She smiled and leaned into him, putting an arm around his waist. “Thank you. I think he’s perfect, too. But whenever someone questions his size—or anything about him—I start doubting myself. Worrying it’s my fault, wondering what I should be doing differently.”
“Yeah. Guess I’m doing that, too.”
She studied him. “You and Holly can be a lot of support to each other. I know Sean’s great when I start worrying about HoHo or about the girls. Balances out my worrying.”
“That’s good.” But he’d done the reverse with Holly. When she hadn’t taken his worries seriously, he’d started blaming and accusing her. No wonder she’d fled.
He sighed as he turned toward his car. Obviously, he had a lot to learn, not only about being a father, but also about being half of a parenting team.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ON MONDAY, Holly pushed open the door of the Safe Haven Public Library and held it while she lifted Penny out of her stroller and attempted to fold it with one hand. The diaper bag flopped to the ground.
It sure would be nice to have someone to help.
The thought seemed like self-betrayal. You don’t need any help, she told herself as she finally managed to get the stroller into its folded-up position. She leaned it against the wall of the library just inside the door, shifted outside for her diaper bag and finally made it inside.
Despite the cool December day, she was sweating.
But coming to the library was preferable to sitting in her apartment, stewing over Cash O’Dwyer and Penny’s motor skills. Besides, it was good for Penny to get out.
Just like when she’d done the baby lap-sit, the fragrance of old books took her back to childhood days, when she and Tiff had hung out in the various public libraries near the places they’d lived. Tiff had soon tired of them and found other places to spend her time, but Holly had loved the combination of a peaceful environment and exciting books. No matter whether their home situation was good, bad or neutral—they’d experienced all three, sometimes in breathtakingly fast succession—she’d found the library a safe and stable place, often used it as a second home.
She could hear people talking softly near the circulation desk, but mostly the place was quiet. Hmm. Not necessarily baby-friendly. Would Penny be too loud for this place?
It was very possible, but for now, she held on to Holly’s shoulder and stared wide-eyed at the tall Christmas tree decorated with messy, handmade book ornaments of various sorts, probably the product of some children’s activity. Tinsel was draped around the edges of the room, also drawing Penny’s curious gaze.
Holly was more attracted to the display of Christmas books, cozy mysteries and romances with cute covers that promised a fun escape.
You’re not here for an escape, you’re here for information.
Although she did want to escape from thoughts of the kiss she’d shared with Cash at the women’s center, the kiss that had shaken her to the core. Even now, thinking about it, her stomach did flip-flops and her skin broke out in a light sweat.
Not only was Cash handsome and kind, but he was also an amazing kisser.
But she’d pushed him away for good reason, and it was just self-torture to second-guess that decision. Look how overbearing he’d gotten about Penny’s size and way of crawling. He’d as much as told her it was her fault.
His words had planted a question in her mind, though, one she hoped to answer here.
She wandered through the well-organized displays of bestsellers and magazines, thinking about Cash. His pushiness at the church was annoying, but she couldn’t fault him for his concern. Would actually like to have him around more, so she could bounce ideas off him and share the burden of helping Penny achieve her developmental milestones.
And kiss him some more.
But no. No way. Now that she was learning more about Cash’s family and the Safe Haven community, she found it was even harder to reconcile what Tiff had done.
She couldn’t betray her sister and jeopardize Penny’s future by revealing that Tiff had gotten pregnant on purpose to get something out of Cash. But she couldn’t get close to Cash while hiding that kind of a secret.
She’d seen people acting selfishly and manipulating other people in her childhood and even among the rich people she’d dog-sat for in New York. Among many of those folks, Tiff’s deception wouldn’t have drawn a second glance.
But people didn’t do that sort of thing here. Not that small-town residents were perfect—just look at Mitch Mitchell—but there was a sort of self-policing mechanism at work in a place like Safe Haven. The fact that neighbors knew each other’s business meant that you couldn’t act too far out of line and get away with it. Case in point: word that Mitch was wrong and that she was a good dog walker had spread quickly around town. Two of her lost clients had already come back.
