I wasn’t sure how late it was but I finally climbed into bed. I patted the empty space and gave Rob my most evil smile but Rob shook his head. He pulled back the edge of the curtain and looked around, then he grabbed a pillow and stretched out in front of the door. I joked, “Have you been away from your wife for too long, Rob? Are you afraid of what you might try to do in your sleep?”
He laughed. “You’re the one who should be scared, Jake. It has been way too long, don’t let Dave sneak in here and take advantage of me in my sleep. Or kick my ass, I’m too tired for either one of those options tonight.”
“So why don’t you crash on the couch or here, you’re not going to sleep well on the floor.”
He frowned. “Just an odd feeling I guess. I don’t suppose you’d want to hop into your car and take a road trip somewhere this weekend? New York, Philly, somewhere you might be able to blend into a crowd?”
“And miss the party? No fuckin’ way. And I’m not going to run, Rob. I’m not gonna let him ruin what I have going here.”
“Your dad?”
“No, I mean yeah. Him too. Nobody’s going to fuck with me, I do want I want.”
When I woke up the next morning the first thing I did was open the curtains and slide the window open a little. The air wasn’t just cool, it was cold and I shivered and shut it. I grabbed the towel off the back of the hook and took my shower kit with me down the hall. Owen and Patrick were already in the showers, when Owen noticed me he cut the shower next to him on to give it a chance to warm up.
I glanced over at Patrick and he had huge black and blue marks running down his left side. “Jesus, Patrick, are all those bruises from the FedEx truck?”
He studied his side and frowned. “I noticed those, too. I vaguely remember falling out a window last night, maybe over at Tyler’s dorm. I think all this shit is from that.”
“Tyler, the guy who lives in the athletes’ dorm? Doesn’t he live on like the third floor?”
Patrick nodded. “At least the third, from these bruises I’m guessing it might be the fourth.” He walked over and picked up a clean towel, it looked like he was trying to dry himself off with a napkin. “Anyway, I’ll see you two at the party. I need to go find Brent and get something for this pain, maybe something from Mexico or somewhere that the regulations aren’t so...strict.”
Owen spoke up, “Maybe Brent knows a vet, maybe you need something they’d give a horse or a rhino.” Patrick looked hopeful and walked out. Then Owen wandered out a minute or so later and Dave walked in.
“So,” Dave asked, “what’s your deal lately, Foster?”
“Oh, I dunno. Do I seem like I have ‘a deal’? Do I seem like I’m off balance or something?”
He rinsed off and said, “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t a little off balance.” He cut his shower off and walked over to the bench to wrap a towel around his waist. “I mean, you seem to be diversifying in the casual sex department. Paul, Quinn, possibly Phillip, probably that John Smith guy if you can manage it.”
I shook my head. “Try not to read anything into those...choices. And I managed to find the time to hookup with Britt a few times in the last week. And I’m thinking maybe Beth and I can hang out sometime.” I cut my shower off and walked up to him. I rubbed a towel over my head and threw it on my shoulder. “Why the interest, Dave?” I squeezed his bicep and leered at him. “You know my door’s always open.”
He pulled the towel off my shoulder and popped me in the gut with it. “I’m shorter than your usual target, I wouldn’t want to get trampled in the stampede.”
When I got downstairs Rob, Paul, and Levi were huddled around the dining room table and devouring stacks of waffles. Paul grinned at me and I smiled back. I commented, “This looks serious.”
Rob shook his head. “Just a little meeting to talk about security, that’s all.”
I pointed at the buffet. “No, I mean it looks like we’re out of waffles. And anyway, every sorority and fraternity on this street will be here for the party—‘security’ is the last thing that’ll happen around this place tonight.”
Paul managed to talk despite the giant forkful of waffle in his mouth. “It’ll be me and a couple guys from town, nobody with campus police will come near here during a party—they said their insurance doesn’t cover them for that level of chaos and potential bodily injury.”
