Ms Marney looked like she couldn’t decide if she admired his chutzpah or wanted to expel him on the spot. ‘You think I’m going to let you play at Regatta?’
‘No, of course not,’ I said, shooting him a glare, but he ignored me.
‘It’s the biggest event of the year,’ he said. ‘Regatta caters to the high and mighty, and isn’t that the academy’s target audience? I think the board would do their nut if you let this opportunity for free publicity pass by.’
Ms Marney crossed her arms and sat back. The clock behind her ticked. ‘We’d want a banner above the stage.’
Carter grinned. ‘Done. We want day passes to rehearse on weekends.’
‘Not in the boathouse. You know that only academy students are allowed on school grounds.’
‘We’ll go to Richie’s place.’
I could feel my pulse racing while she considered this. Carter had guts, I’d give him that.
‘All right,’ she said eventually. ‘You can leave school grounds once a week to rehearse. Only once a week. And Carter?’
His grin faded slightly.
‘Next time it really will be the last time. I don’t care how much money your mother gives to the school.’
•
By the time Ms Marney released us, it was too late to call Ellie. I stared at the photo on my phone screen, her eyes accusatory now, as though she knew what had happened with Carter this morning. I had seven missed calls from her and a string of messages from last night.
The last one was a sad emoji with a single tear.
I dragged myself up to the dorm as everyone else was coming down for breakfast, dressed in their Sunday sports uniforms or free clothes. I felt dirty, which was only partly from the dried sweat after the gig. Alone in the dorm, I slipped under the covers and slept for most of the day.
‘You’re about twelve hours too late,’ said Ellie when I finally got through that evening. I’d gone onto the dark verandah so we could have some privacy for what I knew would be an uncomfortable conversation, but I hadn’t expected her to be so upset. Her eyes were bloodshot and tears shone on her cheeks.
The urge to beam myself by satellite into her bedroom and hold her until she stopped crying was overpowering. ‘Has something happened?’
‘Oh my god, Liliana, you are so fucking clueless. You happened. You happened to me.’ Tears stung my own eyes and she added fiercely, ‘You don’t get to do that. I’m the one who gets to cry.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, sniffing back my tears. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘You promised you’d be there when I called.’
‘I will be next time,’ I said. ‘It won’t happen again.’
‘No, it won’t,’ she growled. ‘It won’t happen again because I won’t let it.’ She put down the phone to blow her nose and I briefly saw her familiar bedspread. I’d first shown her the brochure for the academy on that bed, and she’d told me I had to apply for the exchange even if it meant being away from her for eight weeks. ‘We’ll make it work,’ she’d said, and then she’d pressed me against the blue-and-white checks and told me she loved me for the first time, and then we’d done everything else for the first time too.
‘I’ll call every day,’ I said. ‘I can find time after Supper, in the rec room. I know the time difference is hard, but we can do it.’
‘It’s not the time difference. It’s not even the distance. It’s you, Liliana.’ Her words were thick with tears. ‘I can feel you slipping away from me. I can feel it. I would wait for you forever but I don’t think you’ll be the same person when you come back.’ She covered her face with her hand as if she didn’t want me to look at her. ‘I don’t think you’re the same person now.’
‘The academy hasn’t changed me,’ I insisted.
‘No – the band has changed you. I’ve been so jealous of this Carter guy because he can give you things I can’t. Not because he’s a guy, but because he’s a musician. I love that side of you, but I don’t understand it.’ She sobbed, a guttural sound deep in her throat. ‘And I don’t want to stand in the way of what you want.’
Arguing with her was useless. She’d already spent the last twelve hours stewing over this and her decision was made. When we finally ended the call, I said, ‘I love you,’ and she sighed heavily and said, ‘I love you too, Lil. That’s why it hurts so much.’
I stared into the darkness, listening to the gentle whoosh of the river. I said to her static face on my screen background, ‘We won, by the way,’ and the silence answered.
I was still there almost an hour later. ‘There you are!’ said Carter, poking his head around the door. ‘Thought you might want to go a round of pool, since I saved your skin this morning.’
