by Jenna Brandt
Mark took a seat and pulled the plate of food towards him. “You want to hear about that?”
“Does that surprise you?” she asked in return as she sat across form him.
“My mother never cared about hearing about the mine. Sure, she enjoyed the income from it, but she preferred to spend her days at social gatherings or church bazaars.”
“Is that all you expect of me? Am I to be nothing more than a vapid debutante who spends her days floating from one event to another?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m not sure why you’re upset; most women would love to have nothing to worry about except what dress to wear for a party.”
Miriam couldn’t help herself. She wanted to endear Mark to herself, but she’d already spent the first half of her life playing the part of a noblewoman, then a princess. The idea of spending the rest of her life doing the same was more than she could bear. She came to America to start over, not find herself trapped in the same life she escaped in Russia.
“Now that you’ve made it clear what you expect of me, I think I will retire for the evening.” Miriam stood from the table and started to leave.
Mark reached out and stopped her. “I thought you were going to eat with me.”
“Do you want me to?” she probed, hoping there might be a bit of hope after all.
He nodded. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Miriam. I’m sorry. If you could give me a little grace, I’d appreciate it. I’m new to being a husband.”
The tension in her receded, and instead, a tingling sensation replaced it. Warmth spread up her arm from where his hand rested on her wrist. Her eyes moved down to his, and for a moment, she could swear she saw desire reflected in them.
He pulled his hand away and his gaze darted to the table as he gestured towards the chair she’d just vacated. “Please eat; you must be famished.”
Miriam did as he requested. They spent the meal discussing the mine as well as the women’s auxiliary and knitting club. By the end of the meal, she felt like she understood his business more, and she’d agreed to make an effort to participate in local activities.
As they headed upstairs to go to bed, Miriam realized that though it wasn’t in the way she expected, she’d managed to grow closer to Mark. She just hoped that by the time she had to tell him about the baby, he would care enough about her that he wouldn’t be able to let her go.
10
Three weeks passed by, and Mark and Miriam were finding a natural rhythm to their life together. Because of his wife’s encouragement, he was spending less time at the mine and more time at home with her. What surprised him about the change was that he enjoyed spending time with her more than working. She had a fascinating mind—her complex thoughts rivaled his own—making discussions about the books they were reading engaging. She was also quick-witted and observant, finding humor in situations that he himself, often didn’t notice.
Today, on his way home from work, he had stopped by the general store to pick up a surprise for his wife. He’d ordered a new book for her and couldn’t wait to surprise her with it.
Once home, he made a beeline straight for the parlor, expecting to find Miriam reading on the divan by the window; however, she wasn’t there. He rang the bell and a few moments later, Tandy came rushing into the room. “What can I do for you, Mr. Bennett?” the young woman asked as she came to stand in front of him.
“Where is my wife?”
“She wasn’t feeling well this afternoon, and retired to her room.”
“That’s been happening a lot lately,” Mark observed to himself, concern for her causing him to ponder what might be wrong with her constitution to cause such a regular sickness. “I think I will go check on her.”
“No, don’t do that,” Tandy burst out, her eyes widening with apprehension. “You’ll surely wake Mrs. Bennett; she was sleeping when last I checked on her.”
“Tandy, I appreciate your concern for my wife’s need for rest, but I want to see for myself that she’s feeling better.”
Mark marched up the stairs and made his way to the rose room. He softly tapped on the door. When he didn’t hear a response, he twisted the knob and pushed the door open. Just as Tandy described, Miriam was sleeping in her bed with the drapes firmly shut to drown out the light. She looked so peaceful—like a serene angel—laying there, he couldn’t help but move closer to watch her.
The floor creaked beneath his feet, causing Miriam’s eyelids to flutter. “No, no, not tonight. Please, not again. I promise, I’ll do exactly what you ask,” she whimpered out, as she thrashed back and forth in her bed.
Mark’s heart broke, realizing that she must be mistaking him for her deceased husband. What had that man done to her to make her react so? She’d mentioned in her letter that he was a rotten man, but it seemed well beyond that. Had he beaten her, forced himself on her? The thought of it made Mark seethe with anger. Miriam was the most wonderful woman in the world, and deserved to be treated like a queen, not mistreated and abused. Instantly, he made the resolution to himself, that no matter what, he was going to do right by her.
“It’s all right, Miriam, you have nothing to worry about as long as you are with me,” Mark coaxed as he knelt down beside her bed and placed his hand on her arm. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
Miriam’s eyes flew open and she sat up, jerking her arm away from Mark. “What, what’s going on?” Her eyes darted around the room, as if in a panic, then finally settled on Mark. Slowly, her terror subsided and she leaned back against the headrest of the bed.
“I think you were having a bad dream. Do you want to talk about it?” Mark inquired, hoping that he’d built up enough rapport with her that she felt like she could trust him.
Miriam shook her head. “It was nothing.”
“Are you sure? It didn’t look like nothing. You can trust me, Miriam. I’m not like your first husband. I’ll never hurt you.”
