She’d been thinking about his touch. About how they got each other, as best friends and as lovers. She hadn’t been thinking about the practicalities, about how when the news became public she’d be standing with him in the glare. About how she’d cope with navigating his world when she had no compass.
She wanted to get out of these clothes. She went to the bedroom, changed into a pair of comfortable trousers and a shirt. She heard the phone ring and the low resonance of his voice.
‘No. No comment... You can speak to Sonya Graham-Hall about any publicity matters to do with the clinic. You have her number... No, I really don’t have anything else to say...’
When she went back into the sitting room the jack for the landline lay unplugged on the floor and he was holding his mobile against his ear.
One minute...
He mouthed the words, holding up his finger to indicate that the call wouldn’t last long, and then spoke into the phone.
‘Hi, Sonya. Did you see it?’
Suddenly Marie didn’t want to listen to this. She went into the kitchen and set the kettle to boil, making two mugs of tea. When she heard Alex stop talking, she walked back into the sitting room.
‘Thanks.’ Alex was in full damage-control mode now. He took the tea, putting it down on the coffee table in front of him. ‘I’ve spoken to Sonya, and she’s going to field all the press enquiries for now. We don’t answer any questions from anyone.’
‘Okay.’ That sounded sensible enough. ‘So what do you think we should do?’
He pressed his lips together. ‘I don’t see that we have much choice. We don’t see each other for a while—until this all blows over.’
‘I have a choice. I can stand by you.’
‘You don’t want this, Marie. You’ve told me yourself that you’re not comfortable with my royal status, and it’s about to get a whole lot worse.’
‘I never said that!’ Marie reddened. She’d demonstrated it, though, by refusing to wear the diamond. Actions spoke louder than words.
‘Are you going to tell me you’d be happy with that kind of notoriety?’
‘No. But I don’t have to be happy with it, Alex. If it’s who you are then that’s what I’ll be.’
‘That’s...’
His gaze softened for a moment, and Marie though he was about to relent. Then steel showed in his eyes again.
‘I’ve seen the damage that can do, and I won’t let you do it, Marie.’
‘But I want to do it. I don’t want to be the kind of person who thinks the best thing to do when things get tough is to walk away. My father did that, and I’ve been dealing with the consequences ever since.’
That was the difference between them. It wasn’t just a matter of lifestyle—although it terrified Marie to think she might be catapulted into a world where she felt like a fish out of water. They’d both lived through different versions of an unhappy childhood, and they’d always have different solutions for life’s problems.
Tears suddenly blurred her vision, burning like acid. Maybe the answer to this was that there was no answer. That there was nothing either of them could do to make it right.
He got to his feet. ‘Perhaps we should talk about this later. I have to go over to see Sonya, to work up a press release. Just the basic facts; she reckons that’ll give us some breathing space.’
That was probably wise. It would give them both a little time to cool off. Although in truth Alex looked perfectly cool now. He’d switched off, retreating behind the mask he’d worn all his life—the one he’d hidden behind as a child, which had protected him from his past ever since.
‘Yes, okay. You’ll go back to the clinic?’
‘Yes, I’ll see you there.’
He turned away. When Marie heard the front door close it sounded just the same as it always did. She’d almost prefer that he’d slammed it—at least it would have given some hint of what was going on in his head.
She should go to work. By the time Alex returned to the clinic she’d be calm. And when they came back here they’d go to the bedroom and forget all about their differences.
Maybe.
Marie picked up the overnight bag into which she’d folded her dress and jacket, collecting up the other odds and ends that had found their way here and putting them into it too. A comb and a tub of moisturiser. A book that she was only halfway through, which lay on the kitchen table. The pages were creased at one corner from where it had been dropped on the floor, discarded when Alex had leaned over to kiss her and passion had made her forget everything else. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and she stuffed it quickly into her bag.
She didn’t need to do this. Gathering up her things seemed so final...as if a decision had been made. People argued all the time...
But Marie couldn’t see the way back from this. As she closed his front door behind her the click of the latch seemed to mark an ending.
* * *
Alex’s meeting with Sonya lasted half an hour. She’d seen that he couldn’t concentrate, and had kept it short and simple. ‘Just tell me what you want and I’ll handle it,’ had just about covered it.
He took a taxi back to his flat, but Marie was already gone. That at least gave him some time alone, to think. He just wanted to take shelter from a world that wanted to know nothing about him and everything about his royal connections.
Running to the comfort of Marie’s arms would ease his pain, but it was the same as hiding inside the walls of the clinic. If he was going to protect them—Marie and the clinic—he had to distance himself from them both for a little while.
Sonya would manage things, and a few well-chosen media releases and interviews would draw the press away from the gates of the clinic, so their patients didn’t have to run the gauntlet of photographers. It would draw them away from Marie, as well, so she didn’t have to face the bright glare of publicity.
Marie would never forgive him if he walked away. She’d told him already that she would stand by him, but he’d never forgive himself if her commitment to the job, to the clinic, to his dream, meant she had to change in an attempt to fit in with what she thought was expected of her.
