THE KING OF TROY
Now it happened one morning as Bill was shepherding his little flockacross the downs, whither they loved to ramble on a fine summer's day,that Hannibal, Quentin, and Boadicea came running up to him with thewonderful tidings that they had discovered a real golden crown lying onthe top of a hayrick. Bill hastened to the spot, and there, sure enough,was a most beautiful crown, ornamented with what he took to bepriceless gems. Looking all round and seeing no one to whom it mightbelong, he climbed the rick and attempted to remove the treasure. But,try as he would, it still resisted his efforts, until at last, with onemighty wrench, he seemed to elicit a groan from the depths of the rick,and presently the crown arose apparently of its own accord and disclosedthe head of an aged man firmly fixed therein. Soon his neck, then hisshoulders appeared, as gradually the old fellow lifted himself from hisplace of hiding and climbed down the sides of the rick and stoodtrembling in the midst of the children, who now wonderingly gatheredround him.
Having recovered from his agitation, and being greatly encouraged byBill's kindly inquiries and genial manners, the royal old boy proceededto account for his strange appearance on the downs.
'Prepare yourselves, you bantlings, and you, their noble curator, forthe most astounding revelations; and those of you who are nerveful orsoftish in any way, hide your chubby heads in this old rick, that noword of my story of woes may enter your ears and so curdle your simpleminds.'
At this young Chad and some of the others set up a terrible hullabaloo,but Bill soon comforted them, and then, seated in a circle on the grassaround the old fellow, they made themselves comfortable and prepared tolisten to his story.
'Are you all fit?' demanded the old gent. 'Yes,' shouted Bill and hischarges in reply. 'Well, here goes then.' And he commenced his tale inthe following way:--
'I am that King of Troy who ruled over his subjects with such wisdom andjustice that the greatest happiness prevailed amongst them!'
HE CLIMBED THE RICK]
'We've heard that before,' murmured Chad, but ignoring the interruption,the King of Troy continued his story:--
'Safely protected from baseness of every description, from robbery, fromthe ill effects of envy, and from unworthy tricksters of every colour,by the stern, yet just rule under which they happily lived, the Trojansthrove and pursued their various trades with unvarying success. Allamassed a considerable fortune, and as their wealth increased, so didtheir pride in the beloved city of their birth. All contributed mostwillingly to the upkeep of their sovereign, and the ever-increasingstate which I was expected to hold was paid for down to the lastfarthing by the noble fellows.
'The well-meaning creatures at length gave no rest to their poor oldking, and as their prosperity grew, they raised him to a more and moreexalted, and at the same time increasingly uncomfortable, position abovethem. Heavier and heavier grew the robes of state to suit the swellingdignity of the city: more and more overloaded with gold, with jewels,with filigree silver and enamelled bronze became the crown, until soponderous had grown the regalia that I could hardly support it. But nopity had the gallant lads. Mistaking the signs of my gradually droopingspirits for the signs of undue modesty, they slapped me on the backagain and again, and with joyful shouts endeavoured to instil into mydejected soul some of their own abundant ardour.
'With my own personal dignity, the number of ceremonials and functions Iwas expected to endure also increased. Town hall after town hall wasbuilt, and bazaars without end were held especially to be opened bymyself. But in time even this doubtful relaxation ceased, and so highdid my subjects raise me that few of them dared to approach me, and thenonly on bended knees. As for speaking familiarly with me, none had thetemerity to attempt it. Perpetual state I was now compelled to keep, andnever for an instant permitted to leave my throne or doff my royalrobes, except for one short hour in the morning to perform ablutions inthe regal tub, and even then I was not allowed to remove my crown.Seated on my throne from morning until night, overburdened by the weightof my crown and the heavily brocaded and bejewelled robes, I felt aslonely as a stranded limpet in the middle of the Sahara desert.
