Twice Shy

by Sally Malcolm

Then Joel pulled open the door, held it for Ollie, and at last they were out into the crisp night air. They both let out a long breath, and then laughed.

  “That was fun,” Joel said, shrugging deeper into his coat. “But sometimes… I guess there’s only so many parents I can handle.”

  Ollie gave him a silly, flirtatious look. “Oh yeah?”

  He laughed. “Figuratively, I mean.”

  Together they trotted down the porch steps onto the drive, gravel crunching under their shoes. The moon had set, but the stars were out in legions and the air felt brisk against Joel’s heated skin. They paused there, Ollie shivering a little. “Where’s your coat?” Joel said.

  “In the car. I was thinking…” His gaze darted over Joel’s shoulder. “Do you fancy a walk on the beach?”

  Joel laughed. “In the dark?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  Because it’s cold, late, and possibly dangerous? “I can’t think of a single reason why not.”

  Ollie grinned. “Let me grab my coat.”

  Bundled up, they headed back around the side of the hotel to the steps that led down the cliff onto the beach. Ollie pulled out his phone to use as a flashlight and they made it onto the damp sand without breaking a leg. The surf sounded loud, so the tide was probably most of the way in, the occasional white flash in the starlight revealing a breaking wave hissing over the sand. It was quiet. No sound save the surf, not even a breeze to stir the dune grass. Cold and clear and crisp.

  “Hey.” Ollie’s hand found his and Joel looked over at him, smiling.

  “Hey yourself.”

  They walked hand-in-hand along the beach towards the glittering lights of town. Joel liked holding hands, but he’d never held a guy’s hand. Back in college he hadn’t been confident enough to hold hands in public. He still couldn’t imagine it. But he’d liked holding Helen’s hand, and he loved holding Ollie’s—firm and warm, his grip strong. In the dark, he felt safe and rubbed his thumb over Ollie’s knuckles. “So, the kids settle okay with their grandparents?”

  “Yeah. We stayed there for a few months after— after the accident. They feel at home. And they get spoiled rotten, of course.”

  “It’s good for you, to have a break,” Joel said, squeezing his fingers.

  “I don’t need a break, I’m—”

  “Fine. I know. But, Ollie, everyone needs a break. Doesn’t mean you aren’t coping. That’s not what I meant.”

  “Right.” He smiled. “Sorry, I don’t want people thinking that I don’t like being their parent, or that it’s a burden, it’s just—”

  “Come on, parenting is hard. Everyone says so. Give yourself a break—and enjoy the break! You’ve earned it.”

  Ollie looked at him, eyes gleaming. “Yeah, okay.” A breath, shoulders straightening. “Yeah, you’re right.” And then he grinned, a glint of teeth in the dark, dropped Joel’s hand and started to run.

  Startled, Joel watched for a moment, then started running after him. “Wait! Hey, where are you going?”

  “Nowhere!” Ollie laughed, spinning around with his arms wide. “Just running. Because I can.” His eyes lit on something, and he darted off toward the dunes, leaving Joel to follow.

  They were both laughing as they scrambled up the soft sand, grabbing onto the dune grass to help them until they’d reached the summit of the sandy mountain.

  “Wow,” Ollie said, breathless as he stared out over the dark beach and the star scattered ocean. “Wow, just look at it.”

  “Yeah.” Joel struggled to catch his breath, not helped by the way Ollie looked standing there smiling and breathing hard from his run. “Spectacular.”

  Ollie turned. He must have heard something in Joel’s tone. In the dark he was mostly shadows, but Joel could see his eyes glitter and the curve of his smile as he held out a hand and Joel took it, tugging him close. Lifting a hand to his face, Joel paused to take in the sight of him. He really was beautiful with that dark curling hair, warm eyes and angular features. “Can I kiss you again?” he said. “I’ve wanted to all evening.”

  Ollie’s arms slipped around his waist, a warm weight. He smiled. “Yes. Go on.”

  This time, their kiss was a languorous exploration. The contrast between Ollie’s soft lips, the hot slide of his tongue, and the cold snap of the air was startling. Electric. A low moan of pleasure rose in Joel’s throat, but he trapped it there, afraid it might be too telling. Ollie’s hands left his waist, fingers running up his sides, then one hand cupped the back of his head, clenching into his hair as the kiss deepened. They staggered a little on the unstable sand, almost losing their footing, and laughed into the kiss as Joel grabbed Ollie’s hips for balance and drew them closer still. Gooseflesh raced across his skin at the unmistakable sensation of Ollie’s hardening cock nudging against his own. Christ. That trapped moan escaped and was matched by Ollie’s own soft sound of arousal.

