by Lacuna Reid
Despite Gino’s hesitation to get down and dirty, by the time we arrive back at El Cielo the next day, I feel closer than ever with him, and I’m quietly hopeful that he’s right – that it is okay for me to have intimate relationships with all four guys… if they want to, that is. At least, Gino seems accepting even though he’s ‘too much of a gentleman’ to fuck me just yet. I’m not sure what the others think about this, but I’m really hoping they will come around. Lana would call me greedy, but I don’t care; she would also tell me to go for it.
Just as we get back into the Lobby, Gino pulls me into his arms and calls me that name that melts my heart: cara mia…
“I want to know all about your experience, of course, in a few days,” Gino says. “If you’re happy to tell me.”
“Yes,” I say.
“Meet me for dinner – tomorrow night?”
I agree to meet Gino at his apartment. I’m also still feeling slightly dazed after the experience of the past life regression. I go back to my room and have a long, hot shower, then I write down everything I remember from the regression, which is another thing Martina advised me to do.
I lie in my soft bed that night, my head and heart swirling with Gino and Elias and Theo and Helio… my soulmates… my lovers… my friends. I drift into a contented sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mira
I’m at the stables, but Theo is not there – the woman is there… she is young with brown hair that is pulled back from her face, and piercing grey eyes… as I gaze into them, I can see into her soul… into her story…
She’s in love with Theo… who is the stable boy in this life… but she’s married to a cruel man… and in this life, she is the girl I saw in my dream… the ghost who is haunting me.
She is angry that Theo… both then and still now in this life… is fixated on me.
She begs me. “Reject Theo,” she says. “You already have everything. I have nothing. I’m a peasant and you are nobility… please, just give me this.”
“But your husband…” I say.
Rain is pouring down everywhere… all around us… so much rain. I’m worried we will be swept away.
She shows me bruises inflicted by the man. I gasp. “We must get you away from him.”
“It will all be pointless if I cannot have him,” she says of Theo.
“I do not own his heart,” I say. “I cannot change his mind.”
There is rage in the woman’s eyes. As I look at her face, it shifts into a different face, a much younger face, a face I’ve seen before…
I see her running through the grounds at El Cielo… running through the rain… calling “Theo! Theo!”
I wake up, my sheets twisted around me, the connection is forming in my waking mind… the girl from my dream is… the woman from the stables in the French life… They are one soul in different lives… the sad woman… the girl at El Cielo… the ghost.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Mira
I have to find Theo. I don’t even bother showering. There is only one thing on my mind, and it’s more important than being clean and presentable this morning.
I throw on a t-shirt and jeans and make my way to Theo’s office. I knock, but no one answers. I’m so frustrated that I even try the door, but it’s locked. I head back down to the Lobby. Victor is there behind the desk.
“Hi. Have you seen Theo?” I ask.
Victor looks at me with more of a sneer than a smile.
“Mr Brodeur is away at a meeting. Very important business,” he says in his thick French accent. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Can you tell him I’m looking for him? It’s important.”
“Of course, Mademoiselle,” Victor says, but his voice is so patronizing I don’t believe he will bother to tell Theo. Either way, I have to find answers.
On my way outside, I bump into something big and rock-hard… It’s Helio and his muscular abs.
He steadies me with his big strong hands and laughs at me, but at least it’s a warm and friendly laugh. He’s certainly not as distant and cocky as when we first met, or even the last time… by the river. I blush just thinking about it… the ultra-hot sex, and then the grab and run.
“Is there something I can help you with, Mira?” Helio asks, his hands still firmly wrapped against my upper arms.
“No…” I say, and then change my mind. “Actually, yes… I was looking for Theo, but he’s not here.”
“Is there’s something I can assist you with in Theo’s absence?” Helio raises his eyebrows, hinting at something a lot steamier than I had in mind.
“I wanted to ask him…” I take a deep breath, hesitating, and then decide to just blurt it out. “I wanted to ask about the ghost.”
Helio takes a step back. “That wasn’t what I was expecting,” he says.
“So, you know… you know about her?”
“Tiala,” Helio says, and somehow, I know that he is talking about the same girl – the girl from my dreams. I nod. Helio beckons for me to sit down with him on the stone garden edging, as if this is not going to be a quick conversation, as if it requires some explaining.
“How do you know about her?” he asks.
“Strange things have been happening,” I tell him. “Every time I’m in a room with Theo, something happens like a cold draft on a hot day, or a door slamming. It’s creepy, like I’m being watched.”
“And you think it’s her?” Helio says.
I nod. “I’ve seen her.”
“What?”
“In my dreams. Twice. I didn’t know her name… I just saw this girl and I knew it was the ghost, somehow. Someone was after her, Helio.”
He shakes his head. “No one knows what happened,” he says.
“Tell me what you know.”
“Theo would kill me,” Helio says.
I look into his deep dark brown eyes, imploring him to give me more information.
