by Molly Harper
I kept my head up and my ears alert. I wanted to hear him coming if he decided to rush me from behind. I couldn’t shift here out in the open. I didn’t know if there were witnesses or security cameras around. I reached into the side pocket for the cannister of silver spray Alex had given me. I closed my fingers around it and held it near my thigh so Greg wouldn’t see me with it.
An old red El Camino pulled into the library parking lot. Dick hopped out and made a beeline for me. I turned to see whether Greg was still following me. I hated the idea that he might learn my name by virtue of Dick. But he wasn’t there. Given the way the library door was swinging, I wondered whether he’d seen Dick and decided he didn’t want to tangle with the older vampire. Or maybe he knew that Dick was a Council representative? Either way, I was glad he was gone.
As Dick approached, I slowed down, not quite sure how he would respond now that I wasn’t part of the “circle” anymore. Apparently, he saw the uncertainty on my face. “Oh, sweetheart, c’mere,” he said, opening his arms.
I hugged him fiercely.
“If I had to breathe, this would be a real issue,” he wheezed.
My voice was muffled by his t-shirt, which read, “Don’t Worry. I’ll Make This Awkward For You.” “Sorry. I just didn’t know if any of you would want to talk to me after everything with Alex.”
“Oh, Buttercup, no. That’s not how this works. You’re ours now, whether you’re dating Alex or not. If it makes you feel better, I threatened to kick his ass all the way back to France,” he said.
“It does, a little bit.”
He pushed me back a bit so he could see my face. “Is that why you haven’t come around?”
“Well, I didn’t know if I would be welcome. And then you didn’t call, so I just thought—”
“We were trying to give you space!” he cried. “Jolene said you were taking the breakup really hard. Oh, man, is that why you haven’t been taking Jane’s calls just now?”
“Jane’s been calling me? What’s going on?”
Dick grimaced. “The music school’s burning down.”
I tried to dash across town before Dick stopped me and drove us over in the El Camino. The school was fully engulfed by the time we got there. There would be no saving it. And he’d just re-opened it. I jumped out before Dick came to a full stop.
Alex was standing in the parking lot, arms crossed as he watched the volunteer fire department aiming hoses at his building. Bright red spray paint scrawled across the pavement, “LEAVE HALF-MOON HOLLOW OR ELSE.” Jane was there, talking to someone in a fancy firefighter’s uniform, while Dick took a seat in the back of the El Camino, filling out paperwork.
When he saw me, I forgot about our stupid argument or how angry I’d been just a few hours ago. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. “I’m so sorry for the things I said,” I whispered.
“No, I’m sorry. I know how hard it is to break free of a difficult family. I pushed too hard.”
“I should have been braver,” I insisted.
“We were both wrong,” he agreed. “Though maybe I was a little less wrong in the grand scheme of things.” I pulled back to glare at him. He shook his head. “Right. Not the time.”
“Your school,” I sighed. “And you’d just re-opened it.”
“It’s insured,” he said. “And the instruments inside, too. Though I’m glad to have video to show the insurer to prove I didn’t do this myself. They’re probably starting to get suspicious,” he said, pulling out his phone. “When you pointed out how silly it was not to have a camera on my business, I installed one there, on the utility pole.”
He showed me footage where a single person was painting across the pavement at lightning speed. He was some sort of supernatural creature, moving that fast. But there were so many of us in the Hollow, it was impossible to guess what kind. He was smart enough to hide his face. I couldn’t see his hands, to check for the wrist mark.
“I just want to point out that my mother now knows about you,” I said. “Just to put the ‘it’s my family’ theory back in the running.”
“I’m sure your family didn’t do this. Unless you believe they would hire an arsonist to burn down my school.”
I pursed my lips. “Let me think about it.
Tonight was the night.
I was supposed to meet Dick and Andrea at the apartment to sign the lease in an hour. I couldn’t put it off any longer. I couldn’t make more excuses. I was leaving home and my family would just have to accept it. Of course, there was always the option of moving out and not telling them…
No, that would be cowardly. And I’d probably end up on the werewolf version of a milk carton. I didn’t know what that was, really, but it was bound to be unpleasant. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Daddy asked.
“I’m leaving.”
“What time will you be home?” he asked.
Mama stared down at my hands, dread drawing her features back into a grimace. “Why do you have bags with you?”
“I’ve found an apartment in town. I’m going to live there now.”
“You wouldn’t.” A hoarse whisper rose from Daddy’ recliner. “You wouldn’t do that to us. Not even you.”
All of the color had drained out of his ruddy face. His pupils were practically pin pricks. He looked terrified. To my surprise, my father wasn’t just upset or angry. “You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t shame me like this. You wouldn’t do this to me.”
“I’m not doing anything to you, Daddy. I’m doing this for me.”
“That’s not how we do things in this family!” he barked, shooting to his feet.
“I love you both. Lord knows you haven’t given me much reason to over the last couple of years—”
“What are you talking about! All we’ve ever done is work ourselves to the bone from you!” Mama cried.