She made her way over to the bank of computers and quickly figured out the cataloging system, keeping Penny entertained in her lap with goldfish crackers. She’d pick out a book or two and get going before Penny started to fuss.
But when she went over to look up the books she’d found, she ended up browsing through the whole child-development section. There was a world of information here, and she wanted to study all of it, now. She’d always done well in school, had taken a couple of community-college courses in New York and planned to keep going when she could. She loved to learn.
She pulled some books off the shelves and started to skim through the first one, but Penny wasn’t having it. She thrashed and babbled, and when Holly wouldn’t set her free to crawl around, she began to cry in earnest.
“Shhh, sweetie, shhh.” She bounced Penny, to no avail. “Okay, okay, we’ll leave. Just let me get these books checked out, if they’ll give me a library card—or maybe not—”
“Can I help you?”
“Oh!” Startled, Holly turned to see the woman who’d scolded Mitch Mitchell when he’d yelled at her in front of his shop. She seemed to have materialized out of nowhere.
Holly struggled to contain Penny and hold out a hand. “Hi, Miss Vi. I’m so sorry we were loud. I...we’ll be on our way.”
“That’s one sound that doesn’t ever get shushed in this library,” the woman said. “I run this place, and I’m all in favor of getting kids started here early.”
The absence of judgment calmed Holly, and she remembered then how positive Miss Vi had been about mothers who worked. “Thank you. I appreciate that. Penny loved the baby lap-sit program, and I—we—will definitely get her more involved with the library as she gets older.”
“Good. Now, can I take your books up to the counter for you?” Without waiting for an answer, Miss Vi took the stack of books Holly had been holding and started walking toward the front desk, slowing to let Holly and Penny catch up, soundless in her orthopedic shoes.
They’d just reached the desk when a twentysomething woman in workout clothes and expensive-looking furry boots rushed up to them. “Oh, my gosh, wait here. I have a whole bag of baby clothes for you.” She turned and headed toward the library’s exit. “I’m Chelsea, by the way. Don’t go anywhere.”
Holly stared after her, bemused. “I don’t even know her,” she murmured.
“No, but she may know you. That’s how small towns are.” Miss Vi cracked a slight smile. “Especially when you’re raising Cash O’Dwyer’s baby. Here’s the form to fill out for a library card.”
Holly took the form and pen the librarian was holding out to her. “I’m confused. What’s that got to do with a bag of baby clothes?”
Miss Vi was opening the books she’d carried to the counter for Holly, preparing to check them out. “Half the women in this town have a crush on Cash. It helps that he’s wealthy and not around much to reveal his feet of clay.” She smiled wryly. “Some of them may have figured out that the way to his heart is through his baby.”
Holly didn’t care for that idea at all. No, she couldn’t have Cash’s heart for herself, but she didn’t want to watch a bunch of other women compete for it.
Not my business. She filled out the form while Miss Vi played peekaboo with Penny, making her laugh.
“Hi, Holly, Penny, Miss Vi.” Anna O’Dwyer came over, smiling widely. “I was hoping to run into you. I brought you a Christmas gift.” She rummaged in her giant bag, shifting HoHo to her other hip. “I mean, I’m sure we’ll get together for Christmas, but this is for beforehand.” She located a gift bag and pulled it out. “It’s a Christmas outfit for Penny. You should hold it up and see if it looks like it’ll fit. I have no perspective, since I’m already buying twenty-four-month clothes for this behemoth.”
Discomfort gnawed at Holly’s stomach, warring with a strong desire to see whatever cute Christmas outfit Anna had bought for Penny. Both women looked at her expectantly, and so she set down Penny on the carpeted floor beside HoHo and pulled out the outfit, a red-on-white striped dress with white-on-red striped stretchy pants to go underneath. “See,” Anna said, “I like things that they can wear even after Christmas, so it’s not got reindeers or anything like that. But it’s festive. I always wanted to buy stuff like that for my twins when they were tiny, but I couldn’t, so...you’ll just have to indulge me. Do you think it’ll fit?”
