The Poisonous Biscuit

by Paul Edwards

  "In two cars."

  Josephine’s husband had a van with nine seats inside it, but that was not enough space any longer and so they had to purchase an extra car when their eighth child had come along. The only alternative now would be the parents on the roof! That was not all that was spectacular about this family. As well as this, their children were home schooled, which meant having the freedom and flexibility to visit on a normal Tuesday.

  Because of their deep faith, Josephine and her husband never liked the idea of sending their children to an ordinary school in case that caused them to abandon their faith as they grew up. Luckily for her, she had qualified as a teacher before getting married and then after getting married could resign knowing that her husband could continue teaching at a school to bring in some money, as he also was a teacher. Otherwise it would have been impossible to home school nine children, something Helen would never dream of doing, not even with her one child now.

  "I'm sorry about the mess, please do come in. We've been decorating."

  "Oh, then that's what that lovely smell is Hannah, you've invited us at just about the best time. I love the smell of fresh paint."

  They all came in, one after the other, and Helen offered them a hot drink. Of course, she avoided offering them a sandwich as there would not be enough bread. All this was unexpected, but she tried her best nevertheless, because she was a trier Helen and she knew this was a friend who had always been good to her. To escape in a subtle manner, she entered the kitchen to aid her husband in making the drinks.

  "Do you think we should offer the kids a drink?"

  "Probably. I don’t know Helen" they whispered amongst each other.

  "I didn't expect this, she never told me she'd be coming. Where's Sally? We need her" Helen asserted.

  Sally was of course upstairs, in her bedroom, where she often escaped the reality downstairs. Her room was like a magical fairy land to her, the walls were all pink, the carpet was yellow and there were fairies painted on the ceiling from when she was younger. These had been painted by her auntie just after she was born, but she never wanted to get rid of them, and then when she was about ten, along came Ann anyway. For that reason, there was still two single beds in the bedroom, not that the other bed was often used.

  This was a three-bedroom house, and now Bens room had become the spare room of course, not that Ben used it much when he was alive though. Sally’s bed had all the damage to it, because despite being often used by three children, it was a fourteen-year-old bed, never replaced. This was therefore another reason why decoration was needed; the house was failing apart, and nothing ever got replaced. After dwelling upon the reality of her life, Sally decided it was time to go down and stop leaving her parents in the lurch.

  Upon entering the living room, after walking down the stairs, she noticed everybody had a drink already and were sat comfortably. The younger children were sat playing on the floor and the older children with the grownups were sat together on the couches.

  "A Little late! Get a chair from the kitchen Sally."

  "Will do Mum."

  As they sat down and discussed how their lives were going, Helen told them about their children’s toys, reluctantly.

  "You might as well take all our toys; we don't need them anymore."

  "If you’re sure, that is nice of you Helen, we could do with more toys in our house” Josephine replied.

  "That's great, there is clothes also if that helps." Helen just wanted to move on with her life, there was no point holding on any longer. She instructed Sally to go upstairs and bring all the toys down and they carried on chatting in the meantime, until a disaster happened. As they were sitting there talking, one of the children had what looked like a child’s cup in his hand which was from Helens cupboard. This cup had Dandelion and Burdock inside it, and the child was running around with the other children whilst holding the cup in his hand. Suddenly, the child fell onto the floor and the cup from his hands. Smash! Kwiatoslaw stood up from his chair and screamed at the top of his voice.

  "Noooooooo! You stupid child!!!"

  This boy was called Raphael and was only about six years old, and he stood up and looked frozen, about to cry. His parents looked at Kwiatoslaw, wondering what he was about to do, and then Helen grabbed her husband’s shoulders and looked at him. "In the kitchen, now!" Josephine comforted her little boy while wondering what all that was about. Meanwhile in the kitchen Helen was shouting at her husband, who was also crying.

  "He is only a small child! How could you shout like that? It's only a cup for goodness sake. We've got a lot more memories than a measly cup!"

