by Tina Marie
“Ma, fuck this shit, I been telling yo’ ass I got you. Now let’s go. If you need anything from inside this bitch grab it because you not coming the fuck back. Ya ass moving if I have to tie you up and throw you in the trunk and force you. I’m tired of playing wit ya’ ass.”
I could see the rage in his eyes and I knew he really wasn’t playing wit me so I shut up. I wanted to offer some lame reason why I couldn’t leave or go with him but something told me to just give in and let him take control. Even though I knew I shouldn’t have I trusted him, well at least to take care of me, anything else was a toss-up. I at least wanted to know where I was moving too but the way his fists clenched as he walked through my crib let me know now wasn’t the time. I slowly started packing up my clothes and gathering my personal papers, so I could leave all of this behind. Now my life was in someone else’s hands.
I guess I was taking too long because Chaos came in snatched shit out of my hands. Once everything was outside I stood there looking around letting the tears flow. This place may not have been shit to anyone else but it was my refuge, my home. When I left Juice it was a step up and represented my independence. “Let’s go, leave this shit where it’s at. All those tears, sadness all that shit ma, it ain’t worth it, you moving up not back.” He picked me up careful not to hit my wounds and carried me the fuck out.
8
Chaos
When I went to go check on shorty her ass had ghosted all of us at the hospital. I didn’t even want to worry Ashlee with this shit so after I checked with Nicco that they didn’t have her I drove around trying to figure out where the fuck she was at. When I rolled up seeing her in front of her place I felt my heart hurt. Shorty looked traumatized, like she had been through the fire and back. When I felt her body shut down I knew some shit was wrong, I mean more than just what she had already been through. She was just giving up. I couldn’t even lie if I said that seeing the way they did her spot had me feeling some type of way.
Driving through the streets to my place I glanced over at Cay curled up in the seat next to me. I had given her my hoodie to wear because the night air was chilly and I hated seeing her nothing on but a fucking gown. I fucked a lot of females over the years, even had a “girlfriend” or too but what I felt for Cay was different. Seeing her fucked up in the hospital had a nigga feeling some kind of way. I had to face the reality that if something had happened to her my fucking heart would have been hurt. I actually cared about her and that was a first for me.
Pulling inside the garage I sat there a few minutes just watching her. Her face was scrunched up in her sleep and she had her tiny hands fisted. I knew going forward shit wasn’t going to be easy. She had been through a lot, some of that shit was still unknown but I was going to get to the bottom of it all. Believe that. Unloading the car I left her until last. My mind was on the information I had come across when I put my ears to the streets, and my money. Money always talked and this was no exception. I knew I needed to get back with Nicco asap, he got snakes on his team and this shit done went beyond someone skimming profits or snitching. If I verify this shit is true I’m killing niggas whole fucking families.
Bringing Cayane inside last I took everything off of her before putting her in a warm tub of water and washing her up. She didn’t say a word, the pain meds had her half gone and the stress was controlling the parts of her that was aware. Taking her out I gently dried her off and put one of my True Religion tees on her. I didn’t want her wearing shit from that house honestly but I had to grab her some panties. If she left that fat ass pussy out all night I was going to be taking advantage of her in the worst way.
I barely had food in this bitch since it was just me and I ate out or at Nicco crib most of the time but I knew her ass was starving. Her stomach was making noises that no one’s should ever make. “What you want to eat,” I asked shaking her slightly?
“Umm, Chinese food please, orange chicken, lo mien noodles, egg drop soup and extra fortune cookies.” She closed her eyes and rolled over on her side. A few seconds later she was snoring. Ordering shorty food I knew she probably wasn’t ‘bout to eat all that shit but fuck it I didn’t care. Whatever she wanted, she could have.
I sat in the dark living room just thinking, I was a nigga who enjoyed the quiet when I had a lot of shit on my mind. It helped me come up with a plan because these cats who just be jumping around making noise all the fucking time usually turn out to be reckless and always end up in fucked up situations. Hearing a knock on the door I went to grab the food. Seeing my phone light up and Ashlee’s name flash across the screen I knew her bitch as husband couldn’t keep his fucking mouth closed.
