by Coleen Kwan
Somehow she felt he wasn’t telling the entire truth, but she had no desire to push it further. Otherwise, she might have to ask herself why she had kissed him.
“Okay,” she said.
After a brief silence, Caleb asked, “Well?”
“Well, what?”
“It’s your turn to answer my question.”
The glimmer in his eyes made her swallow. “You’re toying with me now, because you must know what the answer is. Or”—she smiled mischievously—“maybe you’re not such an expert on women after all.”
He snickered. “I never claimed to be an expert on all women.” Sobering, he reached over and brushed a stray curl away from her eyes. “And for your information I enjoyed the kiss, too, even though I know I shouldn’t have started it.”
“I’m not blaming you.”
“Good.” He finished his coffee and rose to his feet. “I’ll fix your enclosure now. Shouldn’t take long.”
“Thanks.”
She made an effort to inject lightness into her voice. The last thing she needed was Caleb thinking she was hung up on him. He was only here to help her find a date, someone she could take to her college reunion, someone she could also build a future with. Caleb didn’t see marriage or children in his long-term future. Falling for him would be disastrous and futile, and leave her with serious heartache. She couldn’t go through that pain all over again, couldn’t afford to fall for the wrong guy again.
But the taste of him lingered on her mouth, the perfume of forbidden fruit. Strange how the world worked. If her date with Ryan had turned out better, then Caleb wouldn’t have kissed her. Given the options, what would she have chosen? A successful date with Ryan or a fleeting kiss from Caleb?
Chapter Twelve
Caleb led Derek into the walk-in closet. “This is just finished. See, there’s display cases for women’s shoes and handbags, and LED lighting. What do you think of the joinery?”
“Very nice.” Derek, a much-sought-after furniture maker and designer, ran a practiced hand over the set of drawers in the middle of the room. “I like the walnut. Good workmanship here.”
“Yeah, Gus is one of the best. But I had to wait a few days for him, which means I’m slightly behind schedule now.” He had workmen lined up for all the remaining jobs, but he’d have to put in a lot of hours himself to have any hope of meeting his deadline.
“I hear Oliver Marsh was blowing his own horn at the bar the other day,” Derek said. “He was boasting about how he’s almost finished his house and that he was a shoo-in to be Bill Baker’s new junior partner.”
Caleb’s gut knotted. “Empty bragging. Bill Baker hasn’t made a decision yet, or he would’ve told me.”
“If you need anything from me, just say so. You know I’ve got your back.”
“Thanks, buddy.” He’d already helped today by delivering the paint Caleb had run short on but didn’t have time to get himself.
“By the way, Hannah and Amber are organizing a cookout at the lake this Saturday evening. You’re coming, right?”
“Depends on how far I get with my work.”
Derek grimaced. “I hope you can make it. Amelia’s seen more of you than we have lately.”
“True. Well, I’ll try my best to be there.” He hadn’t spent much time with his friends in a while, and the girls’ cookouts were always tons of fun.
“All right, I suppose I’d better let you get back to work.”
“Wait, there’s something I wanted to ask you.” He flicked a speck of dried grout from one of the tiles. “You know who Ryan Claybourne is, right?”
“Yeah, sure. Seems like a straight-up kind of guy. You set him up with Lily Baker, right?”
Caleb nodded. “The thing is, everyone seems to view him as a boy scout and all, but do you think he could be an idiot sometimes?”
“Ah.” Derek folded his arms and quirked an eyebrow. “I’m guessing you’re referring to what happened last Sunday on his boat.”
“You know about that? Has Ryan been blabbing to everyone?” Caleb’s hands balled into fists. “What the hell did he say about Lily? If he’s been bad-mouthing her, I swear I’m gonna—”
“Stand down, King Kong. It’s not what you think. Ryan only told Amber yesterday, which is why I know. The guy was embarrassed, felt it was all his fault. Must be hard, falling overboard when you’re trying to impress a girl.” Derek chuckled. “Poor guy. Apparently, he felt so bad about how the date went, he sent a bouquet of flowers to Lily’s work yesterday.”
