by Ana Huang
The cab rolled to a stop in front of the dorm. Blake paid the driver and picked Farrah up bridal-style. He’d learned his lesson; dragging was not the way to go.
Once they arrived at her room, Blake set Farrah on her feet and held her up with one arm while he searched for her key with the other. Fortunately, she carried a small bag instead of one of those cavernous totes girls loved. Blake found the key in no time.
The door clicked open. Janice must’ve gone to Luke’s homestay because her bed was empty.
Blake laid Farrah on her bed and went to work taking off her shoes, setting the garbage can beside her bed, and moving a half-empty water bottle from her desk to her nightstand.
All set.
He allowed himself the luxury of lingering an extra minute. His chest constricted as he looked down at Farrah’s sleeping form. In the past, Farrah always wore a small smile while she slept, like she was so happy the joy followed her into her dreams. Now, her brow furrowed and her mouth turned down at the corners.
Before he could stop himself, Blake smoothed his fingers over her temple, like that would somehow wipe her sadness away.
Farrah’s face relaxed. She sighed and shifted positions.
Blake froze. He needed to leave before she woke up and saw him there.
He turned off the light and—
“Blake,” she murmured.
Shit.
“You promised you wouldn’t leave.” She shifted again. Blake’s eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to see hers were still closed, and he realized she was talking in her sleep.
That Farrah was asking for him in her sleep proved she wasn’t as over him as she pretended to be. It should’ve made Blake feel better; it didn’t. It made him want to cry because he understood firsthand how much she must be hurting.
“I know, baby,” he whispered. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. “I won’t. You’ll always have a piece of me with you.”
Farrah sighed.
The tightness in his chest intensified. Blake pulled his hand away, but Farrah whimpered and grasped his sleeve. “No. Stay with me…” Her voice trailed off sleepily.
A tear slipped down his cheek, and Blake had to hold his breath so his sob didn’t disturb the silence.
He eased into the bed next to Farrah and held her in his arms. He kept his touch light, lest he wake her. “Ok. I’ll stay with you.” Another tear escaped and landed on her forehead. Blake kissed it away. “I love you, Farrah,” he whispered.
Farrah heaved another, more contented sigh. “Thanks for staying.” She buried her face in his chest, muffling her words. “I love you, Blake.”
By now, the tears were falling too fast for him to wipe away, so he lay there and let them fall. Blake couldn’t stay with Farrah the entire night. It was too risky. But he stayed until her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and she dozed off with a small smile on her face, the way she always did when they were together.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“This is it.”
Farrah and Olivia stared at the dorm, the place where they lived, laughed, and loved for a year, and where Farrah had some of the best—and most heartbreaking—moments of her life.
She was the first of her friends to leave. She’d spent the entire morning saying goodbye—to her friends, to FEA, to everything and everyone she’d loved this past year.
All except one.
Farrah’s chest squeezed.
“We’ll see each other soon,” Olivia said. “We’ll be in New York together this summer.”
“Hopefully.” Farrah hadn’t received her summer assignment yet, but the thought of New York was the only thing keeping her going today.
Farrah, Olivia, and Sammy together in New York. It would be a dream. She didn’t even mind playing third wheel to her friends’ nauseatingly sweet relationship—the only one in their group that lasted the whole year.
But as much as Farrah loved Olivia and Sammy, it wasn’t about the three of them. It was about the collective, and she didn’t have the heart to tell her friend that even if they all somehow met up again, it wouldn’t be the same. They would never be as young and carefree as they were now. They would never live in the same dorm, knowing the others were just a few rooms or a floor down. They couldn’t hop into a cab and grab dinner in the French Concession, or dance the night away in 808, or take spontaneous day trips to a neighboring water town. The magic of the group only existed in this place and moment in time.
What scared Farrah the most was not leaving Shanghai; it was the possibility they’d forget what FEA meant to them. For a year, maybe two or three, they’d reminisce and stay in touch, but what happens after five years, ten years? Shanghai will be just another memory, relegated to the sandbox of time.
Her cab driver, who’d been busy cursing his future son-in-law on the phone, hung up. He got into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine, a clear signal it was time to leave.
Panic and regret washed over Farrah. She’d resisted going to Blake’s room to say goodbye. She had no reason to. They didn’t stay friends after their breakup, but it felt wrong to leave without seeing him one last time. She didn’t need to speak to him; she just wanted to see him. To remind herself that, despite how it ended, what they had was real.
Tears prickled Farrah’s eyes. She sniffled and wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Sorry. I’m a mess.”
Olivia wasn’t paying attention. She stared over Farrah’s shoulder with a strange expression on her face.
Farrah turned. Her heart burst out of her chest when she saw Blake standing there. She may as well have conjured him with her thoughts. Dressed in a warm-up suit with earphones embedded in his ears, he was clearly en route to the gym.
They stared at each other, both at a loss for words.