  As he calmed himself down in the kitchen, Helen went back into the room and apologised.

  "I'm so sorry Josephine, he over reacted. It turns out that cup was one which he had bought for Ben a few years ago, and he saw that as a memory and blew everything out of proportion. I can assure you; he would never hurt any child."

  After saying this, she attempted to comfort Raphael.

  "Don't listen to my naughty husband, I've told him of. It was only a cup, do not worry about it. Sometimes adults are a little naughty, but I will make sure he makes it up to you, I promise."

  Little Raphael hugged his mum while looking at Helen, startled as he was.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Breakfast was finished and it was nearly time for work to be done. They all stood up and headed towards their designated place of work.

  "You can come with me Hannah. They'll teach you all the ropes."

  Aly did electrical engineering for the prison, which consisted partly in making machines, but also in helping the prison to not need an electrician when anything went wrong, as she understood how electricity worked. So, if the lights went for example, they might look to Aly rather than pay someone to come in and fix them.

  As they were about to leave the canteen door, Mrs Elliot was standing near it, shouting at prisoners and looking around the room. Aly looked at Hannah.

  "Here comes Ruffian. We call her Ruffian, because that's what she is, a rough bully."

  They attempted to walk past her, with her stern face as she looked at them as if they were dirt. Just as they got to the door, a smile came on Ruffians face and her mouth started to open wide.

  "Hannah. Ahar! You will be coming with me young lady. I'll be showing you what your work is for today, so you can abandon this wretch who's clinging on to you."

  It seemed like all their plans had been spoiled. No casual work, no having a laugh, the 'new girl' had to go with Ruffian, as they all called her.

  "See you later Aly."

  "See you later Hannah. You better not mess with Hannah!"

  Of course, it was predictable that Ruffian would mess with her, as she always picked on the new or the soft people. Anyone who was slightly 'too feminine' was pounced upon as if they were a target by this awful prison guard, who was as butch and stubborn as an ape.

  As they walked along the corridor, Ruffian was smiling and remaining silent. It appeared some plan was up her sleeve, probably a nasty one. Ruffian was about 6ft tall and kept her hair in a bun. She wore trousers unlike the other prison staff who wore skirts, and she wore a tie and had her top button done up. Always having a set of keys on her side, she loved to feel in control, and she seemed to have extremely big muscles whenever she did take her jacket of, unless it was fat. As they were walking, they suddenly stopped at the bottom of the staircase. Ruffian had a quick look around and noticed that nobody was in sight, then she took out a cloth from her pocket and a cylinder of polish.

  "Take these and kneel down."

  Hannah looked confused but complied.

  "Erm, Ok."

  Ruffian walked up a few steps and then sat down.

  "Open the polish and get to work, these shoes need polishing."

  Being the new scared person, she did as she was asked, and a few minutes went by. Another prisoner walked past.

  "You must be the new girl. Hahaha, I wouldn't fall for
that one again."

  Hannah felt embarrassed, and after this what would be in store for 'the new girl' next?

  "Put your back into it!" she demanded, until about fifteen minutes had passed when she stood up and they carried on walking.

  "Now, are you any good as sowing?"

  "Yes, why?"

  "You'll see. Follow me."

  They went into a room further down the corridor and sat down at a large clump of rectangular tables that had been pushed together. Ruffian opened a draw at the side of the room and pulled something out.

  "This is my cardigan from home, and it needs sowing, you get on with that and I'll be back soon."

  It seemed Ruffian was am awful character, getting Hannah to do all her dirty work for her. Was this even allowed? More to the point, did Ruffian care whether it was allowed? Probably not. Not wanting to risk confronting her, Hannah started sowing the scarf. It seemed like the best way to get by in prison was to keep her head down and cause no trouble. Trouble however was waiting around the corner no doubt. As she was sowing, she didn't realise that she'd sown the front of the cardigan to the back, doing more than just filling in a whole. In addition, she had sowed part of an exceptionally large whole, the one that was designed for putting the head through! Realising what she had done, it was too late to try and do anything. Footsteps were approaching, in came Rough Rogue Ruffian.