“I love you,” I said again. “But I can’t keep living like this. I need to live like an adult. I need some control over my life. I’ll call you after I get settled.”
“This is all because of that vampire, isn’t it,” Mama exclaimed.
“What vampire?” Daddy yelled.
“This has nothing to do with the vampire,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“What vampire?” Daddy yelled again.
“I’ve been dating a vampire.”
I stood back and waited for Daddy to explode, but to my surprise, it was Mama that went off. “What do you mean you’re dating a vampire?”
I gaped at her. She was glancing nervously at Daddy. And I realized, she was pretending not to know about it. To save her own skin, she was willing to blatantly lie. And that was the moment I knew, my relationship with my mother probably wasn’t salvageable. I had to leave. And Mama would have to live with her lies and the consequences. I couldn’t try to protect her anymore.
“That’s right, I’m dating a vampire. A really old one,” I said. “And while we’re at it, are you the one who destroyed Alex’s music school?”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” Mama demanded. She turned to Daddy. “I told you. I told you this would happen. First, Jolene marries a human and then she moved off of packlands to live in that house next to the vampire lady. I told you where that would lead, but no, you spoil that girl! And this is where it leads. The whole pack is ruined.”
“Nothing is ruined,” I told her.
“Well, don’t come crying to me when he bites you and leaves you for dead!” she cried.
“No problem,” I said, starting towards the door.
Daddy caught me by the arm and tried to drag me back from the door. “All you had to do was go along, date Donnie. Even you shouldn’t be able to mess that up.”
“Also, why do you keep saying ‘even you?’” I asked, shrugging him off. “By the way, Donnie is not at all interested in me. He just got married to a very nice mountain lion shifter and they’re ecstatic.”
“The whole wo
rld’s gone crazy,” Mama whispered. “But that’s still not as bad as dating a vampire.”
“What’s so wrong with dating a vampire?”
Mama pulled a disgusted face. “They’re unnatural and wrong!”
“We’re unnatural and wrong! I don’t know if you know this, but most people can’t turn into giant wolves!”
“We don’t hurt people!” Daddy yelled.
“Last March Madness, you waited outside an Applebee’s and bit a U of L fan on the ass because he cheered too loud,” I countered.
“This isn’t about me, it’s about you and your ungrateful, lying ways,” he said, he tried to shove me back towards my room, but I planted my feet. “I won’t let you do this. I will lock you in this house until you come to your senses.”
“Is that really how you want to live? Would you really rather have me trapped in your house, instead of just living on my own?” I finished. “Is that really what you want?”
“You know what happened to me when I left,” Daddy insisted. “You know how we were barely accepted back and now you want to put us in danger again? We could get kicked off the packlands right along with you.”
“Uncle Lonnie would never do that to you. As long as you want to stay, you know he’ll let you.”
“Don’t act like I should be grateful for that. I have a right to be here!” Daddy thundered.
“Then why did you leave?” I asked.
“Because I wanted to see what was out there!” he cried. “It was something I just had to do. I was always going to come back. They knew that. I should have been able to do what I wanted, as the Alpha. They should have held my place.”
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. I may not have been the biggest supporter of pack structure and life, but even I knew that’s not the way it worked.
“And when I came back, they told me I could pick any spot I wanted for our place. Like I would want any place but the farmhouse. I didn’t want to wake up every morning and see what I should have had.”
“I thought they gave you this spot on the outside of the compound,” I said carefully. “That’s what you always told me!”
“No!” he yelled. “I wanted to be as far away from my brother as I could get! I didn’t need his charity!”
My whole life, I’d thought that my parents had been ostracized by the family, that my being born had somehow led to their marriage, their punishment, their unhappiness. They’d told me that they’d been forced to take this spot as a reminder that they were barely accepted back into the fold. But my father had chosen his distance from his brother. How much of his so-called “mistreatment” had been in his own head? In mine? Since I was a child, I’d thought I couldn’t trust my family not to reject me. How many of my perceptions were wrong and how had they led to the state of my relationships with them?
I still didn’t want to live on the compound. I still wanted my own life, on my own terms. But maybe I wasn’t risking quite as much as I thought.
Daddy continued. “You’ll be worse off than Jolene. We only let her back on the compound every once in a while because she has the kids. You’re not even gonna have that if you date a vampire.”
“I’ll bet that’s news to Uncle Lonnie,” I scoffed, reaching for the doorknob.
“If you do this, that’s it,” Mama told me. “No coming back.”
I nodded. “I know.”
I walked out of the trailer, with my backpack on my shoulders. All of my aunts and uncles were waiting outside, probably drawn in by the noise. I braced myself for the yelling, the pitchforks, but they just stared. Uncle Lonnie was waiting, too, but unlike my parents, he looked sad rather than anything else.
I cleared my throat and adjusted my grip on my bags, ready to run. “Uncle Lonnie, I’m sure you heard. I’m going to leave. I’ve found an apartment in town. I’m going to live there. I know this is probably going to make you unhappy as my Alpha. I’m ready to accept the consequences.”
