•
The music was quieter now and someone called ‘Last drinks!’ as I got to the bottom of the stairs. I made a beeline for Tish at the bar before I realised I knew the curly-haired blonde beside her.
‘Liliana! You’ll know where he is!’ said Verity.
‘Who?’ I slid onto the stool next to Tish.
‘Carter, of course,’ said Tish. ‘What do you mean, “who”?’ She studied my face, which must have given everything away. ‘Ohmygod.’ She clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘Oh my god!’
‘No, wait …’ I spluttered, but she pulled me off the stool and waltzed me around, too drunk to be subtle. Verity stopped swinging her legs and hunched forward, as though she was about to leap off the stool.
‘It doesn’t mean anything,’ I said. ‘I’m leaving in the morning.’
‘Of course it means something,’ said Tish. ‘He’s liked you for ages.’
Verity hopped down. ‘I thought you were just friends.’
‘We are,’ I said. ‘Nothing happened.’ I turned to Tish. ‘You’re making this into a big deal. It’s not a big deal.’ But Verity’s eyes narrowed and I couldn’t blame her: I wasn’t even convincing myself.
‘You have to tell me everything!’ said Tish.
I glanced around and saw Richie come in the side door. Carter wasn’t going to be far behind him, and I didn’t want to be sitting with his ex when he arrived. Richie sidled over to me with a sneer of acknowledgement.
‘Wait …’ said Tish, but I shoved her off me and followed him into the pool room. At least it got me out of Verity’s orbit. My feet stuck to the floor, Tish’s shoes cutting into my ankles. I challenged Richie to a game while Tish loitered, sipping her drink and clearly waiting for us to finish so she could get the goss. Richie was unfocused and missed most of his shots, but I still enjoyed beating him. The lights came on halfway through our game and the music cut out. A girl was screaming at the back of the pub, but I only half paid attention until I heard his name.
‘I can’t believe you, Carter! You bloody liar!’
Richie looked straight at me. ‘Better face the music, huh, Liliana?’
Tish went to grab me, but I wrenched away from her and went towards the shouting. Stevie was in the doorway to the main room, still yelling, and I pushed through the gathering crowd.
Carter and Verity were on a couch together, her dress rumpled. Carter saw me and his face twitched with relief until he registered what that meant. I yanked away from Tish and charged blindly through the pub to the exit.
The paved area outside was crowded with smokers, so I went past them to a set of stone steps that led down to a mooring. My knees trembled and I had to take off Tish’s heels so I didn’t keel into the river. The schoolhouse, where I’d slept for the last two months, rose out of the darkness on the other side like a homestead in a horror film. I dropped onto the steps, my feet stinging as they sank into the water, and tried to block out the noise of the party behind me. But there was nothing that would take me back to before midnight.
Someone cleared their throat and I twisted to see Sam silhouetted in the glow from the streetlight. He sat beside me on the steps, taking in my submerged feet and the blonde hairs rising on my exposed thighs.
‘You left your jumper in my car. Here, borrow mine.’ He took off his hoody and I pulled it on over the skimpy top, feeling instantly safer. ‘Let me guess,’ he said slowly. ‘My girlfriend talked you into coming here dressed like that to try to snaffle Carter, and now he’s snogging Stevie instead and you’re wondering why you didn’t bring a jacket.’
I looked at him in surprise. Apart from the girl, he’d been right on the money.
‘Forgive me for saying this – Carter’s my best friend, but he’s not exactly serious boyfriend material.’
I untangled a strand of hair and tried not to look like I cared. The wind sent ripples across the river and flattened the jumper against my body. I took my feet out of the water, my insides knotted. If I didn’t go back to the party I’d never see Carter again. I could get on my plane, put it all behind me, and he would never know how much it had hurt.
‘Maybe I’ll just stay out here forever,’ I said.
‘Nah, that won’t work.’ Sam nodded at the goosebumps prickling over my bare legs. ‘You’ll probably freeze to death. And I’m not giving you my trousers.’
My laugh sounded suspiciously like a sob. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking,’ I said.