If he stayed he’d lose her completely, but if he left there was a chance that their friendship might survive.
For the last few weeks he’d been beyond happy, and he’d allowed himself to think that maybe he did know how to make a relationship different from his parents’ marriage. But he’d fallen at the first hurdle.
When he finally made a move, changing out of his crumpled suit and making his way back to the clinic, he knew what he had to do. Marie was in a staff meeting that was due to last for the rest of the afternoon, and he waited until Tina, the receptionist, popped her head around his office door.
‘Everyone’s gone for the evening. It’s just you and Marie.’
‘Thanks, Tina. Have a good evening.’
‘You too. Are you okay...?’
Tina shot him a puzzled look, and Alex nodded and smiled back at her. The last thing he wanted was to make his relationship troubles the talk of the clinic.
He heard the front doors open and then slam shut again. He had to do it now. Before his courage failed him and wanting Marie took over, driving everything else from his mind.
Alex walked upstairs, feeling his burden increase with every step. Marie’s office door was open and he stopped in the doorway, afraid that if he went in and sat down he wouldn’t be able to do this.
She looked up from the papers in front of her and her eyes seemed suddenly hollow, as if she hadn’t slept for a week. ‘You’re back.’
‘Yes.’
No invitation to come in and sit down. It seemed Marie had nothing to say to him—which was fair enough because he had nothing to say to her. They’d always understood each other, and they understood this as well.
He t
ook a breath. ‘I think we should stop. For good. We’ll tear each other to pieces if we don’t.’
She nodded. ‘Yes. I think so too.’
That was the most difficult part and it had been achieved in a matter of a few words. Alex bit back the temptation to fall on his knees and beg her to fight him. That would just prolong the agony, because he and Marie had never been meant to be together.
‘I’m going to bring forward my trip,’ he said.
The trip had been planned for him to scout out sites for new clinics around the country. It was an ideal excuse to get him away from London for a couple of weeks.
‘After that I’ll be concentrating on development, so I’ll be working from home most of the time.’
‘But... No... I’ll clear out my things. There are plenty of jobs for qualified doctors in London. I’ll just call an agency and I’ll have another job by the weekend.’
She was regarding him steadily, her lip trembling and her eyes filling with tears. This wasn’t what he’d meant to happen at all.
‘What? No, Marie. We always kept our private lives separate from our work before. You can’t leave.’
He knew he was in no position to tell her what she could or couldn’t do. Thankfully Marie overlooked that.
‘I’m not sure I can stay, either.’
Alex thought fast. It was beyond unfair that a broken relationship meant Marie felt she had to walk away from her job. If she decided to leave he’d make sure she was paid until the end of the year, but that wasn’t the point. She’d put her heart into this place and given it life. It was as much hers as it was his, and she’d see that once the initial shock of their parting had subsided.
‘Stay for a couple of weeks at least. I need you to be here while I’m away. We can talk again when I get back.’
She nodded. ‘All right. Just until then, Alex.’
It was almost a relief to walk away from her, so he could no longer see the pain in her beautiful eyes. He’d never wanted to hurt Marie, but all he’d brought her was sorrow. He’d come to love this place, but he’d give it up a thousand times over if it meant she would stay.
He needed her in his life, and he hoped desperately that in time they’d learn to be friends again, but he was beginning to doubt that. There was no coming back from this.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
IT HAD BEEN ten days since she’d seen Alex. He’d walked out of the clinic that evening and Marie had been able to hold back her tears only just long enough to hear the main doors close downstairs. Then she’d got unsteadily out of her chair and walked over to the corner of her office. Sliding down the wall, she’d curled up on the floor, sobbing.
But they’d done the right thing. They needed completely different things from a relationship, and it never could have worked. That didn’t mean it hurt any less.
The emails had started the following day. Alex’s first one had been short and polite, and Marie had replied in the same vein. They’d loosened up a little as the days went by and his itinerary took him further and further away from London. Maybe after a year or so one of them might crack a joke.
She missed him so much. Her head wanted him and her body ached for him. Sofia Costa had asked if she was coming down with something, and Zack had noticed too.
‘What’s up, sis?’ He wandered into her office now, carrying a packet of sandwiches, and plumped himself down, offering her one.
Marie took it, wondering whether he’d made extra this morning just for the purpose of sharing.
‘What’s this?’ She peeled one of the slices of bread up. ‘Ah...cream cheese and cucumber. Thanks.’
Zack nodded. He knew that was one of her favourites. ‘I’ve made egg and bacon as well.’
Zack was definitely on a mission to spoil her. Marie smiled at him, grateful for both the sandwiches and his concern. Her little brother had come a long way in the last few months.
‘Is something going on? Between you and Alex?’ he asked.
‘What...?’ Marie almost choked on her sandwich. ‘What makes you think that?’
‘Well, he’s never around any more. You know that’s always a sign there’s something going on...when two people start avoiding each other at work.’ Zack nodded sagely.
