Ian’s teeth flashed in a quick smile. “Not to mention, he’s yet to show proof that your da is in the netherworld at all.”
True. Granted, no one in their right mind wanted to breach the land of death’s prison system, plus Ashael had said he’d looked everywhere else for our father. But, if Phanes had any further proof, he needed to show it.
I gave him an expectant look. Phanes saw it, and made an exasperated sound.
“I have done nothing but speak the truth to you and assist you since the moment we met, yet you continue to heap insults and suspicion onto me. You demand more proof? Very well. Look.”
The wall of water changed, becoming translucent. It showed a long, deep tunnel surrounded by darkness so thick, I couldn’t even see the tunnel’s walls. All I had was a dronelike view that zipped down the tunnel with dizzying speed. Several quick turns and zigzags later, the tunnel narrowed to a ledge bordered on one side by a sheer rock face and on the other by a steep drop into darkness. On the other side of the dark expanse, in a tiny alcove that barely fit his tall frame, was my father.
His silver-white hair was so dirty, I could barely see the gold and blue streaks that mirrored my own locks. His eyes were the only brightness around him, those silvery beams highlighting thick chains that bound him so tightly, blood slicked wrists, arms, neck, thighs, and calves where the chains bit into him.
They weren’t even necessary. If my father took one step forward, he’d fall into the relentless darkness. The design of his prison trapped him more than those cruel chains that tore bloody grooves into his dark brown skin.
“There,” Phanes said, and the image whooshed backward until I only saw the watery wall again. “Your proof.”
It was indeed. Few people knew the warden’s real appearance. Everyone else only saw whatever god they believed in when they saw my father. But Phanes’s spy-drone view showed my father as he was, and that, Phanes wouldn’t know unless this was real.
“Interesting ability, to spy into the netherworld,” Ian remarked with none of the calm I felt.
I didn’t love my father the way most people loved theirs. He’d abandoned me before I was born, ignored me for most of my life, and showed only the barest concern the few instances I had spent with him. But he’d resurrected me every time Dagon had murdered me, and back when I’d been the tool Dagon used for his worship, that had been more times than I could count. My father had also resurrected Ian for me, and he’d warned me that if he did, he would face consequences.
I hadn’t cared. I’d argued, berated him, and used massive amounts of emotional blackmail until he gave me what I wanted: Ian alive.
Now, my father was alone, imprisoned, and bleeding in the same place he used to rule, all because of me. If he didn’t hate me for it, I hated myself enough for both of us right now.
Phanes gave Ian one of his arrogant looks. “I have many hidden talents,” he replied, answering the question I’d already forgotten about. “Seeing into the netherworld is merely one of them. You’re a man of hidden skills, too. Naxos should have defeated you, and he didn’t. Moreover, no one’s breached my realm in thousands of years, yet here you stand.”
That shook me all the way free from my guilt. I didn’t need Phanes being intrigued by Ian. I wanted to get the golden demigod out of our lives, not to give him more reasons to stick around.
“You never answered how I’m supposed to get into the land of the dead while only being a little dead, Phanes,” I said to redirect his attention away from Ian.
“Spectral projection spell,” Phanes said.
Ian nodded as if he’d expected that. “Simple enough under ordinary circumstances, but we’re talking about the netherworld here.”
“Lucky for us, her father is in the solitary confinement area,” Phanes replied. “Hardly any guards there. If he were in the active punishment section, she could never slip in and out unnoticed. But, with the veil being so thin here, she’ll only need the barest extension of her power to crack it. No one should feel that, and no one should be there to see her dash in, grab her father, and dash out.”
“So,” Ian said in a speculative way. “You’re intending to spell her into a spectral state, give her your map, and then let her have at this rescue alone.”
“Yes,” Phanes said.
I fought a sigh. It didn’t sound like the greatest plan, but I’d made do with worse.
Ian gave Phanes a sunny smile. “New plan. You’re going with her, and so am I.”
My gaze swung to him. “Hell no.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’d ask which part, but we all know. Yes, I’m going with you. Phanes might be your map, but I’m your security guard, and that’s not negotiable.”
I took in a breath because I hoped it would keep me from breaking into uncontrollable screams. “Ian, be reasonable—”
“I am,” he interrupted, his turquoise gaze now blazing with emerald. “You’re always so fixed on trying to save others, it regularly escapes your notice that you might be the one who needs protection. Take you running off with this sod, no offense, mate,” he added with heavy sarcasm to Phanes, who bristled. “You did it to protect me, and what happened? I had to stop his servant from twisting silver through your heart less than an hour ago!”
“I would have stopped Helena,” Phanes muttered.
“Not in time,” Ian shot back. “You were watching the duel, same as everyone else in the stadium. Must be why that bitch chose that moment to make her move. I was the only one focused on Veritas. Everyone else was looking the other way.”
Shame scalded me. “Yes, once again, I owe you my life, Ian. You keep saving me, and I keep getting you into horrible situations. That’s why I need to do this alone. That way, if I fail, I only take out myself.”