Caleb’s spine cricked as he straightened. “He did?”
“That’s what I heard, and then he called her and invited her to the girls’ cookout, and she said yes.”
“Right.” His throat stung as he forced the word out.
“So you see, you don’t have to worry. Ryan’s a decent guy, and it sounds as if he really likes Lily.”
“Huh.” It felt like a giant fist had wrapped around his throat and was slowly squeezing all the air out of him. “Hope you’re right. There’s some real jerks out there.”
Derek shot him a frown. “Buddy, it sounds like you’re jealous of Ryan.”
“I’m just looking out for Lily.” Caleb twisted his neck, trying to throw off the invisible hand that seemed hell-bent on strangling him.
“Are you sure that’s all? You don’t have a secret thing for her?”
“Come on, man. You know me and women. I don’t have to spell it out.”
Derek slowly scratched his jaw, ignoring his outburst. As his oldest friend, Derek often had a way of seeing through his bullshit.
“Yeah, I do know you and women,” he said calmly. “And I’ve never seen you like this with any woman before.”
“Lily is just a friend I’m helping out. I don’t have a thing for her, secret or otherwise.”
Derek held up a hand. “Okay, I hear you. I’ll back off.” He reached out and softly punched his shoulder. “But remember, you’re not as tough as you make out, and one day you’re going to meet a girl who’ll knock you off your perch, and when that happens it won’t be as bad as you fear. In fact, you’ll find it amazing.”
Caleb scowled at him. “I like my perch just fine, thanks.”
“All right, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Derek grinned before leaving.
Alone, Caleb continued to glower. No way was he ever going to let a girl “knock him off his perch.” The idea was ridiculous. Sure, he thought about Lily a lot, and he enjoyed kissing her, but he didn’t have a thing for her. He liked her, and he was determined to find her that perfect boyfriend she deserved. And if Ryan was that guy, then great. Mission accomplished. Lily would be happy, her dad would be happy, and he’d be happy. Really, he would.
…
Caleb checked himself in the rearview mirror of his pickup truck and smoothed down a piece of hair that was sticking up. It was just a casual cookout by the lake; no need for him to worry about his appearance. He looked fine in his chino shorts and red cotton shirt. He wasn’t there to impress anyone.
He glanced out the windshield at the picnic spot where the cookout was happening. Near the edge of the lake a fire glowed in the thickening dusk, throwing up flickering sparks and lighting the faces of the people gathered around it. Laughter and chatter and the scent of onions and barbecued meat carried on the evening air. Lily was there, somewhere, along with Mr. Fantastic, aka Ryan. His stomach tightened.
Why am I even here? He shook his head. He was here to catch up with family and friends, and to look out for Lily, that was all. Nothing to do with feeling annoyed. Plus, it would be a nice break from the long hours he’d put in this week. Amber had been pleased when he told her he was coming after all.
He grabbed his six pack of beer, got out of his truck, and sauntered toward the party, making sure his shoulders were relaxed, his gait unhurried. Several friends greeted him with a cheer. His sister kissed him, and Derek grinned at him.
“Hey, buddy. Glad you could make it.” Derek wa
ggled a pair of tongs. “Come and help me with the barbecue.”
Caleb cracked open a beer and followed his friend to the fire where several other people had gathered. He knew them all. They stood around the fire, grilling sausages and shooting the breeze. It was a familiar, lively scene. He should’ve been right in his comfort zone, but Lily and Ryan were constantly distracting him. As he’d neared the fire, he’d spotted them, sitting at a nearby table. Lily had given him a faint smile of recognition when she’d first noticed him, but since then it seemed she was too engrossed by Ryan to care about anything else. And Ryan appeared to be just as engaged with her.
As the evening wore on, it didn’t get any better. Ryan stuck to Lily like a burr. Even when everyone was together, eating and talking and laughing, the guy never left her side. And worse, Lily seemed to enjoy the attention.