“Thanks,” I said paying the delivery guy as I swiped right on my cell. “Yo,” I answered with an attitude.
“Ca’shon is she with you, why aren’t you out there searching for her. She is my best friend and no one told me she was gone until now. I am leaving Kah with Nikki and coming to help find her.” Ashlee was losing her damn mind on the other end of the phone. She was the definition of hysterical female lately. I saw how close to the edge she was earlier when she was beating the hell out of Olivia, even though I wanted to break that bitches neck for what she had did to Cay. Now Ash was having a complete meltdown on my line.
“Yo cuz calm the fuck down. All that shit you doing for nothing, I told Nicco not to say shit to you because I had it handled and I do. She good, I got her and she bout to eat and sleep. You can talk to her in the morning when you bring Kah to me. Go take a Xanax or have a drink. Lately you been acting like you need some dick or something. Nicco not hitting it the right way,” I asked being an asshole?
The line was totally quiet and I thought her ass hung up on me. “Chaos I hate ya’ ass but thank you for finding my bestie. Don’t fuck wit her, I will come and get her in the morning.” With that she hung up with a bunch of false dreams in her head. Shorty wasn’t leaving my shit period, this was her crib now. I didn’t want her staying wit someone feeling like a fucking burden, trying to find a way to run away and get her own. I was giving her, her own.
“Cay,” I called softly once I went upstairs to give her the food. She must have smelled that shit because she jumped up and smiled. It was the first smile I had seen on her face in a while and it made a nigga feel warm inside like a fucking bitch. I almost wanted to drop her shit on the floor just to get my feelings back right. I couldn’t be out here like a bitch nigga with feelings and shit.
“Thank you, not just for the food, but for everything. You came for me, twice. I don’t know why you did it but I appreciate it. No one has ever come for me before.” I just nodded keeping a serious look on my face. Sitting on the edge of the bed I watched as she buss the food down. Wasn’t shit left when she finally finished. I guess she really was hungry. I thought about what I had found out about Olivia and considered telling her. But I knew now wasn’t the time. I just didn’t want to keep secrets and shit since I just got her back in my life.
“Chaos, I just wanted to thank you again. I really appreciate you.” She was laid back half asleep but trying to thank me.
“Shh, get some rest ma, you good.” I pulled the covers over her and kissed her on the top of her head.
“But, I love you,” she mumbled as sleep took over. Hearing her say that had a nigga feeling like I was punched in the chest. I wasn’t ready for that. Making my way into one of the guest rooms I took a shower and passed the fuck out.
Cay had a rough few days so Ashlee kept Kah a little longer. Shorty literally did nothing but eat and sleep and have nightmares, she would wake up screaming day and night. It was fucking wit my head because I hated seeing her in so much pain. I had to handle business so I had been gone for most of the day. “Yo Cay, you good ma,” I asked as I jogged up the stairs.
“Stop, please leave me alone. Please don’t do this,” she cried out in her sleep. Her face was filled with sweat mixed with tears. Not giving a fuck that I had my clothes on I jumped in the bed next to her and took her in
my arms. I had been avoiding being close to her because honestly I was scared as fuck about what she had me feeling but I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“You good ma, I’m here and that nigga can’t touch you again.” I ran my hands up and down her back under her shirt and felt her relax a little. I dint know what the fuck to do so I just started kissing her on her neck and her cheeks hoping that would comfort her.
“Sorry,” she said trying to wiggle out of my arms. I held on tighter not wanting to let her go. I loved the feel of her, all soft and curves. I swear I missed that shit. Laying her on her back I leaned over her trapping her body with my legs.
“Sorry for what? This shit not ya’ fault and a nigga been trying to be there for you. Stop pushing me away, just let me be who you need. You know I fuck wit you the long way.” She looked up at me with her pretty brown eyes and I just wanted to protect her, love her.
