by Dziekan, PJ
Annie sighed. She set her bottle and empty plate on the coffee. “I want to ask you if we can band together.” She looked directly at Sarah. “Can we join your group?”
Sarah turned her head to look at Mick. She couldn’t read what he was thinking. “I don’t know,” she finally said, turning back to Annie. “I don’t speak for everyone.”
Annie tilted her head and smiled. “Really?” She laughed a bit. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“I’m not in charge,” Sarah denied. “Besides, why do you want to team up with us? You seem to be doing fine.” She motioned with her head to where Elaine sat with Dominic. “You’ve kept Elaine alive and…and…” Her voice trailed off.
“We’re not fighters.” Annie’s voice was soft. “We’ve lost our fighters. We’re barely surviving. This ham? It’s just about the last of our food.” She shook her head. “We won’t last much longer.”
Sarah looked at Mick again. “We’d have to talk it over with everyone else,” he said.
“You’d have to find a vehicle,” Sarah added. “No bikes.”
“Couldn’t we just stay here? Travel’s not easy for Missy right now.”
“Here?” Sarah repeated, her eyes wide. She shook her head. “This is too small.”
“You’re finished eating, right?” Annie looked at Sarah’s plate. “Although you didn’t eat much.”
Sarah’s eyes moved to her plate, more than half full. “I’m done.”
Annie pushed away from the table. “Let’s take a walk.”
Sarah glanced at Mick then stood. When he moved to stand, she shook her head. He watched as she picked up her plate and carried it to where the kids were gathered. She avoided Michelle’s eyes as she set the plate on the coffee table in front of them. “I’m full, guys. Finish this for me.” She ruffled Mikey’s hair as she moved past.
“You’re the same as me,” Annie said as they walked into the hall.
“How so?’ Sarah asked, stepping over a pile of dirty clothes.
“You don’t eat enough. You give your food to the weaker members of your group.”
Sarah shrugged. “Where are we going?”
“Outside.” Annie unlocked the stairwell door and held it open. Sarah stepped into the landing and waited. Annie released the automatic lock on the other side and came through the door, her flashlight in hand. “We’re going up.”
Sarah followed Annie up two more flights of stairs, her flashlight bouncing off the walls, making eerie shadows that made Sarah’s nerves jump. When the light flashed on the word “Roof” on the door, Sarah breathed a sigh of relief. Annie pushed open the door and Sarah blinked in the late afternoon light.
A small plot of dirt, choked with weeds, ran along the far wall. A few plastic chairs were scattered near a table on its side, gently rolling back and forth in the breeze. Sarah moved onto the roof, walking to the edge and peering over the side.
She pulled her head back then realized she couldn’t be seen by the mass of zombies shambling three floors below them. She looked over again, watching the creatures mill about, many surrounding an SUV parked in the middle of the street, an old-fashioned boom box sitting on the roof. “That’s your distraction?”
“Yes.” Annie was at her side. “Joe came up with it. One of us, usually Claire since she’s so quick, sets the timer for five minutes. It was Grant’s idea to use a rap CD. He thought the voices would draw more.”
“Who’s Joe?”
“My husband. I lost him about month ago along with Dawn and Thomas.”
“I’m sorry.”
Annie smiled briefly. “Thank you.” Her eyes searched Sarah’s face. “I’m sure you’ve lost people as well.”
Sarah’s hand twitched, moving to cover her belly. She formed it into a fist. She simply said, “Yes.”
Annie watched her for a moment then looked back over the teeming mass of bodies below. “Joe wanted to build a fortress here.” Her voice was steady, but there was an undercurrent of pain. “This town is built right along the river. No one could sneak up behind us. He thought we could take these tall buildings and make bridges between them, so we could avoid them on the ground. When he died, and Dawn and Thomas, so did all our hope.” She turned to Sarah, her eyes glistening. “Please say you’ll stay,” she begged. “We need help.”
Sarah rubbed her forehead. She wished she had some Excedrin, but they left that at the farm. “I’ll need to talk to my people.” She looked out over the horizon. She thought she could just see the edge of the water.