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “But you, your guys, they don’t mind if things get out of hand?”
“We have to deal with PreBar, we’re used to it. By the way, at some point I’d like to hear about what happened in there yesterday.”
Rob shrugged and we walked out the side door. “Let’s go somewhere.” He said. “Let’s go—target shooting, do you know somewhere we can go?”
I went upstairs and took a couple hits off a joint while I gathered up my gun and car keys. We folded ourselves into my car and I took us out of town and down a series of back roads until we got to a gravel parking lot. “Over there.” I pointed at the firing range and the little shack next to it. We went inside and I checked my locker just to make sure everything was still there.
Paul whistled and pointed at the contents. “I’m not sure why a college student would be armed for Armageddon, but I’m impressed. And a little concerned, some of this stuff shouldn’t be in the US. Let’s close that up and pretend I never saw it.”
We walked outside and put on ear protection. I ran a target down the line and nodded at Rob to shoot. He fired off five rounds and I could see the holes appear right around the bullseye. I raised my gun and fired off five rounds and he shook his head. “You missed.”
I brought the target back to us and pointed out that his five holes had been expanded by my shots. We turned it into a twisted game of horse, firing odd patterns and seeing if the other one could duplicate them. We ran out of ammo about the time a bunch of guys piled out of a pickup and started to line up to shoot. I went back inside and bought us a couple of sodas for the ride home.
Rob looked at me from the passenger seat and said, “You’re one helluva shot, Foster. Where the hell did you learn that skill?”
“I dunno. Hunting mostly, back home in Dutchville. And video games. And other...stuff.”
Rob nodded. “Speaking of other stuff, Paul told me about a call he got from the police chief in Parker’s Bluff, of all places. This guy just wanted to make sure you had some law enforcement looking out for you.”
I knew Jason was trying to catch up with me but I wasn’t quite ready to call him, yet. “You seem to know a lot about what went on down there, Rob. He’s a good guy, some crazy shit happened. He’s just looking out for me.”
“You seem to lead a life that encourages law enforcement to get involved in it.”
I couldn’t really argue that so I cranked up the car and we headed back.
Later in the afternoon I was in Spence’s room having some beer when Levi walked in wearing a blazer and khakis. “That,” I said as I pointed at him, “cannot be what you’re gonna wear tonight.”
“No, I’m trying to put out fires for Ashley and I had to meet some concerned parents to talk about their daughter’s brief but disturbing career in Japanese porn. After watching ten minutes of that shit I’ll never eat sushi again.”
“What did you tell them?” Spence asked.
“That she should stick to her major, she really doesn’t have the tits for porn.” He looked around the room. “Dave’s not here? I need to talk to him about tonight. And where’s Rob?”
“He’s crashed in my room,” I explained. “He was up all night guarding my door like a German shepherd. But if they’re both missing they may be fencing or shooting each other with crossbows out in the backyard.” He nodded and walked out.
I looked at Spence and asked, “Do you think I’m a troublemaker, Spence? I mean, any more than the regular student here.”
“That’s not a high bar you’re setting for yourself, Foster. But no, I mean nobody—Sheldon, Shannon, B
rent, or even you will tell me about what happened last year. But nobody’s suggested you did anything wrong there, either. And the stuff with your father isn’t your fault, so we can rule that out. You drink too much, you smoke too much, you hop into bed with anything breathing.” He raised an eyebrow when he said that. “And you are kind of a dumb jock. But a ‘troublemaker’ isn’t the first word that comes to mind.”
“What word does come to mind?”
He gave me a concerned look and said, “Hopeless. But in a good-natured way, you’re not evil or anything.”
I nodded. “Well...thanks? Come to my room when you’re ready to head down for the party. I’m gonna go check on Rob.” I headed out the door and tried to stay optimistic about tonight.
Rob was gone when I walked into my room. I shut the door behind me and crashed on the bed and wondered if being hopeless was something that could be cured with a shot or some yoga or whatever.
