The child was gone. Staring round the room she could sense it. There was no one there. The house was empty again; in the garden the moonlight was slowly spreading through the wood. In seconds it would have reached the window of her bedroom and thrown a silver gleam across her floor and her fear would go. Leaning back she began to breathe more easily again. Within minutes she was asleep.
She was sitting in front of a cup of black coffee next morning in the kitchen, still wearing her nightshirt, her feet bare, her hair tousled, when the phone rang. It was Rhodri. ‘Are you listening to the radio? Turn it on. Now. Speak to you afterwards!’
Her head was splitting; the amnesia she had promised herself in the moonlight had not happened. With a groan she stood up and went to turn on the radio.
‘Viv Lloyd Rees and Pat Hebden’s drama documentary Queen of the North was aired last night to huge acclaim,’ the announcer’s voice floated out across the kitchen. ‘They are here in the studio with me to talk about their play and the research that went into it and to share with us the quite extraordinary experiences which they endured as they unearthed their heroine’s story.’
Jess sat down and reached for her coffee mug as the two women told their tale. Somehow, by digging into the past, they had awoken it. Even now, so it seemed, embarrassed to talk about what had happened to them, they described the terrifying events which had occurred as they probed the story of Cartimandua, events which had led eventually to disaster and even death.
Jess listened to the programme with increasing horror and fascination until the discordant eerily Celtic echoes of the closing music broke the mood. Wearily she rose and went to turn off the radio, then she picked up the phone. ‘How did you know it was coming on?’ she said as Rhodri answered.
‘They said so last night. After the play. Didn’t you hear them? What did you think?’
She could hear music playing in the background, powerful orchestral music, and she wished suddenly that she was there in the Prices’ warm kitchen. ‘I thought it was terrifying. Do you believe what they were saying? I can’t think how they could have gone on to write a play about her. I’d have been afraid I would go on raising the dead with every word I wrote.’ She paused. ‘Is that what I’ve done, Rhodri? Woken the ghosts here?’ She had forgotten her initial hostility to this man. He understood.
‘I don’t know about you particularly,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘after all Steph has noticed things too. Although you do seem to have woken them up a bit!’
Jess bit her lip. Of course. He didn’t know what it was that she and Eigon had in common; the reason the child who was the daughter of Caratacus had come to her to share her tears. And, perhaps, to ask for help. She froze. Is that what she was doing? Asking for help …
‘It’s interesting, isn’t it, perhaps you should see if they’ve got a website?’ Rhodri went on cheerfully. ‘As long as you’re not scared! What a bit of luck I spotted that entry in the Radio Times yesterday – I was looking for one of my concerts – as it happens they are putting it on tonight.’
Jess gave a wan smile. ‘I’ll listen to it –’ She broke off as she caught sight of the reflection from a car windscreen as it flashed across the wall. ‘Sorry, Rhodri. Someone has come. I’ll call you later.’
Will’s red MG sports car had pulled into the yard. Already he had opened the door and was climbing out, pulling off his sunglasses, looking round. ‘Jess?’ He strode towards the open front door. ‘Jess, are you there?’ Moments later he was standing in the kitchen looking at her. ‘There you are! My God you’ve become elusive, Jess.’ He stepped towards her, then registering the panic on her face as she stepped behind the kitchen table defensively, he stopped. ‘What’s wrong? Sorry. Did I give you a fright? I thought you’d seen me from the window.’ He threw his shades down on the table. ‘Is there any coffee left in that pot? It’s still a hell of a drive from London, isn’t it? Do you remember, when we used to do it together and get here at dawn, before Steph was even up?’ He pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, studying her face. ‘What’s wrong, Jess? What is this all about?’
Jess bit her lip. She sat down opposite him. ‘You know what it’s about, Will. And you know I would never want to see you again. So, why come?’
‘I’ve come because you wouldn’t return my calls, Jess. I had to know why. I thought we had parted on reasonably good terms after the party; I’d thought we could be civilised. I thought we’d enjoyed dancing together. Then I find you have resigned from school and run away and no one will tell me where you’ve gone, and I was worried about you. If Dan hadn’t rung yesterday –’
‘Dan told you where I was?’