  ◆◆◆

  John was enjoying himself in this large size house, which he had lived in throughout his childhood. In through the windows blew the nice breeze as he sat in one of the bedrooms. This room was known as 'the green room' as the walls were green and the carpet was greenish. It was actually the room which had been his when he was a child and living with his parents, years ago. Having no desire to part with this room again, unless it was to be with Hannah who he had decided was his beloved, he was staying put it would seem. He lay there on his bed, after having opened the long yellow curtains which draped down to the floor. Taking in the breeze which blew into his face, distracting himself from the fact that he'd grown a little beard while hiding away in that house.

  After not shaving for about a week, he was thinking of letting it become a little thing, at least until it was time to visit the prison. No doubt he would have to shave to impress Hannah, who he always had tried to impress since knowing her. While sitting there, in his night clothes, there was a loud knock at the door. Rising from his bed, which he had been lying on for a good half an hour, he went down the stairs towards the door. Who could it be this time? Opening the door, he looked forward and saw a woman standing there, with a hat on her head and a wart on her face.

  "Aunt Qwendaline. Nice to see you after all this time. What brings you here?!”

  His Aunt did not look impressed. She was Jacks older sister, not that anyone could tell. After all, Jack was a kind merry man, whereas his sister was just the opposite.

  "Don't give me all that. You know why I am here. What has happened?"

  "I think you better come in Auntie Qwen."

  In she walked, as if she had a dress draping on the floor, even though she did not. She wiped a seat on the couch, as if it might be tainted, and then turned around and sat down.

  "So, what happened?"

  "An accident it seems. Dad ate a biscuit and he ended up dead. No-one really knows how that could've happened, but he got ill and reacted badly."

  With her head held high, so high as if a she were a draught with a draughts neck, she made her views known.

  "Well, I think it can be clear to any sane person. Hannah is no doubt the culprit. She married him for his money, money which is rightfully ours! Then she made sure it became hers and finished the job."

  "If this were on purpose, I hardly think she'd do it in front of all those people. And on his birthday? Surely not?"

  Rising from her chair, she was furious.

  "This should be my house now, so I will be staying here as of today."

  Looking at her with confusion, he had no idea what she could possibly be talking about.

  "When your mother died, he made a will that I would be the one to oversee and execute his will after his death. Well, here I am now, and this gold digger gets nothing!"

  "But that was before he got married again, so surely that changes everything?"

  "Yeah, yeah. I don't care. Listen! He didn't change his will, so as far as I'm concerned, this is now my house."

  He didn't know what to say, he was startled. There was only one thing for it, perhaps he could see what his other brothers thought about it all. Before doing so, he decided it best to try and deter his Auntie.

  "Well, if you think she's a murderer, you’re probably best staying away. After all, you could die any minute, you’re no spring chicken after all."

  "Shut up. I know what I'm doing. I don't know why other people can't just do things properly like I do."

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  "Is that cardigan ready yet? Give it here" Ruffian shouted. Taking the cardigan, she placed her head through the bottom, and getting so far, she realised there was a problem. There was suddenly a long pause. There was silence, as this woman was stood up with a cardigan half over her head in front of her, but no words and no actions, and no eye contact because her face was covered. After a good few minutes, she started to try and take the cardigan of, pulling and pulling and pulling. Turning her head sideways and forwards and backwards, she could not get the cardigan of. Hannah could not help but laugh. In the end Hannah opened the door.

  "Come with me, I'll get you some help.”

  As soon as they stepped out of the door, along walked another prisoner who Hannah recognised by face. Smiling at Hannah she winked and walked towards them. "Ssssshhhh" she said as she put her finger over her lip, telling Hannah to keep silent. As Ruffian was struggling and making strange noises, this random prisoner kicked her in the bottom and Ruffian suddenly went flying across the room and onto the floor.