“Leave me once to protect me, shame on you. Leave me twice, shame on me if I put up with it.” His light tone didn’t fool me. Diamonds weren’t as hard as his gaze. “So, luv, let me be blunt: I will not be sidelined whenever you deem it dangerous, and then retrieved when you once again deem it safe. That’s not a partner. That’s a pet, and I am no one’s bloody pet.”
Hurt and anger surged. “I don’t consider you a pet! And coming here with him was his idea as the price I had to pay to ensure you got healed after nearly dying to save me, again.”
He grabbed my shoulders. “I’m not angry that you bargained for my healing. I’d bargain with Lucifer himself for yours, if it came to that. But I wouldn’t leave you behind afterward. That is where we differ, and it stops now.”
“It was only supposed to be for a few hours—”
He let out a harsh snort. “That didn’t work as planned, did it? Even if it had, either you respect me enough to have me stand at your side, or you don’t, and if you don’t, then we are through.”
The words tore through me with more destructive power than that silver knife.
“How can you say that?” I whispered. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done because I love you.”
“I know that.” His tone softened, but his gaze didn’t. “I also know you’ve lived thousands of years alone, so you’re not used to having a partner. I’ve tried to make allowances for both, but there is a limit. This is it. If you want me in your life, no more going it alone when things get dangerous. Not with this netherworld trip now, and not later, either.”
Then, he leaned close, until his words fell like the lightest of caresses against my newly wet cheeks.
“Choose us. Together, we can defeat anything in our way.”
I choose him, my other half thought at once. If you’re too stupid to, then get out of my way.
Breath exploded out of me in a shaky laugh. “You’ve convinced one of us.”
His hand slid through my hair, making shivers dance over me. “Little wonder. That part of you isn’t carrying unnecessary guilt. Stop thinking you’re responsible for everything bad that’s happened to me since we met. You’re not. I chose, every time, as I’m choosing again. Now, it’s your tur
n.”
This was impossible! I couldn’t end things between us, but how could let Ian go into the netherworld with me? Any number of things could go wrong! If I didn’t make it out, that would be unfortunate. If Ian didn’t make it out, it would destroy me.
But what was I supposed to do? Have Phanes show me my father so I could wave good-bye, and then leave him to the literal pit of despair?
“Since you two seem so obsessed with time, I should mention that we’re short on it,” Phanes said, with a snapping fold of his wings. “The veil is thinnest right before dawn, which is now. That gives us the best chance of slipping through without anyone noticing. Or”—he offered us a cold smile—“we could always postpone this rescue mission until this same time tomorrow. I don’t mind waiting.”
Spend a full day in Phanes’s realm? How many months would that equate to back in our world? Two? More?
“Sod that,” Ian said. “We go now.”
We. He hadn’t used that word by accident. Either we would go together, or I would go alone and stay alone afterward, too. That’s the choice he’d left me with.
Don’t be a fool! my other half snapped. You’re not leaving our sorcerer. Besides, he successfully navigated the dark void of Dagon’s soul when he was trapped inside him, so how much worse could the netherworld be?
Valid points. Still, they weren’t what swayed me. In the end, it came down to the same thing that had led me to my most reckless decisions before.
I loved him. Nothing was greater than that, even my fear.
“Ian,” I said in my steadiest tone. “Care to accompany me through the solitary-confinement section of the netherworld?”
His teeth flashed in an instant grin. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter 15
I stood in front of the watery wall that separated Phanes’s realm from the land of the dead. Or, more specifically, the land of the punished dead. The netherworld didn’t only contain suffering souls. It also contained peaceful, happily-at-rest ones, too. How I wished we were going to that section instead of the solitary-confinement one.
Ian and Phanes were lying on the ground near my feet, two small, empty bottles next to them. I had a similar bottle in my hand, but it was full. I had to wait to drink until after I cracked the veil.
Then, I’d drain the bottle and kill myself. Temporarily.
I’d be more nervous about that if Ian hadn’t made the potion. Phanes had argued that he should do it because he had more experience crafting potions that would release our spectral, astral selves from our corporeal bodies, but Ian insisted. Phanes had been left to sulk, proving there was no age or species limitation to that behavior. Still, to his credit, he’d downed the potion without hesitation once Ian was done with it. Then, his whole body had convulsed before going very still.
Ian hefted his bottle in salute to me before draining it. Seeing him spasm before going completely limp brought back memories that made me lean against the wall for support.
Nothing prepared you to see someone you loved dead. Nothing, not even knowing that it was only temporary. Despite all logic, my knees felt like they’d turned to water, while my throat burned as if someone were holding a blowtorch to it.
Then, Ian’s transparent shade sat up, shook his head as if clearing it, and leapt out of his body.
“What’s taking him so long to wake up?” he asked, his foot going through Phanes’s body when he attempted to kick him.
“No idea.”
Ian turned at the new hoarseness in my voice. “We’re all right, luv. I’m not dead. I’m only . . . cosplaying, for a bit.”
I choked on a laugh. Leave it to Ian to call it that.
“Besides,” he said in a tone so confident, I wanted to absorb his certainty. “You’re rather like the princess of the netherworld. You want someone in it, you can split through worlds to throw their soul down to the pit. You want someone out, I have every confidence that you could do that, too.”