“You can stay here tonight. We cleared the whole building, so you can take your pick of apartments.”
“Thank you.” Sarah looked down at the zombies. There were quite a few, but not so many that they couldn’t be eliminated. She blew out a breath. “I need to get back.”
“Yes, of course.”
♦
Dessert was in full swing when they got back. Annie headed back to the table to enjoy her peaches. Mick stood as soon as they walked in and made his way to Sarah. “Everything OK?” He whispered.
Sarah nodded. “Gee, I’m sorry I missed dessert.” She eyed the peaches distastefully.
Mick laughed. “No, you’re not. Maybe next time it will be pineapple.”
“That would be good.” She caught Ryan’s eye and motioned him over.
He forked in the last of his fruit and joined them. “What’s up?”
“We can stay here tonight in one of the other apartments. Figure out what to do in the morning.”
“Sounds good,” he said. “Want me to go find one?”
“No, you stay here and get everyone ready. Mick and I will scout one out. We’ll come and get you when we’ve found something.”
♦
They headed down the hall, turning the corner. The smell here was more tolerable, so they decided to try the first apartment. Mick opened the door to 3A and they stepped inside. As he flicked on his light, Mick finally spoke. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She flashed him a guarded smile. “What?”
“Missy.”
The smile disappeared. She turned on her light and moved it around the room. “I’m fine, Mick.”
“You’re not. You can’t even look at her.”
“I’m fine.” There was a bite to her words.
He took her arm and turned her to face him. “You’re not fine,” he spat. “I’m not fine.”
Sarah’s eyes widened. “Mick –”
“I look at her and I think about what we lost. I think that I’ll never get to see you like that.” He released her arm. “I look at her and I hate myself for letting you go in there, for not being able to protect you.”
“Mick,” she whispered. “Don’t.” She touched his stubbly cheek.
He grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to her fingers. “Don’t shut me out, Sarah. Talk to me.”
She swallowed and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they glistened with tears. “It hurts.” Her voice was raw with emotion. “Every time I look at her, I wish I’d never left you. I wish I would have stayed behind like you wanted. And I hate myself for taking that away from you.” Her voice broke. “It’s my fault.”
He drew her into his embrace. “Shh. It’s not your fault.” He wrapped his arms around her and felt silent tears against his chest. “It’s not your fault, babe.”
“It’s not yours, either.” Her voice, thick with tears, was muffled against his chest.
They stood together, taking comfort from each other, until her tears subsided. She pulled away, still loosely within his arms and wiped the wetness from her cheeks. “Annie wants us to merge groups. Set up a place here.”
Mick shook his head. “No, we can’t. Not if seeing her will cause you pain.”
She smiled sadly. “I’ll get over it, Mick.” Her voice was even. “After I lost – after it happened, I couldn’t look at the kids without hurting. I couldn’t look at Ryan without being pissed at myself. God help me, every time I looked into your eyes
, I hated myself for losing our child.”
Mick winced. “Babe, I never meant –”
“You didn’t,” she interrupted, her hand coming up to rest on his shoulder. “It was all me. But I accepted it. I got over it. I can do that here, with Missy.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I do.” She surprised herself with her answer. “I do,” she repeated. “We can take over these apartments. If we can’t clear out the zombies, we can build bridges between buildings and put gardens on the roofs. We can make a home here. Not as good as what we lost, but it could be a start.” She stepped forward, resting her head on his chest. “I’m so tired of running.”
“I know, babe.” He rubbed her back, dismayed at how thin she had become. He swore he could feel each individual bone in her back. He kissed the top of her head. “If you want to stay, we will.”
She lifted her head and looked into his deep blue eyes. “We’ll take a vote. But I think the others may want to stay, too.”
They explored the apartment, finding two large bedrooms and one smaller one. A decent sized living room, a small kitchen and a non-functioning bathroom filled the rest of the space. They found little in the way of personal effects of the previous tenants, other than a few discarded photos and assorted clothing. Sarah wondered if they made it to their destination safely.