When I woke up Spence and Hunter were sitting on the couch watching Scooby Doo. I stretched and started digging around in my closet. I looked at Spence and he was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. He had sunglasses perched on his head and was sipping from a fifth of something dark and dangerous looking. Hunter had on lacrosse shorts and a wife beater and he already looked chilly, but casual about it. I frowned at them and looked back in the closet. “Is that what you two are wearing for the party. It doesn’t really seem...original?”
“It was your idea to keep the theme simple, Foster. This is how I go to class, and that’s how Hunter goes to class. You could wear a speedo or a cup or some rowing shorts downstairs, or we could strap your mattress to your back—that’s where you normally are during a class.”
I raised my arm and smelled my pit. “Do you think I should shower?”
Hunter shrugged. “You just woke up, you’re all squinty and you have sheet marks on the side of your face. And that’s some good bedhead you have going on up there. Just throw something on and let’s go down to help set up.”
I put on some flannel pajama bottoms I could barely get to stay tied around my waist and a long sleeve Hawthorne tee. I dug around and found some fuzzy slippers shaped like elephants with trunks rising up over the toes. I looked down at myself and hesitated. “I don’t look like some freshman girl, do I?”
Hunter shook his head. “Bro, the way those pants are hanging off your hips and with what you can see between the buttons of your fly, I have serious doubts about anyone mistaking you for a girl.” We passed a joint and Spence’s bottle around until Quinn walked in. He was wearing nothing but a pair of cargo shorts and had a mismatched pair of shoes on his feet. He slid a hand over his abs and looked proud of himself.
“What the hell,” I exhaled and asked, “is that...outfit, or whatever?”
“Simple.” He explained, “I overslept for my physics exam the other morning, and I only had ten minutes to make it there and take the test. I didn’t realize I was dressed like this until I handed the exam in. I think the whole shirtless thing may get me some extra credit. The grad student looked up at me and when she saw I was shirtless she drooled a little. Those poor girls don’t get away from their cats, their romance novels, and their ice cream very much, I guess. But it’s a bitch walking around like this, I managed to put on two left shoes that morning.”
“Why don’t you grab a right one for tonight?”
He shook his head. “But that’s what’s so funny, you know, getting to class and seeing I had on one white shoe and one red one. I don’t want to ruin the effect.”
I looked at his feet and I was about to point out the obvious, but I just shrugged and we headed downstairs. I ran into Yoda and Patrick at the bottom of the steps. Yoda grinned and reached up to pat me on the head. “We’re all set, Foster. I have a DJ that says he ‘gets’ the whole going to class theme and knows exactly what kind of ominous music to play. Patrick had a chat with Rob and Paul and he’ll be your personal bouncer for the evening. Just give him the word and he’ll happily crush anyone you ask him to.” He pointed around the rooms. “All of the TV’s and monitors will be playing webinars and taped lectures. Sheldon did some of his magic and occasionally a professor will be eaten by zombies or werewolves, a student will spontaneously combust, and an entire class of aerospace majors will sprout wings and fly out of windows.”
I nodded. “I hope nobody does shrooms tonight.”
Paul waved me into a corner and we stood watching the crowd grow. “Rob will be here any minute. I’ve got a squad car out front and one around the block, and there are plainclothes guys wandering around. If all else fails I understand Patrick’s willing to give up a life to defend you.”
“You mean his life.”
Paul clapped me on the shoulder and said, “I’m sure that’s what he meant. Maybe. Look, this should all go fine, I think things are getting back to normal. But I still want to catch up with you again.” He looked so...earnest, or sincere, that I grinned and nodded right away. We split up and I headed to the nearest keg.
I was pouring a beer when Brent showed up beside me. “Just the bro I was looking for,” I told him. “Have you got anymore of those magic beans or whatever they are?”