“Except I can’t,” I said.
Not even death made his smile less dazzling. “You’ve surprised yourself with your powers before. I’ve no doubt you’re going to do it again.”
Phanes’s shade groaned, and one filmy wing rose to cover his eyes. “What was in that poison?” he rasped. “My head is pounding. How is that even possible?”
“Eh, different physiology, different effects,” Ian said, unconcerned. “Now, quit whinging and get up.”
Phanes did, though his real body stayed in its prone position on the floor, of course. Then he shook his wings, smiling in apparent bemusement at how they were now see-through like the rest of him.
“Remember, crack the veil just enough for us to slip through, but not wide enough to attract anyone else’s notice.”
Right. As if I needed reminding that getting caught would be very, very bad for all of us.
I looked at the wall, and reached out, letting my fingers brush the water that fell in a continuous rush from the ceiling.
Power exploded up my arm. I gasped. I’d been electrocuted with less effect.
Let me do this, my other side thought with no small amount of judgment. Your emotions are too erratic for the precision required for this task.
Oh, fuck you, I thought before realizing that I was literally telling myself to get fucked.
Therapy. I needed so much of it.
First things first. I let my other half rise, feeling her cover me like an incoming tide covers sand. At once, my anxiety was replaced by cool objectiveness.
I reached out, touching the watery wall again. This time, the power made me shiver with its delicious ferocity. Such force hidden behind such delicateness. It wouldn’t take much to breach this section of the veil. In fact, only the barest effort . . .
A line appeared in the veil, as thin as a thread from a spider. Darkness leaked out, turning the waterfall inky black in an instant. Power rushed out as well, knocking Phanes over while making Ian brace to stay upright. I wanted to bathe in its obsidian flow, but an even more tantalizing power lay beyond it, and all I had to do to partake in that was to drink.
I drained the potion in the small bottle in a single gulp.
Pain ripped through me. I barely noticed. Power washed it away, making the spasms convulsing my suddenly heavy body more an inconvenience than anything else. When those convulsions stopped, I exited my body as easily as if I were discarding a garment. Then, I stared down at it.
Despite all the times I’d been murdered, I’d never seen my body before. Normally, it burst into flames when I died, mimicking my very first death, when Dagon’s lackeys had murdered me by throwing me into a blazing fire.
I’d been so very young back then. A toddler, the modern term for it. That death should have been the end of my story. Instead, it was the beginning. After I came back to life, Dagon’s lackeys took me to him, knowing he’d have a use for me. And oh, Dagon did. I spent the next two decades being ritually murdered to bolster Dagon’s claim that he was a god because he took credit for my continually rising from the dead.
Then, my father sent Tenoch to rescue me, and I realized Dagon hadn’t been the one resurrecting me. My father had. Now, he was the one who needed saving. I supposed even if my father hadn’t brought Ian back from the dead, I’d still owe him one.
Time to repay him.
“Come,” I said, sliding through the faint rent in the veil.
Once on the other side, my vision crystallized in a way it never had before. Darkness was everywhere, but it was also so clear. Like staring through crystalline, obsidian waters. Oddly, the other side, where Ian was, now looked grayish and fuzzy.
I pushed my hand through the slight rent in the veil, making sure that I could go back as easily as I’d come through. At once, Ian took my hand. Neither of us had fleshly bodies anymore, but somehow, I could still feel him. He laced his fingers with mine, his grip just as strong and real as ever.
“I’ve got you,” Ian said, voice sounding farther away even though we were
mere centimeters apart. “If you want me to pull you back in, just say so.”
Phanes let out an exasperated noise. I ignored him. So did Ian. He continued to hold my hand, the veil shimmering and rippling between us.
I didn’t want him to pull me back in. Incredibly, after all my arguing about him staying behind, I wanted to pull him in here with me instead. This entire place vibrated with so much power. I wanted Ian to feel it the way I did.
“No,” I said. “I’m doing this.”
Ian’s mouth curled. “That’s my demigod.”
Then, he released my hand and turned around to face Phanes.
“After you, mate.”
Phanes gave Ian a sour look. “Don’t you trust me to go through after you?”
“No, I don’t,” Ian replied with a brilliant smile. “Besides that, I also wouldn’t leave you alone with our helpless, mostly-dead bodies even for a second. So, again I say, after you.”
Phanes muttered something I didn’t catch, but then moved in front of the faint seam in the veil. I moved back, allowing him room. He hesitated for a second, and then went through the seam.
He seemed to have more difficulty than I did, but I also didn’t have a large pair of wings to contend with. Once on the other side, he shuddered before visibly steeling himself.
“Well?” he said in a challenging way to Ian. “Your turn. Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
Ian snorted. “No. Just need to do one last thing.”
He turned his back. I saw the muscles in his shoulders working, but due to the angle of his body, I couldn’t see anything else. After a full minute, Ian turned around and slid through the crack in the veil as if he’d been sneaking into the netherworld his entire life.
“Christian fundamentalists will be so disappointed about the lack of fire,” were his first words.
A smile hovered over my lips. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”
“They were right about the darkness, though,” Ian continued. “Can hardly see a meter in front of me.”
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