She lifted her hands up, palms towards Mark. “I don’t want to talk about it. All of that is in my past. I just want to start over with you.”
“But from the way you just reacted, it’s not in the past, Miriam—not really. Why won’t you let me in? Why won’t you tell me what is going on with you?”
She scooted away from him and jumped up from the other side of the bed. “Why can’t you leave my past in the past? Can’t you see, it’s too painful for me to talk about.” She grabbed the robe from the nearby chair and threw it on. “If you will excuse me, I need to visit the privy.” She headed towards the door that led to the other room, but before she could get away, Mark reached out to stop her.
“Miriam, what is going on? Please, tell me,” he begged, wanting to understand the reason as to why even though they had grown close intellectually and emotionally, there was still a distinct distance between them physically.
“I can’t,” she sputtered out, trying to pull away. “You won’t understand.”
“No, don’t just run away because it’s easier. I know you’re attracted to me. I can see it in your eyes when we’re alone—I can see it in them right now. Something is holding you back.” He pulled her close against him until their bodies were pressed up against one another. “I want to know every part of you, Miriam, even the hidden ones.”
For a moment, he thought she might actually let him kiss her, but something so unexpected happened, he nearly fell over from shock. A sharp jab, almost like a kick, thrust out at him. His eyes darted down to her belly, and through her robe, he could tell it was sticking out further than it had when she first arrived in Arizona.
“What’s going on with your stomach, Miriam? Is there something you need to tell me?” Even as he asked the words, he knew the answer. It all made sense now—why she had been acting so distant, why it felt like she had a secret she was hiding. It was about her first husband, but not what Mark had speculated. “You need to tell me right now, Miriam. Are you pregnant?”
Her eyes welled up with tears and she jerked ba
ck in dismay. “Why did you have to get so close to me? I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
“So, it’s true, then; you’re carrying another man’s child?” Mark asked in astonishment.
“I’d planned to tell you after church tomorrow, but now everything is ruined,” she cried out in despair. “You must hate me for keeping this from you.”
“When did you know?” he accused. “Did you know when you responded to my advert?”
Miriam shook her head. “No, I only found out when I was traveling here to marry you.”
“But you kept it from me, and married me anyway, knowing that your condition could change my mind about our agreement?”
“It wasn’t like that,” Miriam defended, reaching out and placing her hand on his arm. “I tried to tell you at the church, but your sister interrupted us before I could. Then everything happened so fast, there was never another chance.”
“What about after we were married? You had countless times when you could have told me. What made you keep all of this from me?”
Miriam started to shake, sobs pouring from her to the point he knew she could faint at any moment. He guided her over to the nearby chair, then helped her into it, then took a seat in the one beside it.
“I almost told you so many times, but I was afraid of what you would do when you found out. I have nowhere else to go, no way of taking care of myself or the baby. I hoped, over time, you would come to care enough for me to accept my baby as your own.”
Mark sagged back against the chair, shocked by the news. What did this mean for him, for them? Could he do what she asked? Did he have it in him to love another man’s child as his own?
“What are you going to do now that you know? Are you going to toss us out?” Miriam inquired, the fear clear in her voice as her hand moved to rest on her belly in a defensive manner.
“Of course not; I would never do that to a pregnant woman.”
“Does that mean you’re willing to be a family with us?”
He could hear the hope in her voice, and part of him wanted to alleviate her fear by agreeing right on the spot, but he knew that wouldn’t be right if he couldn’t stick to the promise. “I need time to think and pray about this. The baby changes everything.”
Mark stood up from the chair and exited the room, knowing that if he stayed with her a moment longer, he might give in to her request because of how much he cared for her. The problem was, there was more than just how he felt about Miriam to consider. What would the people around town, or the men at the mine say, once the news came out? What would his family think? Had they been right about placing the mail order bride advert? Did this turn of events prove he’d been stupid and reckless to do such a thing?
Without realizing it, he found himself standing outside the church. He made his way around to the back and knocked on the door that led to Pastor Murphy’s office.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Bennett,” the pastor greeted, as he ushered Mark inside and walked him over to a set of chairs by his desk. “What can I do for you?”
“I was hoping you might have a bit of time to talk with me about a situation with my wife.”
“Of course; I know adjusting to marriage can be difficult. What’s going on?”
“I hate to say this, but this goes beyond simple newlywed problems. I found out today that my wife is pregnant.”
“Well, congratulations. That’s rather fast, but if God sees fit to give you a baby this quickly, you should be happy about it.”
“I would be, if the baby was mine. As it turns out, she’s carrying the baby of her deceased husband,” Mark lamented. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Did she lie to you about it when she agreed to marry you?”
Mark shook his head. “She told me she didn’t know until she was already traveling to marry me. I want to believe her; I mean, she’s never done anything to make me think she’s dishonest. Well, at least, until now.”
“Did she give you a reason why she didn’t tell you when she got here, or after you were married?”
