by M. C. Cerny
“Kitties, seriously?” I hissed. If he was going to compare my pussy to furry cats I was kicking his ass out of bed, and maybe my life.
“Win just relax.”
“I bet you say that to all the pretty fillies before you’re elbow deep in horse vagina.”
Chase let out a derisive huff.
“Really?” He said.
I gave that image a second thought and shuddered.
“Sorry, no.” I mumbled clearly out of my mind.
“Would you like an apple to munch on, sweetheart?”
I pointed my finger at him and waved to my business between my legs. “Fuck you and get fishing, I’d like to take a shower after this.” I leaned back against the headboard feeling absolutely zero romance about this with my arms crossed over my chest. Chase slipped his fingers between my folds that presently felt less feminine and petal like. I’m pretty sure this is worse than a yearly exam.
“Breath out and relax.”
Yup, it’s definitely worse.
“I can’t.” I cover my face with my hands mortified as Chase fingers me in the most non-sexual way possible searching for latex jammed up inside me.
“Winn, you have to relax. You’re tighter than a jar of pickles.” His other palm caresses my stomach gently making me shiver. Ugh this is not the time to feel aroused when your boyfriend is fingers deep on a hunting expedition for a condom rescue party.
“Pickles?” Peeking through my hands, I watched him and take a deep breath. He’s efficient and quick, but it doesn’t change the fact when he pulls out a broken piece of the condom.
I whimpered seeing that broken piece of latex as the end of the world.
“You’re on the pill; I think we’ll be fine.” Chase got up from the bed patting my knee like my doctor would and I cringed.
My hands fisted and pound into the mattress. Chase frowned
“It’s not your vagina that will host a symbiotic being inside of it before a violent expulsion.” I cried. I don’t know why this bothers me so much.
Yes, I do.
Children frighten me.
They scare me more than dogs with bad breath and loose bowels.
He crossed his arms over his impressive chest but I am so far out of the mood for sex that it does nothing for me.
“I think you watch too many alien movies.”
“What should we name it?”
“Name what?”
“The baby we’re having.”
Chase rolled his shoulders leaning over the bed to pin me back down. His eyes bored into mine seriously. “Christ, Winsome, you’re not pregnant.”
I panicked because that’s what anyone would do in this situation, right?
“You don’t know that for sure. Doctors don’t know everything.” Chase rolled his eyes at me and my face blushed hot. Didn’t pregnant woman have higher body temperatures? They flushed easily and now so was I. He was trying to hold my hands down from flailing and the urge to flee overwhelmed me. This couldn’t possibly be happening, could it?
“Babe, I’m pretty confident you’re okay. Relax. I have to find one more piece.” His hand cupped my mound as he rubbed his finger over my clit. My body was singing for release, but my head was miles away.
“Relax?” I screeched. Chase wouldn’t be the one gaining weight and eating six kinds of pickles from jars I couldn’t possibly open with rocky road ice cream.
“Or don’t relax.” He muttered clearly as bothered by this as I was.
“Maybe I’m horse ovulating.” I know I’m being impossible but a baby literally scared the abstinence in me as it should. I can’t even boil water without the fire department showing up; I can’t be left unattended with a living, breathing human being. Mere plants browned in my presence. The only thing I managed to do passingly well so far was take care of three dogs who I was certain would eat me in my sleep if I forgot to feed them.
“No, I’m pretty sure you’re not.” Chase looked exasperated and went in deep before pulling out the offending last piece of latex and my sanity. “See, all done.”
“Bravo Doc. Planning on making the rounds later?” I’m feeling sarcastic and Chase ignored me.
“Shower time, city girl and if you’re still ornery I’ll take you to get the morning after pill to be sure.” He pulled me up sitting and then hoisted me over his shower buck naked in a fireman’s hold.
“Chase! Put me down!” My hand slapped his ass but he doesn’t care.
“Come on. The longer you’re upside down the more likely my baby matter is mixing with yours.” He doesn’t let up and I’m a little fearful I might fall so I hold on. He brings me into the bathroom setting me down gently.
“Ohmigod! Put me down this instant!” Was that even possible? Were we making a baby as we spoke? I felt a rush of liquid between my legs and winced making the gross face. I hoped not.
“Winston.”
“What?” I pulled back looking at Chase clueless what he’s talking about now.
“The baby. We’ll name the baby, Winston.” He looked serious. Serious Chase scared the shit out of me.
I poked him hard in the chest and he grabbed my finger holding my hand.
“Don’t joke with me like that.” I reproached. I had a million irrational worries and fears and he was turning them all into a joke.
“You’ll wish I wasn’t.” He turned on the water and nudged me inside soaping me up and rubbing between my legs making me forget how weird the last the ten minutes had been.
“I’m not ready for this!” I cried and surprisingly big fat tears spilled from my eyes and I’m sure this is the moment where Chase discretely attempts to walk away pretending he’s never met me before. Hey, it wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened to me.
His arms circled around me pulling me in tight against his wet chest. Hands rub down my sides but I can’t calm myself down. “Win, tell me what’s wrong.”