He rubbed my back through the jumper to warm me up. ‘Oh, Jesus, you shouldn’t be embarrassed,’ he said. ‘And look on the bright side, you and Carter have been circling each other for months. At least now you won’t die wondering, right?’
My mind poked around the memory, tried to separate it from what came afterwards, but it was still too raw.
‘That’s not what I wanted, though,’ I said. ‘I think I might actually like him.’
He looked sympathetic. ‘Don’t give yourself a hard time. You wouldn’t be the first girl this has happened to. Maybe you and Ava and Stevie can start a club.’
I tried to laugh, but it came out like a snort. ‘They can have him.’
CHAPTER 16
I followed Sam back to his car in bare feet, dodging the smashed Champagne bottles on the ground. Light was starting to break on the sleepy town. My phone buzzed and I was seized with fear that it might be Carter, but when I saw it was just Phoenix, I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. I poured out the whole story of the wild night, from our kick-ass performance to the talent scout from Beatnik to the kiss with Carter to the hurried catastrophe that followed.
Phoenix made sympathetic noises in all the right places. But while I thought they would be desperate to dissect the whole Carter situation, they dismissed it right away. ‘I’m much more interested in this meeting you’re going to tomorrow.’
‘I’m not going to the meeting. My flight’s in three hours.’
They levelled their gaze at the screen. ‘Liliana. You have an opportunity for a record deal here. A record deal with Addie Marmoset’s label. Don’t tell me you’re going to turn that opportunity down.’
‘They probably won’t offer us a record deal. No-one gets record deals anymore, Phoenix.’
‘Well, they definitely won’t offer it to the boys without you there. Don’t you think you owe it to them to give it a shot?’
I bristled. ‘I don’t owe Carter anything.’
‘Sam, then. And Richie. But more than anything, don’t you owe it to yourself?’
I looked at Sam, who glanced at me and smiled. ‘If we don’t leave now you’ll miss check-in,’ he said, and I said goodbye to Phoenix. I got into the front seat and wriggled into my jeans. Using my jumper as cover, I removed Tish’s camisole and put on my own T-shirt. It smelled clean and fresh, the opposite of how I felt.
‘Tish is going to be gutted she didn’t get to say goodbye to you,’ he said as I stuffed her clothes into the tote bag and tossed it into the back seat. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. ‘There’s no time to stop, though.’
The bridge was still closed; cleaners in high-vis vests were picking up after the street party. Sam took the back route out of Henley and I looked out the window as the sun came up on the neatly tended fields.
‘Look, we don’t have to talk about it, but I want you to know I think Carter was well out of line. It doesn’t matter that you’re leaving, he shouldn’t have treated you like that.’
At Carter’s name, my shoulders tensed. ‘I don’t want you to hold it against him,’ I said. ‘It’s the most important meeting of your life today. Don’t sabotage it out of some weird loyalty to me.’
He threw me a sideways look. ‘You’re joking, right? I’m not going.’
‘Sam! It’s Beatnik!’
‘I’ve been thinking about this all night. Richie’s right – they’re not going to sign us if you’re not there. It’s you they want, not me or Carter, and definitely not Richie.’
&n
bsp; ‘You can get another singer. And even if they don’t sign you, you might still make a contact. And what if they do sign you? It’ll be a dream come true.’
His hands tightened on the wheel. ‘I don’t know if that is my dream. I think it’s your dream, which is why it’s so ridiculous that you’re turning your back on it. I’ve taught a lot of people and you’re the most talented guitarist I’ve ever seen.’
I smiled at the compliment, but said, ‘I’m not turning my back on it. I have to go home.’
He didn’t say anything, just focused on the motorway.
‘You think I’m turning my back on it?’
‘You’re the one who wants to be the next Addie Marmoset. This is the chance of your life. It’s freaking Beatnik.’
‘My flight –’
‘You can delay your flight.’
‘My dad would never let me.’
‘So don’t ask permission.’
I worked my thumbs through the frayed holes in my tartan jumper and imagined Dad waiting at the airport for a daughter who never arrived.