‘Where did you get that from?’ Clearly not from his own experience; Zack hadn’t managed to hold a job down for more than a week before he came here. Marie wondered if people at the clinic were talking.
‘It was in a film on TV. Two people started an affair and all the people at work knew because they suddenly started being really horrible to each other.’
‘Well, I’m not having an affair with Alex.’ That was strictly true—she wasn’t having one with him any more. And she wouldn’t be having one with him in the future, either. ‘And he’s not been around because he’s in Edinburgh at the moment, talking to people about possible sites for a new clinic.’
‘Only half an hour away by air... You were looking pretty tired on Monday—’
‘Stop!’ Marie brought her hand down onto her desk and Zack jumped. ‘I haven’t been sleeping so well recently.’
Zack frowned. ‘So what is it, then?’
‘Nothing. Really.’ Marie decided this was as good a time as any to tell Zack. ‘I’m going to be leaving the clinic.’
Zack’s eyes widened in shock. ‘But why? You love it here.’
‘It’s...not what I thought it would be. I’m not with the patients as much as when I was working at the hospital.’
‘I thought you liked it? You know...developing stuff. Finding solutions.’
She did. But it was the only reason that Marie had been able to think of which didn’t involve talking about her split with Alex. She wasn’t able to do that just yet without dissolving into tears.
‘It’s a lot of paperwork. But, Zack, this won’t affect your job here. That’s between you and Alex, and my going won’t make any difference.’ Marie knew Alex would honour his agreement with Zack, whatever happened.
Zack thought for a moment. ‘I want to stay. I like it here.’
And Zack had been more than pulling his weight. He’d turned into an asset for the clinic, and people were beginning to depend on him.
‘Like I said, my leaving doesn’t make any difference to your position here.’
‘Okay. Thanks.’ Zack was obviously a little unhappy with this, but he’d run out of questions to ask. Instead he offered her another sandwich. ‘Bacon and egg?’
‘Thanks. I’ll keep it for later, if you don’t mind.’
* * *
Their email conversation hadn’t been an easy one, but Marie had been determined. She couldn’t stay at the clinic. Even when Alex wasn’t there everything about it reminded her of him. She had to make a clean break. And it wasn’t fair that he was staying away, because she knew he loved the place. He’d built it and she wanted him to have it.
He’d protested, but she’d stood firm, because she knew it was the best thing for both of them. They’d agreed that she should stay on for another week, until he was back, and that he’d take on her current medical and management duties after that.
It was where he was supposed to be. It was where he’d always intended to be, and Marie was just making things right.
She cleared out her office, trying not to cry over the box of pink paper clips and the lava lamp that Alex had given her. Then she said her goodbyes to everyone and left. Alex would be coming to the clinic tomorrow, and she wouldn’t even lay eyes on him.
The next two weeks were hard. She missed Alex every day. She missed the clinic every day. But she kept going, cleaning her flat from top to bottom and applying for jobs. Running in the park, with the express purpose of exhausting herself so that she’d sleep. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.
But today was a good day. There were two emails asking her to job intervi
ews. The sun was shining. She still missed Alex, but even that was beginning to subside from a sharp, insistent pain to a dull ache. Her life would never be the same without him, but it could still mean something. She could still make a difference.
She replied to both the emails, saying she’d be there at the times stated, and sorted through her wardrobe to find a suitable outfit. Her red jacket might go nicely with a plain dress, but that was still in her overnight bag, creased and crumpled. Marie hadn’t been able to bear opening it to go through all the things that had once been at Alex’s flat.
The doorbell rang and she pressed the Entryphone. That would be Zack. She opened the front door of her flat and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. She heard footsteps on the stairs, and then a quiet knock on the door.
‘Come in, Zack.’ Why was he messing around knocking at the door?
‘It’s not Zack.’
Marie froze. Alex’s voice. When she looked out into the hallway she could see him, standing outside the open door.
He looked tall, tired and handsome. Marie swallowed down the lump in her throat, willing her heart to slow down, but it ignored her.
‘Alex... I’m sorry, I was expecting Zack.’
Polite was the way to go. They’d been ruthlessly polite in their emails and that had worked. Perhaps it would work in person, too.
‘I wanted to talk to you. I asked Zack if he knew whether you’d be at home this morning.’
Light suddenly dawned. Zack had called her, asking if she’d be in, because he had something for her. It was Alex. Seeing Alex again was what Zack had for her. She was going to kill him.
‘Well, come in.’ She switched on a smile that didn’t feel even vaguely natural. ‘I dare say I’ve got things mixed up.’
He was holding the soft leather briefcase that he used for his laptop and papers. Perhaps he needed to speak to her about something to do with the clinic, in which case she was going to be professional. She wouldn’t cry, and she wouldn’t hold on to him, begging him to stay.
‘Thanks.’ He stepped into her hallway, closing the door behind him. They were standing twenty feet away from each other, but suddenly he seemed very close.
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