“I think this will be good for tonight,” Mick said as they exited the apartment.
“Yeah.” Sarah switched off her flashlight. There was enough light in the hall to see. “We’ll ask the others tonight about staying. They can sleep on it. If they say no, we’ll leave first thing.”
“I think you’re right.” Mick opened the door of the dining apartment and motioned her in. “They’ll want to stay. They’re tired.”
“Aren’t we all?” Sarah stopped just inside the apartment. The kids were dozing on a sofa, Christa keeping a sleepy eye on them. Sarah smiled at her as she moved into the room. Donna, Missy and Elaine sat on the other sofa, quietly talking. Grant, Jack and Dominic were near the useless television, looking through DVDs scattered on the floor. Michelle, Steven, Bobby and Ben were in one corner, laughing together. Sarah and Mick bypassed them, heading to where Annie, Claire, Ryan and April were talking.
“We’ll stay in 3A tonight,” Sarah announced.
“OK.” Annie opened her mouth to say more, but closed it. Sarah could see in her eyes that she was going to ask them to stay again, but decided not to.
“Let’s get our stuff and get settled while there’s still a bit of light.” Sarah addressed the room.
Everyone said their goodbyes, with promises to talk more tomorrow. Jack carried Mikey; Mick took a sleeping Elizabeth while Ryan carried Lily. Sarah watched as everyone left, Mick leading them to the apartment. “Get the kids settled, then we’ll get what we need for tomorrow morning.”
“Do you ever relax?” Annie asked from beside her.
“I can’t afford to.”
♦
Once the kids were settled into a room and the supplies hauled up, Sarah gathered the adults in the living room. “Annie wants our groups to merge.” She looked around at the people standing, sitting, leaning against the walls. “She wants us to stay here.”
“Why don’t we?” Steven asked.
“There are reasons for and against,” Sarah said. “They have no fighting experience. They’re nearly out of food. They’ve pretty much survived by dumb luck and the skills of people who aren’t with them anymore. They have members who could be a liability, like Elaine and Missy.” Her stomach clenched. “We’d have to take on that as well as teaching them how to fight.”
“And the good?” Dominic asked.
“We could make this place safe. Most of the zombies are concentrated in one area. We can get rid of them. Build a barrier or something to keep them out.” A wave of fatigue washed over her but she put it aside. She wasn’t finished. “One member of their group had the idea to build bridges between the buildings. If we can’t get rid of the zombies, we can do that.” She looked at Ryan and Bobby, the ones who knew how to make things work. They both nodded. “We can put gardens on the roof. We could do OK here.”
Most everyone started talking at once, a confused babble of noise. Sarah held her hands up. “Whoa. Sleep on it. Let me know what you want to do tomorrow. Majority rules.” She turned to Ryan. “Want to set the watch schedule?”
“Do you think we need one?”
“For now.”
“OK, then.” The group was large enough that not everyone had to take watch every night. They settled on a rotating schedule, with only four people losing sleep each night. Tonight’s crew were April, Dominic, Bobby and Steven. “If we set it up right here, no more watches,” Ryan said to the group.
“Just think about it,” Sarah said before she moved off to the small bedroom.
♦
Sarah unwrapped the plastic from her twice used tea bag as the water boiled on the camp stove. The morning was when she thought about Becca the most, how they’d talk over a cup of tea for her, coffee that was mostly sugar for Becca. Girl talk, without the guys butting in. She smiled as she remembered her friend.
“Why are you smiling?” Mick asked with a yawn as he walked into the kitchen.
“Thinking about Becca.” Sarah poured water into a chipped mug. She dropped the damp bag into the water and began to dunk it. “How she mothered the hell out of us.”
A sad smile crossed Mick’s face. “She did. She kept me sane when you were in Sugar Creek.”
“I think she’d want to stay here.” She peered at her weak tea, realizing that it was as dark as it was going to get. She looked up at Mick. “She wanted stability.”