‘He’s worried, too, Jess.’
‘I’ll bet he is. Did he know you were going to jump in the car and come straight here?’ She was fighting a wave of hysteria.
‘I don’t know –’
‘Did it not occur to you to ring and see if it was convenient? To find out if I wanted to see you again?’
‘I didn’t think –’
‘No, you didn’t think!’
‘If you would let me get a word in edgeways. I didn’t think you would want to see me. That’s why I came unannounced. I thought that way at least I would be able to see you face to face! I know we are finished, Jess, but at least give me credit for wanting to know you are all right.’
‘All right! Did you really think I would be all right after what you did?’
‘Oh, for God’s sake. Haven’t we got beyond that?’
They were both shouting now, their voices harsh and angry.
Can we stop playing now?
The words echoed round the kitchen.
Jess gasped.
‘Look, Jess,’ Will continued, jumping into the moment of silence before she could reply. ‘I am sorry we split up. You will never know how sorry. And I still care about you. How can someone stop caring after all that time?’ He didn’t appear to have heard the child’s voice. ‘I wanted to make sure you were all right. Clearly you are, so I will leave.’ He stood up. Then after a moment’s hesitation he sat down again. ‘Look, please, can we start this conversation again? You and I have muddled through since we broke up. We have managed to be civil in school; I thought we might become friends again, at least. I don’t know what I have done to cause this fury suddenly. Explain it to me.’
‘You don’t know? You thought what you did was OK?’ Her voice was shaking.
‘No. It wasn’t. I behaved badly. I was an arrogant bastard. And I’m sorry. You’ll never know how sorry.’
‘So you thought you would show me how much you still love me?’ Her voice sharpened. ‘You’ve got a very strange way of showing it. Get out, Will.’ Suddenly she was near to tears.
‘Jess –’
‘Get out!’ Her voice rose to a scream.
Please. Can we stop playing now.
The little girl was close to her, whispering in her ear. Jess put her hands to her ears and shook her head. ‘Go away!’ She was speaking to the child.
‘Jess –’
‘You go too, Will! Now. I never want to see you again!’
‘But, please –’
‘Go!’ Her voice was still dangerously near to a scream. ‘Get out! I came here to get away from you. I left school to get away from you. I thought it was Ash, but it wasn’t, was it. You let me think that! You would have let him take the blame, wouldn’t you, ruined the boy’s life to save your own beastly skin! You’re a coward as well as a pervert and a vicious bastard, and you’ll never know how nearly I went to the police. I could still go, you know!’
‘Jess –’
‘Get out, Will!’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Get out now.’
He stood up and without a word went to the door. For a moment she was too paralysed to move, then running to the window she watched as he climbed into the car, revved the engine and shot backwards out of the gate. He drove off without looking back. Only when he was out of sight did she finally burst into tears.
It was a long time before she stopped crying. Only then did she go to the phone and dial Dan’s number. He picked up on the third ring.
‘Dan! How could you! Why in God’s name did you tell him where I was?’
‘Hold on.’ There was a moment’s silence. She heard muffled voices, then a door banged. Then Dan came on the line again. ‘What are you talking about, Jess?’
‘You know damn well what I’m talking about. You told Will where I was.’
‘He already knew, Jess. Well, it wasn’t hard for him to guess, was it.’
‘But you rang him. You rang him and told him.’
‘No. He rang me.’
She paused, confused. Will must have lied to her about that too. ‘Then you needn’t have confirmed it. You could have put him off. You could have told him to leave me alone.’
There was an amused chuckle at the other end of the line. ‘You credit me with more influence than I have with him, Jess. I don’t think I could have dissuaded him. He was obviously determined to find you. I take it he has spoken to you?’
‘He’s been here.’
There was a short pause. ‘I see. What happened?’
‘We had an argument. I told him to go away.’
‘And he did, presumably.’
‘Yes.’
‘So, no harm done, then.’
