by Cate Corvin
“I’d never scare you like that if I could help it, pardner, but I won’t apologize. The same fear you felt gripped me and forced me to move. Fuck, Zara, his aim was total shit, there was every chance he could have killed you.”
His own tone had grown dark with anger, but he didn’t say anything else. We inched through traffic in silence, both of us stewing in our anger at one another, at the gunman, at the entire situation. It was unavoidable, our jobs meant danger was lurking around every corner, and every day could be our last. That was the risk and we all knew it when we put on the badge. But the thought of someone we cared about taking that same risk and losing?
Unthinkable.
When I finally parked our car, I jumped out without speaking and stormed into the office. I just wanted to get my paperwork done so that I could go home, down a bottle of wine, and sleep off the lingering emotional uncertainty. I heard Sawyer on my heels, but I didn’t slow my stride to let him catch up.
A quick look at the Captain’s office showed a darkened room with the door shut, and I was thankful he wasn’t there. I wasn’t up to being interrogated on the happenings of the day just yet, and hopefully after reading my report, there’d be few—or even zero—questions.
Sawyer took a seat at an open desk nearby and pulled out some paperwork, mirroring my actions. I ducked my head lower and focused on filling out every detail of the report in a clear, professional manner. Just because my emotions were roiling all over the place didn’t mean it had to come through in my report.
“Sterling.” Sawyer’s stage whisper made me tense, but I didn’t look up. “Sterling, can we talk? I get that you’re pissed, but there are some things I need to say.”
“No.” Not yet. Not until I was sure I wasn’t going to start boo-hooing just talking about how terrified I’d been when I thought he might be dead.
“Zara, please, give me five minutes. That’s all I need, I swear.”
“No, Hawkins. Finish your report.”
“I did, and now I need to talk to you.”
“I said no.” My clipped response was way too loud for the whispered conversation, and I had to get out of there before I started shouting in frustration. I shoved my chair back and the legs screeched against the old linoleum floor. Ditching the place altogether was all I really wanted, but I wasn’t done with my paperwork. Still I needed a minute to gather my thoughts, and the only place I could think to go was the storage closet down the hall. It was always empty because no one wanted to actually go inside and be expected to clean it out.
As soon as I was inside, I pulled the door shut behind me, only to realize there was no lock on the damn knob. And why would there be? Who locks themselves inside the closet of a police station? Just me?
Yeah, that sounded about right.
The murky light of the dim bulb buzzed when it flickered to life, casting paltry illumination on scads of disorganized supplies. There were a few extra chairs and I dropped into one of them, ignoring the cloud of dust that puffed up around me.
One thing kept floating through my head, and I couldn’t believe it had come to this. Again.
I need a new partner.
For the exact opposite reason this time. I cared too much for Sawyer, and it made me stupid in the field. There was every chance that I would be the one to make a dumb choice that got him hurt next time, or that I’d try to stop him from doing something dangerous because I was more afraid for him than the innocent people we were supposed to protect.
The door opened and Sawyer stepped inside, shutting it silently behind him.
“Dammit, Hawkins, can you just fucking leave it? Leave it alone! I don’t want to talk right now.”
“Tough shit.”
My brows hit my hairline at that. Sawyer’s gaze was dark and his temper radiated off him like heat waves.
Well, he wasn’t the only one with a fucking temper. I bolted up from my seat and got in his face.
“Wanna say that again, asshole?”
“Tough. Shit.” He stepped closer, until the only thing between us was a handful of oxygen molecules and three dust particles. “I’m going to say my piece, Sterling, and you’re going to listen.”
“No, I’m n—”
Sawyer’s lips slammed down over mine, cutting off my refusal and stealing my breath. His strong hands gripped my biceps, closing that final modicum of space between us and pressing our fronts together. My world immediately shifted under me and I grabbed onto his wrists to keep myself upright.
It was hard. It was fast. It was… hot. His lips were firm but pliant as kissed me like he might die. Or like he almost had.
When he pulled back from the kiss, he didn’t release my arms or move his body away from mine. Which meant that my heaving breaths pressed my breasts hard against him on each ragged inhale.
“You can be as mad as you want, Zara. I’d be mad in your position, too. But I wasn’t lying: I would do it again. I’d risk it a hundred times to make sure that you walked away from a situation like that. You can’t ask me to do otherwise, not with how I feel about you.”
Of course he cared about me. We were partners, and his feelings were just heightened because of the danger we’d faced. “Partners are supposed to protect each other, Sawyer, I get that, but—”
“You’re not hearing me. You’re my partner, but that’s not why I took that bullet, why I’d take a hundred of them for you. You’re so much more than that to me, Zar. You mean everything to me.”
My heart threatened to beat out of my chest, and I tightened my hold on his wrists. Everything in my head was swimming and I was trying to get my head around his words when he dropped his forehead against mine.
“Sawyer, I… I can’t…” I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say. That I couldn’t feel the same? That I didn’t want to hear any more of what he was saying? Neither sounded right, but I couldn’t allow myself to think anything else.