'At last things came to such a pass, that, except perhaps to bring mefood or drink, not one of my subjects would dare to draw nearer than tothe outer door of my ante-room, and even there they would fall upontheir faces and grovel in the dust and quake, so that the very clickingof their bones could be distinctly heard from my place upon the throne,as they trembled in every joint.
'Ah, how I missed the old days,--the cheerful cup of tea, the pipe ofbaccy and the homely game of dominoes with that primest of all PrimeMinisters. How gladly would I have snatched from the royal board thedainties now prepared for me,--the asparagus truffles, the prawncutlets, the anchovy jelly, and suchlike, and hurled from me the trivialand shimmering mass, tweaking my old rascal of a waiter by the nose, andcalling for a hunk of bread and some cheese. Even my sparkling andfrolicsome old chum, the Prime Minister, had seemingly quite forgottenour loyal chumship and never appeared before me now except upon hishands and knees and with his head bent low to the ground. And what of myold friend the Secretary of State? Where were his gibes, his playfulfancies, his quirks and rare conceits, the droll! Alas, only rarely nowcould I glimpse the rogue, and with real sorrow did I see his erstwhilebonny and jovial old face distorted by expressions of the most abjectservility. And that respectful mute, the Minister of Education, does hedream that I forget his winsome pranks and jokes? Does he imagine for amoment that those glorious evenings, when the four of us used to meetand gladden the very stars by the sounds of our joviality, were nothingto me? Alas, in my solitude what would have befallen me but for thosesweet memories!
HE COMMENCED HIS TALE]
'One evening the Prime Minister appeared on his hands and knees at thedoor of the throne-room, bearing on a little plate upon his back theslight supper that was served to me in this strange manner everyevening. With drooping head, and visibly quaking with awe, he graduallycrawled near, and when at the foot of the throne placed the supper (amere anchovy truffle on toast) before me and fell flat on his face,writhing at my feet.
'Who can describe my feelings as I bent over him and witnessed thisdegradation, this prostration before me, of one who had revelled withme, who had slapped me on the back in pure amity, and who, in days ofyore, had gambolled, frisked, and carolled the most enchanting gleeswith me. A great hot tear fell from my left eye as I gazed, and thestartled wretch leapt to his feet as it splashed upon his bald crown andtrickled down its glossy sides, leaving a red and glowing spot where ithad fallen. No words of mine could describe the misery expressed on theface of the unhappy man as he took one hasty glance at me, full of thedeepest meaning, and rushed from the room weeping bitterly. Alas! he,too, remembered.
'No heart had I now for the anchovy truffle, nor indeed for the toast,both of which I tossed lightly from me. I gave up my mind to mostmelancholy reflections. Night drew on, and one by one I could hear theministers and domestics creeping up stealthily to bed, and at nineo'clock all the electric lights in the palace were switched off, and Iwas left in total darkness and in solitude. Still I brooded on mythrone, unable to sleep for the weight of my robes and for the sadthoughts that passed through my mind, and mechanically counted the hoursas they stole slowly by.
'At length the clock in the hall downstairs struck eleven, and as thelast beat echoed through the empty rooms, a light appeared underneaththe door opposite the throne. Little heed did I give to this at first,imagining that one of the ministers, on retiring, had omitted to removehis boots and leave them in the hall, and was now returning to placethem there. The light, however, remained, and to my increasingwonderment some one tried the handle of the door, which was then openedvery cautiously and in there crept, on hands and knees, my old friendthe Prime Minister. As soon as he was well within the room and hadquietly closed the door, he leapt to his feet and executed the mostastonishing capers that were ever danced. With the liveliestsatisfaction expressed all ov
er his mobile features, he pirouetted roundthe room with the greatest animation, and daringly accomplished thegiddiest somersaults that were ever turned. At last, nearly exhaustedwith this vigorous performance, he ran up to the throne, grasped me bythe hand, which he wrung most heartily, and for all the world was hisgood old self again.
'He now bade me follow him, and in utter silence we both crept out ofthe throne-room, through the ante-room, down the stairs, across thehall, and out by the front door into the garden.
