“Fine, right.” He nodded. “Have you spoken to your family?”
“I don’t have family to speak to,” I said quietly. “My grandma is dead and I haven’t spoken to my parents since I moved out of their house. They didn’t understand my lack of a plan for my future and my desire to be spontaneous. Instead of forcing a relationship with them that only upset all of us, I decided to cut ties when I was eighteen. It was just easier that way.”
He looked at me in understanding before he scribbled something onto the notepad on his lap. “And, what about your friends? You’ve mentioned Macie a few times. And Sam.”
“I’ve thought about emailing Macie. I might do that tomorrow,” I shrugged.
“What’s making you hesitate?”
Again, I shrugged.
“Aren’t you lonely, Taylor? I see you eating with Taryn from time to time. But it’s obvious that you keep to yourself a lot.”
“Of course I’m fucking lonely!” I snapped.
“Right,” he said before he cleared his throat. “Let’s talk about Sam Johnson.”
“Sam is an ex-boyfriend. What’s there to talk about?” I asked as I picked at my fingernails.
“Let’s start with the fact that your detached sexual personality started right after you broke things off with him.”
I stared at him for a moment. Frustrated with myself for not knowing what to say.
“Did he hurt you? Physically? Or sexually?” he asked calmly. As if he wouldn’t be surprised if I said yes.
“What?! No!” I stood and shook my head vehemently. “Sam would never do that to me. Or to anyone. He’s gentle and kind. He’s tender and understanding. He listens while everyone else talks. He’s—” I stopped talking when I started to feel my throat tightening with emotion. After a calming breath, I finished. “Nothing like that has ever happened to me,” I said firmly.
“I see. Why did you and Sam stop seeing each other? Intimately, I mean. It’s clear that he’s still a very important person in your life.”
I decided to change strategies. “Matt, you know I don’t like it when you put words into my mouth. I never said Sam was still important to me. Let’s just talk about something else for the last half hour,” I said sweetly. He eyed me for a moment before he leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows on his knees.
“What would you like to talk about, Taylor?”
I sat back down and leaned forward to mimic his position. His eyes glanced down to my breasts that were being sandwiched between my upper arms, and I knew I had him distracted. “We could just stop talking. Take the rest of the day off,” I said as I reached my hand out to grab one of his. He let me lace our fingers as he stared at our hands.
“You’ve come so far already, Taylor. Don’t screw it up for the likes of me,” he said quietly. I watched as he brought my hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on my fingers. Then, to my surprise, he dropped my hand and stood. “We’ll cut today’s session short. You’re free to go,” he said as he turned his back to me.
My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I got up and left his office without another word. I held my tears at bay until I made it to the privacy of my own room. I wrapped my blanket around myself as I lay at the foot of the bed and cried until I fell asleep.
***
Jasper’s friend, Sam, showed up to take us to the airport. We would be flying to Seattle and then driving to Nat and Shiloh’s house just outside of Puyallup. Macie was a nervous wreck. She didn’t want to leave Jasper, Shiloh, and Bennett alone to wait for Jon and Daniel. Apparently, they were out for blood. Nat had been trying to reassure her the whole way to the airport.
I sat in the front seat and stared straight ahead. I remember the smell of Sam’s cigarettes as he lit one right after another. It was obvious he was nervous, which made me feel even more on edge. I watched his muscular arms twitch as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.
I had sent a text to Jarren before we got in Sam’s truck. We’d been fighting lately, but I wasn’t sure when I’d be flying back to Florida. I lied and told him Macie and I were going on a girls’ trip and would be back in a week. He asked if he could come to the airport to tell me goodbye, and I’d said yes. I smiled to myself as I sent the text telling him what floor of the parking garage we were on. Within five minutes, he was exiting the elevator and making his way toward us. He was smoking a cigarette and had a strange look on his face.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” I said in a teasing voice in an attempt to keep the mood light and avoid a fight in front of my friends.
“There’s a lot you don’t know, darling,” he said with a smirk.
Sam eyed me for a moment with his wary blue eyes but looked away after I forced a smile. He was carrying our bags as he followed Nat into the elevator.
“I’m going to wait for Tay,” Macie called after them. I saw the look of uncertainty on Sam’s face as he dropped his arm and let the elevator door shut.
“Macie. It’s been a while,” Jarren said with a creepy grin.
Macie raised an eyebrow as she glanced in my direction before responding.
“Just a week or two,” she said, purposefully making her voice sound playful.
I could smell the whiskey on his breath as Jarren got closer to us.
“What’s going on?” Macie whispered to me.
“You’ve got a lot of people that don’t like you. You know that?” Jarren said with a laugh. It was difficult to tell if he was talking to me or Macie at first. But when he grabbed for Macie’s arm and missed, it became clear. Macie jerked her arm out of reach and moved to stand in front of me. “Go get Sam,” she said urgently.
“What? Why? Jarren, what’s going on?” I asked frantically.
“Jon said you’d be guarded by some big ass dude. He won’t believe it when I tell him your bodyguard left you hanging high and dry. He basically handed you over to me.” I watched in horror as Jarren grabbed a switchblade from his back pocket. His eyes turned manic as he held the knife in front of his face.