  “Fuck,” Ollie said softly, like a caress against his ear. “Fuck this is hot. You’re hot.”

  “Do you—?” Joel could hardly get the words out of his breathless lungs. “Do you want to come back to my place?”

  Ollie’s fingers fisted in his hair and he pressed a hard, happy kiss against his lips. The roll of his groin against Joel’s felt deliberate, like an invitation. “Why Mr. Morgan,” he grinned, dark eyes sparkling. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “What do you want?” Joel breathed as they kissed, sprawled on his beautiful leather sofa. “Tell me what you like.”

  His house was amazing, all polished hardwood floors and painted walls in calming, earthy colors. Not that Ollie had taken the ten-cent tour yet. After climbing back up to the Majestic and collecting the car, they’d both been so amped-up they’d fallen on each other as soon as the front door closed.

  Now they were in an open-plan living room with wide picture windows overlooking, he assumed, a yard. It was too dark to see out, but Joel hadn’t bothered closing the wooden blinds after switching on the table lamp, so Ollie assumed it was private.

  “I like anything,” he said, his voice loud in the quiet of the house. So quiet, just the distant rustle of leaves outside and the ticking of the refrigerator in the kitchen. He’d learned to relish quiet.

  “Anything?” The gentle lamplight softened the angles of Joel’s face, and with his mussed-up hair falling forward, he looked warm and approachable even in his smart blazer. It had matched his eyes in the restaurant, but here they looked darker.

  Ollie cupped his jaw, enjoying the subtle roughening of evening shadow against his palm. “I just want to feel like an adult,” he said. Did that sound weird? “To be myself.”

  Smiling, Joel ran his fingers up Ollie’s arm to his shoulder. “I like this sweater. The color suits you.”

  “Thanks. It was a present from my mom last Christmas. I don’t wear it often, I don’t want it to get messed up.”

  “Special occasions only?”

  He grinned. “Definitely.”

  “The last time I…fooled around with a guy was over ten years ago,” Joel said, his hand resting on Ollie’s shoulder. “I know it shouldn’t, but this kind of feels like a big deal to me.”

  “I haven’t hooked up with anyone since my boyfriend dumped me a couple months after I got the boys, so… I guess it feels like kind of a big deal to me too.”

  Joel’s eyes widened. “Your boyfriend dumped you because of Rory and Luis?”

  “Axel was barely twenty. He was right to split, he hadn’t signed on for any of this. I didn’t blame him.” He squeezed Joel’s hand. “But— Let’s not talk about that. I want to…” His pulse kicked up a notch. “I want to let go. I’m nobody’s parent tonight.”

  Leaning forward, he captured Joel’s mouth in another electric kiss. It prompted a low growl from Joel as he slipped his arms around Ollie’s waist, pulling him down until he lay on top of him. They kissed on, helpless, the soft leather warming beneath them and entirely too many clothes between t
hem.

  Breathless, Ollie pushed himself up on his elbows and smiled at the sight of Joel. He’d wondered what he’d look like undone and this was it: hair disheveled, eyes wide, lips parted and glistening as he caught his breath, skin flushed beneath the shadow on his jaw. Ollie smiled, running a fingertip down from Joel’s chin to the base of his throat and tugging lightly on the button of his shirt. “Why don’t you show me the bedroom?”

  They padded in socked-feet upstairs, where the hardwood floor gave way to a cream carpet—Ollie immediately imagined small chocolatey fingers in the carpet; he pushed the thought aside—and Joel’s bedroom opened to the left of the stairs. Ollie’s heart drummed as Joel led him inside and from the death-grip Joel had on his hand, Ollie could tell he felt nervous too.

  In the bedroom, Ollie got a general impression of clutter-free space, more windows, and a large pristine bed.

  “I’ll just…” Joel dropped his hand and went to switch on one of the bedside lamps, giving the room a gentle welcoming ambiance.

