THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN AND THE BOY SCOUT
In due time the gallant army arrived at the little town of Killgruel, avery respectable place indeed, at which they spent the pleasantest ofweek-ends, entertained at 'At Homes,' soirees, and receptions, to anynumber of which every member of the expedition was invited during theirbrief stay. Bill and the King were the guests of the very respectableand Right Honourable Hesketh Fitzgreynib, the Mayor of Killgruel, whoentertained them with the extremest gentility imaginable. So respectableand genteel was their host, that it had been said of him that never hadhe been known to don the same suit twice, having at the very least a newone every day; nor had he ever been seen to remove his lavender gloveseven at meal times. It was also reported that, not content with bowingmost politely to every one he met in the street, he behaved in a likegenteel manner to all the pillar-boxes and lamp-posts that he passedupon his way, and that he always walked sideways down the street withhis back to the wall, in order that he should not be compelled to turnit upon the passers-by. Whether these reports are true or not, it iscertain that he was the most gentlemanly gentleman in all Killgruel, atown which could boast more elegant and refined people than any othertown in the whole world.
He was indeed the pride of Killgruel, and so respected by hisfellow-townsmen, who valued him greatly for his exceptionalgentlemanliness, that he was not allowed to soil his hands by so much asa stroke of work, but only to be respectable from morning to night. Anintelligent boy scout was employed to look after him, and even to thinkfor him, with orders never on any account to leave him, so that in timethis respectable gentleman became very respectable indeed, and relyingfor almost everything on the intelligence and affection of the boyscout, who now performed for him even his duties as Mayor of Killgruel,the good man was enabled to devote his whole thoughts to thecultivation of his respectability.
His good wife, the Lady Lilian Leankettle, who was extravagantly devotedto her husband, shone in the same brilliant manner, and was quoted as amodel of gentility by all the good wives of the little community, whileBildith, their charming and handsome daughter, gave every promise ofinheriting their interesting ways.
But delightful as all this was to the band of warriors, on Mondaymorning they were compelled to resume their journey. It was, however, soearly when they were ready to start that the gates of the town were notunlocked, so the Honourable Hesketh, with whom, as Mayor of Killgruel,the keys were always left at night, allowed the scout to take the keysand let the wanderers out. After a charmingly polite farewell from theRight Honourable Hesketh and others of their entertainers who hadgathered by the town hall to see them off, the gallant band marched downthe high street towards the only gate of the town, headed by theintelligent boy scout. From the first the King showed symptoms of beingrather unmanageable, and Bill had great difficulty in getting him pastthe shops, which were now all taking down their shutters, and when theyarrived at the sweet-stuff shop there was nothing for it but to go inand buy him some cocoanut ice.
At length they managed to get clear of the gates, which were thenclosed with a bang behind them, and the last they saw of the intelligentboy scout was with the great town keys held firmly between his teeth, inorder that he might hold with one hand the top of the wall to which hehad hastily climbed, while with the other he waved a fond good-bye tothe departing wanderers.
With a great gurgling cry, which all took to be one of grief at theirdeparture, the affectionate lad suddenly disappeared and the bravefellows resumed their march.
Their road now took them across the mountains at the foot of whichnestled the little town of Killgruel. Towards evening the noble fellowswere crossing the highest peaks of the range, weary, and looking forwardto their supper and a good night's rest, both of which they proposed totake in the woods on the other side of the mountains. Every one nowbegan to notice that the old King seemed worried about something orother, and the further they marched the more fidgety he became, until atlast, when they had nearly descended to the woods on the other side, theold aggravator called his general to him and said:--'Bill, did youhappen to notice in the window of the principal sweet-stuff shop in theKillgruel high street, three fine fat sticks of liquorice leaningagainst the bottle containing the pear drops? Well, I can't get them outof my mind.' Bill tried to persuade him to forget them, and talked ofmany other things, in order to distract him from such thoughts.Presently he appeared to grow easier, and as he did not for some timeagain refer to the liquorice sticks, Bill was pleased to think that hehad been successful in directing the old boy's thoughts into anotherchannel. However, as they were unpacking their things in the woods atwhich they had now arrived and were lighting fires, preparatory tocooking their suppers, the truly exasperating creature again called Billto him. 'Bill,' said he, with the most miserable face in the world,'it's no good. I can't forget 'em, try as I will. I don't want any ofthat nasty porridge I know they are about to prepare for supper. I musthave some of those liquorice sticks.'
Hiding his annoyance as much as he could, Bill tried to convince him hownice porridge really is and how good for him, but the discontented oldman, who no doubt had been very much spoilt as a boy, would hear nothingof it. 'I don't want to be done good to,' cried he, 'and if I don't havethose liquorice sticks to-night before I go to bed I know I shall getthe fidgets and not be able to sleep a wink.'
