I held Pookah in my lap as I googled Divided Paths on my laptop. It was a rehabilitation center specifically for people with sex addictions. They had other branches for drugs and alcohol at different locations, but the one Megan had recommended I go to was in Phoenix. I spent the next half hour reading testimonies of people who had gone to Divided Paths. They were all grateful for and felt indebted to the counselors there for helping them change their lives. Some of them had even come back to work at the center after graduating from the program.
“What do you think, Pookah?” I asked her.
She panted and rubbed her head against the bottom of my chin.
“I was afraid you might say that,” I murmured.
I called the number on the bottom of the card and held my breath as it rang. A woman named Tatiana answered on the second ring. My voice was shaky as I asked for details on availability and cost. She said she’d send me an email with all the details and an application attached. She also let me know that there was a spot available now, but it would be filled if I didn’t act quickly.
The email from Tatiana appeared in my inbox within five minutes of hanging up the phone. I didn’t even waste time reading over the details; I knew I could ask Macie and Jasper to help me out financially if I needed to. Jasper was sitting on a pile of cash from his Raider days and had told me several times that he was willing to lend me some of it if a need ever arose.
I had the application filled out and submitted in record time. All that was left to do was wait to see if I’d be accepted for the available spot.
Sam
“You sold all of it?” Jasper asked, loud enough to make me think he was angry with me.
When Jasper had left Florida for Washington, he’d left our warehouse full of stolen goods from our prime Raider days. I’d decided to sell everything off piece by piece before making the move to Seattle.
“Yeah, all of it. How else would I have paid cash for this place?”
He stepped back and ran one hand over his face before looking around at the house I’d purchased less than a month ago. The realtor had tried to tell me that it’d be close to sixty days before I got the keys. I was sick and tired of that hotel room, so I might have used my breaking and entering skills to speed up the process.
“Damn, there had to be almost a million dollars worth of shit in there,” Jasper said.
“You’re right. I used a lot of it on this house and my truck. I’m keeping the rest until I find a job I can stand to stay at,” I said with a shrug.
“Bro, you’ve been here almost six months and you haven’t had a job yet.”
“When you’ve spent the last five years not working and still getting everything you want, it’s difficult to start working. Really difficult when I know I’ll be making a lot less money.” I dropped the box full of clothes that had been delivered yesterday onto the bed.
“I hear ya, man. I’m only out of the business because of Macie. She makes me want to be better,” he said with a shrug. I groaned and rolled my eyes at him. I’d heard him say that exact thing countless times over the last six months.
“Don’t stand there and act like you don’t have it bad for Taylor, you dick.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. “I don’t have anything for Taylor. We’re just friends now,” I lied.
“Bullshit!” he barked.
“I might have had a thing for her a few months ago, but when I realized she wasn’t interested I forgot about her.” Another lie.
“Right. So I guess you won’t care that she’s leaving the state tomorrow?” he asked with raised brows.
“Nope.”
“And you don’t care that she’ll be gone for at least six months?” I felt my eyes get wider, and I knew Jasper saw it when a smirk appeared on his face.
“Ah, that’s what I thought, Sam.”
“Bastard,” I said through gritted teeth and he laughed.
“Where is she going?” I snapped.
“I’m not sure. Macie just said she was glad she was going and that she would be back to her old self when she gets back.”
“I haven’t talked to her much lately. I get the feeling she only wants me around for the sex. Hence the no talking,” I said as I rolled my eyes in frustration.
“You know that if you don’t give it to her she will get it somewhere else, right? I mean, I’m not trying to be a dick, but I think that’s one of the reasons she’s going away for a little while. Mace says she’s lost herself these last few months.”
“I already know she’s sleeping with other people and it drives me fucking mad. I want her, but I can’t do the casual hook up shit. Not with her.”
Jasper clapped me on the shoulder sympathetically. “She’ll come around, Sam. Just give her some time.”
I nodded and walked outside to unload more boxes out of the moving truck. We didn’t talk much for the rest of the afternoon as we unpacked and put things away. Jasper and Macie invited me over for dinner, but I declined by claiming to be exhausted and promised to have them over soon, instead.
Once I was alone I showered and headed straight to Taylor’s apartment. I had to see her before she left.
“Just a sec,” she called when I knocked lightly on her door.
A few moments later she opened the door and stiffened at the sight of me.
“Hi,” I said with a shrug.
“What are you doing, Sam?” she asked as she leaned against the doorjamb, blocking me from coming inside.
“I heard you were leaving town. I wanted to come tell you goodbye.” I wanted to roll my eyes at myself for sounding like such an idiot. But I didn’t have to because Taylor beat me to it.
“You want to know where I’m going, don’t you?” she asked as she put her hands on her hips.
“I wouldn’t mind knowing,” I shrugged.
“I’ll be in Phoenix for a few months. I’ve got some things I need to work through.” She turned her back to me as she spoke, and I could tell by her voice that she was trying not to cry.
I took a step towards her and started to reach out to touch her but changed my mind. She didn’t want my hands on her anymore, at least not in that way; she’d made that clear when she broke up with me three months ago.