He picked one of the daffodils that was growing beside the verandah and twined it through his fingers while I haltingly told him about Ellie. ‘If I’m honest, we’ve been growing distant for a while. I promised her … well, I was meant to call her … and when I didn’t … she just broke up with me.’
He was silhouetted in the light from the doorway, so I couldn’t make out his expression, but I could feel his eyes on me and his shoulders were so level it seemed he wasn’t breathing.
‘Did you tell her about us?’ he asked.
I’ve been so jealous of this Carter guy. She’d already known. Not the details, of course – not about him almost-kissing me this morning – but enough to draw her own conclusions. And it seemed he’d drawn the same ones. Anger flared within me and I seized hold of it like a life raft.
‘You are so arrogant,’ I snapped. ‘There is no us.’
‘But this morning –’
‘This morning was a huge lapse in judgement. We were high from our win and it didn’t mean anything more than that. And if you thought I owed you something for not getting me expelled, let me remind you that you owed me first, so we’re square. You wouldn’t have won the Battle without me, you said it yourself.’
He stood, tossing the daffodil into my lap, and the words seemed to slide off him. ‘Well, now who’s arrogant?’ he said, and left me alone in the dark.
CHAPTER 12
I moved numbly through the days, showing up to class and rehearsals like a shadow. I cried so much that a lump settled in my chest. I thought I’d missed her before, but now that it was over, her absence felt like a physical thing. I went between certainty that she would never want to see me again to hopeful daydreams that she would forgive me when I was finally back in Australia. Lyrics poured out of me: loss and longing, of course, but I also wanted to immortalise the happy times in our relationship, the way she’d brush her hair from her forehead, the feel of her shoulder blades under my hands, how her laughter rose at my jokes.
Now that I knew she’d never hear it, I shared ‘Passport’ with the band at our first rehearsal in Richie’s living room. I threw open the floor-to-ceiling French doors so the ducklings on the river could hear every mournful note. It was so different to ‘King Cutie’ – precise and sad where that song was raucous – but when I looked up and saw their matching expressions, I knew it had the same magic.
‘How long have you been hiding this one away?’ Richie smirked.
But Carter put a hand on my shoulder and said, ‘What did I tell you guys? She’s our secret weapon.’
I was stoked by their reactions, and brought new songs along to our next few rehearsals. After each session, Carter and Richie would crack open a sixpack and Sam would walk me back to the academy across the bridge.
Tish was still in charge of the socials and our online views were rising. Carter was delighted, but I made the mistake of reading some of the comments. Can’t sing what a minger sounds like a strangled cat. It was like reading a particularly vicious school report.
‘You shouldn’t let it get to you,’ Sam said one day as we paused on the bridge to watch a squad training for Regatta zoom beneath. The shouts from the cox pierced the air. ‘Just don’t read them.’
‘Easy for you to say,’ I huff
ed. I rolled the sleeves of my vintage Adidas T-shirt up to expose my shoulders to the weak sunshine. ‘They’re not calling you a minger.’
He laughed, irrepressibly good-natured. ‘Maybe not, but I’m black, I’m an immigrant, and I live in council housing. You think no-one’s ever said anything mean about me?’
I blushed the way I always did when Sam pointed out our differences. I should have realised how privileged I was, even in a situation like this. ‘Why do people who don’t even know you feel like they have the right to weigh in on who you are as a person?’
‘That’s the point. If they knew you, they wouldn’t say it. They just want their slice of power.’
We lived for our eight-hour Sunday rehearsals, but it was never enough time. Carter and I spent every lunch break together fine-tuning our songs’ guitar parts. He and Verity weren’t speaking: he was still cut about her narking to Ms Marney. His relationship with Ava slid through the cracks of definition, and at breakfast he alternated between sitting with her and joining our usual table on a whim. Neither of us ever mentioned the almost-kiss outside the schoolhouse again, and I began to feel hot and stupid whenever I thought of it. If his fingers brushed mine when I was showing him a new riff, or if our eyes met after we nailed a song, I sometimes caught a flicker of something in his gaze – admiration, maybe, or hope – but I would always pretend I hadn’t seen it.