At one point Amber leaned toward Caleb and whispered in his ear, “See? I told you Ryan would be great with Lily tonight. Look, he’s toasting a marshmallow for her. Isn’t that sweet?”
Caleb tried not to grind his molars. “Huh, I guess so, if you like that kind of thing.”
“She’s not your average girl, is she?” Amber tilted her head, her attention still on Lily.
Caleb gazed across the fire at Lily. She was dressed in her usual quirky style, tonight in a denim skirt with big red buttons, purple striped tights, vintage Hi-top sneakers, and a canary-yellow purse. And her lucky barrette was clipped into her auburn curls.
“Yeah. She’s an individual, all right,” Caleb replied, still staring at Lily. She was independent and smart. She’d gone through some rough times in her life, but that hadn’t soured her. Or scared her. She knew what she wanted from life, and she was brave enough to go after it, even if it meant exposing herself to more hurt. She was braver than a lot of people he knew, including himself.
And it looked like she was close to getting what she wanted. Ryan was attentive, upstanding, solid. He was the perfect guy for Lily, not just for her college reunion but for the long-term. For the husband and family life she yearned for. Yup, everything looked rosy. And it was all due to him. So why did he feel like he was flailing in deep water?
…
Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Caleb turn and walk away from the party gathered around the fire. Her spirits flagged. He’d barely said two words to her all evening, and whenever she’d sneaked a glance at him—far too often than she should’ve—there was a brooding expression on his face. Not at all like the passion-hazed look when he’d kissed her last Sunday. She was ashamed to admit she’d dwelt on his kisses all week, reliving the way his lips had skimmed over her cheeks, the quick thud of his heart when she’d touched his chest, the soaring sensation that uplifted her. The connection between them was searing, and more than just physical. If only he hadn’t stopped…
“You okay?” Ryan’s voice broke through her tumultuous thoughts.
Lily swallowed. “Yeah…”
“You look a bit flushed. Maybe we should move away from the fire.”
Oh God. How awful of me to dwell on Caleb when I’m with Ryan. Must try harder, much harder.
“Okay, sure.”
She stepped with Ryan away from the fire, seeking the cool shadows of a nearby tree. A waterbird flew across the lake, its wings skimming the water. In a clump of reeds a bashful frog started its mating call. Away from the cookout, the evening was soft and quiet. A romantic setting straight out of a Hallmark movie. She tried to relax, to be in the moment. But her nerves refused to settle. Glancing back at the party, she couldn’t make out Caleb’s tall, broad-shouldered figure. Maybe he had gone home. Or maybe he was chatting with another girl somewhere in the dark. Her stomach cramped.
“Are you warm enough?” Ryan asked. “Want my jacket?”
“Actually, I’m feeling a little tired. Do you mind if we left now?”
“Of course not.”
It wasn’t much past ten, but she was feeling drained. The cookout had been fun, and most of the people she’d met had been very pleasant, but from the second she’d spotted Caleb strolling in she’d not felt at ease. For a moment the thought of spending the evening with Caleb had made her heart soar, until she remembered she was on a date with Ryan. To make matters worse, apart from a brief greeting, Caleb had made no effort to talk to her. He’d seemed deeply preoccupied, and she’d wondered whether he was having trouble finishing the house her dad had allocated to him. She’d wanted so badly to ask him, but the opportunity had never come up. Now she was knotted with tension and longing for her bed.
They said their goodbyes to the others—Caleb was nowhere to be seen. In Ryan’s car he put on some quiet music and drove her home without speaking much. She was grateful for his silence. Ryan was a good man. She’d learned more about him from seeing him interact with his friends at the cookout, and she liked him a lot. By any standards he was a great catch.
When they reached her house, she climbed out before he had a chance to open her door, and together they walked to her front door.
“I don’t suppose you’re going to ask me in for a drink?” Ryan said lightly as she unlocked the door.