“We all do, Sarah. I just don’t want it at a cost to you.”
She smiled. “Thanks for worrying, babe. But I’m fine.” She stretched up and kissed his stubbly cheek. “Let’s see what everyone thinks.”
The pros and cons were discussed again, with everyone weighing in. When people started repeating themselves, Sarah called for a vote. The vote was unanimous to stay. Only Mick hesitated, looking at Sarah before voicing his agreement.
“We’ll go meet with Annie and tell her the news.” Sarah motioned for Ryan and April to join her and Mick. “The rest of you, unload what’s left in the vehicles. Then check the other apartments. We can’t all stay in this one.”
“How many apartments, do you think?” Michelle asked.
“At least one more.” Sarah looked around for differing opinions. “Maybe two.”
Michelle nodded. “We’ll get on it. Do you want to eat before you go?”
Before Sarah could decline, Mick spoke up. “Yes, we’re starved.” She turned her head to glare at him. He smiled guilelessly.
After breakfast of fried canned potatoes and apple pie filling, Sarah, Mick, Ryan and April went to Annie’s place. Sarah knocked. She visibly flinched when it opened.
“Oh, hi,” Missy said. “Come on in.” She moved aside. The group filed in, Sarah being sure she didn’t brush against her protruding belly.
“Is Annie here?” Sarah asked, her eyes skittering around the room, looking everywhere but at Missy.
“She’s washing up. Can I get you something?”
“We just ate.” April picked up on Sarah’s discomfort. “Don’t let us keep you. Go back to what you were doing.”
Missy scratched her greasy head and smiled. “Claire and I are going to wash our hair. Mine is so greasy, but I’m not looking forward to the cold water.”
“We have a camp stove you could use to heat the water,” Ryan offered.
“Really? Oh, that would be awesome!!!” Missy exclaimed.
“I’ll get it for you after –”
“We’ll wait outside for Annie,” Sarah interrupted, her voice abrupt. “Can you tell her that, please?” Without waiting for an answer, she left the apartment.
She leaned against the wall, breathing deep. “Are you sure you want to stay here?�
� April asked, the first person out after Sarah.
“Yes, I’m sure.” At April’s dubious expression, Sarah continued. “I’m fine. It just smells in there.”
“Yeah, it does,” Ryan echoed. He closed the door. “That’s why I figure they could use the camp stove.”
“That’s not it.” April moved closer to Sarah. “Are you OK?” Her voice was soft and full of compassion.
The door opened and Annie stepped out, saving Sarah from answering. Breathing a sigh of relief, she stepped around April. “Annie.”
The older woman was drying her hands with a dingy towel. “Hello, Sarah.” She swung her gaze to the rest of the group, greeting them all by name. She turned back to Sarah with a smile. “I remembered this time.”
Sarah returned the smile, but she wasn’t interested in small talk. “The group has decided to stay.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“We have some conditions,” Sarah warned. April and Ryan looked at each other, then at Mick, who shrugged. Sarah had never mentioned conditions.
“What are they?”
“You and your people need to learn to fight and salvage. We’re not going to carry you.”
Annie nodded. “I’ll get Ben and Claire and you can teach us.”
Sarah shook her head. “All of you.”
“But Elaine’s too old and Grant can’t see and Missy can’t do it in her condition.”
“Is Grant blind?” April asked.
Annie shook her head. “His glasses were broken when we had to run. He can only see about two feet in front of him.”
“So we find him glasses,” Sarah said. “Everybody learns to fight. We all can, even the kids.”
Annie looked doubtful. “OK. But I think Missy shouldn’t have to, at least not until the baby—”
“Now.” Sarah’s voice was firm. “She has to learn now.”
“How far along is she?” Ryan asked. He missed Mick’s glare, warning him off the subject.
“We don’t know. She realized she was pregnant a few months after it happened, as well as we can determine. No one’s been keeping a calendar.” She shook her head. “Her boyfriend died early. I thought we were going to lose her, too, but she’s tough.”