The days were getting longer and when I looked out the window at the now off-limits boathouse, it was often surrounded by rowers preparing for Regatta. When I’d first arrived, two months had seemed like it would never end, but now my flight home was fast approaching. When I told the band I was booked to leave the day after our Regatta gig, Richie said, ‘I guess we should start auditions for a new singer,’ and his words cut me deep.
Of course the boys would want to find someone else to take over vocals, although Sam promised me they wouldn’t use my songs. The thought of them continuing with some other singer – maybe even Verity, if she and Carter could put their differences aside – made me shaky with envy.
But every time I spoke to Jack, he said Dad was counting the days to my return, telling everyone who’d listen how proud he was. And I would think of our cosy house, the porch cluttered with discarded shoes and surfboards, and the way the asphalt burned our feet as we ran to the beach in summer, and I’d start to miss home.
One lunchtime, a few days before Regatta, Carter showed up to the rehearsal room waving an envelope. ‘I don’t suppose you’d be interested in this?’
‘Clickbait,’ I snorted, but when he didn’t elaborate I rolled my eyes and asked, ‘All right, what is it?’
‘Oh, nothing,’ he said, tapping his hands on the doorframe the way he had the first day we’d met. ‘Just a couple of tickets to see Perfect Storm in Reading.’
I dropped my guitar and snatched at the envelope, not really believing him until I was rubbing the tickets between my fingers. I had seen posters for the show, of course, but tickets had sold out in minutes. ‘How did you even get these?’ I breathed.
‘Dad’s got contacts. At least he’s good for something.’
Carter seemed conflicted when it came to Liam – he would use his name if it benefitted him, but made enough bitter comments that it was clear they barely saw each other. It was his mum, an elegant woman in a silk shirt and skinny jeans, who’d taken him out to lunch at half-term.
‘Who’s the second ticket for?’ I asked, but I already knew. ‘You are going to see Perfect Storm?’
Carter smiled. ‘For research purposes only.’ He drummed his long fingers on the top of the piano. ‘I thought I’d better find out what the attraction was.’
CHAPTER 13
Carter and I pushed our way through the wall of bodies to the front of the crowd. Jammed against the barrier, I stopped caring what Carter thought and joined the shouting, manic girls around us. Carter raised an eyebrow as if this was all beneath him, but his gaze was fixed on the stage. This was what ‘making it’ looked like; he was taking notes for his imagined future. As we waited for the band to come onstage, I leaned against him almost without a thought. I had borrowed one of his T-shirts for the night, black with the words ‘I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor,’ the name of his favourite Arctic Monkeys song. It fitted me better than him and I was secretly hoping he might let me keep it afterwards.
Addie Marmoset came onstage first, stalking in heels, petite beside her four bandmates but still more commanding than any of them. A scream escaped my throat and Carter turned to look at me, like he was enjoying seeing me lose control. I grabbed him and he hugged me so automatically that my breath caught.
The show was perfect, from the five mismatched costumes to the smooth, rich harmonies. It reminded me that our humble attempts to write a decent song were amateur hour. I would’ve killed if a crowd loved my band like this, but there was also something weird and disconnected about it; the sound was so fine-tuned they could have been playing the album over a loudspeaker. There was no way to tell it was really live.
The second encore was ‘Rock You All Night,’ my audition song, and Carter finally joined in as the crowd shouted out the words. When the music faded away, he draped his arm around my shoulders and said, ‘Let’s go out after this.’
‘And get me expelled for good this time?’ I laughed. His face was glowing.