While there were mumblings and whispers all around us, to my shock, my family stayed quiet. And Uncle Lonnie? He didn’t yell. He didn’t even look mad. He just opened his arms to hug me and kissed my cheek. “If you don’t want to be part of the pack anymore, that’s up to you, Tylene. I won’t say it doesn’t hurt, but pack life has never been about keeping people somewhere they don’t want to be, no matter what my sisters say. It’s about making a place for everybody, making them feel loved and needed. If you don’t feel that here… that has to be awful. And I’m sorry we didn’t do a better job.”
“I don’t want to leave, necessarily. I just don’t want to be pinned down and have no options.”
“Well, I can’t recommend living like Jolene, half-in and half-out. I’m sure it’s painful for her. But I’m grateful to her for making the effort. I just love seeing the twins,” he said. “But I want you to know that you’re welcome back on the compound any time you want. I don’t care what your parents say.”
Warmth and relief flooded my chest and it was a hell of task, keeping my tears at bay. “I really appreciate it, Uncle Lonnie.”
“Call me when you get settled in,” he said. “Let us know where you land.”
As I walked down the stairs, Lonnie called, “Let her through!” And my aunts, uncles, and cousins parted for me, their expressions grave. I walked down the pebbled road faster than I thought possible.
Carrying my suitcase up the stairs of my new apartment building, I didn’t quite believe I lived there. I knocked on the door and Dick opened it seconds later. He gave me a confused smile.
“You’re knocking on your own door?”
“Doesn’t feel like my door yet,” I told him.
“Well, it is,” he said, dropping a keyring into my hand. The plain old housekey was attached to a little plastic plaque that said, “Inconceivable!” in bright red medieval font.
I snickered as he tugged my hand and led me through the door. “Funny.”
My new apartment was not a palace, but it was mine. I looked around the empty room. The walls were painted a soft, impersonal white. All of the rooms were so empty they echoed whenever I moved. But it was mine. I could come and go whenever I pleased and not have to ask permission. I could put whatever I wanted on the walls. I would decide when and what to eat. I had all of the authority and if I paid for it, it belonged to me.
“Did you rent a truck?” Dick asked, peering behind me into the parking lot.
“No, I didn’t need one.”
“Well, where’s your stuff?”
I raised the shoulder carrying my backpack and waved my suitcase. “Right here.”
“But what about furniture? And the rest of your clothes?”
“The great thing about not really owning much is makes moving super-simple. You don’t need to bug your friends for help!”
“Well, you can’t stay here with no furniture!” Andrea exclaimed.
“Sure, I can. I’ll get some pieces in here tomorrow. I’ll get to go shopping. It will be great.”
“Well, we wanted to do something for a housewarming gift for you, so we stocked your fridge. It’s only enough for a few days, but it will get you started. Zeb told us what a werewolf can go through in terms of groceries in a week.”
Andrea opened the fridge with a flourish and showed me shelves filled with produce and meat.
“Thank you so much,” I said, throwing my arms around her neck.
“Meadow left you some plants as a welcome.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet,” I said grimacing. “ But I will kill them.”
“We can take them to Iris,” Andrea told me.
I pressed my lips together as I nodded. “Please don’t tell Meadow.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come stay at our place for a night? It would be a lot more comfortable for you,” Dick said.
“It’s important for me to stay here tonight, on my own. I made a pretty big step today and I don’t want to take another step back by relying on someone else.”
�
�I get it.” Dick kissed my forehead. “I don’t like it, but I get it.”
“Goodnight,” I told them, hugging Andrea tight. “Thank you for everything.”
“Sleep well,” Dick told me, and they closed the door behind them.
Surveying my new digs, I pulled my phone out of my backpack. Alex picked up on the first ring. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything is fine,” I assured him. “I have news.”
“Lately, ‘news’ has all sorts of horrifying potential,” he said.
“I have a new apartment,” I told him. “I didn’t want to say anything until it was all settled, but I literally just moved in a few minutes ago.”
“What!” I heard noises like he’d dropped his phone. “When did this happen? Do you need help? Can I come by and see it?”
“Just a few minutes ago, no, and no,” I said. “I’d like to have some time to fix it up first.”
“What about your family?” he asked.
“Um, not happy, but I’m not fully disowned. Uncle Lonnie said I can come back any time. But I won’t. I’m already in love with it.”
“I’m very happy for you,” he said. “Very proud. I know this wasn’t easy.”
“You’re right and thank you.” I paused. “I don’t want to tell you I love you for the time first over the phone. That seems weird.”
He cleared his throat. “You’re right. I should definitely wait to tell you I love you too when we see each other next.”
I smiled. “I’m glad we have that settled. Goodnight, Alex.”
“Goodnight, Tylene.”
I hung up the phone, turning in a circle, squealing. Even though it was only nine, I was exhausted. I’d been through a lot of emotions in the past few hours. I shifted into my wolf form, which was far more comfortable with sleeping on the floor. I balanced my muzzle on my backpack. Fortunately, my warm nature kept me from needing a blanket.
Every movement echoed in the empty space. I had no furniture. I didn’t even have a glass to drink water from. But it was mine. All mine. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I felt lighter than I had in years.