“Taylor, go! Now!” Macie shouted.
I woke up the next morning covered in sweat and rubbed my eyes before I pushed my hair away from my face. I’d had the same dream every night for the last two weeks, and I was sick of it. The dream was a close replay of the night Jarren died, but not exact.
The night Jarren died, I didn’t notice Sam’s dark blue eyes. I don’t even recall noticing his muscular arms and I’m certain I didn’t notice the way my body reacted to his close proximity. But according to the way my body felt after the dream, I’d clearly noticed. There was no doubt that Matt’s rejection had made the loneliness I felt upon awakening ten times stronger. But I knew I only felt this way for Sam. Matt was just a means to fill a void. Just like Drew and the others. A temporary distraction to help me forget that I’d ruined the best part of my life.
With a huge sigh, I tossed the blanket off me and all but drug myself to the shower. I turned the water as hot as I could stand it and closed my eyes as I busied myself with washing my hair. I refused to let myself think about my dream for another second.
I pulled my still-damp curls into a wild bun on top of my head. I grabbed a pair of leggings and slipped them on under my long T-shirt. Makeup sounded like way too much effort as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I grabbed a granola bar and a bottle of water from the makeshift kitchen in my room for breakfast. I needed to get to the computer room as quickly as possible. I needed to talk to Macie.
I powered on the computer and pulled up the browser. When I tried to open my email I got an error message explaining that only Divided Paths email accounts could be accessed from the computer I was on. It made sense that they wouldn’t let me have full freedom this soon in the program, so I didn’t hesitate when I had to make a new email account.
Hi Mace, it’s Taylor.
I started the email. I debated on whether or not I should tell her about the weird vibes I’d gotten when I first arrived at this place. F
or the time being, I’d decided against it.
How’s Pookah? I miss her. And you. I have computer access every Friday and thought I’d check in.
After staring at the screen for another ten minutes I accepted the fact that I had no clue what to say to her and hit send.
Thankfully, her reply came in under a minute.
TAYLOR!!!!! Update me on everything. Are you happy there?
I smiled as I read my name in all capital letters. I could hear her high pitched voice as I read it.
I’m fine. Just ready to be home. I’m not sure six months of this place is necessary…..Anyways, how’s Pookah?
Send.
Pookah is perfect. Just as spoiled as she was when you left. Don’t think for one second you’re getting away with saying, “I’m fine” to me. You think six months isn’t necessary because…you’re making progress? Or because you just want to come home?
I took a deep breath as my fingers hovered over the keyboard.
Maybe I just want to come home. I’m not sure. There are plenty of good looking guys here. But I’m not interested in them. Or in sex. My counselor is the only one I’ve even attempted to woo…and that was only to get him to stop talking about Sam.
Send.
Speaking of Sam, do you have his email address? Probably not a good way to convince your counselor that six months isn’t necessary if you try getting into his pants, babe. Why don’t you want to talk about Sam? Maybe that’s what you need to be doing….
I rolled my eyes at her response. She didn’t say anything surprising. She had always been Team Sam. And I loved her for it.
Yes, I have his email. No, I’m not going to be sending him anything. I promise not to try to get into anyone else’s pants for the remainder of my time in this place.
Send.
Thirty seconds later…
Answer the other question, Taylor.
“Bossy bitch,” I muttered as I clicked the reply button.
I don’t want to talk about Sam for plenty of reasons. But the only ones I can think of right now are because I miss him like crazy. Because I know that I fucked things up between us. Because after my session yesterday I came to the realization that the other guys are nothing but a distraction. They help me forget about all things Sam for a small amount of time. They make me forget about what a piece of shit I am for hurting him. I just can’t talk about him without breaking down.
I wiped a tear from my cheek as I clicked send.
Tay…one mistake doesn’t ruin an entire relationship. One break up doesn’t mean it’s over for good. Talking about him will get easier. I’m happy to hear you admit that those d-bags were just distractions. You keep working on you. I’M PROUD OF YOU!
I wiped another tear from my cheek.
I love you. I wish you were here. Well…not here for the same reason I am. But here to keep me from being lonely as shit.
Send.
When can I come visit? Have you made any friends? I know I’m tough to beat…but surely there’s some decent chick there to occupy your time.
I smirked.
Taryn. But I get the feeling she has an agenda. Actually, I get the feeling they all might have an agenda. Nobody I’ve met ever wants to leave. Taryn will finish her program soon, but has no plans for leaving. It’s…..strange.
Send.
Weird. Maybe she had a shit life wherever she came from. Also, beggars can’t be choosers.
I laughed out loud.
You’re right. Thanks for making me smile. I’m signing off. Love you, Mace.
Send.
I logged out of my email and shut down the computer before I got a response. I could have stayed in there and talked to her for hours, but I had a group meditation to be at in ten minutes.
Taryn met me outside on the lawn as I waited for the rest of the group.
“Heya,” she said with a smile.
“How’s your Friday going?” I asked.
“Peachy,” she winked.
Matt walked over to us, followed by Brent and three other girls I didn’t know.
