized to combine the thrones of the Unseelie Court, it will take years for her to come of age. The end begins nigh.” With that, she rises from her seat and crosses the moonstone floor. With a wave of her hands the outer doors open and Druagar shuffle in. “Guards. Load him into my carriage.”
Aiden is dragged from the room, shaking, panting. He has to go, to get back to Nic. He promised.
Dawn bleeds through the bedroom curtains when I see Gretchen’s eyes crack open and she squints. “Nic?”
“Hey,” I rise from the chair I’d parked next to the bed and reach for the water glass. On the far side of the room, Liam rises from the crouch he’s held since I came in here to keep watch over Gretchen.
“Where am I?” She blinks owlishly.
Instead of answering, I hand her the water. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
Her brow furrows as she drinks. “I took your backpack and the truck to a spot in the woods. Harmony sent me after Aiden. She said I needed to cross the Veil with him.”
So nothing about crossing, Underhill or any of it. It really had been Fenrir in control. I let out a relieved breath and meet her worried gaze.
“Gretchen, that was over a year ago.”
Her lips part in shock. “What? Have I been in a coma or something?”
“Not exactly.” I lean forward to take the glass from her shaking hand.
“Don’t get too close,” Liam cautions.
I glare at him. “She’s human again. At least as human as she ever was.”
“What?” Gretchen asks, her head whips back and forth between the two of us. “What do you mean, human as I ever was?”
Having spent several hours watching her sleep, I’ve gone back and forth trying to decide how much to tell her. Then my gaze falls to her necklace. “Sweetie, how long have you had that necklace?”
“It was a Christening gift from my grandmother,” she says. “Why?”
“It’s a long story and you need rest. The point is, Underhill is not the place for you.”
She glances around my room and shakes her head as though to clear it. Suddenly, the wind rushes into the room, an icy blast of air. Liam leaps up to shut the window.
“Um, Nic?” Gretchen holds out her hand, the one containing the glass of water.
It’s frozen solid.
“Yeah,” I sink down into the chair. “I guess I should start at the beginning. The thing is, there is one Unseelie queen in this room. And it isn’t me.”
Gretchen listens as I catch her up on all the big bad wolf had done in her absence. She shakes her head when I tell her that the wolf destined to swallow the world lives inside her, but she doesn’t deny it.
“And who is he,” she leans close to ask me, gesturing toward Liam.
Of course with his acute hearing he catches every word. “Technically, I’m your son.”
Gretchen’s jaw drops.
“From your last incarnation,” he adds as though that will answer all her questions.
I glower at the wolf and then snap my fingers to break Gretchen’s stare. “It’s going to be okay. Really. But you need to learn how to control your abilities before you hurt someone by accident.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“For now, do your best to keep calm. We’ll figure it all out.” I squeeze her hand and then move to leave, gesturing for Liam to proceed me out of the room. He doesn’t. Freaking stubborn werewolf. At least he falls into step behind me and shuts the door to my bedroom.
Laufey rises from the barstool where she’d been grinding some sort of red root into a fine powder with a mortar and pestle. “How is she?”
“Overwhelmed.”
The giant nods as though that’s what she expected to hear. “And how are you, little mama?”
I almost snap at her to not call me that, but I catch the tender glance she shoots toward my belly. This child, for better or worse, will be part of her family. With both Aiden and Fern out of reach, the baby I am carrying is the only close connection she has.
Liam shoots his thumb toward the door. “I’m going to be out in the barn.”
I nod and wait for him to depart before I settle in a seat next to her. “Honestly? I’m scared out of my mind. Nothing that has happened has terrified me as much as the thought of raising this child alone.”
Laufey taps the powder out onto a sheet of parchment paper. “You won’t be alone. I’ll be here, as will your aunt, and Harmo
ny, if you let her. And now you have the mortal host of Fenrir as well.”
True, but none of them was little Addison Sophia’s parent. “Freya told me she would slow the passage of time in Underhill. Can I trust her?”
Laufey snorts. “About as far as you can throw her. But in this matter, I do believe she will keep her word.”
“Why?” I ask.
“The fey are the largest group of worshipers Freya has. Gods derive power from their worshipers. She has too much at risk.”
Which explains why the gods of Asgard allowed the fey to take temporary refuge in the Vanir lands. Was everyone driven only by self-interest?
I put my head in my hands. Life was simpler when I just killed the bad guys.
Over on the stove, the kettle begins to sing. Laufey rounds the counter and then shuts the burner off. She dumps half of the powder into the bottom of a large mug and then pours the boiled water over the top, before sliding it to me. “Here, breathe that in. Just don’t drink it.”
“Why?” I stare suspiciously into the mug. “What’s in it?”
“Something to ease anxiety. Carrying around so much stress isn’t good for the baby.”
I want to argue that it seems nothing I’ve done so far has been good for the baby, but think better of it. Instead, I wrap my hands around the mug, soaking up the warmth and breathe in the deep woodsy fragrance.
Slowly, the muscles in my shoulders unknot, as though the fragrant steam has grown a set of fingers and is picking them apart a little at a time. The mountain of worries fades into the fog. My eyelids grow heavy, the physical exhaustion settling in.
“You should get some rest,” Laufey says when I am practically slumping on the stool. “It’s going to be a difficult number of years for you.”
Nodding, I murmur thanks and trudge upstairs. Chloe is down at the vet’s office but I lie on top of Addy’s bed anyway.
Please, gods, I beg a second before sleep claims me. No more dreams.
Of course, the bastards don’t listen.
“How can I be sure it’s mine?”