“You don’t have to. You don’t have to say anything, and I don’t expect you to feel what I feel. But you need to know. If you don’t want me to ever bring it up again, I won’t. I’ll give you that space. Just don’t quit on me. We’re partners, no matter what I feel for you, and I don’t know what I’ll do if that changes.”
My throat was too tight for words, so I nodded my head against his. He let go of one arm and slid that and around the side of my neck until he was cupping my nape. This time when he dipped in to kiss me, his approach was slower, giving me all the time in the world to pull away.
I didn’t.
Instead, I lifted up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. He walked me back until we hit the dusty shelves behind me. My back hit the shelf so hard, I knew it would hurt in the morning, but I barely felt it in the moment. Not when Sawyer’s other hand slid down to grip my hip.
I moaned against his lips and he took advantage and slipped his tongue inside. He tasted like sweet, forbidden fruit that was the only thing that could slake my thirst even as it condemned me. His groan drove me wild and I clung to him even tighter. I wanted… fuck, I wanted so much from him just then. I wanted to hold him, to protect him… to fuck him.
This was such a bad idea. Hadn’t I already made this mistake? Getting involved with a partner never ended well. In my case, it had ended in the most horrible way imaginable. I couldn’t risk that with Sawyer.
And yet I threaded my fingers through the short hairs at his nape and held him closer.
His erection was growing against my stomach, and the wild urge to grind against him was nearly irrepressible. I needed him, to assure myself that he was safe and alive. And because he was unbearably gorgeous and my body was vibrating with need for him.
Before I could do something that I’d regret forever, the door to the closet opened and someone stepped in.
“What the fuck, Sterling?” Selter’s fury-laced demand had me pulling away from Sawyer like I’d been burned. Sawyer, however, didn’t move away from me in guilt. Instead, he broke the kiss and turned around,
keeping me tucked behind him.
“Can we help you, Selter?” The icy question only deepened Selter’s scowl.
“No, Hawkins, I don’t need shit from you. Looks like Josh was right about you, huh, Sterling? Only a few months and you’re already trying to fuck the next partner. Shit, maybe I should put in my name to be your next assigned partner, I could use a good fuck.”
Sawyer’s fist shot out like a striking cobra, connecting with Selter’s chin and snapping his head back. He was about to hit him again, but I flung myself forward and wrapped my arms around Sawyer, pinning his hands to the side. He could have shaken me off if he really wanted, but he let me hold him hostage as Selter tried to gather himself up off the ground.
“Don’t,” I whispered in Sawyer’s ear. “Please don’t, they’ll fire you.”
I didn’t know if it was my words or his own senses returning, but Sawyer relaxed and stepped back from our crumbled coworker.
“Get the fuck out of here,” he growled at Selter, who was sitting up and rubbing his jaw. “And don’t you ever speak to her like that again if you want to keep any of your original teeth. Go. Now.”
Selter picked himself up and stumbled back to the door, clearly rocked by the punch. “You’re gonna regret that, Hawkins. Count on it.”
When we were alone again, the magic of the moments before the door flew open had completely dissipated. I dropped my arms and he turned to face me.
“Zar—”
“No.” I held up a hand to stop him. “No more. Whatever you were going to say, we can’t do it, so please. Just… don’t.” I backed away and skirted the edge of the small room, as though touching him would lead to kissing him again.
It would.
As soon as I could reach the door, I flung it open and darted down the hall to the ladies’ room. Where I should have gone in the first place, if I’d known that Sawyer was planning to come kiss me senseless.
I had to figure out how to move forward. And decide if I could remain Sawyer’s partner or not. The kiss was bad enough, but knowing how strongly he felt for me was almost unbearable.
Because if he felt that way about me, how was I going to hide my own feelings for him?
Chapter Sixteen
“Hey, Tin Woman. How’re you feeling?” Gio’s wings shifted behind him as he stood awkwardly beside the couch and looked down at me. My feet were kicked up on Damien’s fancy furniture, but he could kiss my ass.
“I’m fine.” I hadn’t meant for my response to be so curt, but when the gargoyle flinched almost imperceptibly, I amended it with a, “Thanks, Gio.”
His gaze raked over me, and I knew I looked a little like hell. My long hair was in a haphazard ball on top of my head, my face devoid of even the minimal makeup I usually wore. It all just seemed pointless when I had nowhere to be, not to mention I still wasn’t allowed out of the penthouse without an armed guard.
And that guard was frowning at me with his arms crossed over his chest. He weirdly had pants on, and I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“Going somewhere?” I asked with a tip of my head toward his crotch.
“No, but the temperature has been so frigid in here, I didn’t want to risk freezing anything off.” Since I was wearing short-sleeves and it was far from cold, I knew what he meant.
“Sorry. Just a lot on my mind.”
“I know. How about we go down to the training room and work off some of that lingering disappointment?”
In the two days since Sawyer had dropped the bomb that I was no longer an officer of the NYPD, all I’d done was wallow. Unfortunately for Gio, I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on that quite yet.
“I’ll pass. I’m not feeling up to it right now.”
“Zara, you can’t just—”
“Please don’t, Gio. Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do, or how to handle all of this, okay? I’m dealing the best I can, and when I’m ready to get back to my normal self, I will. But not before.”