‘No harm done except that you betrayed me.’ She paused. ‘I’ve been trying to ring you, Dan. I’ve been thinking about what happened to my sketchbook. Was it you who messed up the house? Was that your idea of a joke? Did you break all that glass and spill the wine?’
‘Whoa! Hang on! What are we talking about now? You know I didn’t. How could I have done that? Why would I have done that? Get a grip, Jess.’
‘It was a joke, though, wasn’t it. What was it, you said? Mass hallucination? You took me for a complete fool, didn’t you! And now you compound it by sending Will here. What are you trying to do to me, Dan?’
‘I’m not trying to do anything, Jess!’ Dan was indignant. ‘Pull yourself together, love.’
‘Don’t patronise me!’
‘I’m not patronising you.’ His tone was exaggeratedly calm. ‘I’m trying to make you see sense. You seem to have lost all perspective. Why are you like this? You’ve changed into an hysterical lightweight. There could be all sorts of explanations for what happened. Have you considered for instance that perhaps a bird might have flown in and knocked over the wine bottles and the glasses. Perhaps it cut itself.’
‘And then miraculously got better?’ Her voice was icy. ‘No, Dan, it wasn’t a bird. A lot of awful things have been happening recently. Nothing to do with birds. Your hand, for instance. How did that so suddenly heal itself?’
There was another pause, then he gave another exaggerated sigh. ‘Poor old Will. Is all this because of what happened in London, Jess? For God’s sake, it wasn’t that bad; anyone would think a bit of rough sex and the odd slap was the end of the world. Talk about overreacting. You’ve cast him as the villain of the piece and he doesn’t stand a chance. No wonder he’s angry.’ There was a long moment of silence. ‘Jess, are you still there?’
‘How did you know what happened in London?’ Jess asked tautly. ‘I never told you what happened, Dan.’
‘Of course you did. Not in so many words perhaps, but it was easy to guess. You decided in your own mind that you didn’t like it; that it was rape or something and it has turned your head! You’ve become completely unstable.’
Jess could feel herself growing cold. For a moment she couldn’t even speak, then at last she found the words. ‘Who said anything about rape?’
He hesitated. ‘Well, rape may not have been mentioned, but it wasn’t very hard to work out what you thought had happened. A bit of non consensual sex! You decided to think of it as rape, didn’t you? You worked yourself up into a tizz over it because you were so drunk you couldn’t remember anything about it and then you decided to play the drama queen.’
There was a moment of total silence as once again she visualised the arm that had held her down. The tanned skin, the fine dark hairs.
It wasn’t Will. It couldn’t have been Will. Will was fair-haired.
‘It was you, wasn’t it,’ she said slowly. ‘You raped me! You’ve been so busy implicating Ash and Will that I never saw it. I never even guessed. But it was your arm that held me down. Your face in my nightmares.’ Her voice had dropped to a whisper. ‘I’ve been so stupid. I trusted you. You unutterable bastard!’
‘Don’t be so silly!’
‘No, Dan. I can remember everything suddenly. You followed Ash and me home. You sent Ash away when we got to the front door and you came up to the flat. We had some wine –’
‘No, Jess.’
‘Why? What was it you gave me? Did you come prepared? You went to a school dance with date rape drugs in your pocket!’ She paused, her hands sweating as they clutched the telephone. The receiver was slipping from her grasp. ‘Just what were you planning, Dan? Was it me you wanted, or didn’t it matter? Would anyone have done? One of the girls, perhaps? A child!’
‘Jess, you’re mad!’
‘No. I’m just beginning to see. Does Natalie know about your little hobby, Dan? I know the headmaster doesn’t. But he should, shouldn’t he!’
‘Jess, you’re insane!’
‘No. I’ve just realised what a fool I’ve been. There were signs everywhere, weren’t there. You watch the girls. You touch them. I’ve seen you!’
‘Jess, I warn you. This is slander –’ His voice was suddenly harsh with anger.
‘No, Dan. This is the truth!’
‘Jess, you’ve got this all wrong. Look, I’m coming over!’