Bill now pointed out the difficulty of obtaining the liquorice, thedistance being so great that it would be impossible to have it broughtto the camp before midnight at the very earliest.
The King, however, was obdurate, and Bill was now compelled, muchagainst his will, to summon the whole army together and call for avolunteer to fetch the liquorice, but not one, not even the pluckfulChad, would venture to return alone to Killgruel along the drearymountain road in the gathering night. Bill then suggested that two orthree should return together and keep each other company, but it was ofno avail. At last, the only way out of the difficulty that occurred toBill was for half the army to return for the liquorice, and the otherhalf to remain in the woods; but here yet another difficulty arose, forno one would stay in the woods with the army weakened to that extent.
BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR BOXES]
At length Bill returned to the whimpering old potentate and once moreendeavoured to dissuade him from his selfish purpose, but the more Billtalked, the more obstinate the old King became, and had it not been forthe severe training Bill had had as a minder, he must assuredly havelost control of his temper.
THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED]
'I must have that liquorice,' whined the old grizzler, 'and if there isno other way of obtaining it the whole army must pack up sticks andreturn to Killgruel.'
Many were the growls of discontent uttered by the poor fellows when Billgave the necessary orders to pack up again and prepare to return overthe mountains. Only by dint of the kindest words did he restrain amutiny, encouraging them at the same time to humour the old baby and putup with his strange ways until he was restored to his throne, when, nodoubt, he would make it up to them in many ways.
In a little time the brave fellows were all on the march again, but theday was breaking by the time they arrived once more before the walls ofKillgruel, all utterly tired, grumpy, and footsore. Bill strode up tothe gates of the town, which, of course, at that time of the morningwere still closed, and pulled the bell vigorously. He waited some time,and as there was no reply, he pulled the bell again, and then, afteranother interval, he rang it with all his force, but with no resultwhatever. He could now, however, hear a great muttering on the otherside of the wall and considerable running to and fro, so he determinedto wait patiently. At length the little wicket in the gate was openedand one of the Killgruellers looked out, and, recognising Bill and hiscomrades, hastily shut the wicket again after promising to fetch theMayor.
Bill now waited a very long time before the wicket opened again, and inthe meantime his poor comrades, nearly overcome with their fatigue andtheir hunger, had set up th
eir camp before the walls and prepared theirbreakfast, after eating which not one of them was able to keep his eyesopen a moment longer, and all fell fast asleep before their fires. Eventhe old King dozed off and snored peacefully in his tent, forgetting,for the first time in twenty-four hours, the sticks of liquorice, uponthe enjoyment of which he had so much set his heart.
STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALLS]
Bill alone of the whole force remained awake, and waited and waited, andas he stood before the gates of the little town, the noise within grewlouder and louder until there was a terrific hub-bub within the walls.At last the wicket opened and the face of the respectable Mayor appearedin the little opening, but so altered that at first Bill hardlyrecognised his good host of the day before, so upset and disturbed didhe seem.
The poor man then in the most nervous manner explained that no one inthe town had seen anything of the boy scout nor of the town keys sincehe had let the army out of the gate the previous morning, and until theyfound them it was, of course, impossible to let any one in. However, thegood fellow (who certainly seemed rather helpless without his faithfulattendant), besought Bill to wait patiently, as they had not yet givenup hope of being able to open the gate. The wicket was again hurriedlyclosed, and Bill, sitting down by the gate, prepared to wait aspatiently as he could. So tired, however, was the noble lad, that inspite of all his endeavours to remain awake he soon fell fast asleep.Long and deeply did he slumber, when he was awakened by a most terribleand deafening noise within the town, which had been growing greater andgreater during his repose.
Fortunately all in the camp, on account of their great fatigue, were sodeep in sleep that the great uproar was unable to awaken them, but Billat once stood up and scaled the walls to ascertain if possible the causeof the awful din.
The hub-bub was truly deafening, and from his position on the walls Billcould see all over the little town, which was in a shocking state ofconfusion. The contents of every house were turned into the streets,and the distracted inhabitants everywhere hunting amongst the furnitureand taking it to pieces in their search for the lost keys. Beds were cutopen and discharged their feathers in great clouds that floated aboutthe town; the church steeple had been removed and shaken, and the insidewell scoured; many of the good people were descending chimneys attachedto lines; pavements were lifted, cellars ransacked, the Town Hall takento little pieces, old houses pulled down, pillar-boxes cleared out, andlamp-posts blown through by the perplexed and almost franticKillgruellers in their efforts to find the lost keys. All the milk, thewine, the water, the lemonade and the gravy were being strained throughbutterfly nets or lawn tennis rackets, and, after melting it down, allthe butter, dripping and lard was treated in the same way. The treacletanks and great reservoirs of linseed tea were thoroughly dragged, butwith no result whatever.