Gio snapped his mouth shut and cocked a brow. Whatever he’d expected me to say, it wasn’t that. I readied myself for some kind of snappy comeback, but instead, his expression softened and he laid a hand on my shoulder.
“Okay. When you’re ready, you let me know.” He leaned in and placed a kiss on my messy head, then turned and headed down the hall, leaving me alone again.
Which wasn’t what I wanted. Or was it? Fuck, everything was just so off. I didn’t know my own mind like I did before, and the urge to call Gio back and go a few rounds with him was pulsing through my veins. I wasn’t sure which type of rounds I meant, fighting or fucking, but either would shake me out of this funk.
“Get up.”
I was on my feet in a breath, whirling to see who’d snuck up on me while I watched Gio disappear down the hall. “Sawyer! What the fuck? Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“Getting rusty already, pardner?” He smirked at me, one hand shoved deep in his pocket while the other lifted to rake through his blond locks. It threw the muscles of his arm into sharp relief and I decided I definitely needed to go a few rounds of the sexual variety.
“I wouldn’t say that, but I don’t normally keep my guard up when I’m at home.” At home. When had I started to consider the penthouse home?
“Well, get that guard back in place, because we’re going out.”
“We are?”
“I’m tired of seeing you sit here and rot, so yeah, we are.”
“I’m not rotting.”
“You sure about that? Because I’ve never known you to be able to sit still for more than an hour, much less a couple of days.”
“I don’t exactly have anything to do or anywhere to be, no do I?”
“You do today.”
“And where’s that?”
“We’re going out.”
“Yeah, you said that, but where?”
“Put this on, do something with that hair, and you’ll find out.”
My hand was on my hair reflexively before he’d even finished his sentence. Was it really that bad? I knew it was a little messy, but “that hair” made me think I’d been underestimating how crazy I looked.
He held out a garment bag and I eyed it warily. “What’s that?”
“You need something to wear, what you have isn’t appropriate for our destination.”
“I’m not doing anything until you tell me where we’re going.” I crossed my arms over my chest and I knew I looked like a bratty teenager, but since that was how I felt, I decided to lean into it when he grinned at me and rolled my eyes.
“We’re going on a date, Zara. And you have forty-five minutes to get ready. When that time runs out, we’re out the door even if I have to pick you up and fireman-carry you out.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Clock’s tickin’, Zar. Do you really want to find out?”
I didn’t need to find out. He’d do it. I recognized that stubborn set to his chin. Reaching out to snatch the garment bag, I turned and walked slowly to my bedroom. I might be doing as he instructed, but I wasn’t about to rush.
At least not when he could see me.
As soon as the door snicked shut behind me, I was a whirlwind of action. With shaking hands, I laid the bag out on the bed and unzipped it. The teal fabric that it revealed had the sheen that only silk could manage. I tugged the sides apart and couldn’t fight the gasp that escaped my lips.
It was gorgeous. The teal dress had a sweetheart top that would make my cleavage look amazing—which Sawyer had no doubt considered—and the cut looked like it would cling to every curve. It was obviously expensive, and I was seriously considering zipping it back up and refusing to wear it. There was no way that Sawyer could afford something like this on a whim with a cop’s salary.
A slip of white paper caught my eye, and I was hesitant to grab it. Did I really want to see the price tag? When I pulled it from beneath the edge of the dress, though, it was much bigger than a retail tag would have been. I flipped
it over to find a handwritten note.
Enjoy your night with him. I’m envious he’ll get to enjoy you in this dress, but our time will come. And you’ll be in green to match those mesmerizing eyes. Yours, Damien.
My face burned and my breath caught. Of course he’d be the one responsible for something so elegant. But what stole my breath was that not only was he apparently fine with me dating Sawyer, but he fully expected to get his own turn to take me out. I couldn’t be sure what it meant as far as their acceptance of each other, but just knowing that Damien wanted me for more than another quick lay made my stomach flip.
A quick shower did nothing to cool my heated blood, and there wasn’t nearly enough time for me to alleviate some of my new tension manually. Or with the removable shower head.
Once I was dry, I slipped on a black thong and considered a bra. The only one I had would show horribly through the thin fabrics of the dress, so my best option was to skip it altogether. I slid the dress over my body and shuddered as the slippery material glided down my mostly naked body. It was the tiniest bit chilly, warming rapidly against my flushed skin.
I took in my image in the mirror and I had to admit, I felt sexy as hell. It hung just right, which made me wonder how Damien had known my measurements so perfectly. It was more luxurious than anything I’d ever worn, and the woman in the mirror was… beautiful.
Until my gaze fell on my hair. Or, the rat’s nest my hair had become. The en-suite bathroom was full of any product I might need, but with such a short window of time, most of them were useless. Rather than waste my time trying to make a miracle happen, I brushed the tangles out as best I could and let it fall down my back. I put a couple of pins on one side to keep it back off my face while I let the heavier side of my part fall against my cheek.
I used the rest of my allotted minutes to apply some concealer and mascara. No need for the world to be able to see that I’d been crying myself to sleep the past couple of nights.
I was swiping on some lip gloss when the door to the bathroom opened.