“Oh…” She paused, the door half open, her brain smothered in fog.
“That’s all right. Some other time, then.”
“Uh…” Damn, she was making a mess of this. The date couldn’t have been nicer. Going to a casual cookout was much more her style than a fancy restaurant. Ryan had been so attentive to her, hardly leaving her side, and talking her up to all his friends. They’d toasted marshmallows and she’d told him about Noodles and he’d wanted to know all about bearded dragons. Tonight had been the date she’d always dreamed about but never experienced, and he deserved a better ending than this.
She cleared her throat. “Ryan, I had a wonderful time tonight, I really did. Everything was just perfect.”
“Better than last time, then,” he said jokingly.
She chuckled to show him there were no hard feelings.
Ryan’s expression grew earnest as he edged closer to her. Lily looked up at him. All right, he was going to kiss her. Did she look suitably sensuous? Not cross-eyed, she hoped, or constipated. His shadow fell over her. Okay, then. This was really happening.
His lips landed on hers, moved around experimentally. She held her breath, waiting for that rush of heat and magic to swoop over her. Nothing. She opened her lips slightly, and Ryan put his hands on her shoulders. This was quite pleasant…but shouldn’t she be feeling something much more?
She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrated on the man holding her. She wanted this kiss, she really did. But something was holding her back. Maybe she should stop thinking and just throw herself into the kiss. She pressed herself against Ryan, desperate for the faintest flicker of lust. But there was nothing, and no way to cover it up.
Ryan lifted his head and gently let go of her.
Lily could barely meet his eyes, but she forced herself anyway. “I…I’m sorry.” No point trying to cover up the fact that their first kiss had been nothing but an embarrassing letdown.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“No, I—I really am sorry. I— You deserve better than that.”
“Lily, it doesn’t matter. It was probably too soon, that’s all.”
He was being so nice about it, which only made her feel worse. “Probably,” she mumbled.
“I’ll call you later.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Lily.”
“Goodnight.”
She went inside and shut the door. Ryan’s car purred off into the night. She walked into her bedroom, flopped onto her bed, and pressed her forearm across her eyes.
Why had Ryan’s kiss left her stone cold? What was wrong with her? He was everything she’d ever wished for and more. He was decent, intelligent, generous, plus he was a very handsome man. If she asked him, he’d go with her to her college reunion, she was sure. Maddie would adore him, her father would approve of him, and she’d be able to hold her h
ead high.
So why couldn’t she feel anything for him?
Because her heart belonged to Caleb.
She was in love with Caleb. Hopelessly, stupidly in love.
Her chest constricted as she finally admitted the truth. Hot tears trickled down the sides of her face, a cathartic release after the pressure of denial. She was in love with a man who didn’t believe in love, who didn’t want to be tied down to one woman, who didn’t see a happily-ever-after in his future. Trust her to lose her heart to the one man she couldn’t have, the one man she shouldn’t have.
He liked her, desired her, she was sure of that. She hadn’t mistaken the lust in his eyes when they kissed, the hardening of his body. She turned him on. If she wanted, she could have an affair with him, and it would be out of this world, filled with passion and laughter and intense joy. But it would be short-lived, because Caleb didn’t love her. Sooner or later he’d grow tired of her and want to move on, and she’d be left with the cold realization that no man would ever measure up to him.
But wouldn’t it be worth it? Wouldn’t she rather have a burst of glorious sunshine for a few hours than live in the shadows all her life?
She sat up in bed and drew her knees to her chest. What if she told Caleb how she felt? What if she were completely honest with him? How would he react? He’d probably reject her in that teasing way of his. God, she’d never be able to look him in the face again. And what if he became her dad’s partner? She’d spend her entire life trying to avoid him.
She couldn’t risk the rejection, the mortification.
No, the only solution to her problem was to pretend it didn’t exist.
Chapter Thirteen
“Well?” Dolores rested her hip against Lily’s desk and waggled her eyebrows. “How did it go?”