“Yes, she was afraid what I would do when I found out.”
“Mr. Bennett, I know this is an incredibly difficult situation. Many men would think to end the marriage on grounds of fraud because they were too weak to handle taking on another man’s baby. I think you’re better than that though. From all the years I’ve known you, you’ve always been an honorable and good man.”
“How do I do this, Pastor Murphy? I’m not sure I can handle taking this on. It feels like too much,” Mark confessed.
“Marriage is a commitment, not a feeling. You promised Miriam to be her husband, and you can’t take that back simply because something has happened that you didn’t expect. The hardest part of a marriage is not giving up when things get tough.”
“You’re right. I made a commitment and I need to honor that.”
“Let me pray with you before you go.”
A half hour later, Mark arrived back at his house, ready to tell Miriam of his decision. He found her sitting in the parlor, reading a book. She set the book down on the table, her eyes probing him for any clues to what he was thinking. “Have you made a decision about what you’re going to do?”
“I made a commitment to you when I married you, and I plan on keeping it. I’ll claim your baby as my own.”
“You will?” she gushed with relief. “I was so afraid, Mark. I’ve come to care so much for you, that the thought of losing you was frightening. I’m sorry for breaking your trust, but I will do whatever it takes to earn it back.”
He nodded, reaching out to take her hand. “I forgive you, Miriam. You were in a tough situation and you did the best you could. Everything is going to be fine now that I know what you were keeping from me.”
Miriam’s eyes flickered away for a moment before they returned to him, and a smile emerged. “You’re right; now that you know about the baby, we can really start our lives together. Nothing else matters.”
11
The following Sunday, Miriam attended church with Mark. He deferred to her judgment as to when she would be ready to tell people about the baby and explain the situation. She knew it was a time-sensitive issue and she didn’t want people to start speculating when her stomach grew to a point where it couldn’t be hidden any longer. The reason she held back, however, was because she worried about Mark’s family. She was fairly certain Becca and Julia, along with their husbands, would welcome the baby after they got used to the idea. Aunt Claire would be kind about the situation, no matter how she felt. It was Mark’s uncle she feared would blow up over the matter. He would want Mark’s first child to be a blood-born Bennett, not the offspring of another man. If he couldn’t accept Mark’s choice to raise the baby as his own, would he try to force Mark to end their marriage? Would he make Mark’s work at the mine difficult since he owned the other half?
“What are you thinking about?” Becca probed from beside her on the family pew. “You’ve been quiet all morning.”
“I’m just thinking about my future with Mark.”
“And children? I haven’t wanted to say anything, but my servants came with me from my brother’s house, and they often talk to yours. I don’t think they meant to let anything slip on purpose, but there was mention of you being with child.”
Miriam sucked in her breath and held it. Did she suspect something about the paternity of the baby? If Becca was good at arithmetic, she’d know soon enough that the baby couldn’t possibly be her brother’s child.
“You aren’t going to tell anyone, are you?”
“My dear sister, you won’t be able to keep this baby a secret for much longer—and besides, a baby is a cause to celebrate, not something you should have to hide.”
“It is when you’re in my situation,” Miriam grumbled under her breath. “No one is going to understand.”
“I suppose you mean because the baby belongs to your deceased husband,” Becca confirmed that she knew the truth. “If Ma
rk is willing to accept the baby, nothing else matters. You two get to decide how you want to make a home and who the family consists of. It isn’t anyone else’s business. For the record though, I plan to treat this baby just as I would any other nieces or nephews you should provide me with down the road. There should be enough room in all our hearts to love them all equally.”
Becca’s response to the baby filled Miriam’s heart with warmth. Perhaps she had misjudged Mark’s family, and they would take to the news better than she anticipated.
“If I can, let me make one suggestion. Tell the rest of the family before they find out some other way. They’ll need time to adjust to the news.”
There it was. Becca knew as well as she did that the rest of the family wasn’t going to be as receptive as Becca was. Miriam wasn’t surprised since her own family was obsessed with carrying on the family name and marrying into the right families. How could she expect anything different from her husband’s family?
“Perhaps we should tell them today at lunch,” Miriam suggested. “Everyone will be together and hopefully in a more receptive mood after a good meal.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Becca confirmed. “And I’ll be there, right by your side when you do it. You’re not alone in this, Miriam.”
“Not alone in what?” Julia inquired as she came up and took a seat next her cousin.
“You’ll find out at lunch,” Becca said with a smile. “There’s no time to talk about it now; service is about to start.”
Over the next hour, Pastor Murphy spoke about how God can help sustain someone through trials and tribulations. She wasn’t used to the lack of formalness of the service, but found she liked it. Her church back in Russia had a very strict structure that didn’t allow for freedom of the Spirit as the Western church did. The pastor’s message resonated in her heart, especially his parting words. “If you lean into your faith and trust God, He will carry you through the most difficult of situations.” It was exactly what Miriam needed to hear. She just needed to trust that God would help her, and everything would turn out the way it was supposed to.