A great procession of the townsmen nearly filled the high street whichled from the gate to the further end of the town. One by one theyapproached the gates and tried every key they possessed. All kinds ofkeys, latch keys, watch keys, cupboard keys, box keys were tried, butnot one could be found that would open the lock. To make matters evenmore unbearable, the respectable Mayor, to whom, of course, every onelooked for direction and advice in their trouble, was of no earthly usewhatever without his scout, upon whom he had so accustomed himself torely, that he was perfectly helpless without him. His respectability,exert it as much as he would, made no difference of any kind upon thesituation, except, perhaps, to place the poor man in everybody's way.
DANGLING BY HIS LEGS]
Bill returned to the King who, with the whole camp, was now wide awake,and wondering what on earth was taking place in the town. Bill at oncehastened to explain the state of things, in the hope that the old manwould at last give up all idea of the liquorice; but in this he wasmuch mistaken, for, instead of replying to Bill, the grumpy old provokerturned sulky and would not say a word, so that there was nothing for thepoor lad to do but to wait with what patience he could assume.
The day declined, with no lessening of the terrific din within the town,and the gates remained obstinately closed. As evening approached, littleclouds of smoke, with now and again a spurt of flame, could be seenrising from the other side of the walls. Presently a single Killgruellerwas observed upon the walls, from which he nimbly leapt to the ground onthe outer side, and made off round the base of the mountains, in anopposite direction to the camp. Now another appeared and disappeared inthe same way; then another and another, and yet another, and thenfamilies of two, three, and four. At last whole crowds came scramblingover the walls, and vanished in the same direction, all carrying as manyof their belongings as they could conveniently bring along with them.
This went on until all the inhabitants, with the exception of the Mayor,had left the now blazing town, when he was seen standing alone upon thewalls. Like the captain of a sinking ship, the noble fellow had waiteduntil all had found safety before he sought it for himself. Billhastened to assist him in his descent, and no sooner had the poor manreached the ground than Bill led him gently before the King and all theofficers of the little army, who were assembled together watchingthe flames, and besought him to give them some explanation of thesetruly unaccountable proceedings of the Killgruellers.
The Respectable Gentleman]
'Alas! and alack-a-day!' sighed the unfortunate gentleman, 'allow mefirst of all to put four questions to you. Firstly, What is the good ofa locked lock without a key?'
They were all forced to admit that it was of no use whatever.
'Secondly, What is the good of a gate with a useless lock that won'tunlock?'
No earthly use, all again admitted.
'Thirdly, What is the use of a town if you can't get into it?'
Of course, they all agreed there was only one answer to that.
'And now, fourthly and lastly,' said the Mayor, 'What do you do with alluseless things?'
'Destroy them,' Bill promptly rejoined.
'Exactly,' said the Right Honourable Hesketh, 'and that is what we havedone with our now useless town, and all the inhabitants are hastening tobuild another town on the further side of the mountain, the gates ofwhich shall always be nailed open in order that such a dreadful calamitymay not occur again.'
Bill somehow could not help thinking that there might have been anotherway out of the difficulty, but he did not like to say so. The old Kingat last realised that the Killgruel liquorice was not for him, so heoffered no serious objections when Bill, early next morning, gave thenecessary orders to pack up and prepare for the march, which they nowresumed. The respectable gentleman preferred to remain with them ratherthan again face the unfortunate Killgruellers.
They had not advanced very far upon their road, when Bill, who generallywalked a little in advance of his troop, heard a strange clanking noisethat appeared to proceed from a tall tree at the wayside. Wondering whatodd bird possessed such an unmusical song, he allowed his gaze to wanderthoughtfully among the leaves when, suddenly, what should he behold butthe form of the vanished scout, dangling by his legs from a branch, andevery time the tree was gently stirred by the breeze, there came forthupon the air this weird sound.
Bill hastened to cut him down, but, to his unspeakable surprise, theunhappy young stripling cried, 'Don't, don't! the keys! the keys!' Hethen explained that when bidding farewell to them the other morning fromthe walls of Killgruel, in his excitement he had suddenly fallen backand swallowed the keys which, at the time, he had been holding betweenhis teeth. Bill now recalled the strange cry that the poor lad haduttered as they left Killgruel on that occasion. However, in spite ofhis reluctance to be right side up again until he had recovered thekeys, Bill insisted on fetching him down, and, in the severe strugglethat ensued, the keys fell out of the boy's throat.
When at length the army came upon the scene, nothing could exceed thejoy of the respectable Mayor at beholding his good attendant, whom hehad despaired of ever seeing again. He easily persuaded the willingyoung creature to remain with h
im, and share the fortunes of the King ofTroy, and thus, with this very welcome addition to their forces, thegallant band marched on.
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THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN]
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Bill the Minder Page 8