I put my hands in my pockets to keep myself from trying to comfort her. “I’m going to leave, Tay. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that I’m willing to help you with anything, and I’m still going to be here for you when you get back.”
I heard her sniffling as I pulled her door closed. The sound of it made me sick, but the thought of her feeling so broken and helpless practically gutted me.
I leaned back against her door and closed my eyes. I tried, for the thousandth time, to figure out how we’d gotten here. How Taylor had become someone completely different from the girl I’d poured my heart out to three months ago.
I was about to open her door and ask all the questions I had wanted to ask for months when a guy stopped a couple of feet away from me.
“Can I help you, bro?” he asked with a confused look on his face.
“Nah, I’m good,” I muttered as I reached for the door knob.
“Well, you’re blocking the entrance to my girl’s apartment,” the guy said from behind me.
“Your girl?” My jaw twitched.
“She is tonight,” the bastard said.
I turned around, ready to connect my fist with his jaw, but the sound of Taylor opening her door saved him.
“Shit. Sam, why are you still here?” Her eyes were wide with panic.
“I need to talk to you. Again,” I told her.
She looked from me to the other guy several times before she sighed and let me in.
“Uh, Taylor? We had plans,” I heard the guy say as I walked back into her apartment. I didn’t hear what she told him because I kept walking away from them until I sat down on her couch. I put as much distance between myself and the cocksucker on her doorstep as I could so I would
n’t bloody his nose in front of her.
“Friend of yours?” I asked as she closed the door. My fists were clenched in my lap as I tried to appear calm when I was anything but.
“Cut the shit, Sam.”
If I hadn’t been so angry, I would have laughed at her snarky attitude.
I just stared at her when she sat down on the other end of the couch. Her wild curls were semi-pulled backed into a ponytail with the escapees framing her jawline. I took in her makeup-free face that exposed just how beautiful she was.
“You want to talk, so let’s talk,” she said, interrupting my thoughts.
“What’s in Phoenix?” I asked, getting straight to the point.
She looked at me blankly for a second before answering with a nonchalant shrug. “I’m going to a sex addiction program.”
Now, it was my turn to stare at her blankly.
What in the actual fuck?
I tried to speak, but my throat was suddenly dry. After clearing my throat three times, I finally gave in and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Taylor followed me and leaned against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest.
“Forgive me for not knowing what to say to that,” I told her.
“Don’t act like you didn’t know I was seeing other people,” she snapped.
“Oh, I knew. I just didn’t know it was…excessive?” It sounded like a question when it came out. Like I was asking her permission to call her sex life “excessive.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about? Because I should really finish packing if we’re done here.”
“What happened, Tay? To you? To us? All of it. Why are we standing here having this conversation?” I saw the tears welling in her eyes again. Her tough girl façade had always been hard to break through, but I’d done it from time to time. This time was easier than most.
“Sam, I can’t answer that. I’m not the girl you want anymore. Just let me go—let us go.” A single tear rolled down her cheek as she ducked her head.
I walked up to her and hooked her chin with my thumb, forcing her to look at me. “You’re everything that I want, Taylor. I’m not letting this go no matter how hard you try to push me away,” I said firmly. I quickly pressed my lips to her forehead and walked out of her apartment, trying to keep my own emotions at bay.
I text Jasper and asked him to meet me at my place with a bottle of Jack. I knew I’d need the whiskey to tell him that my ex-girlfriend is going to sex rehab three months after she dumped me.
Taylor
I’d barely slept and my head was pounding when my alarm went off. I was drinking my coffee as I sat in the kitchen and waited for Macie to pick me up and take me to the airport. I was nervous as hell and had spent most of the night considering cancelling my flight.
I was rummaging through the junk drawer in my kitchen, searching for the flight confirmation number I’d written down, when I saw the corner of the black envelope peeking out from under a package of batteries. My heart stopped beating as I reached for the letter I’d received three months ago. The black envelope should have been my first sign. Surely there’s no good news coming from inside of a solid black envelope. But, my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I’d opened it.
The letter was from my ex-boyfriend’s younger brother. Or should I say my dead ex-boyfriend. Jarren’s sixteen-year-old brother, Kyle, had written me a letter that had ripped my heart out all over again.
He had been needing help. He’d flat out asked me for help. But I’d never responded. Anytime I’d tried to sit down and call the number he’d left at the bottom of the page, I’d replayed the night Sam killed Jarren. I knew Sam was only protecting Macie, and I know Jarren would have killed all of us if Sam hadn’t done what he did. But I also know that Jarren wouldn’t have known where Macie was if I hadn’t invited him to go with us. If I hadn’t been so stupid, Jarren would still be alive and I wouldn’t be left here to deal with the guilt. The guilt of being the reason Kyle lost his brother; the reason Sam had to take a life and pretend it didn’t affect him; the reason Macie got stabbed. All of it was my fault, and there was nothing I could do to change it.