Farrah couldn’t breathe. She dreamed about him last night, a dream so vivid she could’ve sworn it was real. She even woke up to what she thought was his signature crisp, citrusy scent lingering in her sheets. Sometimes, her wild imagination sucked.
Olivia cleared her throat. “I’m saying ‘see you later,’ since this isn’t goodbye.” She squeezed Farrah tight and whispered, “Do what you need to do.”
“I love you so much.” Olivia had been her confidante, partner-in-crime, and the best friend she could’ve asked for in Shanghai. Farrah would never forget that.
Olivia looked sadder than Farrah had ever seen her. “I love you too.”
Their hug lingered for a few more moments until Olivia released her. She flicked her gaze to Blake before disappearing into the lobby.
Farrah took a deep breath and turned around again. Blake was still standing there, but he’d taken his earphones out. His jaw tensed. He closed the distance between them and opened his arms without a word.
That one simple gesture caused Farrah to forget everything from the impatient cab driver to the way Blake broke her heart to all the nights she’d spent crying over him. Instead, she acted on instinct and went into his arms, pressing her cheek so tight against his chest she heard his heart beat.
His strong arms enveloped her in a familiar embrace. Farrah squeezed her eyes shut and tried to savor every millisecond, knowing each one could be the last.
They weren’t friends. They weren’t enemies, either. Whatever they were, this felt like a proper goodbye. For better or worse, Shanghai wouldn’t have been the same without him.
“Have a safe flight.” The deep rumble of Blake’s voice startled her from her trance.
Farrah allowed herself one more second before pulling out of Blake’s grasp. His hands dropped to his sides.
“Thanks.” Farrah held back a fresh wave of tears. Not now. Not yet.
“I guess this is goodbye.”
“Yes.” Her voice came out hoarser than she would’ve liked. She cleared her throat. “I guess it is.”
Blake looked down. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Farrah, I—”
That slight hesitation caused her heart to gallop like a ra
cehorse upon hearing the starting pistol.
“I—” Blake’s jaw clenched. “Goodbye.”
Farrah deflated. What did she expect? That he was doing to drop to his knees and say how much he loved her and what a huge mistake he’d made? Life wasn’t a book or a movie. It was silly to think otherwise.
She climbed into the cab, unable to look at Blake any longer. She was about to close the door when he spoke again.
“Do you hate me?”
Her head jerked up in surprise. Blake’s jaw remained tense as he waited for her response.
Did she hate him? She had reason to. He broke her heart, made her believe they’d be together forever when she was just another notch in his belt, and ruined her last few months in Shanghai. At the same time…
“No.”
His eyes flared with surprise. “No?”
“No.”
Blake caused her more pain than she could’ve imagined, but he’d also made her happier than she thought possible. He confirmed True Love did exist, even if it was unrequited, and that made all the heartbreak worthwhile.
One day Farrah would find someone who’ll make what she had with Blake pale in comparison, and maybe then she’d forget about the blue-eyed boy in front of her. But Blake would always be her first love, and for that, she could never hate him, no matter how much she wanted to.
“I’m sorry.” Blake’s stony expression cracked. His eyes shone with regret, sadness, and something Farrah couldn’t identify. “For everything.”
“I know.”
They stared at each other for the last time. The air between them was heavy with broken promises and unspoken words, but their time had run out. Not everyone gets a happy ending, and not all loose ends get tied up in real life. The only things they could take with them were the memories.
“Do they actually work for you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your cheesy pickup lines. Do they actually work for you?”
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about your dad.”
“I think you drive me crazier than any person ought to. And I think I might die if I can’t be with you.”
“You will never lose me. I will always love you. Always.”
Farrah smiled a sad smile. It had been good while it lasted. “Goodbye.”
She closed the cab door and settled into her seat. She kept her eyes forward as the driver pulled out of the courtyard.
They didn’t make it to the main street before the skies opened up and droplets of water splattered against the windows like crystal tears.
Farrah leaned her head against the glass. She could just make out the buildings that defined Shanghai’s skyline through the rain: the Pearl Tower, the Jinmao Tower, the World Financial Tower.
It had been a morning of heart-wrenching farewells, but now she had to say the hardest goodbyes of all: to Shanghai and to the person she was here, in this place and time, knowing she’ll never be this way again.
Goodbye, Shanghai. Until we meet again.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The cab peeled out of the courtyard, taking with it the tattered remains of Blake’s heart.
His jaw clenched so tight he thought his teeth would crack. It took all his willpower not to fall to his knees in front of Farrah and beg her forgiveness. The hug was bad enough—he shouldn’t have done it, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t let her leave Shanghai without…something.
Blake wished he could take back everything that happened since winter break. He wished he could give Farrah promises of future visits and emails and phone calls, of more tangible ways to stay connected beyond shared memories and regrets. He couldn’t, so he gave her the only thing in his power to give: apologies and a last embrace.