“Gino wouldn’t say anything, either,” I tell him, hoping to tempt him to spill. I know he doesn’t think he’s like the others, and sure enough, he takes the bait.
“Oh hell,” he says. “Well, you’ll find out eventually – since she’s coming to you in your dreams.”
“Who was she?” I ask.
“She was the daughter of a wealthy client of Theo’s. The family was here, on retreat for the summer. I’m not sure what it was, but her and Theo were close.”
“She looks like she was just a kid… in my dreams, that is.”
“She would have been your age, perhaps… if she survived, but it was years ago, and she was young, maybe sixteen.”
“So, Theo would have been in his early thirties?”
Helio nods. “Don’t get me wrong,” he says. “I don’t think anything ever happened between them, but there was some kind of connection… some kind of magnetism between them. She was drawn to Theo and would follow him around. I know he was fond of her too. For a while he even thought she might be you.”
“What?!”
“The rest of us didn’t think so. We assured Theo that she wasn’t the girl we were all looking for.”
“None of the rest of you felt the connection with her?” I ask. Surprised at how relieved I feel, and how jealous I could be of a dead girl.
“No, but she was obsessed with Theo,” Helio says. “And then she disappeared.”
“What? It can’t be that simple. People don’t just disappear.” My thoughts are racing with possibilities.
My heart is beating hard and fast in my chest… did Theo lose control with her? Did he hurt her?
“Do you think Theo…”
Helio shakes his head. “I don’t believe it, but that’s what her father thought. He was beside himself with grief and rage – of course. He tried to tell the police it was Theo. They took him in for questioning, but there was no evidence.”
“What happened?”
Helio shrugs. “Theo lost an important client. The world went on turning�
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“Tiala was never found,” I say.
Helio shakes his head.
“What do you think happened to her, though?”
“Maybe she ran away,” Helio says. “Maybe she was heart-broken and tried to teach him a lesson. It was a stormy night. Anything could have happened to her.”
A stormy night… rain… so much rain… the feeling of being chased.
I lean into Helio, feeling overwhelmed, and to my surprise, Mr-I-don’t-do-cuddles puts his big strong arm around me, fortifying me. I tell Helio about my dream in more detail, but to explain it, I also have to tell him about the regression, even though I’m not sure I’m supposed to speak about it yet.
Helio’s face darkens when I tell him about my memories of the French life.
“I left…” he says. A single tear streaks down his face. “I couldn’t take the rejection. I was in love with you and I wanted you to be my wife… more than anything. I was angry. I was selfish. I abandoned you when you needed me most.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “It’s not you, Helio. I mean… maybe it was you in a different life… a different body… but I don’t blame you now. I mean, how could I?”
“Everything you say is true,” Helio says. “Every life, I’m a different person, a different body with different reactions and weaknesses, but the same soul.”
He looks down at the ground. “But it’s not good enough,” he says.
“What isn’t?”
“Don’t you understand, Mira?” Helio reaches for my shoulders with both hands and shakes me slightly, as if to drive home his point. “It’s me – my soul – it was a test and I failed. It was my lesson…”
“You don’t need to be so dramatic,” I tell him. My light words break the tension and we both laugh for a solid minute. That was the most serious I’ve ever seen Helio, and I’m glad he’s back to joking around.
He punches me gently in the arm. “You’re tough,” he says, and I smile.
“But if what you say is true, Mira, if your dream of Tiala being the woman from the stables in the French life, then perhaps it’s a clue.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well for a start, it explains why the young girl we knew in this life was so attached to Theo. She had a past life connection with him, but not so much with the rest of us. She was in love with him.”
I hear a noise and turn towards the lobby. I could swear I see a dark shape moving inside there. My heart pounds again and I reach for Helio’s hand.
“Do you think that could be her?” I ask Helio.
“It’s probably just Marina,” Helio says, shrugging.
“Maybe,” I say, turning back to him. “But I think she’s trying to tell me something.”
“You don’t think she’s just jealous of you getting close to Theo?” Helio asks, jabbing me in the ribs.
“The thought did cross my mind... But maybe she’s also trying to tell me what happened to her.”
Running through the rain… so much rain…
Helio pulls me close, and I can feel his heart beat heavy and slow in his chest. All my other thoughts and worries slip away for a moment as I breathe him in. He reaches up and tilts my chin towards me, and his heart beats faster. Then he kisses me, deeply and passionately, until I’m swallowed up in his desire and the fire burning inside me, rising to a furnace of heat. For a moment, there is just us and our breathing and the heat between us, then another sound breaks through. The sound of a car. We look up to find Theo returning home.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mira
Theo storms into El Cielo, right past Helio and I. Helio shrugs.
“I have to talk to him,” I say and follow Theo inside. He’s well ahead of me, heading in the direction of his office. By the time, I arrive the door is closed again.
“Theo?”
I knock on the door. There’s no answer. I try his apartment, too. Nothing. Theo is clearly taking avoiding me up to the next level, and maybe I should be avoiding him too, given everything I know about Tiala.