  Ollie reached for him when he came back around the bed, felt coolness in Joel’s fingertips. Nerves. “This is nice,” Ollie said, moving in to kiss him again. He had to tilt his head up slightly to meet Joel’s lips and found that he liked the dynamic, liked Joel’s broad shoulders and the strength in his arms as they came around him, the serious look in his eyes. It made him feel wanted. Ollie threaded his fingers through Joel’s hair, loving the silken weight. “We can take this as slow as you like,” he said. “I’ve got nowhere to be tonight.”

  And, God, the freedom of that…

  Joel ran his hands over Ollie’s arms again. “I like the feel of this sweater,” he said with a smile that was charmingly coy. “I’d like to see what’s underneath.”

  “Would you?” Ollie grinned, grabbed the hem of his sweater and shirt and pulled everything off in one grand sweep. The air felt cool against his bare chest and back, but the heat in Joel’s eyes more than compensated.

  Ollie had never been self-conscious about his body. Since adolescence he’d tended toward skinny, but had never bothered trying to achieve a six-pack, or any kind of pack. Over the past two years, he’d maybe lost a couple pounds—it happened when you were racing after kids twenty-four/seven, skipping meals, and trying to hold down a job. But he didn’t think he looked gaunt. Wiry, maybe, was the best description.

  Whatever the word, the appreciative look on Joel’s face did wonders for his ego. “Look at you,” he said, and reached out a hand to touch Ollie’s clavicle. He followed with his lips, kissing him there, one arm slipping around his waist and a warm hand settling between his shoulder blades. Ollie closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of his bare skin against the cotton of Joel’s shirt, feeling heat bleed through from his body beneath. Joel’s hands roved up and down his back, fingers idling along the links of his spine, palms spreading over the small of his back while Joel nuzzled into his neck, kissing along his jaw in a way that made Ollie’s knees wobble. “God,” he gasped thickly, gripping Joel’s shoulders to keep his balance.

  He felt a smile against his skin. “You like that?”

  “Uh, just a little.”

  Joel did it again, Ollie’s scalp prickling with pleasure as goosebumps rose up his neck. Needing to reclaim some control before he melted entirely, Ollie started working on the buttons of Joel’s shirt. Joel’s expensive shirt. Up close it wasn’t just white but a subtly textured weave that felt soft and luxurious beneath his fingers.

  Joel sucked in a little shuddering breath as Ollie’s fingers touched the skin beneath his shirt, lips moving silently as Ollie pushed it off his shoulders and let it pool on the floor behind him. Now it was Ollie’s turn to drink his fill, letting his gaze run over taut nipples and a scattering of dark hair between his pecs and below his bellybutton. Joel wasn’t ripped, either, but looked strong—like a man who worked rather than worked out. Unusual for a teacher, but he remembered Jackie saying something about Joel fixing up his house. Whatever he did, he looked good on it.

  “Hmm,” Ollie said, smiling approvingly as he ran a palm over Joel’s chest and snagged a dark, erect nipple. When Joel hissed, Ollie smiled and leaned down to follow with a kiss and a flick of his tongue. Joel’s harsh, startled grunt made Ollie grin and he suckled a little harder until Joel pushed him gently back, laughing, one hand on each shoulder, and kissed him hard. Ollie laughed too, putting his arms around him and, God, but the feel of bare chest against bare chest was divine.

  They wrestled a little, still laughing, and then tumbled onto the bed still in their jeans. Joel landed on top, breathless as he gazed down at Ollie. “Look at you,” he said again, one hand in Ollie’s hair, the other on his jaw, kissing him again. The man liked to kiss! And Ollie had no objections. He wriggled himself further up the bed, and Joel followed as they tussled and kissed, all warm skin and exploring hands. Eventually, he pushed Joel onto his back and kept him there, straddling his thighs. It wasn’t entirely comfortable in skinny jeans that were increasingly constrictive. Joel didn’t look like he was much better off, judging by the sizeable bulge in his pants.

  But he was watching Ollie with a untamed look in his eyes, chest heaving as he sucked in air. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on,” he said in a half-strangled voice. “Christ, Ollie. You have no idea.”

  Maybe not, but he liked the sound of it. He spread his palms wide and ran them up Joel’s chest, delighting in the feel of muscles trembling beneath his touch. “Can I suck you?” he said, leaning forward so their chests touched, cocks bumping with dizzying jolts of pleasure. “I want to.”

  Joel nodded, lips parted but without words.