I wanted to explain my irrational fears. It’s not that I’ve ruled out kids indefinitely. I just didn’t see why I had to have them physically. I hated doctors, needles, blood and everything else. Adoption, surrogacy… these were all options I could live with. I wasn’t in the headspace where I could imagine my body stretching to accommodate something that would simply feed and poop while it wailed at all hours of the night for the next eighteen years. I was a little selfish too. I liked me time and I wasn’t ready to give any of that up right now. Some people could have kids and think about those things later or not at all, I figured I was doing the world a favor by knowing ahead of time and saving everyone the trouble.
Instead, I probably said the more insensitive thing ever.
“It’s just that I have this favorite white cashmere sweater and all I can think of is baby vomit running down my shoulder and that I’ll have to smile and pretend I’m okay with it and wear a brooch to cover it up or something.”
“Okay, first of all, baby vomit is never okay and I’m never letting you hold my friend’s babies.”
“You hate me? You think I’m shallow and superfluous don’t you?” I can’t stop the rush of tears that I blame on the sudden surge of hormones I swear I have coursing through me.
“No.” He said.
“Be honest with me.”
“Win, I think you’re overreacting because you’re not ready. I’m not ready either, but babies are not the end of the world, okay?”
“Whaaaa!” Horrified and embarrassed, I sobbed louder. It’s the hormones. I blamed the hormones.
“Okay, maybe I just don’t want them thinking you’re crazy.” He patted my back and I pushed him away. “You’ll get over this.”
“Baby vomit on cashmere? Hardly. It doesn’t dry clean well. You can’t wear that like a badge of honor.”
“No, your aversion to kids, or maybe not. Look nobody said we were having one. I’d never really thought about it before. I just figured it was something that would happen eventually when I hit my thirties.”
“How old are you?” I give
him the business at the end of my finger poking him hard.
He put his hands up defensively. “Uhhh… don’t get upset.”
“Chase!” I don’t like where this is going.
“I may be in the thirty-year vicinity.” His voice raised an octave freaking me out.
My eyes narrowed taking in the slight marring of wrinkles at the corners of his eyes that I thought were from him smiling all the time, or being outside in the sun, but might actually be from his age showing through. Oh God, maybe my Nanna in Shanghai could send her special face cream made from the powder of pearls and tiger bones. That stuff was the bomb. I didn’t want Chase aging before my eyes like some Benjamin Button.
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Wait, is my age really a problem?” Nope, not one bit except he doesn’t answer me and I know Chase is older, heck he finished vet school, has a practice, and a real career while I’m floundering in fashionista hell. It’s not like I forgot we had an age difference between us and while it isn’t much, I have to admit I don’t have a lot of life experience to show for it besides avoiding a mugging on the subway and knowing the city grid by heart.
It’s far too sobering a thought for the moment.
“Arrrgh! I need to leave.”
“No, you need to finish this shower with me and then eat breakfast. You like the Market place?” Chase ignored me and went about being his bossy self.
He sticks my head under the spray of water and I yelled, “You want to fatten me up for your baby!”
Chase huffed out a breath.
“Yes, you caught me. Obviously, I’m into the breeding fetish.” He scrubbed his head looking aggrieved with me and asked, “Waffle or pancakes?”
“I don’t care. I just want bacon.”
“Bacon it is.” Chase moved to leave the shower and I stop him with a hand on his arm. He turned to me slowly, as if waiting for my next ridiculous comment on this and I didn’t disappoint.
“How do you even know that’s a fetish?”
His manly brow arched and he’d look super-hot standing here soaking wet if I wasn’t so freaked out right now.
“The same way you deduced I want to breed you.”
“Don’t use that word, please. I think my insides just cringed. I’m banning the B word from now on.”
“Babies or breeding because honestly, I have no idea how we got here this morning.”
“Both. I can’t stomach the thought.” I shivered.
Chase mumbled. “And my ego feels better already.”
“Only an old man would say that.” I tell him washing soap out of my eyes.
“Win, relax nobody is getting knocked up today, tomorrow, or any day soon. I like you and I like what we have, but let’s not get crazy.”
“We’re only doing anal from now.” I pointed at him declaring, “Nobody gets pregnant from anal!” Chase gave me the side eye after I said that. I was only half serious because I’d never done anal before, but it had to be better letting my butt stretch out than my, you know–lady bits downstairs.
“Anal?” He asked and I shook my head full of false bravado.
“Uh huh.”
He tapped his chin and I swore the crinkle of a smile edged his face. “Have you done anal before?”
I regretting being impulsive as I watched the hamster wheel of his mind turn and spin before my eyes.
“Nope, I’m just going to assume you know which hole your manly anaconda fits in.” He cringed when I said that and I don’t blame him. I’m cringing too.
“Maybe we need to ban a few other words.” He looked up running his large hands through his hair darkened by the spray of the water.
“I can have a list for you later. Alphabetical?” I run my hands over his chest and he grabbed them gently rubbing my wrists.
“Is there another way to organize them?”
“I’m sure I could find one we both agree on.” My hands resumed roaming, but he seemed unconvinced.
“Remember, we’re working on not being crazy.” He reminded me.