“I umm, I don’t want to burden anyone. I feel better now so you can let me go.” She smiled a little and I felt my dick get hard. She was sexy as fuck even with a bullet hole and bruised up body. Realizing her ass was distracting me I moved over a little but still held her in my arms.
“Cayane you need to tell me who tried to rape you. Ma that nigga needs to get touched.” She was already shaking her head in denial but I couldn’t keep letting this shit go. Since I had a lead on who the shooters where I knew that the rape shit was someone different and I couldn’t let that shit go. Picturing another nigga touching her had me hot.
“Owww, Ca’shon you’re hurting me,” she cried out and I realized I was squeezing the fuck out of her arm. She knew what it was though because she dropped her head in deep thought. “Look I really don’t want to relive this Chaos. He didn’t rape me, but he tried. It all happened so fast. I came home and he was waiting, grabbed me and, well anyway I fought back. Then the shooting happened and he ran, left me there to die.
The way she said the last part confirmed she knew who the fuck it was. It couldn’t be the bitch ass nigga from her job because I splattered his brains on the sidewalk. I wasn’t really aware of any other dudes in her life. Was she fucking someone else while she was fucking wit me? I couldn’t even be mad because I never made us official. Hell shorty thought I didn’t even like her ass.
“You still not telling me who, and before you tell me some dumb shit I know you know who the fuck it was. Don’t fucking play wit me Cayane.” I brought my face close to hers so she knew I was dead ass serious.
“Juice,” she whispered. “He was mad because you had Kah wit you. He wanted to get to our son, make him understand that he was his father. Punish him for loving you, punish me for allowing it. He was so angry, he wasn’t going to let me go. Nothing was going to stop him. The shooting saved my life.” She curled into a ball and cried. I swear that shit was breaking a nigga all the way down. Juice was already on my hit list for some day but his ass just got bumped up to priority.
“That nigga got to go ma, I ain’t Nicco, I don’t give a fuck how any one feels about that shit at all. He’s as good as dead as soon as I catch his ass.” She nodded into my chest as I pulled her closer.
She turned her face to me and started kissing me. I didn’t even feel good about fucking shorty with how she was feeling so I tried to keep shit calm. That was some punk shit to be taking advantage of her when she was down. “Nah ma don’t do that,” I said as her hands made their way to my belt buckle.
“My bad,” she said and I could hear the hurt in her voice, when I glimpsed her face I saw the rejection and sadness. Fuck! She pulled herself away and was getting up before I could even process what the hell had happened.
“Where the fuck you going,” I growled as I snatched her back to me. She kept her face hidden, I guess she was embarrassed by how she was feeling. “Yo look at me,” I said forcing her head up. “What you think I don’t want you?” I could see from the look on her face that was exactly it.
Pushing her down I let her feel my body, how she had my man on brick. “Cayane, I want yo’ ass. I think about fucking you the minute I wake up. Every time I see yo’ sexy ass in my bed, sleeping in nothing but silk panties and my t-shirt, I want to slide up in that fat pussy.” Slowly I kissed her neck, then her collar bone. Snatching the shirt off her I sucked her right breast then her left before going further.
Making a circle with my tongue around her belly button I could see her juices gushing out of the light blue panties she had on. I wasn’t into doing shit like this but for her it felt right. She was squirming and her breathing was heavy. I had her ready to cum before I even touched her because she was clenching her legs shut. “Baby, open up for me,” I coached as I spread her legs apart. Pushing her panties to the side I slowly licked her pearl that was swollen and ready. Sticking one finger in her tight pussy I sucked on her clit causing her to moan in pleasure.
Once she came twice back to back I made my way up her body kissing her, letting her taste herself. I wanted to fuck her so bad that shit wasn’t funny, but I wasn’t going to. “I want yo’ ass, but I respect you. I can wait until you’re healed because I’m a real man. But don’t ever doubt that I want you Cayane,” I said as I watched her emotions play out in her eyes.