'We now traversed the terrace and crossed the tennis lawn, and steppinggently across the Rhododendron beds, scrambled as carefully as possibleover the barbed-wire fence and found ourselves in the kitchen garden.Passing through innumerable beds of cabbages, beetroots, turnips,brussels sprouts, and broccoli, we at last stood in front of an oldbroken-down hen-house. The Minister knocked very gently three distincttimes and gave a low musical call, which was immediately answered fromwithin. The door now opened just sufficiently to admit one person at atime, and the Prime Minister crept in, dragging me after him, and thenclosing the door as quickly and as quietly as possible.
'You may imagine my surprise when I discovered my two other old croniesseated amongst the hay newly strewn on the floor, the fat old roosterschortling wisely the while on their perches in the roof of the shed. Twoor three candles, that were glued with their own fat on the stakes thatwere driven securely into the ground, together with an old stablelantern suspended from the roof, served to light up the interior. Asquat and homely kettle was simmering cheerily in front of some glowingembers in the centre of the floor awaiting the brewing of a stout cup oftea, and the dominoes were all ready for a rattling game as of old.
'Nothing could exceed the joy of the dear old boys, as they gripped meby the hand and punched me first on the chest and again on the back frompure joy, forgetting all the awe with which they had regarded me for solong since, and only remembering the many happy times we had spenttogether in days of yore,--those far-off happy days, before I had beenso terribly, so uncomfortably exalted by my subjects.
'As soon as I had made myself pretty comfortable, the Minister ofEducation reached up, and taking one of the old chickens from its perch,quickly killed it, plucked it and trussed it, and then, suspending itover the embers by a piece of string from the roof, turned it round andround gently until it was done to a T.
'What a time we had in that old shed to be sure. After demolishing thechicken we played the most exciting games of dominoes until we weretired of them, then cats' cradles, then honey-pots, and then touch wood.And what could have been more refreshing than those cups of tea! Andwhat more invigorating than the Pontefract cakes, the slabs of cocoanutice, and sheets of almond hard-bake that we crunched between the games!And the songs and choruses with which we shook the crazy old hen-houseto its rotting foundations! My word! How we trolled them out!
'When our joy was at its height, and we were carolling the inimitablechorus of that more than glorious old song of the country-side, "Waitingfor the Guinea Fowl," we were suddenly reminded of the approach of dayby the loud crowing of the old cock over our heads, and peeping at onceout of the door we perceived that already the dawn had advanced andlightened the eastern sky.
WHAT A TIME WE HAD]
'Without a moment's hesitation, the guttering candles wereextinguished, and I was hurried back to the palace. But only just intime, for as I mounted the steps of my throne I could hear the lazysteps of the boot-boy as he unwillingly crawled downstairs to his work.
'In the course of the day the Egg Counter to the Royal Household wasdragged grovelling before me, complaining that the foxes had stolen oneof the chickens under his care. I ordered the treasurer to disburse 9d.for a trap and dismissed the grinning churl, who little guessed thebreed of foxes which had made away with his bird.
'Night after night the four of us, unsuspected of any, now sought thehen-house, and forgot the harassing troubles of state in the pure joysof friendship. After killing, roasting, and supping off one of the birdsas on our first meeting, we abandoned ourselves to the heartiestrevelry, only to be awakened to the cold everyday world by the crowingof the old bantam.
'During the daytime my friends resumed their deferential and almostservile demeanour, and nothing remained to remind me of the revels ofthe night before but the troubles of the Egg Counter, who now came to meevery day with a fresh complaint that yet another of his birds haddisappeared.