‘Don’t bother. It’s too late.’
‘I don’t think so. I’m coming now. Look, I can explain. You don’t understand. You’ve misunderstood everything! You are so wrong!’
‘I’m not wrong, Dan. I’m going to the police.’ Suddenly she was completely calm.
When Dan spoke at last it was in a shocked whisper. ‘You go to the police, Jess, and it will destroy me. And Nat and the kids. Surely you don’t want that.’ She could hear the panic in his voice. ‘You have misunderstood the situation. I never meant to frighten you. I thought you were willing. You were willing. You should have seen yourself. You were so drunk.’ He gave a snort of derision. ‘You weren’t drugged. That’s your imagination. It was just the drink. Ash had been giving you all sorts of things. The kids had loads of booze in there. Most of them were unconscious by the end. For God’s sake, Jess. You can’t tell anyone. It would wreck my career.’ He paused. ‘No one would believe you anyway. After all you haven’t told anyone, have you.’ He gave a small harsh laugh at her silence. ‘I thought not. Look, I’m on my way. I’ll make it up to you. I can explain. Wait there!’
‘I don’t think so. I’m going to be anywhere but here when you arrive, Dan,’ she retorted. Her words reverberated into the silence. ‘Dan, are you there?’ Had he hung up? She could hear the line still open.
At the end of the field, where the phone cable ran through the corner of the wood, a tree branch had snapped. It caught on the wire, swung for a few seconds and fell. The line was severed.
‘Dan? Dan, did you hear me? Don’t you dare come here!’ Jess slammed down the phone. Her hands were shaking.
Can we stop playing now?
The voice was louder than before. It was Glads.
Jess looked round wildly. She wasn’t going to sit there and wait for Dan to arrive and try and persuade her to forget what had happened. Not when he was as angry as that. She had to go. What was there to keep her here anyway? Just her sister’s bloody plants. Well, they could look after themselves for a bit.
It took less than half an hour to pack everything into the car. How far away was Shrewsbury? How long would it take Dan to get there? She had to be away before he came. Racing round one last time she locked the house and ran out to the car.
It wouldn’
t start.
‘Don’t do this to me!’ She slammed the palms of her hands against the steering wheel and tried the ignition again. Still nothing. The battery was flat. She must have left the lights on when she went out last. Shit. Shit. Shit! She tried to steady her breathing. After all, what could Dan do? He was angry and threatening. He could shout at her. Swear. What else? Supposing he got violent? He could beat the daylights out of her. Or rape her again. Or try to kill her. Her mind was racing out of control. He was right. He had so much to lose. Was that a car in the lane? Horrified she paused, listening. He couldn’t have got here already, surely. She swallowed, paralysed with fear, trying to calm herself as she realised the sound she could hear came from a tractor, somewhere in the valley bottom, the sound carrying on the still air. She pumped the clutch up and down a couple of times and tried again. Nothing. The engine was dead.
‘God, what am I going to do?’
She climbed out and ran in to the phone. It was dead and her mobile battery was flat.
Rhodri was sitting at the piano when she arrived. She could hear him singing from the gate and she paused for a moment to listen, stunned by the power and beauty of his voice. He stopped at the sound of the dogs barking and came to the door to meet her. ‘Ah, it’s you. How goes the ghost hunt?’
Making her way across the fields to find him had been her only option without a car. ‘Can I come in?’ She was half afraid she would turn and see Dan running over the field after her.
Rhodri frowned. ‘Sure.’ He stood back and ushered her into the kitchen. Through the open door into Megan’s sitting room Jess saw the grand piano, the lid raised, the notebook and pencil lying on the piano stool, the piles of music. He had been working. ‘So, what’s happened? You look upset.’
‘Upset!’ Jess realised suddenly what she must look like. Exhausted, out of breath, her hair tangled and wild, her shoes covered in mud. She struggled to compose herself, then abandoned the attempt. Her eyes were full of tears when she faced him. ‘I’m sorry to interrupt but I need your help! The phone is broken and my mobile won’t work.’
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