He patted his front pocket and looked alarmed. “Shit, I still have a few, but they’re upstairs. If you want I can—”
“It’s okay, Brent.” I grinned. “The night’s just starting, I should probably stay reasonably coherent for the next hour or two.” I felt the crowd starting to collapse into itself, all of the sudden there wasn’t any room to move and I balanced my cup as I maneuvered toward the front door for some air. Before I could get to it the door opened and a group of people walked in wearing giant yellow chicken suits. I rubbed my eyes and wondered about the amount of pot I had smoked until the lead chicken pulled his head off and I saw Rob grinning. Two smaller chickens pulled theirs off and Dave and Levi started fist bumping the people who had gathered around them.
I walked up to Rob and said, “Chicks going to class, well played.”
He wiped his brow and left yellow feathers from his wing stuck to his forehead. “We went out and rented these today, it was Dave’s idea and Levi wanted to join in.” Rob looked a little disappointed at me and said, “I figured you’d have something more...original on, Foster.” He looked me up and down. “I like the elephant slippers, but you should watch those buttons on your fly—another trunk is trying to show itself.”
I tugged at the front of my pants and asked Rob, “How are you supposed to protect me if you’re wearing that fuckin’ costume? You don’t think people might notice a giant yellow chicken following me around?”
He was watching a TV mounted up in the corner. There was a fire-breathing dragon raining flames down on the bar district and a few people in the crowd watching gasped and covered their eyes. “I’m not sure how that plays into the theme, but Sheldon really is a genius. Anyway, Foster, we’ve got enough security on you to stop a small army from invading this place. Don’t worry about anything, just have some fun.” His arm slid out of some kind of slit in the costume and I could see the barrel of his gun poking out. He looked down at himself and said, “I hope there’s another one of those slits in the front of this thing—I have no idea what I’m gonna do if I have to take a leak.”
I ran into Sheldon and Shannon admiring his work on one of the screens in the living room. Shannon told me, “Sheldon wanted to do one of these things with a giant alligator eating the rowing team, but I told him that would be a bad idea considering last fall.”
I nodded and realized Spence was next to me and I took one of the beers he was offering. He looked around the room and grinned from ear to ear. “I feel like I’ve been a monk since all this shit with your father happened. I should have banged Dawn and Cindy when I had the chance.” Shannon scowled at him and he wandered off to find a hookup.
I wandered around and couldn’t decide if the jammed rooms were making me feel safe or just claustrophobic. I ran into Beth and had to yell over the music to talk
to her. “Hiya, Beth. Haven’t seen you since you were bouncing up and down on Mr. Smith’s dick. What’s new?”
She looked around and asked, “Have you seen him? He disappeared last night, and I thought maybe I’d run into him here.”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t seem like the frat party type. Maybe you should check the jail or some homeless shelters, something more his style.” I couldn’t tell her that part of me was hoping to run into him here, as well.
She shrugged. “I can’t think of any homeless shelters around here, but I guess jail is a reasonable possibility.”
I bent my knees so I could yell into her ear. “What are you doing with that guy, anyway? I mean, I don’t know you all that well but you don’t seem like a girl who hangs out at PreBar hooking up with armed skinheads.”
She smirked at me. “People have lapses in judgment, Foster. I fucked you, too. And stand up straight, when you bend down your fly like, opens wide up.”
I leered at her and yelled into her ear, “If you miss anything you see we can have a little reunion upstairs.”
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see John standing next to me. He was wearing the same tee and jeans from yesterday and I picked up a musky kind of odor coming from him. “I’m not sure she’s missing that monster all that much, Bo. I think she was pretty damn happy last night.” They started kissing, more like slobbering all over each other, and I moved on.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and there was a text from Phillip telling me he was having a hard time finding me in the crowd, and that he was in the backyard. I made my way to the back doors and the cool air washed over me and cleared some of the fog from my head. I saw him standing by the pool, he was in a sweatshirt and had his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. “Don’t freeze to death out here,” I told him. He jumped a little and walked over to me.
Foster's Fall (Foster's Life) Page 20