‘Turn to Heathrow coming up,’ said Sam.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘Go straight.’
His grin split his face as the exit whizzed past.
CHAPTER 17
I used my last sterling on a huge coffee and a cheese toastie. My throat felt like sandpaper after the Regatta show but Sam insisted I bring my guitar in case Beatnik asked us to perform. A text came in from Carter just before we headed to the meeting.
Phoenix would have had a field day analysing that one, but when I thought about seeing him again my hands started to shake.
With fifteen minutes to spare, we dodged the building sites on the street and walked up to the glass revolving doors. Carter and Richie were loitering outside, both looking like they’d had a shower and at least a few minutes’ sleep.
Carter smiled broadly when he saw me. ‘I knew you’d be here, Jimi.’ Something about the nickname made me stop: it seemed so normal. How could he go from ‘I’ve wanted you for weeks’ to pretending it never happened? I shouldn’t have expected an apology, but it still stung.
Well, fine. If he could shake it off, I would too. Maybe it hadn’t meant anything to me either. Maybe I kissed people on balconies all the time.
Oh, come on. He was never going to believe that.
When I stood beside him, I could smell his soap and I wished I’d replaced last night’s make-up with a new form of armour.
Richie looked happy to see me for the first time since I’d met him. ‘I thought you’d gone back to Oz,’ he said nonchalantly, but his face betrayed him.
‘Dude, it’s Beatnik,’ I said, and he grinned even wider.
We waited in the lobby, gawking at the marble ceiling while a fresh-pressed army of people swept past us on the way to lunch. I looked down at the comfortable outfit I’d selected for the plane: the cracked leather jacket I’d bought in a vintage store because it reminded me of Sid Vicious, my trusty tartan jumper, torn black jeans and sneakers. But I had to believe Jerry wanted to see us because of what we could do, not what we looked like.
A girl came out of the lifts and headed straight for us as though she saw hapless kids with guitars every day. She handed out red VISITOR stickers and avoided eye contact as the lift silently scaled fourteen floors. She left us in the reception area, a clinical room with white couches and floor-to-ceiling windows, and I looked out at the street below so I didn’t have to meet Carter’s eyes.
Jerry finally arrived with a showman’s grin in place. ‘Liliana!’ he said, like he deserved a medal for remembering my name. We wedged ourselves into a plush couch in his office while he went to get his colleagues and I scanned the framed records on the wall, looking for Perfect Storm. My knee wouldn’t stop jiggling and Carter put his hand on it to stop the movement. I flinched like he’d burned me and he took it off.
Jerry returned with a crowd of people. ‘This is Saskia and Amir,’ he said as they filed in. ‘Boris. Jen.’ He got up our channel and I cringed at the sound quality as the opening bars of ‘King Cutie’ began. If they hated it, I’d never see the song the same way again.
From the computer, my voice sounded confident as the chorus ramped up.
When he asks, he asks so easily
Steps up fast and moves in close to me
And I reply, I know absolutely
I’m with him, and he’s King Cutie
Those words sounded plaintive in the light of what had happened between Carter and me. And then came the line Carter had written:
You might think you’re different, but soon you’ll see
It’s always a good time with King Cutie
It was almost like he’d warned me about himself. Maybe I was an idiot for thinking he might be different with me.
As the song ended I let out a long breath and finally looked at Amir, Saskia, Boris and Jen. Their boredom had been replaced by cautious interest.
Amir was obviously one of the more senior people, maybe a manager. He was not much taller than me, fine-boned, and wearing a velvet jacket that made my skin crawl. ‘It’s got a lot of energy, a nice blend of rock and pop, and it sounds like you can actually play.’
‘Their look, too,’ said Saskia, speaking as if we weren’t actually there. Her hunger to impress Amir and Jen was obvious. ‘All four of them. This one,’ she pointed at me, ‘is a bit on the skinny side, but with some lipstick, some heels, I think we can work with it.’
I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or take offence. My feet were still stinging from Tish’s experiment last night. Changing the way I dressed hadn’t exactly worked out for me so far.