  Smiling, Ollie sat back and paused to admire the curve of Joel’s hips and the straining of his jeans. Then he reached forward, unbuckled his belt, and brushed his cock before starting work on the zipper. Joel made a high, desperate sound and clenched his jaw.

  “It’s okay,” Ollie said, darting his gaze up briefly from the tempting sight of Joel’s cock straining against the front of his boxer briefs. “Be as loud as you want. I like it.”

  “Jesus,” Joel gasped, still sounding stifled. His fingers clenched in the bed sheets in an obvious effort at restraint, and Ollie loved it; he felt powerful and sexy. Entirely himself.

  Scooting down, he gave himself enough room to lean forward and nuzzle Joel through the cotton of his briefs, brushing his nose and open mouth along his cock. “So hot,” he murmured. “You’re so fucking hot, Joel.”

  Clumsy fingers wound their way into his hair. “I’m not— Seriously, I won’t last. This is…” His fingers tightened. “Intense.”

  Ollie looked up, met Joel’s eyes along the length of his body. “It’s okay,” he said. “We’ve got plenty of time for round two. Or three. Or four.”

  With a groan, Joel’s head sank back, and Ollie delicately peeled his briefs down, freeing his cock, its cut head flushed and eager. Ollie’s own cock twitched, protesting its constriction, so he took a moment to wriggle out of his jeans before he slid Joel’s jeans and briefs down his legs.

  When he climbed back onto the bed, Joel watched him with bright eyes and barely contained urgency. He held out a hand and Ollie took it, letting Joel pull him back into his arms. They kissed again, but this time their whole bodies were entwined, sliding and thrusting together, hands roaming. It was everything he wanted but not quite enough. Heart pounding, tension coiling. More, more, more.

  At last, Ollie slid down the bed again, Joel flopping onto his back, hands clenched in his own hair. “Can I?” Ollie said—growled, really—lips a breath away from the flushed tip of Joel’s cock.

  “God yes,” came the strangled reply.

  He didn’t wait to be asked again. Taking the head of Joel’s cock into his mouth, Ollie swirled his tongue around the tip and Joel all but jolted off the bed. This really wasn’t going to last long, Ollie realized, so he’d better make it good. Wrapping one hand around the base of Joel’s cock, he took the rest into his
mouth in one smooth go. Joel started writhing, not thrusting up, but gasping in short sharp breaths, clearly on the edge of orgasm and trying to hold back. Ollie set up a swift, easy rhythm, his own cock rubbing nicely against Joel’s leg. Obscene and delicious sounds filled the room: the wet suck of his own mouth, Joel’s panting gasps, and his own low hum of pleasure. God, he felt good—sexy and debauched and turned on.

  Joel’s fingers clenched in Ollie’s hair, tugging. “I’m close…”

  He loosened his hand, ran his fingers under Joel’s tight balls, would have smiled at the high keening whine of pleasure had his mouth not been otherwise occupied. Joel was on the edge, he could taste it. He looked up beneath his lashes, meeting Joel’s eyes with a dark lascivious look.

  “Jesus,” Joel bit out. And Ollie sucked him deeper, tongue working. “Gonna—” Joel gave a loud shout, bucking up just as Ollie pulled off, and shot over his chest and belly, his head flung back and stomach and thigh muscles tightening.

  Fuck, but it was almost enough to get Ollie off just watching. He was still rock hard and reached down to give his cock a soothing stroke while Joel sprawled boneless on his back. Then, smiling, he pressed a kiss against Joel’s thigh, his hip, the still-quivering muscles of his stomach, his breastbone, his nipple, the base of his throat, the tip of his chin. His lips.

  Joel’s kiss was sloppy and heartfelt, heavy arms cradling him, one lazy leg hooking over his hip. Ollie thrust gently into the warm, slick space between them. “Good?” he murmured after a while, nosing the word against Joel’s neck.

  “Fucking stupendous.”

  Ollie laughed, then caught his breath as Joel’s hand slid down the small of his back and over his ass. Whatever Joel might think about being ‘out of practice’, that was a knowing touch. Instinctively, Ollie spread his legs, giving Joel access and pressing his cock harder against Joel’s taut belly. Rocking there, he murmured nonsense words of encouragement as his consciousness narrowed to that intense sensation and the chase for release. Close now, he could feel the pressure rising.