“Yeah, yeah, crazy.” Chase’s words stayed with me through breakfast. Even the promised bacon I nibbled lost some of its charm sitting in my stomach like a grease pit of food. Logically, I knew that we were kind of casual and I was still leaving at the end of summer, what did I expect him to say after my colossal freak out over his baby batter?
19
Chase
I figured the best way to pretend disastrous morning sex didn’t happen was to distract Winnie with a day out. She ate her bacon dutifully and dressed with one eye on me the whole time like I was going to pounce her. Sure. I thought about it, but I also considered how to ease her into the backend of things if regular old sex was going to freak her out. It’s not like there weren’t several birth control options for us to consider and I respected whatever she wanted.
Hesitantly, I eased into the conversation about the day’s plan, not the sex part. “How do you feel about adoption?”
“Chase.” Winnie practically growled and I stepped back to grab a shirt to put on.
I pushed my arms through and lifted the shirt over my head. “I meant animals not humans. Chill out.”
“As long as I’m not adopting anything with a heartbeat, I think I’m okay. A house plant might be better, you’ve seen me with my charges.” We both laugh. I know she loves those dogs she’s pet-sitting even if she’s having a hell of a go at it. Besides, I doubt Winnie has a green thumb.
“There’s a pet adoption day over in Poughkeepsie I like to volunteer at. I give the animals a well check and help them clean up some of the scruffier ones.”
“Oh, so you help the animals find new homes and stuff.”
I see her wavering with intrigue and like where this is going.
“Yes, I make sure they’re healthy and we interview people to foster them from the overcrowded animal shelter or adopt them outright.”
“And we won’t bring any back, right?”
“I promise.” I crossed my fingers behind my back. What I don’t tell Winnie is that I’ve fostered from time to time myself if no one else can but I figure that’s abridge we can cross until later today. I turn into a mush playing with the puppies and petting the fluffy kittens, but that’s partly why I went into veterinary medicine so I can help animals.
I get Winnie to agree and shuffle her out to my car. The selfish part of me values my life and I’d prefer to drive considering the one time I let her drive, I thought I my brief thirty years on this planet flew past me as she navigated small town traffic with her city driving. I’m not even sure she realized she almost clipped a mailbox in her aunt’s car. I tell myself I’m just looking out for the citizens of New Paltz and the random squirrel as I pull out of my driveway and drive to the animal shelter hosting today’s adoption event.
It’s a short drive and when I park the car, I get out and open the door for Win. She slides out looking cute in her cut off jean shorts and I hold her hand walking in. It feels good. Natural. It feels like I should always be holding her hand.
We’re greeted by one of the shelter volunteers.
20
Winnie
I take a good look at the Pitbull named Merc and decided he needs some sprucing up. He’s all black with white socks and a white patch on his chest that sports a long scar. I don’t know his history but he’s sad inside the metal cage with his head down and sad eyes. I’m not normally affected by puppy eyes, well, not usually, but something about him just gets to me.
“Hey buddy, let’s see if we can get you a nice loving home today.” Merc perked his head up looking at me with his nearly black eyes. I picked up the card on his cage and read it aloud.
“Two-year-old male pit. Surrendered by family who moved out of state.” I looked at the dog who seemed to sink further down on his haunches.
“Who does that? Who surrenders a family pet?” I spin around the space and almost knock into Chase who grabbed me by the shoulders. He looked about as angry as I f
elt.
“You’d be surprised at the people who surrender animals they have no business adopting in the first place.”
“Is he good with kids and stuff? He’s got that nasty scar on his chest.”
Chase reached inside the cage and pet his head. I move my hand to follow and Merc lays down to roll over on his back for more scratches.
“This guy is a big sweetheart. He needed surgery to remove a small tumor. Thankfully it wasn’t cancer or anything serious. He just needs a good home with people who will love him and not abandon him.”
I’m mad on Merc’s behalf and grab a new card. “Well then, let’s make sure Merc here gets a fighting chance.” I write down on the card that Merc is loyal, sweet, and has a big heart that needs a big family to fill it. I put the card back and Chase puts his hands on my shoulders reading it.
“That’s perfect, Win.” He kissed the top of my head and moved on to check on another dog and my cheeks warmed up. I did a good job and Chase appreciated it. I hadn’t felt those kind of warm and fuzzies before. I wondered what else we could do to get the animals new homes with the right people.
I conjured up doing a photo shoot, and styling the dogs and cats in various scenes showing how sweet and amazing they would be in a family setting. The idea wasn’t solid yet. I didn’t know how to get it rolling but maybe Chase could help me with that. I wasn’t a good photographer, but I could dress anyone. I might have a real shot at using my fashion merchandising degree after all.
21
Chase
Whenever my phones rings and the caller ID has my mother’s number I cringe a little more than usual. It could have been Kristen calling, but I had a hierarchy for my family members. It started with Kristen, my mother the illustrious Judge, and my dad the coach. The only person I dropped everything for to answer the phone was for my grandmother. I loved that woman more than life itself and if she needed me to move heaven and earth I’d find a way to make it happen. Now Winnie hadn’t called me much to change the rules of the hierarchy, but I was slowly thinking that Grammie wouldn’t mind sharing the top tier with this girl.