“Ladies, this is Keelie. She’s leading meditation from now on,” Matt said as he placed his hand on the shoulder of a petite red head.
“Where’s JoAnn?” I asked.
“She chose to take her services elsewhere,” he said without making eye contact with me. Awkwardness filled the air around us.
“You two have a rough session last night?” Taryn whispered.
I shrugged, not willing to give anything away.
She glanced between Matt and me several times before Keelie asked everyone to be quiet and have a seat. I mentally thanked her for saving me from Taryn’s scrutiny.
“I was a patient here at Divided Paths five years ago. I missed the place so much, I decided to come back,” Keelie explained.
“Now, let’s get started,” she said with a smile. A smile that didn’t reach her eyes. I found myself wondering what her real story was. As well as everyone else’s in this place.
Sam
My first couple of weekends at work had been a piece of cake. There had been a handful of drunk people I’d had to escort to the parking lot, but none of them had been stupid enough to put up a fight. Vince seemed pleased with the way I handled things and stayed out of sight for the most part. I had a feeling I was going to be pretty happy at Allister’s.
I hadn’t gotten used to my new sleep schedule. My body wanted to wake up at seven every morning. But staying at the club until 3am meant I wasn’t getting much shut eye. Between work and a certain red head who ruled my thoughts every time I tried to sleep, I was exhausted.
I was still in bed trying to force myself to sleep when I heard my front door open and close.
“Yo, Sam!” Jasper yelled through the house. “Let’s get breakfast!”
“Damn,” I muttered as I got out of bed.
“There you are. You hungry? I’m always starving when my shift ends,” J said as he opened my bedroom door.
“What if I had a chick in here?” I asked as I walked to my closet for a shirt.
Jasper let out a throaty laugh, and I glared at him as I pulled a T-shirt over my head.
“When Taylor gets back into town, I’ll stop barging in,” he promised.
“You think Taylor is the only girl I could have in my bedroom?” I asked with a cocked brow.
“Nah. But I know Taylor is the only girl you want in your bedroom.”
“Could have brought home a pretty brunette after work. She tried hanging on me the whole night,” I told him as I slid my legs into a pair of worn jeans.
“And why’d you pass that up?”
“You know why,” I said.
I put my shoes on before walking to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Jasper followed me down the hall.
“She’s been getting laid this whole time, man. It’s okay if you want to branch out,” he said with a shrug.
“Talk about Taylor getting laid one more time,” I said through a mouthful of toothpaste.
“I’m just saying. It’s not fair for you to be the only one that’s miserable.”
I spit and rinsed my mouth before meeting him with a hard glare.
“You’re fucking right I’m miserable, Jasper. But if you think she’s got it any better, then you’re dumber than I thought. Tell me one time that you wouldn’t stand by Macie if she was going through something like this.”
“Sorry, bro. You’re right. I’d stand by Macie through hell. I guess I just didn’t realize you were in love with Taylor,” he said. His mouth slowly formed a smirk as he said the last sentence.
“Fuck off,” I told him as I grabbed my keys and walked outside.
He climbed into my passenger seat with a shit eating grin on his face.
“Stop smiling like that. And you’re buying my breakfast for pissing me off this early in the morning.”
“You mind if Macie meets us? She just text me and she’s hungry.”
“Bring it on,” I said as I stoppe
d at a red light.
I pulled into the parking lot of iHop twenty minutes later and parked by Macie.
“Hey, babe,” she said before planting a kiss on Jasper’s cheek. “Thanks for letting me tag along, Sam.”
“You’re my favorite third wheel,” I joked as we sat down at a booth.
A waitress brought us three mugs and a pot of coffee while we looked at the menu.
“How’s the new job?” Macie asked me.
“It’s good. I think I’m going to be able to stand it long term.”
“That’s great. Are the people you work with friendly?”
“I guess. I’m not trying to make new friends, though,” I shrugged.
“You sound like Taylor,” she said with a shake of her head.
“What do you mean?”
“She emailed me the other day. I just happened to check it at the perfect time and we got to chat for a few minutes.”
“No shit? What’d she say? How is she doing?” I asked, trying not to sound too pathetic.
“She says she’s fine. But I get the feeling she wants to come home. I think she’s really lonely,” she said with a small frown.
“Has she not made any friends there?”
“She said it seems like they all have some sort of hidden agenda,” Macie said with a shrug.
“An agenda? Like what?” Jasper asked as he looked up from his menu.
“Yeah, it’s not like anybody there would know her,” I said.
“I know. I’m not sure what she meant by it. She was being kind of vague.”
“Typical Taylor,” I muttered.
I let the conversation turn generic while we ate our breakfast. But when Jasper went to the bathroom I couldn’t help myself. “Did Taylor say anything else yesterday?”
“She asked how Pookah was doing. And said she missed home. Stuff like that.”
“Mace, don’t make me ask if she said anything about me.”
Macie smiled. “Of course she did, Sam. She is making progress quickly. I think being able to get away and get her head straight is all she really needed. The counseling and stuff might not even be necessary. She said she didn’t think she needed to stay there for six months.”
Want Me (Protector Series Book 3) Page 4