9
Cayane
I woke up to Chaos snoring next to me. He had his head on my pillow and his hand was on my belly like he somehow knew our baby was in there. Just the thought had me moving his hand a little to the left. I wasn’t ready to tell him about the baby and I still didn’t know about keeping it. I had a roof over my head for the moment, but my son didn’t even have a pair of pants or a coat. All his stuff was gone except for what he had at his God moms and that still fucked with my head.
“Yo what you over here over thinking,” he asked popping his head up. I shook my head to say nothing. “Naw I know ya’ ass, you probably trying to find a way to run away again. But let me tell you this, try it and I am whooping your ass. I mean it straight like that, Im’ma get a belt and beat ya’’ ass like a child that stole something.”
I giggled until he kept mugging me and I knew he was serious. Turning my giggle into a pout, I rolled over and gave him my back. “Girl stop playing and go get dressed. I miss my little man he gotta come home today.” He slapped my ass and I felt the cold air hit my skin as his warmth left.
I was dragging out of the bed at first, but then I thought about having my son with me and got myself together fast. I missed him so much it physically hurt. But I also knew I had to take the time to heal some before having him back full time. Showering I was happy that I was healing, but annoyed at the scar the bullet left. No wonder why Chaos didn’t want to fuck me. This shit looked hideous. Once I was out I looked through the plastic bins of my clothes that we brought. Some of my shit was missing, but they left behind what I had in the totes in the closets and my under clothes. I pulled out an olive green fitted Nike jogging suit and a pair of sneakers to match. Looking in the mirror I sighed at my hair. I needed it done, along with my nails, toes and eyebrows. I was looking kinda scary right now. Using the brush and some gel I got it all in a ponytail that satisfied me and I was ready. I missed having all the conveniences of home and felt displaced as fuck right now.
“Yo’ let’s go we got shit to do,” Chaos rude ass said as he came in the bathroom without knocking. Rolling my eyes I grabbed my purse and motioned towards the door letting his impatient ass know I was ready. Following him outside I wondered which vehicle we were taking because there was a few in the driveway and in the garage. It was a bit warm out for me to have on a sweat suit but I didn’t have many fucking options at this point. Stopping to look at myself in the camera of the camera of my new IPhone and frowned. Chaos was next to me looking like a fucking super star and I looked homeless, which I was. “Fuck you frowning ya’ face for, you are looking good as fuck for real. You always do,” he said palming my ass.
I smiled on the inside, I swear I couldn’t get enough of him. He had my heart and pussy thumping at the same time. If
it weren’t for Kah I would have took him back inside and showed him something. “Here,” he said tossing me some keys. I damn near dropped them on the ground.
“What are these,” I asked looking skeptically at the keys he threw me? One was a fob with a symbol for Benz on it and the other two looked like regular keys.
“Your keys, house keys, and car keys. Yo’ ass driving by the way.” He walked to a cocaine white Benz that was parked at the end of the driveway and I felt a grin involuntarily cross my face. I couldn’t even accept this shit but the thought and sight of it made me happy.
“You know I can’t take this Ca’Shon. It’s way too much,” I protested. He just leaned up against the passenger side of the car and folded his arms. I loved the way he didn’t talk too much. Some of these niggas chatted like bitches. He used his eyes to say what he wanted before his words, and his eyes were telling me to shut the fuck up and get in the car.
“Ma let’s go, this ya’ shit, it’s in ya’ name and its girly as fuck so what Im’ma do with it anyway?” Bark barking the alarm I opened the door and slid into the peanut butter leather seats. I could live in this fucking car it was that nice. Hitting the push to start it silently came to life. I stared across at him not having a clue where we were headed. “Head to your hair shop, you got an appointment with Kisha at nine.”
Driving I didn’t really want to go to the hair shop, I didn’t have enough money to get my shit done. My extra funds needed to buy my son clothes. But I was embarrassed to tell him that. I didn’t want him to think I was asking for money and shit, especially since he just got me a whip. I almost bounced around in my seat thinking about the car. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. A nigga never did no shit like that for me in the past.