After spending a week trying to come to terms with what Kyle had wanted me to do and failing miserably, I tucked the letter away and started distracting myself. I’d attempted to distract myself with Sam, but every time I looked at him or felt my heart flutter because of him, I went back to that night. Jarren’s last night. How could I allow myself to be so happy when Jarren was gone? When Kyle was helpless?
I broke things off with Sam, dropped out of the college classes I’d been taking, and started working more late nights at the bank. When that wasn’t enough to keep my mind off Kyle’s letter, I started hooking up. It was just with Drew at first, but the list quickly got longer, and I finally stopped thinking about anything other than who would be keeping me company that night.
“Good morning, beautiful,” Macie chirped as she opened the front door.
“Morning, Mace. Ready to get this shit show started?”
“It won’t be that shitty, Tay. Whatcha reading?”
I glanced down at the letter in my hand and quickly shoved it back into the drawer. “Just some junk mail. Ready to go?” Thankfully, she didn’t ask any more questions and we headed to the airport.
Our goodbye was filled with tears and at least ten hugs. I promised to get in touch with her as soon as I could.
“You’re so strong and brave and I love you so much. I can’t wait for you to love yourself again,” she’d told me during our last hug.
“I hope you’re right about the strong part,” I muttered as I boarded the plane.
A taxi picked me up at the airport in Phoenix. It wasn’t long before the driver pulled up to a gated entrance with a driveway so long that I couldn’t see the facility from the road. I had to step out of the cab and show my I.D. to a man inside a small booth to the left of the gate.
“Welcome to Arizona,” he said with a sad smile as he pushed a button on the wall.
I watched as the gates opened. My nerves increased tenfold as I got back into the cab.
“You know, it’s not too late to change your mind,” the middle-aged driver said suggestively. I knew he’d been eavesdropping on my phone conversation with Macie, which pissed me off almost as much as his disgusting, come hither smile.
“Here is fine,” I snapped. I opened my door before he had come to a complete stop. I tossed some cash in his front seat and grabbed my suitcase from the trunk in record time. I walked the last hundred yards to the facility. I slowed as I came to the steps that led me to a large set of wooden doors.
“What am I doing here?” I muttered to myself.
“Searching for yourself,” a voice said from behind me. “And you’ve come to the right place,” the man finished when I spun around to look at him.
“Hi, there. I’m Matt, one of the counselors here at Divided Paths.” He held his hand out for me and I forced myself not to look him up and down as I shook it.
“I’m Taylor. One of the ones in need of counsel.”
He chuckled at my reply and I fell in love with his laugh. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all, I thought to myself.
Matt grabbed my suitcase and carried it up the steps. I followed him through the double door entrance, surprised to see that the inside of Divided Paths Rehabilitation Center was not at all what I had expected.
“You’ll just go to the front desk there and they’ll help you get sorted into your room,” Matt said with a smile. I nodded but didn’t have time to find words to say because I was too occupied taking in the building before me.
I guess I had pictured some kind of hospital-type setting, but this was more like a resort. High ceilings with fancy lights hung sporadically throughout, lush and bright colored furniture decorated a sitting area, and a cozy restaurant was situated in the back corner. I could see people mingling as they sat on barstools and sipped what I assumed was soda from their
glasses.
“Can I help you?” a petite blonde with a nametag that read Ana asked as I approached the desk.
“Uh, my name is Taylor Long and I need to register or check in or whatever I have to do to get a room,” I said with a shrug.
“Oh, of course.” She smiled at her computer screen as she typed something and clicked around a few times.
“It looks like you’ve requested a solo room, so you’ll be on the fourth floor. Room 412.”
I took the key out of her hand and smiled back at her before turning to grab my bags.
“Oh, Matt took your bags up for you. He’s on the fourth floor as well. We’re so glad you’re here,” she said, smiling. Again.
I nodded as I walked to the elevators. I wondered why Ana was so damn cheery at a place full of people who had hit rock bottom but shook it off when the elevator doors opened to reveal yet another gorgeous guy.
“What the hell is with this place?” I muttered as I stepped inside and pushed the button for the fourth floor harder than necessary.
“Ah. First day, huh?” the tall, handsome man asked.
“Glad to know it’s so obvious.”
“I remember when I first walked in and saw Ana at the front desk,” he chuckled. “Then I found out Mariah was one of the head counselors and I thought for sure I was being pranked. How the hell was I supposed to abstain with temptation around every corner?”
“Exactly. Why would they set us up to fail?” I asked with drawn brows.
“Well, now that I’ve been here for eight months, I know that they don’t intend to lead us into temptation. But, when I go home to Hawaii and see babes in bikinis every few hundred feet, I’ll be able to keep my shit together,” he smirked.
I looked at him for a moment as I considered what he said, then I shrugged and turned my attention back to the elevator doors. I willed them to open to the fourth floor as quickly as possible so I didn’t have to chat with the guy who I wanted to help me christen my new room. Or the elevator.
The elevator chimed before the doors opened. I gave my new-found friend a small smile before stepping out.
Want Me (Protector Series Book 3) Page 2