From the stage, Addie cleared her throat, waiting for the screaming to die down. ‘And now we have an announcement,’ she said. The other four girls held their mics, heads bowed. Carter tightened his grip on my shoulder. The cheers rose, but Addie silenced them with a hand. ‘We wanted you to be the first to know that this is Perfect Storm’s last show as a five-piece. I’m leaving the band to pursue my solo projects ...’ She tapered off as the crowd’s shouting drowned her out. Beside me, a girl started crying, filming on her phone. I wanted to do the same, but I bit back the tears: Carter would never let me forget it if I cried. I looked at the other four girls on the stage. Three of them were holding steady, but one – Bella, the leather-clad ‘rock chick’ and, at twenty-four, the oldest – turned to scowl at Addie as she spoke.
‘I wish the girls well as they continue as a four-piece,’ said Addie, turning to the others, and her waist-length ponytail swung as she hugged them each in turn.
‘Good thing we were there!’ said Carter as we took the train home. ‘We witnessed history tonight.’
But I wasn’t so sure. Perfect Storm was the band I always went back to when I needed a lift, but I loved them for more than the music. I loved that they seemed like such close friends; that they always had each other’s backs. Addie had sounded calm, but bands didn’t break up for no reason, and I hadn’t missed the way Bella’s head had jerked up during Addie’s announcement. I knew the band was cheesy, and a part of me had outgrown them, but it was sad to think they might have outgrown each other too.
CHAPTER 14
‘You are going to be transformed!’ Tish said as she brandished a little purple number on a hanger. ‘Farewell, Liliana Donadi. Hello, Lady Stardust!’
It was the day of the Regatta. My flight was at six the next morning, and Carter and Richie were determined to pull an all-nighter. I perched on my suitcase and looked at my newly contoured cheeks in her mirror. I had to admit she was good at make-up – though I was less sure about her clothing choices. The dress she’d given me was so low-cut it made my chest look concave.
‘That is quite possibly the least sexy thing I have ever seen,’ I said, studying my reflection. ‘I look like a giant bruise.’
‘You have looked better.’ She gave me a cropped T-shirt and bandage skirt that collectively revealed more skin than I would have usually shown at the beach. I tugged them on, trying to stretch out the skirt so it covered my thighs.
‘The skirt’s good,’ she said, appraising me in the mirror. ‘Not sure about the top. Your midriff is hot, though – you should show it off. And we need something with a plunging neckline.’
‘What fo
r? I don’t have any boobs.’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ she said, handing me a silk camisole. ‘You have nice perky boobs.’
‘Legs, tummy and cleavage?’ I said as I pulled it over my head. ‘That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?’
‘You want Carter to notice you, don’t you?’ she said, pouring vodka into two shot glasses. ‘Tonight is your last chance.’
‘He’s just my friend,’ I protested, but my reflection looked like someone had slapped it, even under all the make-up.
‘You’re only human,’ she said kindly. ‘Carter is fine. And, well … Sam told me about the song.’
‘We’re just friends,’ I repeated, thinking about his casual arm around my shoulders at Perfect Storm. ‘And even if I did like him, I’m leaving first thing tomorrow. We’ve kind of missed that boat.’
‘That just means you’ve got nothing to lose,’ she said. ‘It’s your last night in England; can you really live with not knowing?’ She handed me one of the shots. ‘Down the hatch. A couple of these and you’ll be confident enough to snog the guitarist.’
I gave it back to her. ‘No thanks. I’ve got a six am flight, remember? I need my wits about me.’
Sam tooted the horn and Tish raced outside, running expertly in heels. I dragged my suitcase behind her, my borrowed shoes threatening to pitch me face-first down her stairs. When I reached the car, Sam broke into a grin.
‘Wow, Donadi,’ he said. I crossed my arms over my bare stomach as he hauled my suitcase into the boot. ‘You really scrub up OK.’
‘Doesn’t she look great?’ Tish said. ‘The clothes are mine.’
‘No-one’s going to notice the clothes,’ he said.
Tish whooped. ‘What did I tell you? That boy is yours –’ she caught my warning glance and stopped mid-sentence.
Sam raised an eyebrow. ‘After someone in particular?’
I wished I could slide gracefully through a trapdoor. I tossed in a tote bag full of clothes I’d kept out for the plane and slammed the boot closed. ‘Let’s get going.’
Stars Like Us Page 6