“Wow, it’s adorable.” Holly held it up and looked at the size tag. “It should fit perfectly. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. Uh-oh.” Anna looked down at HoHo, then knelt and picked him up. “When his eyes get droopy like that I have about ten minutes until nap time, and I’d like to get him home for that. Great to see you.” And she was off.
Chelsea came back, hauling a big bag. “Here are the clothes,” she said, thrusting the bag into Holly’s arms. “All designer, and barely worn. Be sure and tell Cash they’re from Chelsea.” She turned and rushed off toward an adorable little girl who was headed out the door on her own.
“Told you so,” Miss Vi said, sounding amused. “Overwhelmed yet?”
“A little bit,” Holly admitted. “I guess I thought of the library as a quiet place, but everyone in town seems to be here today.”
“It’s the library open house,” Miss Vi explained. “We have activities going on all day, and most of the town stops in for cider or to check out a Christmas book or pick up a gift for their kids.”
“That’s great. For the library to be such a central part of the community.”
“That’s how we like it in Safe Haven.” Miss Vi took a laminated library card from a machine behind the counter and handed it to Holly. “There you go. I hope we haven’t scared you away.”
“Not at all. I guess...I’m not used to this. I’m the independent type, and I just moved here from living in New York.”
“Nothing wrong with being independent,” Miss Vi said as she stacked up Holly’s books. “Anna was very independent when she moved here.”
“You’re kidding.” She thought of Anna surrounded by her loving family: her kids and Sean, Sean’s brother Liam and his wife, Yasmin. And Cash, whenever he was in town. Anna seemed deeply enmeshed in family and community. Holly had almost felt jealous.
But, of course, Anna had come in vulnerable, guiltless. While she, Holly, was participating in a deception.
“Need help getting your things to your car? I’ll hold my granddaughter.” It was Rita, and before Holly could even respond, she’d swept Penny out of her arms. “You go load up the car and I’ll bring Penny out in a minute.”
What could she say but “thank you” without seeming ungracious? There was no reason for Rita to remember that Holly didn’t own a car. And she was grateful for the help, didn’t know how she’d have gotten books and clothes, diaper bag and baby all out of here on her own.
Didn’t, in fact, know how she was going to carry it all home, but she wasn’t going to impose on any of these generous, too-knowing Safe Haven residents, so she jammed the clothes and books into the stroller and a bag she could hang on the back once Penny was strapped inside.
She needed to focus on finalizing plans for the dog photos with Santa she was setting up. Pudge had agreed to play Santa, and they’d arranged to make it happen tomorrow night. She’d spent Sunday afternoon putting up flyers and posting online, and she’d already heard from seven dog owners who definitely wanted to attend. Today she was going to make calls to all her clients, current and former, to see if they’d like a complimentary photo with Santa.
Thinking about her business and ways to grow it calmed her down, distracted her from the friendly intrusiveness of the Safe Haven community.
She had to admit, the people here were kind, and she was grateful. But the feeling of connectedness, with its hint of dependency, was way out of her comfort zone.
* * *
ON WEDNESDAY, Rita knelt beside Taffy on the front porch of Ma Dixie’s place, trying to calm the dog while Norma rang the doorbell and then knocked at the door.
Taffy broke free of Rita’s grip and took off for the side of the porch, and only Rita’s frantic grab of the leash kept her close. Tugged to the ground on one hip, her shoulder aching, Rita had a moment of wishing she’d listened to Jimmy and let him talk her out of taking on a dog with issues.
Then Taffy checked back in with her, jumping up to lick her face, banging hard into her cheekbone. It hurt, but her heart melted. Taffy was a sweet dog who’d had almost no training or stimulation. The ordinary world, smelling of marsh and fish and squirrels, almost overwhelmed her with terror and joy.