'And now begins the narration of the most terrible of all my trials. Onenight--how well can I remember it, it was on the eve of that very daywhen the mighty King of the Persians and all his court were coming tospend the week-end with us, in order to celebrate my sixty-fifthbirthday--we met as usual in the hen-house, and discovered to our dismaythat we had demolished all the fowls with the exception of the old cock.After some discussion, and regardless of consequences, we decided totreat him as we had already treated his brothers and sisters, and in avery little time nothing was left of the tough old biped but bones, beakand feathers. Heedless of the morrow, we now gave ourselves up to thewildest enjoyment. Discarding such simple games as dominoes andhoney-pots, we now indulged in the more thrilling joys of leap-frog,Hunt the Stag, Red Rover, Robbers and Thieves, and you would not believeme were I to tell you the amount of toffee, brandy-snaps, bull's eyes,and Edinburgh rock that we absorbed in the course of this agreeableevening.
'Enlivened, no doubt, by the thought that to-morrow was my birthday, myexcitement was intense, and communicating itself to my prankful cronies,it electrified their old bones in the most amazing manner.
'How long we should have kept it up, it is, of course, impossible for meto say, but we were suddenly brought to a standstill by a loud knockingon the door of the shed and the sound of a great concourse of people onthe other side. On opening the door I nearly fainted in my horror, forwhom should I behold but the King of Persia and all his court, and asfar as the eye could reach the faces of the Trojans all lit up by themorning sun, staring intently at the shed. Alas, we had eaten the oldcock, our only timepiece, many hours ago, and without our knowledge theday had dawned and grown to midday.
'Who shall describe my profound mortification, as I observed the look ofsorrow on the King of Persia's noble countenance, or the distress withwhich I viewed the agonised disappointment of my subjects as they beheldtheir king, whom they one and all delighted to honour, playing leap-frogin a hen-house.
'It appeared that on the arrival of the King of Persia, they had allproceeded in lordly procession with bands playing and flags flying tothe throne-room, and not finding me there they had hunted everywhere forme, high and low, until at last, guided by the sounds of revelry in thehen-house, they discovered my wretched self in the ignominious positionI have already described.
'I was now seized by two of the Persian guards at the command of theirmonarch and marched off to the Palace, a lane being opened for methrough the crowds of my silent and sorrowing subjects.
'A council was very hurriedly called together, at which it was decidedthat I should be banished for ever from the city of Troy for sodemeaning the exalted position to which I had been elevated, by myfrolics in the hen-house, and that henceforth the King of Persia shouldreign in my stead.
'Stripping my royal robes from me (they were compelled to leave my crownon, for it was so firmly fixed that it would not come off, try as theywould), they now bandaged my eyes, and, with the only baggage I wasallowed to take, tied up in an old patch-work quilt, they led me forth.Past crowds of my subjects, who now gave way to the most heartfeltsorrow, I was led, through the old gates of my beloved city and far outinto the country. After we had travelled for about thirty miles myconductors at last removed the bandage from my eyes and left me to mydespair, alone in the wilderness.
'Sinking to the ground, I wept bitterly for three-quarters of an hour,when hunger beginning to assert itself, I started upon this longjourney, which has at length brought me to you.
'For many months have I travelled, often compelled to ask the way or
begassistance of the merest strangers, until at last,' concluded the oldgentleman, 'as I was resting to-day in the shadow of this rick, I sawyou all coming over the hill, and mistaking you for the legions of theKing of Persia sent to hunt me down, I hid myself in the top of therick.'
Bill and all his charges were deeply moved at so harrowing a tale, andwillingly proffered any assistance they were capable of rendering to theunhappy old boy.
The King of Troy compelled to ask his way]
The King of Troy, now assured of the good faith of his new friends,unfolded to them a scheme he had formed to raise an army and to march onTroy, and so recover, if possible, his lost power. Bill at once offeredhis services and was created commander-in-chief on the spot, and callingfor volunteers, was answered by one great shout of joy from all hischarges, every one of whom enlisted there and then in the new army ofthe King of Troy.
Chad, Hannibal, Randall, Noah, Ratchett, Nero, Biddulph, and Knut wereeach promoted to the rank of officers as a matter of course, while thegentle Boadicea was deputed to look after the old King, whose comfortwas now her greatest aim in life.
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THE ANCIENT MARINER]
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Bill the Minder Page 3