‘And this one.’ She waved a hand over Carter, who stared straight back at her, partly hostile. ‘Total smokeshow. You’ll certainly set the teenage pulses racing.’ I stifled a laugh at the word ‘smokeshow’. Richie made a sceptical click behind his teeth that reminded me of the way he’d said ‘Unbelievable’ when he’d found me kissing Carter last night, and I felt my face grow hot.
‘I don’t know,’ said Jen, who looked like she’d just stepped out of a 1970s disco, her neat Afro tied back with an orange scarf. She fingered a hoop earring and looked us over. ‘Punk isn’t really having a moment right now. It’s all about the softer guitars, more electronica, or laidback reggae sounds. How old are you?’ she asked me.
‘Sixteen,’ I said.
‘And how long have you been playing together, as a band?’
‘A few years,’ said Carter before I could tell the truth.
‘Any gigs?’ Her voice was cool: Amir might have been keen, but she seemed higher up the food chain.
‘We won a Battle of the Bands in May,’ said Carter. ‘And we just played at Regatta. And we’re about to start a weekly gig at a pub,’ he added, clearly not inclined to let the facts get in the way of a record deal. ‘My dad – Liam Tanqueray, you might’ve heard of him – got us the gig.’
Sam and I stayed neutral, but Richie didn’t even try to hide his disdain at the name-drop.
‘Your father is Liam Tanqueray?’ Jen asked, finally letting go of her earring.
‘They really kick it live,’ said Jerry.
Amir’s eyes glinted. ‘Let’s see it, then.’
Boris said, ‘Come downstairs, I’ll set you up with a drum kit.’
In the lift, my legs were so rickety that I didn’t know how I was going to stand in front of everyone and play. I rubbed my hands together in the hope it would stave off cramp, and Sam caught my eye. ‘Just play, Donadi,’ he said quietly. ‘They’ll love us.’
On the eighth floor, we wound past several rooms with drum kits, turntables and microphones before we reached the recording studio. Its long glass wall made me feel like an exhibit in a zoo. Boris leaned his elbows on the dashboard behind the glass and nodded out at us. Somehow, I held my voice level enough to ask which song they wanted to hear, and Jerry answered ‘King Cutie’ without hesitation.
Behind me, Sam c
ounted us in and we leapt into it. I let my fingers take over and tried to convince myself this was no different to last night, in front of the punters at Regatta. I risked a glance at Carter brooding over his guitar, his hands capable and sure, and he looked up with the same pure joy we shared every week at rehearsal. I wanted to smile back, but the memory of everything that had happened last night stopped me. As we built to the bridge I practically spat out the words: You might think you’re different, but soon you’ll see. By the end of the song, my hands were steady. It had almost been liberating.
Boris was deep in conversation with Jen behind the glass. Richie watched them intently, but the rest of us avoided each other’s eyes, not wanting to say anything. And then, finally, Amir looked up at us with a white-toothed smile.
‘Congratulations, Lady Stardust,’ he said. ‘We’d like to offer you a contract.’
•
We walked out into the grey afternoon, arms linked, guitars slung over our backs, a four-headed, grinning hydra. We hadn’t stopped smiling in the surreal minutes that followed Amir’s offer, as we’d waited quietly in Jerry’s office for Saskia to print the contracts for us to take home. But as soon as we cleared the lobby, Carter said, ‘Oh. My. God.’
‘Ohmygod ...’ I squeaked out.
‘Oh my god ...’ Sam agreed.
And then the four of us put our arms around each other and tore down the street.
CHAPTER 18
‘Absolutely not.’ Dad’s voice arrived in my head as if it were my own inner monologue. ‘You are sixteen years old, Liliana. You can’t live on the other side of the world by yourself.’
‘I’m not by myself.’ Beatnik had it all worked out. They would foot the bill for a flat in South London until our single went on sale. None of us were game to think about what that would mean if the single wasn’t a success. ‘I’ll be living with the guys in the band –’
‘Three boys, and one is eighteen –’
‘And the band’s PA – Saskia – will be there all the time.’
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