“Taffy needs a lot of help,” she told Norma as she regained control of the dog, shortening her leash and putting a hand in front of her chest to restrain her. “And Pudge is really excited about training her.” She lowered her voice. “He’s been sick, but he still needs to feel useful.”
“Coming, coming.” Ma Dixie’s voice from inside the little house sounded frazzled, and when the woman answered the door, her face was flushed, her grey hair coming out of its usual neat bun. Her eyes went from Norma to Rita to Taffy, on her hind legs and pawing at the air. “Oh, my lands, you’ve come to work with Pudge, haven’t you? And he’s not even here. Come on in.”
“We can come back another...” Rita’s words trailed off as Ma shook her head and held the door open for Norma and Rita. Taffy had an attack of shyness and hung back, but Ma reached down and wiggled her fingers, and Taffy finally darted forward to lick them.
“Pudge is having some trouble with his medications,” she explained as she took their coats and hung them on a row of hooks beside the door. “He had a good time playing Santa for the dogs last night, but he stayed too long. Missed taking one of his pills, so he took two when he got home even though I told him not to... Anyway, he felt poorly this morning. Cash ran him in to his doctor for some tests while I stayed here to do my Christmas baking. Speaking of... Oh, no!” She turned and hurried from the room.
Norma and Rita followed and watched as she quickly pulled a tray of some kind of nut bar from the oven, sniffed it and then set it on the table on top of a couple of hot plates. “Just in time,” she said.
Rita looked around at the pans and bowls and trays, a mess the likes of which she’d rarely seen at Ma’s house, even when it was full of kids and guests. “We can help you finish up,” she said.
“If we don’t figure out something to do with that dog, we’ll be more of a hindrance than a help.” Norma frowned at Taffy, who was flinging herself at the counter, where a dozen eggs and a stick of butter perched precariously.
Ma wiped her hands on a dish towel. “We’ll put her out in the big pen with a nice soup bone to chew on. Pudge will get a kick out of seeing her when he gets home.” A shadow crossed her face for a moment and was quickly gone.
Rita glanced at Norma, wondering if she’d seen it. From the tilt of her head and the slight frown she wore as she s
tudied Ma, Rita was guessing she had.
She quickly settled Taffy in the outdoor pen and came back in to find Ma pouring coffee for her and Norma at the kitchen table. “We’re only staying if you’ll put us to work,” she warned. “We don’t want to add to your burdens. We want to lighten them.”
“Honey, just having the company of some adult women I like is help enough.” Ma smiled. “But I’m too smart to turn down your offer. One of you can grease this pan and then put in a layer of graham crackers, all matched up like bricks.” She shoved the materials toward Norma. “And the other one can slice up these pecan-sandie logs. I think they’ve been cooling long enough.” She opened the ancient refrigerator and pulled out four long rolls of dough wrapped in waxed paper, then handed them to Rita along with a cutting board and a knife.
“Just how many cookies do you bake?” Norma asked as she worked on lining the pan with graham crackers.
Ma smiled. “Never enough. Christmas is when most of my fosters come back to say hello. Lots of times they bring kids of their own. I’m behind on my preparations this year.” Again the shadow crossed her face.
Rita glanced at Norma, then back at Ma. “How’s Pudge doing?” she asked as she sliced cookies and set them in neat rows on a cookie sheet.
Ma’s hands stilled for a moment, then resumed their stirring of something that smelled rich and caramel-like. “He’ll be all right. He always is.” She smiled with her mouth, but not her eyes. “How’s that man of yours?” she asked, smiling at Rita for real this time. “Gotten used to the idea of you having a dog in your life?”
“Nope.” Rita shrugged. “Guess I should have consulted him, but...”
“But you’re not his wife, or his slave,” Norma said.
“You get to make your own decisions,” Ma added. “What about you?” she asked Norma. “I heard something about you taking up with a neighbor man.”
Norma snorted. “Stephen. You can’t really say we’ve taken up together when he runs so hot and cold.”
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