  "See you later!" The other prisoner ran off and left Hannah there to deal with the consequences.

  After giving the cardigan a good pull, Hannah managed to get the cardigan of for her, but not to be greeted very well or thanked.

  "Are you OK Mrs Elliott."

  "Of course I'm not OK, someone just kicked me! Who was that?"

  "I don't know that prisoner."

  "Get out of my way! Back to that room! How did this happen? You've ruined my cardigan!"

  Afterwards, Hannah started to try and undo the mistaken stitches, but Ruffian had decided she'd had enough of her.

  "Oh, just get back to your cell. I'll find someone else to do it, someone who's not going to mess it up."

  Free at last, she decided it was time to have a wonder around. Perhaps she could find Aly? While walking through the corridor, she saw another prisoner. This prisoner was cleaning the floor and walls with a brush and a cloth, aided by a bucket of water.

  "Hello, what's your name. I'm Hannah."

  "I'm Samantha. I usually do the cleaning around these parts, especially when other prisoners have been writing on the walls. Why are you in here? I'm in here because I killed my husband."

  "Wow, I'm in here for the same thing, except that I had no intention of killing mine. He died from poison apparently, but I've never used any poison or intentionally put it into any food."

  "Well, I can assure you that I certainly did intend to kill my husband, do you want to know how I did it?"

  Things were about to get gruesome. Hannah was now hanging around with and getting to know the real criminals, some of whom were proud about what they'd done. This did not seem like the kind of place for Hannah. Looking into the eyes of this woman, the eyes of a killer, she decided it best to sound like she was taking an interest.

  "How did you do it then?"

  Upon pausing she then decided to answer.

  "All I'm going to say for now, is that he was screaming in agony and I was laughing. He deserved it! No man gets in my way. I wouldn't blame you if you did kill you husb
and. All men are pigs, and I'd happily do it again. It's actually a very thrilling feeling that runs through your veins when you kill a man as he's looking at you. It makes you feel so powerful. You've ended it all, hahaha."

  Hannah stood up from the floor and started walking away.

  "See you around later Samantha, I've got a few things to do."

  While walking away she kept looking back, curious about this woman. How could anyone enjoy something so evil, like killing?

  While they were sitting there, Alison turned up, Alison who had always flirted with Jack.

  "Hello Alison, meet my Auntie Gwendoline. Auntie, meet Alison, an old friend of my Dads."

  John greeted them, and then they filled Alison in on the information, who decided to comment her view after Gwendoline's was already clear.

  "I agree with you Gwendoline I must say. That Hannah was a gold digger, well too young to actually love Jack properly." John then interrupted her.

  "Hannah is not like this. But I have warned my Auntie, that if she thinks Hannah is capable of killing three people, which nearly became four, then maybe she should watch out and not wind Hannah up."

  Alison looked around the house, as if she wished it was really hers instead. That nice high ceiling with that lovely hanging down light chandelier, all those rooms, that lovely carpet under their feet and everything else. If only she could have married Jack, so she wished. Then it would've all been hers.

  "So. You are the executer of Jacks will? That's great. Make sure you cut Hannah out, you don't want her receiving anything, think of your nephews and nieces instead, like John."

  After a long talk, Alison and John stood up and they walked to the front door. While standing there she quizzed him in private.

  "Does Hannah know that your Aunty is around now then? What does she think of it?"

  "No, not yet. I've asked them to try and get her to ring, so she'll probably ring today if all goes well."

  "Ok. I'm sorry about what's happened to your Father, it's just a shame isn't it? That conniving little witch. Why couldn't she just eat the biscuit as she was asked? Then we wouldn't have this problem. But oh no, if she'd put poison inside it, then she wouldn’t she, because she knew."