Blake ducked his head, plugged in his earphones, and resumed his walk to the gym. The farther he walked from the dorm, the easier it was to tuck the past year’s memories in a safe drawer near his heart. He didn’t have the luxury of dwelling on the past. He had a family and an ex (?)-girlfriend he needed to face in less than 48 hours. He had a baby on the way and a lot of shit he needed to figure out. But the memories would always be there for him to draw upon when he needed them.
The last image—that of Farrah’s face right before she left—slipped inside, and Blake closed the drawer with a firm push.
It broke his heart, but he couldn’t deny it any longer.
This chapter of their lives was over.
Blake and Farrah’s story continues in If the Sun Never Sets (coming July 2020), when fate reunites them five years later. Available for preorder now. Groveling and HEA guaranteed!
BONUS: Read the Macau bar scene from (a very jealous) Blake’s POV. Click here to download or type/copy and paste this link into your browser. By claiming a copy of this bonus scene, you’re subscribing to my newsletter. However, you can unsubscribe any time. https://dl.bookfunnel.com/rdyq6curgn
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Five years ago, he broke her heart. Now, he’ll do anything to win her back.
FARRAH
When Farrah walked into her lunch meeting, she didn’t expect to see him.
Blake Ryan.
Her first love.
Her first heartbreak.
And now, her first client as a freelance interior designer.
It’s been five years, but she’ll never forget the way he shattered her.
He whispers pretty words, but she’ll never believe him.
Her body craves his, but she’ll never give him her heart.
Not again.
Not ever.
BLAKE
Money. Looks. A booming sports bar empire.
On the surface, Blake has it all.
But inside, he's haunted—both by nightmares of a tragic loss, and dreams of the girl he once betrayed.
When fate reunites them, he sees it as a sign:
It’s time to get the love of his life back.
No matter what it takes.
Pre-order now on Amazon
Release Date: July 30, 2020
Excerpt: If the Sun Never Sets
If Love Duet Book #2
The chatter in the dining room faded as blood roared in his ears. His stomach plunged into free fall… and all Blake could do was stare, stupefied, at the brunette seated across the table from his best friend.
I’m hallucinating.
His brain must have associated “interior designer” with the only interior designer he knew and conjured up the illusion to torture him.
The deep chocolate eyes, soft red lips, and faint scent of orange blossoms mixed with vanilla…she seemed so real it was cruel.
How many times had Blake dreamt of her, only to wake up next to an empty bed, plagued with regrets over what could’ve been?
A deadly python of emotion constricted his chest and dripped poison into his veins, gluing his feet to the floor. The deafening thump-thump-thump of his heart drowned out every other sound in the restaurant.
I’m going crazy.
"Blake, this is Farrah. Farrah, this is my friend, Blake." Landon’s introduction sailed through Blake's haze of consciousness. His friend’s voice sounded far off, like the people you heard in dreams. The ones that try to shake you awake when all you want to do is sink deeper into your delusion.
Landon gave Blake a frown that said, Why the fuck are you acting so weird?.
Meanwhile, Farrah sat, eyes wide, fingers strangling the black leather portfolio in her lap. Her face matched the color of the white linen tablecloth.
Blake’s breath hissed out in shock. This was real.
He’d fantasized about their reunion a million times, but now that it was happening he had no clue what to do.
He just stood there, gawking at her like an idiot.
Say something. Anything.
"You haven't aged a day.
”
Anything but that.
Landon choked on his water while pink rose on Blake’s cheekbones. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this flustered. He felt like a damn schoolboy with a crush, one who’d waited five years to see the girl of his dreams again, only for his first words to her be…you haven’t aged a day.
He wanted to die.
Landon’s shoulders shook with suppressed laughter, but Farrah’s expression remained smooth and hard as stone.
“Thanks,” she said. Zero emotion, not even sarcasm.
The Farrah Blake knew would’ve called him out on his lame-ass greeting faster than a teenager could text in class, but the Farrah he knew also used to look at him like he hung the stars in the sky—until he fucked it all up.
"Do you know each other?" Landon asked, controlling his mirth long enough to ask the world’s most obvious question.
Blake forced his legs to move. He sank into the chair next to Landon and tried not to shake too much as he lifted a glass of water to his lips. "We studied abroad together in Shanghai."
He felt Landon's sharp inhale beside him. He'd told Landon about Farrah one drunk night after he and Cleo split for good. Blake had been spiraling, drowning in guilt and regret and booze, and his usual filter had been down for the count. In its absence, confessions about Farrah and what happened in Shanghai tumbled out. Blake hadn’t divulged Farrah’s name, but Landon was a smart guy. Blake could tell by the look in his friend’s eyes that Landon had already pieced the puzzle together.
The waiter showed up and took their orders. Blake didn’t remember what he ordered. He didn’t care; he was too busy staring at Farrah.
It’d been five years, and God, she was even more beautiful than he remembered. More sophisticated and self-assured. Time had sculpted her features into a masterpiece, and her slim figure had blossomed with curves. She was no longer a girl but a woman—one who sent desire curling through his gut even as his heart ached.