Is she jealous of me… or is she trying to protect me from Theo? Is she trying to show me what happened to her?
It’s hard to believe that Theo, who has been so respectful of my boundaries, could do something like that… but how well do I really know the guy?
It’s almost time to start cooking for Gino’s big dinner party, which shouldn’t be too hard, given all the prep we’ve done. I go back to my room and shower, and then I head down to the kitchen.
Elias beams at me. He can’t help but coming forward and wrapping me into a hug, making me blush in front of the kitchen helpers.
“You’re looking happy,” he says, kissing me on the cheek.
I want to tell him about what I’ve discovered about the girl, but I assume that he, like Gino, would be keeping Theo’s confidence.
I also want to tell him all about the regression… and what Gino implied: that it would be okay for me to be involved with all four of the guys at the same time, but it isn’t the easiest thing to bring up, especially with other kitchen helpers around and when we’re all busy slicing and stirring.
For a moment, while I’m cooking, the scent of tarragon takes me back to that life in medieval France, and I wonder if what Martina suggested was true – if I’ll now have access to memories of that life, even those that did not come up in the regression. A lot can happen in a life…
The large dining room is full of people, and I help to serve dinner.
There’s a very attractive man at the table wearing an expensive suit who looks slightly like… Helio? As he looks up towards me, I see that it is indeed my wild man. I’ve never seen him in a suit before. These clients must be important to his engineering consultancy because he looks as if he’d rather be wearing anything else and, personally, I can’t help but imagine peeling that suit right off his hot body.
As I walk around to the other side of the table carrying appetizers, I catch Theo’s eye, and he smiles at me warmly with such loving kindness that my doubts about him evaporate. He’s not a killer.
Later, when I’m serving desert, Theo pulls me to the side of the room.
“I owe you an apology, Mira,” he says.
“What for?”
“You’ve seen… the French life. You’ve seen how I failed you.”
“What are you talking about? You protected me from him…” I can’t bear to say Cliff’s name. Not right now. I don’t want to risk myself breaking down in a room full of people, especially not now that Theo is finally being lovely and not so distant.
“But I didn’t save you. I saw the flames… it was too late.”
“There was nothing you could have done,” I say.
Theo smiles sadly. “I’m not going to lose you this time.”
Some of the guests get up to leave, and Theo goes to see them off. As he walks away, some movement catches my eye… a glimpse of slicked-back blond hair. For a moment, I swear I see Cliff, in the lobby, but when I take a step closer, he’s gone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Mira
I go back to the kitchen. My heart is racing. Surely, it’s just my tired brain playing tricks on me…
“You can go, Mira,” Elias says. “I’ll finish up here.” Then he sees the look on my face. “What’s wrong?”
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“I just thought I saw someone.”
“Your ex?” Elias is so intuitive, he guesses immediately. “Where?” I’ve never seen him look so protective.
“I’m sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me,” I say. “He wasn’t at the dinner party. It just…”
“It scared you.”
I nod. He pulls me close, and I let him hold me for a moment, then I pull back, not wanting to make things awkward for the kitchen helpers. Then I realize we are alone.
“I told them to go,” Elias says, as if reading my mind. “It’s late, everyone is tired. I can clean up here.”
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“I’ll help,” I say.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to,” I insist. “And besides, I doubt I could sleep at the moment.”
…and I really don’t want to be alone right now.
Elias puts on some quiet music; it’s Bach on violin, which brings back happy memories of my mother. We work together quietly, wiping down the benches, running the dishwashers, washing the knives, pots, and pans. Elias runs a clean sink full of hot soapy water. He takes some of the bubbly suds and playfully smudges them onto my nose. I laugh, and he takes the opportunity to kiss me.
Even though my body and mind are tired, I can feel myself opening to Elias, surrendering to him. We are both too exhausted to do anything more than kiss, but at my request, Elias follows me to my apartment and sleeps in my bed with me, wrapping his arms around me and cuddling me, making me feel safe, sleeping next to me all night, until he has to get up early the next morning for an appointment.
Elias is apologetic about not making me breakfast for a change, but I don’t mind. His comfort last night was enough.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Mira
I don’t have anything to do for the rest of the day other than dinner with Gino tonight, so I read for a bit and then I put on my swimsuit and go down to the pool. As I walk through the building, I can’t shake the feeling of being watched.
Is it really Tiala or is it just because I thought I saw Cliff last night?
Is spooks me that they both appeared in the past life regression. They’re both repeating lives with us… only Tiala seems to be stuck here… out of physical form… just watching. A shiver runs through me, and not the good kind.
I dive into the pool and swim a few laps, but I can’t escape the racing thoughts in my mind. What if Theo killed her? …Maybe he didn’t mean to, but even if it was an accident, surely, he knows more than he let on to the police. Maybe all the guys know more and there’s something they’re not telling me. Maybe I’m next.